#yes kuina had an outfit change in the closet what of it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aceofspadegrass · 3 years

Text

Crack involving Couch Stealing

Characters: Aguni Morizono, Hatter, Chishiya Shuntaro, Last Boss, Niragi Suguru, Mira Kano, Ann Rizuna, Kuzuryuu (Brief Mention really-), Kuina Hikari (Also a brief mention), @brainwashedkittenstuff, @a-simp-20, and yours truly

Genre: This is literally crack. We stole stuff like gremlins.

3k words

I don't even know if I got us accurate you guys, this is literal crack- I tried my best okay? I hope you like it-

It all started with Hatter calling an emergency executive meeting.

Nobody of that caliber was exactly expecting it when Hatter made the sudden announcement, especially since it seemed too important to pass up. Whatever it was had to have been so crucial that it couldn’t have been done in private. Maybe there were new members that they had to attend for? Perhaps Hatter finally figured out where the heck the face cards could possibly be.

Maybe he got a new kimono and just wanted to show off to the group.

But still, they all show up to the meeting, and Hatter was impatiently pacing back and forth at the front. He seemed pensive, and that caught everyone’s attention, several pair of eyes watching the man clad in red. Finally, Hatter stops, slowly coming to the position as he turns towards everyone, scanning each and every face behind his sunglasses. “ We have a problem.” Hatter states, lowly and filled with suspicion and irritation. A few of them look at him curiously from their seats, Last Boss leaning a little closer as he rested his arms on the sword bag from where he stood.

“ What is it?” Ann asks him, and Hatter glances at her, the air tense as everyone waited for his answer. It had to have been something serious if Hatter looked this mad, but not where he would usually send Aguni and his little pack of gremlins to handle it without having to rally the group like this.

“…… Someone stole some of my kimonos and my good hats.” He scowls, tilting his head down where a shadow fell upon his face. “ Not only that, but they also took my couch. My fucking couch.”

Everyone was silent for a few seconds, trying to process this. Niragi was the first to react, scowling and groaning loudly, his eyes rolling in his head like an angry wave. “ Oh my fucking goodness, you called us here for a missing couch?”

“ And kimono and hat!” Hatter retorts, his hands slamming against the table and making it shake. Niragi scoffs, his lip curling. “ So? It’s just a bunch of shit, why do you care?” “ See, this is why you’re my least favourite.” Hatter looks directly at the barbeque lizard, who looks at him angrily, sitting up.

“ You take that back you egotistical lawn flamingo-“ “ Okay, settle down. Hatter, may I ask why you’re so riled up over this that you had to call us all here?” Ann looks at Niragi for a second with narrowed eyes before turning her attention back to Hatter, Niragi huffing and slumping back into his chair with a face of annoyance, fingers curling and uncurling against the fabric of his shirt.

“ Well obviously, I need someone to be on the lookout and catch these criminals!” “ Oh, so you don’t know who did it then.” Chishiya croons, tilting his head slightly to the right. “ And so you expect us to figure out who, in this vast space full of people, took some of your supposed ‘precious’ items?” “ Yes! You got it!” Hatter grins, and Chishiya just looks at Hatter with that face, eyes half-lidded and slightly smiling in that way that nobody could tell what he was thinking at the moment. He doesn’t look away for a while, just staring straight at the madman they called their leader.

Niragi grumbles under his breath, but finally tilts his head back to Hatter. “ If we find these assholes, can I kill them?” Hatter just smiles, taking a step back and slowly unfurling his arms wide, his grin becoming wider. “ Well, you know what the rules are: Death to the traitors.” —————————————————————————————————

The Beach was huge, but there was no way that they could possibly miss someone carrying a whole ass couch, right? Wrong. Apparently it was hard as dicks.

The group of both factions asked and looked around for the identity of these people, but nobody has seen a thing, especially anyone carrying a whole couch around the Beach. Neither has anyone seen anyone with any kimonos or hats. A few offered the idea that maybe they hid it away, since they were just clothing articles and perhaps they were ready to take it away somewhere else or reasons unknown.

They even went through every single room in search of anything suspicious. Aguni had gotten the entire militant sect in search of these items, even if most of them had no real clue why these items were this important.

There was nothing. Every room was practically the same, with a few differences here and there that held a hint of individuality, but by the end they were all left in the same state of ransack. They couldn’t be neat about this, especially since clothes could be very easily hidden. A couch, less so, but an initial glance would always prove whether or not the couch was anywhere in sight.

Chishiya had resorted himself to just watching from a high spot, hidden from everyone as he stares below into the lobby. at a bird’s eye view. He had already sent Kuina away to ask people about what they might have seen, and now he just needed to wait if she came back with anything worth of note.

Ann was currently doing the same, in fact, seeing if she could piece anything together that could detect a potential suspect. So far, there was nothing of note. Not a single bit of clue of anyone with hats, kimonos, or what should have been a very visible couch.

