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retphienix · 6 years

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I’ve been in a weird place these past few days, something I struggle to explain succinctly (as this posts constant rewrites have revealed to myself).

I’d readmore this but. I’ll leave it out.

Long story short, depression and anxiety. That’s sufficient enough. When I fall deep into the mess I often do something that truly hurts my soul when I realize it’s happening- Games are my passion. Exploring them is a pure joy to me. And whenever I fall truly low I sometimes find myself shaking out of a haze and realizing I’ve been dedicating a ton of time to a game that I was enjoying- but now it’s nothing but joyless and empty and yet I continue to dedicate more time to it.

Basically I’ll get in a loop of turning on the same game each day and just “doing” it. Not playing, not enjoying, not exploring my passion or indulging my passion. Just. Doing. As if it were work, but without any payout or content being created. Just tossing time into a hole with what must be a frown on my face, and stepping back and seeing that disgusts me.

Not a fan of that; Definitely need to take steps to better care for my mental and emotional well-being among other things.

In the mean time these past few days have been a more aggressive ‘fight emptiness with passion’ kind of thing.

My worst moments were found staring dead eyed into a game that I could be enjoying in another light, but not like that. So these few days have been spent turning that on its head. Exploring some new games, revisiting some old favorites- just spending whatever time I dedicate to games- actually indulging my passion for games instead of turning off my brain for such a dead feeling.

Such an off brand post, if I might say so, but hey, it’s my blog, sharing a terrifying moment I had that’s changed how I’ve handled the last few days is what I’ve decided to do, I suppose.

This is why I played through Wario Land: Shake it- because it’s a game I saw joy in and playing it just about any way would be me indulging my passion for games instead of what staring at the screen feeling crappy was.

And you know what? It kinda worked.

I spent too long playing the same game regardless of if I wanted to or not- it’s a game I like, but just playing it because I felt obligated to spend my time or because I felt like there was nothing else was killing me inside- it was painting my passion with such a disgusting tone that it felt like it was a distorted mess of what I usually love.

Playing that Wario title turned that around. Made me feel like myself- made me feel like my passion had legs again- reminded me that there’s still SO SO SO SO soooo much left to play and explore and talk about. It breathed some new life into me and I’m feeling quite a touch better than whatever hole I was digging into had me feeling.

So taking a break from being overly open on my game blog of all locations- today I tried to think of what could be next, and since my Wii U was hooked up (it being what I played the last title on) I noticed a few of my installed games I often forget I have easy access to.

Super Metroid- which I’ve still yet to beat.

Earthbound- which I played through for the blog if I recall correctly, quite a blast that was.

Golden Sun- Another I’ve yet to even PLAY.

And Windwaker HD.

I’ve started this game up a few times now. Pretty sure I got moderately deep into the Gamecube version a few years ago (5 maybe?) and then I picked this up and got decently into it yet again- but both times I simply stopped.

This particular post isn’t much at all, as a matter of fact everything up there- erase it from your mind. This was simply me reloading my old save from 2015 and looking around. I had a ton of items, some hearts, and was picking up shards apparently. But as I explored I realized that my memory of what had happened is all but gone and some of the things I thought I’d done on this version (like getting the pictobox) I had not.

So I’m restarting. Full stop. And I think I’ll do a greedy little thing against myself by using this blog as a reason to keep going and beating this for once.

What good is creating content (as this blog is as I ramble on about game design and mechanics and how they affect gameplay because I adore the bigger picture’s impact on the game itself and face it- it’s a form of content even if I can’t make any money off this nonsense) if I can’t use it as a motivator of some kind.

So here’s me saying good bye to my old save, and I suppose seeing the length of this post, good bye to some negativity I allowed to brew on the rim of something I enjoy so deeply. Here’s to some better gaming going forward. And while I’m at it, here’s to some brighter days for you and I both. I’d say it’s well deserved all around, and seeing the bright skies in WW while listening to those tunes- it makes you feel quite a bit better in the moment. Optimistic even- which is a good feeling coming off a bad few days.

#RetPlays #wind waker #The Legend Of Zelda #loz

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everlastingfragrances-blog · 5 years

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About Me

Hi! I’m Laurie Ann. Thanks for stopping by.

A little bit about myself. Hmmm, I don't know about you but I have never liked talking about myself very much. I created this blog so I can tell the world about my weight issues and hopefully make me accountable and this time stick with it.

