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bisexualamy · 10 months

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Transition Update #63: 7 years on T & hysto retrospective

Hi everyone!! The title says it all. I wanted to include all of my phallo consults in this as well, but a few items are last-minute up in the air, so I'll write a separate post for the phallo consults omnibus.

As always, please don't reblog or screenshot and repost. Links are fine. Writing transition updates over the years has been really good for me and I always hope someone finds them helpful. But at the same time, the larger public is awful about bottom surgeries and I'd rather not subject myself to that ire.

This post has a general content warning for discussions of sex, genitals, body image and body/gender dysphoria.

7 years on T

I stopped doing annual T updates a while ago, because after the first 2-3 years most of the bodily changes are basically the same bodily changes cis men go through as they age. This year I made a point to celebrate 7 years, because that's an absolutely wild number, and I think it's important to acknowledge my T anniversary when it comes around. Testosterone has fundamentally changed my life. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here without it. I'm so grateful to be in a place mentally, physically, financially, and temporally that I can continue to access it.

I started taking Finasteride this year bc my hairline is getting a little thin. This is, again, more a factor of being in my later 20s than anything else. I didn't expect it to affect me as much as it did. It was one of the first times I experienced and male body image issue that had nothing to do with being trans. Normally, I'm so grateful to live as a man that most male body image issues don't affect me. I don't care that I'm short or a little round or I have wider hips. I'm so grateful to pass and live full-time as a man that it doesn't register. This one was different, and I'm not quite sure why, but I'm going to try and not obsess over it.

Off and on the last four years, but seriously the last two years, I started working out and lifting. At first, I mostly ran, especially during the height of the lockdown when it was the only safe way to work out. I love running but I always wanted to be strong and see what my body could do. The past two years I've been working with an online trainer and my strength has really improved!! I'm hitting personal bests in the gym and it's stopped feeling like a tedious chore. I'm actually excited to go now. That's an amazing feeling and I'm always really happy when my friends or family call me strong.

Hysto retrospective

It's been 7 months since my hysto back in January. The recovery for that was longer and more difficult than I expected. Being cooped up in the house and feeling really weak and gross, on top of the bottom dysphoria I kept experiencing having to constantly discuss lots of parts I hate having, was really hard on me. I feel like, over the last two months, I've shaken off a lot of the lingering depression from that. All that being said, I've healed very well, and I'm so happy I got my hysto.

One of the worst, dysphoria-inducing nightmares for me was getting pregnant. It was so bad, it prevented me from seriously dating cis men for years. T is not birth control, and even with protection and respectful partners, the fear and anxiety were just too much for me to handle. I knew that once I got my hysto, I'd probably feel more confident dating men, but I didn't realize the extent to which that would be true.

I've felt way more confident to date around and hook up since I got my hysto. I've gone on more dates with cis gay men than I ever have before, and even though they ultimately fizzled out, I have never had that level of dating confidence in my life. It's so, so gender affirming when cis gay men are attracted to me. I always felt like I lost something, being a bisexual man who was too anxious about being trans to participate in any kind of gay male culture in NYC. This is by far the biggest gift my hysto gave me and I'm so happy for it.

#transition stuff #ren speaks

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alkcomics · 2 years

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Hello, happy pride month if you celebrate! I was wondering if you would ever consider doing another run of the full spectrum therapy box-set? I adore your work and would love to own a physical copy. The box set was just particularly gorgeous as well. Thank you!

Aw thanks! I've gotten a few of these messages from folks and I'm very flattered there's still interest 🖤

I guess I'll talk about what's been going on behind the scenes with F-ST.

Since January of 2020, I've been querying agents to get it published. No bites. Sent it to a handful of editors at different comic publishers. No bites. As you can imagine, it's been frustrating. But that's how publishing goes.

After two years of rejections, I started querying it as an unfinished pitch: shorter, more condensed, a slightly different angle on the plot events, but recognizably the same book. I've gotten much better reception from that submission -- a few exciting 'revise and resubmit' requests, none of which I have heard back from since resubmitting. But still, no bites.

My pivot now is to start pitching other projects to agents instead. I'll always have F-ST (finished or newly outlined version) in my back pocket.

This is all to say, because I've been actively querying F-ST for publication since I finished it, I haven't wanted to keep stock and sell it myself. I've also had my shop closed and not gone to conventions because of the pandemic. As long as I still have the aim of traditional publication for the project, I likely* won't be selling it myself. My 'fuck it's point with that all may be soon, or never.

* If I end up doing some more conventions in 2023, I've considered doing a chunker of an omnibus printing. But honestly, it's expensive to get books made right now; even with the single volumes it was hard to find a price point to sell that covered cost, let alone made me some profit. Despite that, I want to say that I have no plans to take the comic off-line. If Tapas gets weird, I can host it on my own website (alkcomics.com). So it'll remain accessible in its unedited form (the book print varies slightly) as long as possible.

Again, I really thank y'all for your continued interest in the work. It means a lot. Happy Pride 🖤🌈✨✌️

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Post script:

In case it sounds too much like I'm complaining about publishing Ls, I do have to say: even though nothing's worked out for F-ST, going through this process has helped me build relationships in the industry and has gotten a lot of other comics work. Creative careers are seldom linear. If you're also in this boat: don't give up, keep rowing, enjoy the sights along the way because the route to your destination may change with the winds and the currents.

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