#we also did a fast allergy test which came up negative for everything so my worry of being allergic to flour did not come true

[shachathabrah]

“Starfetched. I get it. Like starcrossed and farfetched. Which I guess is kinda what most people hooking up are.”

The angel stood in a small clearing, naked and half-naked trees reaching into a yawning canopy above him. A warm sunlight trickled through what leaves remained, interrupted intermittently by a cool, wispy breeze. He’d never heard of this part of the Nevernever before, nor the reigning high Sidhe - though upon looking around for more than a minute, it became abundantly clear that Edea was the queen of the short-lived, often chilly, midseason court. The ruling fae of Autumn. Wild.

“Both destined to be, and unlikely so. To be Starfetched is entirely an act of fate. To imagine that anyone could find someone they are truly meant to be with, crossing hundreds of miles or oceans or traversing the many realms to do so… It is truly something.” She was taller than Cath - then again, most were - and, like most in this realm, possessed an unnatural, almost feline-like grace. Her hair spun in spirals down to the small of her back, bits of leaves and other natural debris arranged in it more artfully than one might expect.

Cath nodded slowly in reply. “Yeah, it really is. Something. But it’s why I’m here. I’m requesting a… what should I call it. A reading? I couldn’t translate some of the writings on the process. I wanna get the deets on my relationship with him. We’re ready to take it to the next level.”

“It would appear as though you have already taken to the idea without our influence,” she mused, lips the colour of dead Autumn leaves curling ever so slightly at their corners, gesturing at his left hand. Cath knew at once she was motioning towards the ring Kay had given him. Well, the troll certainly had gotten his wish of wanting anyone that saw it to think ‘Wow, that fellow sure is engaged.’ Hastily, the angel clenched his fist, slicing the air in a ‘cut the shit’ motion with his other hand.

“You know as well as I do what it means.” Anger swelled, a sour taste on his tongue. “Like I’d be able to set foot inside a house of worship without being smited where I stood.” The determination in his expression faltered. “...Smited? Smote? Is ‘smote’ a word?” His bitterness melted into momentary confusion, his penchant for getting sidetracked brought out in full force by the general hazy and confuddling atmosphere of the Nevernever. Edea only giggled, shoulders bouncing, curled locks of fire engine red hair spilling over her shoulders as she did so.

“But your mind has been made up,” she offered, gliding closer to him. “The pair of you are set to be wed by any means, what ever would a reading tell you that you don’t already know?”

To this, Cath’s stance dropped; his shoulders lowering as he thought about it. Really, not much. He’d had his fears worked over by Kay often enough to be sure about this, assured beyond all shadow of a doubt that this was what they wanted. But… Beyond… all shadow of a doubt…? He chewed his lip gently, eyes never leaving the shifting pools of weathered copper the fae watched him through. “If I’m right. We’re - if we’re right. For each other, I guess.” Showing any kind of weakness before a fae was generally a really stupid idea, but he couldn’t - Cath had to be sure. If the powers in his life that ruled over most everything he knew and believed could give him some firm insight, he was hoping the last of the dying embers of doubt would grow cold, and just let him enjoy what had been gifted to him. This life, this love. He had to be sure.

“I’ve read it can do that. Prove that what we have is… Is worthy of being joined as one. It isn’t the same as being married, but it’s the closest thing something like me is gonna be able to get.” He did his best to recall up the notes he’d taken, not wanting to deface Daud’s book. (Even though he deserved to have a few dicks drawn in it. The motherfucker.) “And if I pass the test, we’re allowed the ceremony.”

