31-with-mbc

[31-with-mbc]

A day to rest

Had my third treatment. Besides constant air bubble warning, it was a smooth ride. The fatigue didn’t hit me till a day later. Now I am lying on bed with my eyes half closed.

Tiresome. Weakness. Mild depression. But all good. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful to have a fighting chance. I am grateful to be here with my beloved family and friends.

Now. I am gonna get more rest so I can recover faster and spend more quality time with people matter the most to me.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

A night with excitement

Here’s a glass full of wine, imaginary wine

I want to toast

Thank you, Lord, for the blessings you have bestowed on my life, for being with me, walking me through this dark path, giving me strength, showing me the light. You have provided me more than I have imagined. You have surrounded me with people who love me deeply and always look look out for me care for me. You have given me family and friends who constantly check on me and bless me everyday with kinds words and actions. For all these, I am eternally grateful and thankful.

I am going to drink up

Feeling wine going down my throat hitting my stomach and filling up my belly

I am content

A full belly and a happy family

I am ready

For my third party tomorrow

Now. Charge up and almost party time.

Nighty night.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

A brand new day

Here comes the third round of treatment. I am excited and ready.

“In the storms, winds and waves, He whispers, “Fear not, I am with you.”

xoxo

L

[31-with-mbc]

A day to smile

Here I am, smiling and feeling content. Everyday I wake up with gratitude and so much joy. Being with my babies and family is truly a wonderful thing. Hearing them laughing, seeing them making faces, hugging them with warmth, kissing them with love. I feel so joyful. It is such a blessing to be a mom. Thank GOD for giving me this beautiful family.

Yesterday was chinese Valentine’s Day. We got roses, chocolates, and tiramisu cake. Yes. It was a day to spoil my stomach. A cheat day. A delicious day.

When I took a walk outside, I started noticing leaves turning yellow and falling to the ground. Is summer leaving? Is it almost Fall? Oh. Fall. My favorite season. I can’t wait to see earth mama putting on her favorite golden cape.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day …

A happy day!

I am gonna stop numbering days. No need. All it matters is TODAY! And today is a happy day! I woke at 5:30am feeling like a 🦈 shark. I spent quality time with my babies and worked out. Woohoo!

I wanna say I have a lot on my head, but really, not a lot right now. Yes. I am talking about my hair, more has left me. But I am still beautiful. Actually, I look even prettier with thinner hair. Thank GOD.

Ok. Besides hair thing, I experience the sensitive gums, sand paper tongue, weird tastes, acnes on the face, and minor depression. I’d say, I am doing pretty good. All these side effects are telling me that drugs are working in your magical body! Let them work let them work let them work!

Now I need to get my beauty sleep. Nighty night.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 27

I finally get a moment to lay down and open Tumblr. I have to admit - it is nice to be busy, busy with kids, busy with family, busy with work, and, of course, busy with cooking. Did I mention I’ve been cooking a lot lately? I will share some of my cooking at the end of this blog.

You may ask - how are you feeling?

My answer: I am feeling great. My body is functional, my mind is clear, my hair is intact, and I am strong enough to pickup my almost-30-pound baby. Indeed, I am feeling great.

Everyday I wake up thanking God for everything. Yes, my day starts with gratitudes. I thank God. I thank my family. Most importantly, I thank my own body.

Yesterday a good friend told me that she’d shave head with me just to be there for me. I am touched. But I didn’t take the offer. I told her that I don’t want to shave. I see my hair as falling leaves in autumn. I’d like to watch them falling and say thank you to each of them. These hair, there were once a part of me. Now they are leaving, I want a proper goodbye.

Farewell, my beautiful black long hair.

You served me well.

Farewell, my gorgeous black short hair.

We stuck together through thick and thin.

Farewell, my pretty half white hair.

You’ve been busy turning color.

Ohh no

No farewell. My friend. Because I know you will come back, stronger, longer, and healthier.

Alright. Time to snooze. As I promised, cooking photos!

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 25, 26

A little bit constipation

A little bit low appetite

A little bit weird tasted in the mouth

And a lot hair falling

But I am GOOD.

I am happy.

I am healthy.

I am content.

I am grateful.

I am surrounded with so much love.

Xoxo

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 23， 24

It will only get harder, they say.

And it is, true.

I have more hair falling out, I am feeling weaker and more fatigue, my world is spinning.

But, it is also, not true.

I am grateful to have the chance to fight, to work harder, to let my body heal.

These days I go to bed at 9am because my body needs time to recover. And it is important for me to listen to my body and comply.

🙏🙏🙏

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 22

Experiencing depression, falling hair, and fatigue. Among three side effects, depression is the hardest one. It is hard on me and people who love me. All of sudden, I am not capable of communicating with people who love me without hurting their feelings. What have I become?!