Niragi and Last Boss ended up working together in forcing answers out of anyone that even looked remotely suspicious to them, and receiving the same answers of ‘ No, I haven’t seen anything!’ followed by either running or being frozen in fear of what the two could potentially even do to them. Mira and Kuzuryuu were taking the more simpler approach of just keeping an eye out as they went about their day, careful eyes watching everyone’s movements in the case that they may slip and reveal a connection to the robbery. A note, a simple sign, anything of worth.

Even Hatter was on the move, as he was adamant on retrieving his items back, no matter what. He’s changed out of his usual outfit in favour of a much simpler robe. Hatter knew that there was a chance he wouldn’t hold back, and he didn’t want to stain a perfectly good kimono in this natural punishment. After all, he had to uphold his own rules, didn’t he? Meanwhile, Aguni was out by the cars. There was a chance they could attempt to escape the Beach altogether. Now why steal a bunch of Hatter’s stuff in the meanwhile was unbeknownst to him, and likely unknown to everyone, but it happened, and now here he was.

“ Hey, what brings you out here?” A voice snaps him from his scan over the area, and he looks down to someone smiling up at him, dressed in simple modest swimwear of a tan variety, along with a head covering. Aguni looks around briefly, wondering where this person even came from, or whether this was connected to the case Hatter presented today. He looks back at her, who remained smiling at him, politely and without a hint of mischief or other intention. “ I’m looking for someone. Have you seen someone with some kimonos, maybe some hats? A whole couch, even.” Aguni asks her, as he’s asked others that dared even approach Aguni. The woman shrugs, staring at the cars with a simple curiosity.

“ Nope, not a clue. What kind of person has a whole couch? Isn’t that kind of ridiculous?” Aguni nods a little. It certainly did sound a bit ridiculous, but it was reality, and the reality of it was that someone stole a whole couch along with some articles of clothing. The woman lets out a low whistle, and looks back up at Aguni. “ Well, I wish you luck that you find what you’re looking for! Hopefully they haven’t gotten far!” With that, she walks away, apparently just on a simple stroll and with no ill intention of walking anywhere far. Aguni found the interaction a little strange, but he didn’t exactly suspect them, as they must’ve just gotten curious as to why he was standing out here by himself when there wasn’t even any reason to really be near the cars yet.

So he goes back to watching the cars, counting them just in case. He had to make sure nobody got away with this odd crime.

—————————————————————————————————

Hours pass, and none of them could spot a single thing. Not a single kimono, not a single hat, and no couch.

“ Are you sure someone stole your stuff? Because this is all amounting to wasted time.” Ann questions, folding pale arms over her chest as she looks to Hatter. Hatter nods with a firm determination, Ann continuing to look at Hatter with an air of a serene cold disbelief.

“ Do you mind proving it then? If you wouldn’t mind." “ Of course, of course! Right this way!” Hatter leads the group of executives through the hallway and to his room suite, opening the door and letting them in. Immediately, they could see the clear lack of one of Hatter’s couches, which made the room oddly empty, the table lacking its companion.

“ And look here!” Hatter gestures to his closet, and everyone comes over to take a look. For the most part, everything seemed normal, but a few hangers were clearly now empty, in a random selection that nearly hid the crime unless there was a keen eye that would recognize the pattern, Hatter pouting dramatically. “ A woe! And look down here.” Hatter waves a hand down at boxes on the ground. They looked untouched, but Hatter kneels down and pops off a few lids, revealing empty boxes that they figured must have contained hats at some point.

“And you’re sure you didn’t just misplace them?” Aguni asks, and Hatter whips around, a few pitiful angry tears in his eyes as he looks up at Aguni. “ Of course I did not! I wouldn’t do this to myself on purpose, and these hats were very important to me, you know!”

Aguni grunts slightly in acknowledgement.

“ You don’t suppose they’ve already left, have they?” Mira remarks, and Aguni shakes his head. “ None of the cars were missing from the parking area, so it’s very unlikely. They have to still be on the premise.” “ Come on, we searched every room, and nothing turned up! Every spot is devoid of anything!” Niragi throws a hand up in the air. “ We might as well blame it on ghosts or something like that." “ Ghosts aren’t real, and even so, they would not be able to take a couch, no matter how strong you would make them out to be.” Ann adjusts her sunglasses, and crosses her arms again. “ But it is strange how nobody was able to locate a single responsible party. There is no way this was the work of a single person.” Everyone else nods along, agreeing with Ann. It was certainly a strange case.

“ Let’s look once more, and see if anything new turns up.” Mira offers, and they all spread out among the Beach again, hoping a second sweep would turn up anything.