In his heart, he knew Kay deserved more. Always the wedding planner, never the star. But the fae could put on one hell of a shindig, and maybe, lost in the beauty that the fae (despite being treacherous, nasty, vile, nasty, evil creatures) could produce, he might forgive Cath for being unable to give him what he truly deserved. “And,” he began again, lifting his chin once more, sticking out his chest just a little bit, “it’s the one thing you’re not allowed to bargain for. This is a freebie to those that seek it.” Knowledge was something powerful to the fae, something they had in spades, and they were never ones to give it freely. The Starfetched reading, however, was different. It was something the fae themselves had personal interest in, and it was how lore of married fae couples came to be. Humans, most of the time, had a very basic understanding of the bond magical beings shared - simply put, Titania and Oberon were married. No convoluted reading or ceremony required. It was beyond what patience they had to look beyond the label to find out what was really going on there.

He almost expected Edea to give him lip over it, but instead those lips stretched into a leonine grin. “You are correct,” she acquiesced with a bow of her head. “We are not required nor encouraged to seek payment for this service.” Though her eyes glittered as her head lifted again. “It is taxing enough on those who experience it.”

The angel swallowed. He hadn’t taken into consideration the reading might be dangerous in some way. Hell, it might kill him. The book hadn’t talked about the risks involved, it had only outlined the basic practice. Fae were nigh indestructible, save a severe allergy to cold iron. Reflexively, he touched the heart-shaped ring of his collar. Pseudo outsiders, however… Well. Shit. Kay couldn’t get hitched to a quivering pile of ectoplasmic goo, or a lump of smouldering feathers. But Cath was determined to see it through. “This will be the first time anyone of your ilk has attempted this reading.” There was almost something savage in her tone, though he could not place it. “Should you survive it, I daresay having witnessed it would be payment enough.”

Scared of fae as he was, Cath was not one to give into intimidation tactics. “Then you’ll have witnessed something no other fae has seen, yeah. So, let’s get to it. Enough chat. I hate being here and I gotta say I’m not too keen on you either.” The fae’s look took on a bit more ice, but the smile didn’t fade. “And for some reason you’re the only one in this dump that can do it.” He tilted his head a little. “Why?” Generally, fae didn’t give knowledge without something in return, but they sure did love talking about themselves.

“As seasons change, the summer and winter courts are at a mutual weakness. For a very brief period of time, I am in power. That power also happens to coincide with Samhain. The spirit world and the mortal world brush closest, and the barriers wear thin. Who better to deal with matters of the spirit, soul, and heart than someone in my position?” Said with no small amount of smugness, Cath noted. She certainly seemed to be more than willing to toot her own horn. But he had to give her some credit, no one else would ever really consider the fact of a smaller court in the fae realm. Hell, this was all news to him. But her logic was frustratingly sound. Not like he was jumping out of his skin to talk to the other ladies or queens about this, or anything, either. He liked them right where they were. None the wiser. Though he was sure that once this was completed, word would travel fast. There was nothing he could do about that.

“...Have you ever been in love, Edea?” The angel asked suddenly, his own voice taking on a tone much softer than he’d had initially, losing much of the edge and normal vitriol reserved for this place. “I mean like. The real thing.”

That seemed to strike some kind of chord, and the fae queen glanced away momentarily. “While it is not irregular for us here in the Nevernever to find ourselves in such a situation, It has never happened to myself.” She sounded… Sad, almost. Far be it from Cath to actually feel sympathy or pity for things that existed here, but he found his brows knitting gently.

“It’s because no one can do this for you, isn’t it.” He shifted his weight uneasily as the realization came to him. “No one can perform this rite, this.. seance, this ceremony for you. So you can’t even know if what you feel, if you’ve ever felt anything, can be considered true.” A little ‘huh’ sound left him. “That sucks a big fat one for you.”

Whatever he was expecting from her, it was not a laugh - one neither filled with anger nor malice, or anything negative directed towards him. It was still sharp and all edges, but it was a genuine laugh. “You’ve picked up quite the colourful tongue from living amongst humans, dear Shachath. It is no wonder that love has ailed you so.”

His face screwed up a little at that. Ailed him, huh. There may have been a reason it was called ‘lovesick’. He hadn’t considered it until now. He’d done a lot of things for this love. Faced some of his greatest fears, even, without even thinking of being repaid for his actions. He’d just done them, just like that, because doing it would help someone he loved. Very dearly, at that. Someone he’d do anything for.