I'm 48 years young and have weight issues since I was about 17 yrs old. I have been up and down my whole life. I have tried Curves, WW, I have had numerous gym memberships and never used them. I have tried every kind of diet pill known to man. I'm not saying this stuff didn't work, because as long as I stuck with it, I was losing weight and feeling great. My problem is I have social anxiety, so I have always done these programs with someone. Now if you are anything like me, you know that once your friend quits you are usually right behind them. At my heaviest, I was 285 lbs.

I had just been approved for a gastric bypass and was trying to lose some weight on my own before I decided to go that route. That's when my world CRASHED right in front of my eyes. My husband decided it was time to get a younger girl and walked out. I went into a deep depression, had a nervous breakdown and stopped eating for 6 weeks. I lost 65 lbs. I started councilling and started to feel healthier as I had lost so much weight. Over the next 10 months, I walked the treadmill, rode my exercise bike and did the Wii boxing, watched everything I ate and drank protein shakes for a grand total of 100 lbs lost.

I felt great and looked even better. I was able to keep the weight off until about 4 years ago.

I lost my brother to cancer, my depression started coming back worse than ever. Then the junk food came back into my life, cookies, cakes, ice cream every kind of dessert I could think of (I love to cook and bake btw), so over the last 4 years, I have gained 50 lbs back. My health isn't that great. I have PTSD, back issues (broken discs, back surgeries) and to top it off my knees decided they had enough, I have bursitis and a huge bakers cyst behind my knee that stops me from doing much of anything. Last August I lost my mom. She was almost 94 and she was the strongest person I have ever known in my life.

It has been very hard losing her. That left my oldest brother and me and that's it! Well didn't he go and die on me 4 months after our mom! They left me alone in this crazy world to look after the rest of our family! Well, talk about a wake-up call. If I'm the only one left, "what if I die?" who keeps an eye on my son? nieces and nephews, plus I have a brand new granddaughter that I want to be able to keep up with. My family depends on me. They always have. My health kind of sucks and being this heavy makes it so much worse.

I have to do something but what? I can't do a lot of exercising (my Dr actually has told me NONE AT ALL). Well, I have to help myself somehow. I don't want to die, I don't want to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. So first things first. I have to get the incentive to do this for myself and by myself. Which is a hurdle all on its own? But enough is enough I have to do it. I have done a lot of research, and I know not just one program will work for me, I get bored way to easy. So I have come up with a system for myself that seems to be working. I'm going to do a bunch of programs together. I started only 3 weeks ago and I'm already down 9 lbs and 13 inches!! I feel so much better already, more energized, I'm sleeping better and what's even better is I don't wake up with a food hangover anymore! I have so much work to do but I'm going to do it! I refuse to be buried with the rest of my family, not yet, no way!

That is where you come in. I hope you watch my journey and maybe even follow it yourself. Please leave comments, ideas, recipes etc.... Here is the program I have set up for myself Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis App:

What is it? The VGB is a non-surgical technique and non-diet program that is natural and safe. It uses hypnosis to condition the mind of the client to feel that the stomach is full after a certain level of food is consumed and there is no need for more. How I use it: I use the hypnosis every night to fall asleep. I believe it sends me subliminal messages to help me control my food cravings. I use the Facebook support group to answer questions, or if I'm having a bad day I can talk to people that are going through the same things that I am and without any judgement. That is what I personally use it for but there are so many other options to help you. It has water alerts, panic button, podcasts and a food diary. AISIRER Fitness Tracker:

I absolutely love this fitness tracker. I will say it is the best one that I have has so far. It was only 40.99 and it tracks EVERYTHING. 【Updated Color Screen & IP68 Waterproof Fitness Tracker】- AISIRER fitness tracker with 5-level brightness, 0.96 inches LCD large colour screen offers excellent HD image quality and bring a clearer visual enjoyment. Up to IP68 waterproof standard, it allows you to wear on your wrist while swimming or showering. 【Multi-Sports Fitness Tracker】- With 14 sports modes, it can track specific walking, running, cycling, hiking, fitness, treadmill, basketball, tennis, climbing, badminton, dynamic-cycling, yoga, football, dancing, accurately record all-day activities like steps, distance, calories burned, and active minutes. 【Heart Rate Monitor & Sleep Monitor】- Adopt the latest HR sensor for accurate and effective heart rate monitoring. This watch will track your sleep automatically at night and analyze your sleep quality with deep sleep, light sleep and awake time. The silent vibration alarms can wake you up without disturbing others. 【Never Miss Call Message】- Receive your notifications in real time, including email, call and messages, support Facebook, WhatsApp, Linkedin, Instagram and Twitter. It will keep you informed as long as it is connected to your smartphone via Bluetooth. 【Long-lasting Battery & Warranty】- Built-in USB Charge(no cable needed), one single charge gives you up to 7 days of working time. It has a 24-month warranty as well. The app syncs well with so many different apps (Noom, My Fitness Pal, Health app and a lot more too) What is just as important as working out, is feeling good about yourself.