——————————————��——————————————————

Lo and behold, a string of interest finally rears its head in the form of a woman, who was casually trying to put tape on what looks to be a beach ball. Niragi approaches her, who seemed rather invested in whatever she was up to. “ Whatcha got there?” He asks the moment he gets closer, noticing a bunch of iridescent streamers next to her. She looks up with a smile, and just twirls the beach ball in her arm. “ It’s something special.” She chirps, and Niragi raises an eyebrow, smirking. “ Oh yeah? Does this ‘something special’ have anything to do with a missing couch? Maybe some kimonos or hats?” She just smiles more, and settles the beach ball on her lap again. “ That’s silly, why would I have anything to do with a missing couch?” “ Because some idiots stole shit, and now we’re all on a goose chase to find out the culprits.” He stick his tongue out, leaning close to her and he swirls it around. “ And then we’re going to punish them for betraying Hatter. Death to the tr-“ Niragi suddenly gets cut off as cold water suddenly hits him in the face, and he stumbles backwards, wiping the water off hurriedly and grumbling loudly. “ You little…!” He wipes the water and opens his eyes only to be greeted with an empty spot, streamers and all. “ Oi, you bitch! Where the hell did you go!” He looks around the area, but somehow he managed to lose her, Niragi scowling and pulling out his walkie-talkie. There was no way she wasn’t a part of this. “ Hey, I think I found one of the culprits.” He says into the device, and he puts it away as he starts to scour the area for her. Niragi wasn’t going to let her out of his sight again.

At the same time on the other side, Last Boss was walking around trying to look for anything that might have been looked over, and someone comes up to him intentionally, Last Boss pausing and staring at them, internally confused as they smile. “ Hi! I like your hoodie, it looks cool.” Last Boss blinks. They weren’t even scared? That was…. very strange. He doesn’t say a word though, continuing to stare down at this strange person. “ Anyways, I wanted to ask someone, and you were the closest person. Do you think fedoras are valid?” Last Boss just continues to stare down at them, but he eventually offers a simple shrug. He wasn’t actually sure. They were just hats. Wait. “ Do you know who stole the hats?” He asks them, and they just stare back without a hint of knowing or not knowing in their eyes. “ It’s just a question that I wanted to get off my tongue. So, are they or aren’t they? What about top hats, those are cool too. You’d look cool with a hat actually. Maybe a beanie? Ooh, do you like beanies? They’re really soft and-” They continue to ramble about hats, and Last Boss didn’t really have time for this, beginning to unsheathe his katana and stab them. “ Ah, sorry! I must’ve been boring you. Bye for now!” They run off, and Last Boss watches them go. Maybe they were scared of him, and only decided to run the moment he started taking his sword out.

As it normally went. Last Boss slowly blinks, then ends up on his way. The walkie talkie goes off with Niragi’s voice announcing that he may have found one, and Last Boss silently acknowledges it, his walkie talkie continuing to go off as other militants ask for a description to keep an eye out for them.

—————————————————————————————————

Another hour passes, and even with Niragi’s discovery, they still couldn’t find anything. They ended up all taking a lunch break, passing around information on the topic over some sandwiches that Aguni made for everyone. “ So, our only lead is a girl with a beach ball?” Ann questions, her finger delicately wrapped around a sandwich. “ But you somehow lost here because….. you got hit in the face.” “ Fucking water…..” Niragi mutters, tearing a bite off of his own. Chishiya quietly smirks, leaning against the chair with his hands in his pockets. “ To think you got bested by water of all things. Who knew.” “ Shut it milk boy.” Niragi growls, mouth still partially full. Chishiya shifts slightly, getting comfortable. He doesn’t say anything, just watching and offering nothing more than a small lopsided smirk. “ This at least narrows the search. If we find that one person, we can find out who else might be responsible for this.” Aguni tells them all, and they all offer affirmatives in both nods and short agreements. “ So, the last place you saw them was….?” “ By the pool.” “ Right, so let’s search there thoroughly. It’d make no sense for anyone to bring a beach ball into the main building-“ Hatter busts into the dining area suddenly, grinning madly. “ I found them! I found them!” Everyone turns to look at Hatter, both with surprise and interest. Hatter rushes out of the hall, and soon everyone follows after him, Hatter running out and towards where the cars are. Once everyone got out there, they saw the culprit, or better yet, culprits. “ Hey! It’s the fucker with the beach ball!” Niragi yells out, pointing at the girl hanging out from the sunroof, grinning. She was partially covered with what was obviously Hatter’s beloved couch, haphazardly strapped to the car. If any of them squinted, they would also see her wearing one of Hatter’s kimonos, which only further incriminated her. “ And the hat person….” Last Boss mutters, squinting as an open robed person wearing what seemed to be a hoodie underneath judging by the hoodie atop their head hops into the drivers seat, the car roaring to life. Hatter frowns and begins to head over there, as does Aguni and his men, but the car quickly peels away, and laughter fills the air as Niragi and Aguni attempt to shoot the wheels useless and at the car, but whoever was driving managed to avoid every bullet, or really had no fear as they drove away, and the woman hanging out above the sunroof yeets an iridescent streamered beach ball, which added with the speed the car was going, made it a fearsome weapon as it hits Hatter square in the face.

He yelps in pain as he’s knocked back, and everyone watches as the car drives into the sunset, couch strapped to it, and Hatter sits up, rubbing his face. “ Clever, clever……” Hatter opens his eyes as iridescence rolls away from him, Hatter shaking his head. “ But no matter, once we find them….. They’ll pay. They’ll pay hard.” And for these little thieves, they better be ready to face the consequences if they were ever caught. But, at least they had fun doing it~

42 notes · View notes