Very, very briefly, he wondered if Edea - or the Sidhe in general, had people they knew like that. Their very state of being operated on a different level entirely, but Titania and Oberon were together. He was at least reasonably certain other creatures of the Nevernever could court and find love, too. But how far did their affections stretch? He found he could just as easily imagine Titania waxing poetic about her husband as he could imagine her ripping his throat out over a something as tame as what to have for dinner. But then again, as he’d learned, even the faerie queens were mortal once.

“Maybe it has ailed me. I dunno. But… I do know that I want it to work out. And your little ritual thingy will tell me if it can.”

“Child, no matter what the reading tells you, you’re going to keep doing what you’re doing anyway.” Her tone chided him slightly, though she made no further presses to dissuade him.

“You’re fucking right I am.” Reading tea leaves or tossing sand in a circle could tell him no more than what he felt in his heart. Even if it told him they weren’t… Starfetched, they weren’t soulmates, they weren’t some other form of word that essentially meant they belonged together, right now, they did. They were together right now, and however long it lasted was all that mattered to him. Even if it did scare him a little. He’d spent so long feeling temporary, just a placeholder for the next iteration of him to come along. Many, many versions of himself had come and gone. 26 - almost 27, now - years strong in this form had him… Antsy. He knew it was highly unlikely he’d go anywhere this time, but that ever-present fear lingered. Had he changed enough to be good for this? Had he changed at all?

And then there was still the whole fact that he might not survive the reading. Knowledge was a powerful thing, especially to the fae. It was probably their most valuable asset, and their strongest bargaining chip. Knowledge could make or break someone. Topple cities. End civilizations. Maybe, just maybe, his pathetic little human slash bird brain just wasn’t equipped to handle what vast knowledge Edea was going to forcefully shove into it. Maybe he’d survive. Maybe it’d drive him mad. Maybe that danger was the real reason the service was “free”. Nothing was free. He knew better than that.

Yet here he was.

For a long few minutes Edea regarded him with little more than amused boredom, watching the angel process things. His choice was obvious, even to him - though he didn’t want to seem all too eager to jump into bed with her. Metaphorically speaking. Eventually he nodded, sighing, letting his arms drop to his sides. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s do it.”

Almost instantly, complete and total darkness engulfed him, and he let out a startled cry - stumbling on nothing and falling flat on his ass with a hard thud. It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that he hated complete darkness, though through his scrambled thoughts he couldn’t think of any reason why she’d be doing this to him. It set his heart racing, and it was only moments after that he felt an icy vice grip on his arm. Another sound left him as four pinpricks of pain blossomed from his bicep, sending a numbing chill through him. An instant later he was dizzy, struggling to free himself as the dimness around him faded - like a lone fluorescent bulb slowly bathing a room as it warmed up.

“The fuck,” he managed, free arm coming to support himself on the ground, eyes adjusting. The forest was exactly as it had been moments ago, and Edea herself was standing a few feet away. Her look suggested that of watching a child tucker itself out through a tantrum, and to fit the bill Cath scowled at her. “What the fuck was that for?” Eyes raked around again for some sort of answer, and he realized that it was perhaps an enchantment to blind him momentarily, rather than bathe everything in darkness. Which, of course, scared him more than anything: Edea hadn’t said a word, or made any move to do so. She’d simply willed him blind and it had happened. He quietly filed her under yet another ‘Fae to not fuck with’.

“It is very foolish of you to think that just because you are here to partake in this that you can handle it as you are,” she upbraided, removing a number of things he couldn’t quite focus on from somewhere behind a tree stump. “To put it simply, I’ve drugged you. An altered consciousness is required to… partake in this. I know you don’t use your brain quite so often, Shachath, but unlocking some extra rooms among those grey matter folds is necessary.” She tutted then, shaking her head. “Humans are so unfortunate.”

