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How I wish you could tell me how much you love me. How much you care for me. How much I mean to you. How did you see me. How did you fell in love with me. Why did you chose to stay with me. What is your favourite moment with me. What is the most memorable memory we had. Like, I am a woman. I crave for things every women dream of. I gave too much but never ask for too much, yet received nothing too much. December 22, 2015 I bought a cards at Walmart worth $5 and some colorful cardboard probably around $7. I also bought a cute little house like box worth $2 and some crepe paper at Dollar store for $1. I thought I have to give him something because it's Christmas and it's our very first monthsary. I don't have a job to have money, I only have enough budget I saved from my weekly allowance. I wrote down on my old journal why he's awesome, but I have to keep my heading short because I don't have much spaces so I named my art "Facts". I actually find it very lame. December 23, I wrote down on the cardboards I bought the "facts" about him and sticked it on every cards. I'm glad he appreciated it. It was Christmas when I gave it to him, and his dad won't even look at me. July 25, 2016 I still don't have a job but I borrowed some money from my dad. I bought this gorgeous jar from Canadian Tire. I forgot how much it costs but I'm pretty sure it's at least 15 bucks. I bought some coloured papers and made my aunt a video how she did the origami stars. After so many tries I did my very first star, its pink (obviously). At first I thought a hundred stars would be enough to fill the jar, but no. It won't even fill up a small ziplock. I said probably five hundred, but I haven't gone to 300 yet my fingers are already dented. I used bandaids to prevent the pain from making the stars. I made thousand of those stars. I spent at least three days for those stars, I slept at 3am every night. After that, I think I'll be good wth just the stars, but no. It got no feelings, it got no emotions. I came up with this memory jar. I soaked bond papers into a 10 spoonful (or even more) of coffees so it will stain the paper very well. But after I did that, I have a problem. How would I dry it up, I live at the basement, it no sunshines down there. So I decided to blowdry it. It takes times and everybody knows I'm impatient, but I made it. I thought that would be an awesome idea but I feel like something's missing. I want it to look like vintage so why not burn the edges of the paper. Burned my dented fingers a lot of times every time I'm trying to put out the fire so the paper won't burn completely. I wanted the best for you so I bought a rope like thing to ribbon the papers. I can't find a rope at Dollar store, nor canadian tire. My last option is walmart, and I found this cute brown necklace. I bought three of them and it costs $5 each. I still don't know if I get to pay my dad on everything I spent on that gift for you, but I'm guessing you're only opening it once a month. November 15, 2016 You're the MVP yey! :) And its your birthday. I wanted to make it so special so I came up with something. I borrowed money from my dad again cuz I don't have a job yet. I bought crayons and canvas with you. I am so frustrated with that art. The blower's air supposedly hot the crayon will met. Unfortunately my legs are getting burned by the blower lol. It came out amazingly beautiful and I hope you still hanged it into your new home. It symbolizes your passion at basketball and your colorful gray. Even though it rains on me, you can still makes me feel sunny and colorful. That what it means. November 25, 2016 I borrowed money from mom. Made her print 86 pictures of us and made her bought a scrapbook and designs and stuff. I slept 9am everyday just to finish it. Draining the cells in my brain to come up with new and different style each page. Burned my fingers again, lost blood, made my nose bleed and made me feel dizzy for staying up until literally morning where my parenrs are about to live for work, meanwhile me I'm about to get some sleep. But it took half a year before you claimed it from me. I feel extremely disappointed, but it seems like you don't care. I put so much effort on everything. Almost everything. I don't asked you to do the same thing but does good morning texts hurts you? Does long and sweet messages sometimes doesn't fit your schedule? Does choosing me at least twice between your parents and I makes you a disobedient son? Does standing up for your girlfriend's family makes you a disrespectful person? Does trying to get her back makes you feel less than a person? I've been through a lot with you and because of you. Let's highlight your family. Is this what I deserve for trying? You never had a problem with my family, they love you as much as they love me. They treated you as if their own. Is this what their daughter deserve after choosing you between them when they're having a family time downstairs? Is this what I deserve for defending your mom when she made fun of my mom? Is this what I deserve for staying with you despite of your dad disrespecting my family? Your facebook password trumped all of these things, memories, family and sacrifices I gave you. I know I'm a woman full of pride but look at you, you're prideful as much as I am. And yes, it's way too late for you. Because every second ticked and you let me go as if those memories were nothing, I am losing my interests. Just as I hope I lose my love for you too.
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It's 3 o'clock and I have to be at work by 9. How's that
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Sana nanood nalang ako ng isa pang episode kesa sayangin oras kong itext ka ng itext para habulin ako pabalik. Kung talagang kilala mo ako, hindi hahayaan ng pride kong itext ka at magmukhang pathetic sayo. Tangina. Ayoko na talaga. Toxic.
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You don't love me enough to take me back. :) Sana talaga eto na yon. Sana yun na rin yung huling text ko. Kasi I'm giving my all for the last time, but not for him anymore. I'm done not getting anything in return. I'm done. I'm just done trying to get his attention :) I am so done Albert. Baka nga nagkamali nanaman ako ng minahal. :) Kasi kung totoong mahal mo ako whatever it takes, hahatakin mo ko pabalik. But you did not, not once, not twice, not even thrice. Countless times hinayaan at pinaramdam mo saakin na ayos lang na wala ako sa buhay mo. Ngayon, I'm giving you that. I'm giving you a favor.
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Akala ko ba pag naka "Do not disturb" walang notifications? Like, I want to spend my life on "Do Not Disturb" phase while I'm trying to move ok from someoen who doesn't have the balls to chase after me... Well of course I want to watch Grey's Anatomy without notifications from anything popping on my screen. So yah.
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Trust me mo mukha mo wala ng iyo
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Have it ever happened to you? When you spent all your life dealing with your messy family, keeping your mom's secret that she's having an affair with different lesbians for the past 17 years while your dad is working his ass off overseas just to give you what you wanted for your 7th birthday? 17 years of trying to hide the nasty secret your mom keeping from your dad, not sure if you're used to it, sick of it or just doesn't care no more because the fact your mom is a cheater is not a big deal anymore? But suddenly one day everything turned upside down, she went back with your dad that you thought it was a dream almost hallucination. You experienced the joy of a complete and happy family for the first time in 17 fucking years, but guess what? It only lasted for 3 months. Because you found out that your dad is cheating with someone you guys don't know, that your dad introduced himself to his mistress that his totally single without kids or wife. How does it feels like? It's like winning a lottery with a fucking fake ticket. Maybe Life made you experienced what it felts like to have a family so you have to stop whining about how messy your family are. And now you're losing interests in men, lost your trust on you boyfriend cuz he got the same name as your dad. Everything's fucked up I know. And here I am watching Grey's Anatomy for the past 9 hours. I'm letting life fuck me up.
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Leche
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Tangina
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Gusto ko na mamatay
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After all this time
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Huli na talaga to.
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Okay lang. Basta para sa mama ko.
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Kasalanan ko ba? Baka nga kasalanan ko na nasaktan ako dahil nasaktan nanay ko.
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Gusto kong umiyak
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It's $17 eyeliner. I can't cry
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