#while poor Meng Yao is gets all of his sins from the previous time line thrown in his face before he's even done them

[memorydragon]

re "what kind of writer am i" very agree with pain and help me. Love your fics so much!!! Also your characterisation is on point! Taking this as an excuse to shower you with praise and love for your art, your work is so amazing and every day I'm happy it exists and want to thank you for sharing it.

It has been so long since you sent this, and it's my fault entirely. I've been keeping the message to look at, since allos have been policing my fics again (I've mislabled a fic as slash when it should be gen despite there being a literal scene of post-coitus pillow talk, but what do I know, I'm aro/ace). So thank you, really, this message got me through a rough patch.

You still probably don't go here, but you hoped they'd understand each other, so have a bit of Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue... having more issues. XD

"I've been thinking about what you said," Nie Mingjue said, his arm dropping to wrap around Lan Xichen's waist. "About not wanting sex."

"I..." Nie Mingjue hadn't believed him. Had Nie Huaisang said something? With his back to Nie Mingjue's chest, Lan Xichen could feel his heart beat, solid and steady. The ends of his ribbon was trapped between them, and the realization made his ears burn.

"You accepted who I am," Nie Mingjue said. "And I admit it will be... challenging. But I would like to try."

Lan Xichen froze, barely able to breathe.

"Not sex," Nie Mingjue corrected with a curse. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I want to try a relationship again, without sex."

"But you..."

Nie Mingjue sighed, then shrugged, pulling Lan Xichen closer. "It's not like I can't get myself off when I want to. But compared to not having you... Xichen, Let's try this again, okay?"

He had missed this. The soft kisses, being held, being loved. Having someone who could take off his forehead ribbon and handle him without restraint. He couldn't give anyone a proper relationship, but he still felt so greedy wanting the intimacy. If he'd heard those words in the past, would things have been different? Would he have been able to keep this?

But this wasn't the past.

"Xichen?"

He pulled away from Nie Mingjue's embrace and faced him. "Thank you, Mingjue-xiong."

Nie Mingjue frowned. "What's with the thanks? there's no need."

Shaking his head, Lan Xichen smiled. "No, those words... They made me so happy." Cangse Sanren had gotten a happy relationship, despite being like him. Maybe for others, there could be the intimacy and love, but Lan Xichen didn't deserve it.

"I wish... I wish I'd been able to hear those words before," he said softly, still smiling. "Maybe things would be different."

"Xichen, what... Has someone hurt you?" Nie Mingjue's hand went to Baxia's hilt, ready to hunt down anyone who dared.

"You won't believe me," Lan Xichen said ruefully. "But I don't deserve this. You were right. I do trust too easily. I was the reason you were killed."

It was almost a relief to finally admit it.

The troubles of time travel are that scars that haven't happened yet still can't be erased. XD Also, remember kids, Lan Xichen is going through a rough timeline and his thoughts are not currently healthy. It's not greedy to want a relationship and intimacy. Sex is not a requirement for a relationship.

I've been debating doing another pause to type, but honestly, I'm getting into proper Gusu Trauma parties as the war starts and that's fun. XD

#Thank you again for the really kind message #It did help a lot #thegoldenavenger #mo dao zu shi #Mem's fic #mdzs #Time Traveled and Traumatized #And he's definitely traumatized #3Zun dynamics are too much for him to sort out at this time #and how they end up... also concerns Jiggy #And the scene towards the end of this bitch of a fic that is the reason I'm writing this #I'm actually almost to writing his first meeting with Meng Yao in this timeline #which is gonna be fun #Lan Xichen is stabbed and feverish and thinks he's talking to his Jin Guangyao #and why did you toss me to the side rather than taking me to mutual suicide with Resentful Energy Corpse Nie Mingjue? #while poor Meng Yao is gets all of his sins from the previous time line thrown in his face before he's even done them