He really couldn’t argue, all things considered. Humans were unfortunate, and he had read something at some point about brain functionality being limited in a completely sober state. But this wasn’t like any drug he’d ever been on before. He mostly just felt dizzy, awake and sleepy all at the same time, like he was straining to focus on something that may or may not have been there. “So you had to scare the shit out of me first?”

“Blood flow quickens with the pulse, does it not? At least that is what I’m led to believe.” She sounded uncertain for a moment, and Cath had to wonder, briefly, what exactly made up the biology of a fae. But even still, he rolled his eyes and grunted in annoyance.

“Couldn’t you just have dropped a porn mag in my lap or something?”

At that, he actually got a scowl from Edea. “Ezra Shachath,” she began in a tone meant to deride children, “and you’re here to prove your love, too.”

Unable to help his uneasy grin, it faded quickly with a sigh. So, she’d made him blind to drug him, and scared the shit out of him to make it quick. He really didn’t like where this was heading, but it was probably a decent testament to her character that she hadn’t done anything else to him. For now. That could change in an instant.

Edea continued gathering her things, Cath watching in dazed silence as the forest spun gently around him. He counted his lucky stars that the drug he’d been given wasn’t doing much more than making him acutely aware of everything around him… It could have been a lot worse. And he’d bet dollars to donuts it wasn’t just some piddly human drug, either. Fae shit was dangerous. Strong. The stuff he made was comparable but at least it wasn’t ever considered deadly.

A figurative age passed by before Edea had settled in front of him, kneeling at a shallow table she’d set up between them. A large, completely smooth stone about the size of a post card but oval shaped sat on a what looked to be something like a dinner plate. The notion made him giggle, suddenly and uncontrollably, rocking back on his hands as the sound turned into a belly laugh. “It’s like. It’s like. You’re serving it up to me. Where’s the knife and fork? Lemme just cut a slice.” He didn’t see Edea roll her eyes, but he could practically hear it, and it only made him laugh harder.

When his laughter finally subsided, he sighed, wiping tears from his eyes. Hoo. Okay. He was calm. He could focus. Which he did. To the best of his abilities. Several stones had been placed around the plate (teehee), varying colours and sizes, all seeming important while appearing innocuous at the same time. She held her hands, palm up, an inch or so above the table, looking at him almost expectantly. “Your hands, Shachath.”

He hesitated, but eventually laid his own hands on hers with his palms down. It made him twitch, feeling the connection between them link suddenly. Some part of him knew that was just the drugs, but another part swore up and down it was fae magic bullshit. “Okay. Not what?” Impatient. High on fae drugs. He wanted to get this done and go.

“Close your eyes and focus on the stone before you in your mind. Take in a deep breath, let it out slowly, and count to ten.”

When he opened his eyes, he was greeted to being assaulted on every front and every sense with… everything. He could see so much, almost too much - he understood what Edea meant about needing to unlock more of his brain very suddenly. It was as if he was watching a hundred, thousand, impossibly more than that movies at once. All of them showing him Kay, and himself.

But things were… different. In one of the visions, they were meeting by chance, one of them having missed a train. The vision culminated to them in a coffee shop some time later, confessing their feelings. In another, Cath was a private investigator trying to prove Kay innocent of a crime. Unsurprisingly, they fell in love. In another still, the angel, merely a human here, was the lone cause of a zombie apocalypse, and Kay was the only person immune to his deadly influence.

There were too many to keep track of, but somehow he managed to watch them all, all at once, from start to finish. Cath sang karaoke. Kay was a prince, and Cath his knight. In one they were both angels. In most, they ended up hooking up in one way or another, happy and in love. For every one time they didn’t, a dozen other scenarios came up to soothe the heartbreak Cath felt in their instances. It was surreal. It was bizarre. It was almost too much to handle and the meek part of his bird brain that had squawked ‘It must be the drugs!!’ was saying the same thing again here. Unbeknownst to him, his nose had started to bleed, and he was breathing fairly heavily. Though his brain dutifully ignored the peasantry that was his semi-mortal body, plodding on with the task it had been given by the fae. He couldn’t stop watching. He wasn’t even sure he’d blinked in the past however long it had been. Every vision he saw was simultaneously over in an instant and took an eternity to complete.