I am tired and exhausted physically and mentally. God only helps those who help themselves. I need to cheer up. I need to chin up. I need to keep fighting. I need to be better stronger and healthier.

Goodnight.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

day 21

Second chemo party! Woohoo! The nurse Peggy is so gentle and helpful. I had a great time.

More drugs, more time, also more fun! Woohoo!

I feel so much love. My good friend Hway is here staying with me. My beloved Dani kept texting me and checking on me. My hubby, again, got me the most lovely flowers. This time he got me my favorite - sunflowers! So pretty!

I am grateful to be alive. HE is with me. I can feel his touch.

Tired and more details coming tomorrow. Goodnight.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

no incurable disease. Only incurable people.

-love medicine & miracles book

[31-with-mbc]

Day 20

I am in love with my life!

I love myself.

I love my kids and family.

I love my friends.

I love my work.

I love my cooking.

Life is full of joy and fun.

I enjoy and treasure every moment of it.

Even when I am stressed, sad, lost, depressed. I know it is only temporary. Like thunderstorms, once it passes, rainbow 🌈 will come!

I am so ready for the second party! Goodnight!

I’d like to share this doodle with ya today:

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 16, 17, 18, 19

I am grateful to be alive.

I am grateful to be here.

Thanks to GOD 🙏

Every day is a gift. I am living everyday to its fullest.

Lately my hair starts falling, like leaves 🍁 in fall season. So quiet, so light, so many. I am not sad. I am not disappointed. I know hair will grow back and I am grateful to be alive. Nothing else matters except for my well being. In some way I find falling hair romantic. They waved goodbye to my body and fell on floor quietly. They lived a good life on my head watching me growing from a naive little girl to a loving mother of two. Well maybe not all of them, considering I got haircuts here and there and hair comes and goes.

I am so excited for the second treatment on Friday. I can’t wait!

Tomorrow - lab work

Friday - day to cleanse my body

Saturday - little shot

Sunday - rest

My friend H is coming to help this weekend. I am still not 100% sure how much help I need. But I truly appreciate it. Believe it or not. I am always the one to give help, not to take help. Extraordinary circumstances call for extraordinary measures. I am comfortable to be a “taker” this time. :)

Alright. Before I head to bed, let me share my recent cooking with you and remember, cook healthy, eat deliciousness.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

You might notice that I stopped writing for a few days… you might ask, why? And believe me, you will be happy to hear my answer: instead of coming here to write, I am out there celebrating my life with loved ones, myself, my babies, my family and my friends!

Life is simply A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I am grateful to be alive, to be here. Thank you GOD.

I am so excited to do my second treatment next Friday. In fact, I can’t wait!!! Haha.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 9 & 10

These day when people ask me how I feel. I say. I feel great. And I mean it.

I woke up feeling grateful and hopeful. I pray. I read Bible (if kids are still sleeping). I get ready for a new day.

Right now everyday is pretty much a repeat. Kids, work, my own time. Kids, work, my own time. While family is my top priority, I know I have to take care of myself as well, physically and mentally.

Taking care of oneself is a forever task. There’s no stopping. The moment you open your eyes, you deep breath, you get out of the bed, you start taking care of yourself by brushing teeth and washing face. Till the moment you close your eyes for bed. You end the day taking care of yourself by resting your body.

My top priorities, my health, my kids, my family.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 8

A rainy day.

A peaceful day.

A beautiful day with my family.

Not too cold.

Not too hot.

Not too loud.

Not too quiet.

Not too boring.

Not too much fun.

This is just right.

And I am grateful to be alive.

Xoxo,

L

[31-with-mbc]

Day 7

Can’t believe it has been one week since my first chemo, my final diagnosis, my new label “MBC” (metastatic breast cancer).

Knowing is truly a powerful thing, it can save you but it can also torture you. I have had numerous anxiety attacks in the past week thinking about unknowns and uncertainties. It is exhausting and draining. It is also unhealthy, mentally and physically.

I know God is watching me over my shoulders and giving me the strength to walk through this dark path. I am externally grateful. And I shall continue. I shall do my best.

God only helps those who help themselves. I shall help myself.

I scheduled a second opinion appointment at Johns Hopkins. Friends asked me what I wish to achieve seeking a second opinion. And I said. I only have one fight chance, and I want to do it right. I can’t sit around and wait to see if the treatment works in four months. I need to be proactive and keep looking for opportunities. So, when the opportunity finally knocks on the door, I am ready.

The second opinion appointment went well and I let my oncologist knew about the second opinion feedback right away. While I was at Johns Hopkins, I saw this and I’d like to share:

Side effects today:

Red dots on chest (skin rash?)

Itchy scalp (soooo itchy)

Sensitive gums (I might need to stop using electric toothbrush)

Tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Xoxo,

L