#why does friendship not matter in a demonstratable way

[ziracona]

How do otherwise decent people just seek out and start relationships with other people, entirely of their own volition and by choice and on purpose, could not have been more optional, then succeed in befriending their target and getting close to them, become cared about and have time and effort and emotion spent on them, and then stop caring about any of it and bail on the whole thing and run away the moment they’d have to do any work for the relationship to exist, instead of just cashing in on someone else as a passtime...

#I am so sad. I just don’t understand how it’s easy for some people to flip emotions towards others on and off like light switches. how can #it be so easy not to care. or not to try or not to communicate or bother even officially saying goodbye just fucking around from life to #life and playing it off as normal or quirky or victimless. #I don’t get it I don’t. I have a hard time stopping caring about people long after things go /south/ even. completely anyway #why does friendship not matter in a demonstratable way? how? how can you not want to try hard and care #I’m so ride or die. all I /am/ is ride or die. I’d never talk shit about someone I’m friends with behind their back. I defend them and work #hard to support and help them when I can. I try hard to listen and care and if I am asked directly I work hard to do or address what I am #asked. how is caring so trivial or changable for some people I just I don’t understand I don’t understand #how do people not care who they hurt how do they not feel bad about it? I’m plagued with guilt by the things I did wrong if a relationship #goes south with someone because they were /terrible/ to me #I just. #I just... #I guess it doesn’t matter. me caring is never going to be enough to get them to. they will it won’t and they won’t ever care what I think #I just need to stick to the people who can love on my level and treat me well. Dashawn and Nye and Grace and Tyler and Drew all tell me I #need better friends. (I mean aside from them ofc. I have plenty of wonderful friends too). maybe they’re right #Nye was making a lot of sense last night #this has already had long term repercussions for me at this point. how much more damage can I afford to take? #I don’t really know how to ‘vet’ people aside from just. being slow and thorough af getting close to anyone new. or just. not doing it #anymore or smth : / #oh well I’ll figure it out and be okay or I won’t 😔 #fuck it #personal #I am angry and hurt. maybe I deserve to be #maybe that’s valid.