It was a nightmare. It was hell.

It was so, so beautiful.

He didn’t remember collapsing, or how long it had been since the reading had started. His recollections were choppy at best, of Edea picking him up and sliding the stone into his hoodie pocket, now an almost impossibly deep shade of black. The forest around them seemed to melt as his consciousness slipped, mumbling incongruously to no one as darkness aggressively swamped his vision.

The home Edea found herself in was exactly that - a home. She felt a significant portion of her power dissolve as she crossed through the Way just to deliver the fallen angel back peacefully, though it bothered her little. She’d traced his origin point rather simply, and felt it maybe necessary to chide him at a later date for making himself so easy to find. At the bedside, she noted the sleeping figure already occupying the large bed. That… must be the one this had all been for. Fascinating. He seemed quite normal from this vantage, far more normal than someone she’d peg Shachath to be interested in. He always seemed so… Flighty, for lack of a better term. Not the kind to settle down in any sense of the word. Hum.

Silently, she placed the KO’d fallen onto the bed, moving to lower herself to a sit next to the other sleeping figure. He seemed strange, from this angle; like nothing she’d seen before. Maybe he wasn’t as normal as she’d initially thought. Though her curiosity got the better of her - a hand gently reached out, placing itself on his forehead (between horns, no less) and closing her eyes.

In an instant, she was standing no more than four feet from him, looking around and taking inventory of the sight.

“Well,” she said, tone loud enough to hear but not loud enough to disrupt, “this certainly isn’t what I’d been expecting.”

#drabble; #long post; #very long post; #sorry mobile users #i meant to post this last week but forgot

[biebervibez]

Fck Cancer.

Request: Y/N is known as Justin's girlfriend/backup dancer. These past few months have been rough for Y/N as she experiences harsh symptoms which she later understands are symptoms of cancer and she is estimated to only live until next month, now she has to tell her family, friends and Justin.

You glance slowly towards the clock. 4:57 a.m. You let out a groan before flushing the toilet for the third time this night. You weren't sure what was wrong but these past few months have been hell. You've been experiencing migraines, extreme fatigue and seem to never have an appetite. As unhealthy as it sounds, you decide to ignore it thinking it was just allergies or a phase.

You walk towards the sink and rinse out your mouth before taking a glance at yourself in the mirror. You touch you face not realizing how thin you became, you brushed the thought off thinking it was probably from appetite loss and overworking during rehearsals.

Yes, you were one of Justin's backup dancers whenever he had a concert or tour. That's also where the two of you met. Weird or romantic? You chuckle as you remember the thought of how you two met.

You walk out of the washroom, and suddely you began to lose balence. You quickly grab the chair next to you. Your grip was firm. You ngrabbed your phone on the drawer and dial Justin's number. After a few rings, he picks up. "Uh hey..." You whisper softly over the phone.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Justin says worried, you hated the fact that no matter how many times you tried to hide it, he would always know if there was something wrong.

"It's nothing. I think I just have a cold or something. Probably due to the weather." You say trying your best to sound convincing.

"Maaybe you should stay home. Don't force yourself to come to rehearsal. I'll let Scooter know, but for now you need to get some rest." Justin says gently and you couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you."

Suddenly your chest began to hurt. You clenched yor chest with your hand at an attempt to reduce the pain but it wasn't working. You tried your best to speak but no words were coming out, all you heard was Justin's muffled words over the phone.

You began to let out a cough which led to one after the other until your chest began to hurt.

After a while you finally calmed your cough down and your chest hurt less. You heard Justin call your name multiple over the phone. "Sorry something just got caught in my th-"

What the- you thought to yourself. You attention moved towards your sleeve on where you coughed and noticed the blood.

