Olivia Laing, from The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone
[Text ID: “an uncertainty about being seen – looked over, maybe; but maybe also overlooked, as in ignored, unseen, unregarded, undesired.”]
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I feel like many people have a fundamental misconception of what unreliable narrator means. It's simply a narrative vehicle not a character flaw or a sign that the character is a bad person. There are also many different types of unreliable narrators in fiction. Being an unreliable narrator doesn't necessarily mean that the character is 'wrong', it definitely doesn't mean that they're wrong about everything even if some aspects in their story are inaccurate, and only some unreliable narrators actively and consciously lie. Stories that have unreliable narrators also tend to deal with perception and memory and they often don't even have one objective truth, just different versions. It reflects real life where we know human memory is highly unreliable and vague and people can interpret same events very differently
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Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of being perceived.
Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?
Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.
Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?
Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?
Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?
Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out
People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?
Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.
It's all a defence mechanism
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Gaz' porn search is just
Chubby girl porn
Chubby girlfriend porn
Eating chubby girlfriend out
Chubby girl x soldier porn
Chubby girl x strong guy porn
Fucking chubby girlfriend first time
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the way hamlet acts in act 5 scene 1 juuuust clicked to me. like my impression was "smh my head he is so toxic, he did NOT love ophelia as much as laertes did, what is wrong with him" but actually i think the thing that sets him off isn't just laertes' display of grief, it's also how everyone takes it seriously. everyone treats ophelia's funeral like a funeral and is sympathetic to laertes and understanding of his desire to jump in a grave with her etc but these same people around hamlet expected him to celebrate his uncle's coronation and move on from his father's death at the same time. in that moment hamlet sees laertes as similar to the actor narrating priam's death in act 2 scene 2 and it makes him SO mad (and he regrets it later in act 5 scene 2 which is after he realizes laertes' emotions are as real as his own. probably why he calls him "brother" as well)
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thinking about mizu from blue eye samurai. thinking. thinking so much. thinking about how mizu operates outside of gender. like we joke about her gender being revenge but straight up? it literally is. like she grew up as a boy and is most comfortable being a man, but behind that is the feeling of betraying himself because he isn't being honest about who he is and he lives in fear of being discovered. and when he lived as a woman, she found joy there as well. she fell in love, and though she wasn't good at it, she liked being a wife and enjoying a simple life. but in that life too, she isn't being honest about who she is. and when she reveals her true self, it's not a woman, she's a demon, a weapon. she's to masculine to be a woman, and too feminine to be a man. ultimately, mizu is most comfortable when they are being a murder machine. that's when they feel they are being the most true to themself. like a sword, they are neither man nor woman, but a blend of both, which makes them stronger.
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Me immediately after posting my fic: welp, time to never look in that thing's direction again, if I see it even out of the corner of my eye, I'm gonna be ill
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But mostly I didn’t speak. Mostly I was walled up inside myself, and certainly a very long way from anyone else. I didn’t cry often, but once I couldn’t get the blinds closed and then I did. It seemed too awful, I suppose, the idea that anyone could peer over and get a glimpse of me,
Olivia Laing, from The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone
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I love how the general consensus in Scum Villain ABO fics is that whatever Shen Jiu's secondary gender was, he was lying about it.
Omega? Obviously he's going to cover that up. Potential weakness! Probably related to past traumatic experiences! No one can know! He's going to pretend to be either a Beta or an Alpha instead.
Alpha? Hates it and everyone else and has no interest in playing the type. Hides it less because of how other people might respond and more because he's having some kind of complicated dysphoria about it.
Beta? I've never see it but I bet he'd disguise that as well. He's totally an Alpha, don't ask questions, fuck off and don't violate the mile-wide personal space bubble.
Whatever Shen Jiu is, we all know he'd be wildly uncomfortable with it.
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