When I work out I wear ShaperZ workout gear and shapewear. I don’t jiggle everything when jumping up and down and side to side. It holds everything in and I feel even better about losing weight and exercise! Noom Weight Loss Program:

Noom is a wellness program that is designed to help you live a healthier life by helping you create better habits. Unlike other weight loss programs that focus just on the physical aspect of losing weight, Noom focuses on the mental aspect as well. I wasn't sure about this program at first because I have used so many other programs that haven’t worked in the past. But I have signed on after the 2 weeks FREE trial for the whole year program. I have a coach that I talk to when I need her. I have a support group that we discuss and share stories. I'm losing weight and I have so much energy! If you would like to check it out just click here: Noom Free Trial Remente:

Remente helps you understand where in life you should focus. We help you set goals and teach you ways to feel good, be productive and keep motivated. LEARN WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY Keep track of your mood to figure out which behaviours make you feel good. Tag your mood with feelings to quickly develop a deeper understanding of yourself and your emotions. Learn what to do, and to avoid, to be happy. FIND OUT ABOUT LIFE Find the resources you need in order to grow, with our curated collection of courses. They cover everything from mental wellbeing to productivity, relationships and motivation. Our goal is to cover everything you need to thrive. FOLLOW EXPERT GOAL PLANS Create step-by-step goal plans and incorporate them into your daily schedule to create life-changing habits and behaviour. You can follow expertly crafted plans to steadily move forward and safely avoid the most common obstacles. What is most important it that it helps me be a better person, understand who I am, and what I want to accomplish. It also has a goal to cut out sugar altogether. If you want to check it out just click here: Remente Mealime:

Mealime is a simple way for busy singles, couples, and families to plan their meals and eat healthier. ... Sign up to Mealime and join over 1,000,000 people who have used our meal plans to eat healthier, reduce stress, lose weight, save money, and live happier, more productive lives. Plus it is FREE. I'm sure you have heard of Hellofresh, chef’s plate and all those expensive food plans that send you the meals with everything and all you have to do it cook it! They are very costly. I was using them to eat healthier, but after a few weeks into the plan, I started to get unfresh products. One week I never even received my order. Mealime is pretty much the same idea. You choose your recipes for the week. They have lots to choose from. They have a grocery list you can print and shop for OR they even have a delivery system where they pick your groceries for you and bring them right to your door. The delivery fee is only $3.99. I tried the delivery system last week and I would receive texts as to who was picking my order, if a product had to be replaced, and when the driver was on his way. It even has a GPS that shows you his route to your door! You can set it up for as soon as 1 hour or even days in advance. I set mine for 4 hours after I had ordered and it was there precisely at the exact time. It was pretty cool. PLUS it is from your local grocers so you know what you are getting. Carb Manager:

I don't use this app as a program to follow. I use Noom for that. I use this for all the GREAT recipes! These recipes are super healthy and again this app is FREE! Leslie Sansone’s Walk at Home: This isn’t an app. These are youtube videos that you can literally walk your way healthy. These are FREE videos that she shares on her youtube channel. All you have to do is walk. Overeaters Anonymous:

This is the last app I use for my weight loss journey. This is a GREAT app. It has tons of podcasts of actual real-life people telling their stories in the OA meetings. I have social anxiety and I don't like to speak in a group of people, nor do I have any meetings in my area. This is a great way to hear others share the same issues as I have. I know this seems like a lot. But this is what is working for me. I have tried My Fitness Pal, Weight Watchers, plus I can't even count how many low carb diets, soup diets, diet pills. They work for a bit and then I slowly get right back to my old ways and gain it back. I use these apps together from morning to bedtime and it seems to work for me. I have a long way to go but this is now my lifestyle and I'm feeling GREAT! More pictures coming soon..... WHAT PROGRAMS DO YOU USE? Read the full article

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