"Y/N?" Justin says annoyed but you knew he was just trying to get your attention.

"Oh sorry uhm what were you saying?" You still were focus on the blood, you felt your heart race.

"I'm going to leave rehearsals early to go buy you medicine and I'll be there to take car-"

"No!" You blurt out. "I mean no babe I swear I'm fine. I'm just going to drop by the doctors office then I'm heading straight home. You don't need to leave." You say nervously trying to persuade him that you were fine.

You didnt want Justin to agonize, that was the last thing you wanted. Besides he has a career to focus on.

"Babe-"

"It's nothing serious. I promise." You say reassuring him.

(A few weeks have passed and Y/N has been in and out of the hospital for checkups without Justin's knowledge. She finally received a call from the hospital.)

You tap your foot continuously, as you waited impatiently for the doctor to come in with the results.

What if something is wrong? You thought to yourself. You obviously didn't want to think negative but there's always a possible chance. You felt your heart skip a beat when the doctor entered. The two of you exchange 'hellos' as he takes a seat at his desk.

It was silent for a while and you felt your gut sink, something was definitely wrong.

"Ms. Y/LN I hate to say this but I have some awful news about your results..." he says lowly. Your heart was beating so fast your chest began to hurt once again.

"What are you trying to say?" You ask confused.

"I am very sorry Ms. Y/LN but you are diagnosed with lung cancer, stage 4...."

Lung cancer....stage 4?

"W-what?" You say shocked. You couldn't believe what he was saying nor did you want to believe it.

Tears began streaming down your face as you tried to comprehend what was happening but nothing seemed to focus.

"No, no, no there's got to be a mistake!" You say feeling tense. You didn't want to be convinced it was true and you pulled out every excuse you could think of to make the statement false.

"I'm really sorry, but we ran multiple tests and they all came out...positive." The doctor says. Your world came shattering and it hurt more than you could handle, physically and emotionally.

"How long do I have?" You manage to say.

"One month..."

"Justin she's just running late..." One of the staff members say. Everyone was eating breakfast but the only person who wasn't present was Y/N and Justin was beginning to fret.

"Even though, she would have answered my calls or respond to my texts..." Justin says still worried, as he dials your number once more.

"Bro, she's probably avoiding you...I know I would if you called me that many times...." Ryan, Justin's best friend says jokingly.

"Shut the hell up Ry" Justin says before shooting him a glare.

"He's just moody because he didn't get any morning sugar..." another member calls out causing the whole crew to burst in laughter.

"I fucking hate you guys!" Justin says with a stern tone but he can't help but crack a smile.

(An hour has passed and the crew is packing up)

"There she is!" You head one of the dancers call out. Instantaneously all eyes were on you.

"Babe! Where were you?" Justin says as he jogs towards you worried.

"I'm sorry I'm late, it's just uh-"

"Is everything okay Y/N?" Scooter asks worried aswell. You look at both of them as you place a fake smile reassuring them.

"Uh yeah I just had to drop something off at my moms place and it took longer than I expected..."

I lied I know but what I couldn't do it, you thought to yourself.

"Hey..." Justin whispers as he places his hand gently on your face causing you to look at him. "Are you sure everything's okay? You look pale-"

"I swear I'm okay!" You yell. You didn't mean to raise you voice, it wasn't your intention but all the questions made you feel sick. You sigh, avoiding eye contact. "I'll just go talk to the choreographer to see what I missed. Excuse me." You say before excusing yourself, walking towards the choreographer.

Scooter walks towards Justin, confused. "Is Y/N alright?"

"I honestly have no clue..."

You take a break from stretching as you see Scooter standing near the doorway.

"Hey Y/N? Can I talk to you for a minute?" He asks motioning you to come with him to the hall.

"Uh sure..." you say, slightly confused. Scooter has never interrupted a rehearsal unless it was about something important. You jog towards Scooter. "What's up?" You say curiously.

Scooter take a few deep breaths and it was starting to make you worry. "You know you can tell me anything right?"

"Yeah of course, Scoot you're like my dad." And it was true, Scooter was the closest thing to a father figure ever since your real father left. You knew what you said was a lie but you didn't have the strength to tell him the truth.

Scooter looks at you unconvinced before taking another deep breath. "Look, I've notice earlier you looked awful...no offence."

"Wow thanks." You say offended.

"Wait. Let me finish." He says and you knew he was was being serious. "I couldn't help but stare at your wrist, you had a hospital band?" He asks and your heart stopped.

"No I uh was just getting a checkup, I had a really bad cold and I thought I was coming down with somethig." You lie, once again.

"I did some digging and Y/N you've been in and out of the hospital these past few months-"

"Scoot!" You yell, out of all people you didn't expect Scootet to be the person to go behind your back and do some research. "You have no right-"

"I do! I have the right to know if something is wrong with your health. Now tell me what the hell is going on?" Scooter yells furiously. You were taken back, Scooter never yelled at you, and you have to admit you felt hurt and ashamed for keeping the secret from everyone.

You take a deep breath. You felt tears peak at the corner of your eyes.

"I have stage 4 lung cancer..." you say vulnerably. You couldn't even look at him once you said it, it hurt too much. "One month Scoot, that's all I have." Your voice was shaking and your eyes became so watery all you saw were you tears repetively coming down.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Scooter says almost in a whisper and you knew he was hurt.

"I was scared..." you say truthfully before looking down.

"Y/N you can't keep something like this..."

"I'm sorry..." you sob once again and Scooter immediately pulls you in for a hug. He silently wipes his own tears.

"You need to tell the others....especially Justin."

(Y/N finally told everyone, family and friends about her illness except for Justin).

"What's going on?" Justin asks agonized but no one answered. He quickly walks towards you. "Why are you crying?"

You began to cry, more than you have today. You didn't know how to tell him or how he was going to react. If he was going to be upset or angry? You didn't want to know.

After a while you finally gained the courage.

You look him in the eyes and take a deep breath.

"I've been diaganosed with cancer..."

"W-what?" Justin says shocked.

"Stage 4, lung cancer...." you felt tears streaming down your face once more.

Justin runs his fingers through his hair, his jaw was clenched and he couldn't even look at you after many attempts to get his attention.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Justin says raising his voice. You were taken back by his sudden outburst but understood he was just hurt.

"I was going to-" you begin to say but immediately get cut off by Justin.

Justin chuckles sarcastically, "When? The moment you're gone? What did you expect was going to happen? That you would just be gone, some random person will explain it to me and everything would be okay?" He yells as tears were running down his face.

You felt sudden guilt, you hated to see him like that.

"Justin, take it easy..." one of Justin's staff members call out.

"No!" Justin yells, everyone was now staring at us. "How the hell can I take it easy knowing my own girlfriend isn't going to be here with me the next few months..."

That hit you. Did he expect this to be easy for me aswell? You thought to yourself.

"Jay..." you say gently as you try to hold his hand but he pushes you away.

"I can't do this right now..." Justin immediately leaves the room, a few of the members plus Scooter follow him out.

"Justin!" You call out as tears ran down your face.

Your head choreographer walks up beside you and wraps his arms around you. "Just let him be, he needs time to adjust, its a lot to take in."

You nod simply before getting ready for the show.

Justin was midway through his last song of the night. You danced and gave it your all, afraid that it was your last.

Suddenly, the music stops.

You stop dancing as you look at the other dancers confused and wondering if you should keep going. You watch as Justin adjusts his mic before centering himself on stage.

"Hey guys...." Justin says and the crowd goes wild causing you to chuckle. "Change of plans tonight I want to dedicate this show not just to you guys but to my girlfriend aswell...." he says as he turns to look at you, the crowd erupts into "aw's" and excitement. You look at him shocked but you show him a smile to show your appreciation. He takes a while before speaking up. "Horrible news came up and my reaction wasn't the best nor was it supportive, I was angry, hurt and bitter." His voice was shaky and he kept looking at the floor. "Now I just want to do something special for her, so before the show I had help from my amazing friends and crew to put up this tribute video of Y/N it took a long time but every part is worth it... I hope while I play this tribut I hope you keep a small place for Y/N in your prayers and she needs all your love and support tonight. I know you may all be wondering what the hell is going on? That's for Y/N to personally tell you guys when she's ready but all I'm asking is to pray for her and for your moral support". Justin turns around towards you and smiles. "So babe do you mind joining me over here?" The crowd goes crazy and you can't help but smile, you let out a few laughs before heading towards him.

You suddenly hear the music to "Be Alright" one of your all time favourites begin to play. You felt tears streaming down your face but this time they were happy tears.

Justin begins to sing and you cant' help but melt at the sound of his voice. As he sings, he would wipe away your tears, hold your hand and pretend to dance with you on stage causing you to laugh.

He then turns you around to watch the video and it just made you cry more as you watch your closest friends and family giving you motivation to keep fighting.

"Everything's gonna be alright...." Justin sings the last few words before pulling you in a hug. The crowd erupts into screams once more. You whisper in his ear "thank you" before hugging him back tighter.

As the screams die down you both pull away, but Justin grabs your hands.

"I love you and nothing's going to keep us apart not even what you're going through right now. You're not alone baby, I promise".

You gently grab Justin's face before pulling him in for a kiss.

"I love you Jay....thank you."

Fuck cancer.

Requested by @yoshieeperez

Enjoy! Send me your requests!!

#justin bieber #justin drew bieber #justin bieber imagine #justin bieber imagines #justin bieber au text #justin bieber au meme #justin bieber au #justin bieber drabble #justin bieber fake text

[ptcawarenesschallenge]

The Untold Stories of the Lady With PTC Part 1: Preface

The Untold Stories of the Lady with PTC Part 1: The Diagnosis

Preface: Family Background: A little background of my family is that I was the youngest out of three. I was also the only girl. So everyone knows that I was spoiled going up. I was spoiled as in I had my own room. I also had alot of toys that I probably barely even played with. A special tribute to my daddy: I was told that I was always daddy’s little girl. Unfortunately, I do not remember those times. 🙁 My dad is now in heaven, watching over me! Your “boo boo” will always ❤️ you! Now as a twenty-eight year old beautiful, independent, young woman, ( the nickname boo boo is very embarrassing. ) 😳 I always love ❤️ to listen the song “Father can you hear” because I feel like you and God are both both my side each and everyday. Now back to the story: Being the youngest and the only girl, I felt like I never had any lead way to do anyway. On the other hand, those brothers of mine got away with any and everything. 🙄 To this current day, I still believe they can get away with any and everything and still be considered 👵 grandma’s favorite/(the families favorites!) That makes me so jealous at times. 😂 I have joked about this for quote sometime, but I really feel that it is true! I always said that my brother’s treat me like a step child because they always said I was too young to hang with them. Wait what!! 🤔 We are only four years apart. Granted my brothers always had a different bond because they were only “sixteen months” apart. I will save that story for any chapter in my blog book. Of course, there is my mom and grandmother who I love dearly. I pretty sure that they love me so much that they would give everything that they have just to make sure that I was happy and taken care of. My family always showed me tough love and I believe that is how I got to where I am now. I felt like tough love is not always good, but I felt like I heard more negatives then positives when it came to gliding me along the right path. That has made me verbally damaged. I pretty sure that alot of Black families go through this as well. I did not get it! I always recieved good grades in school and I was even managed to stay on the honor roll but I felt like I barely heard that good job that I needed to hear. I knew my family was proud, but I felt like I never heard those words. I heard those words like one. Smh! 🤦‍♂️ 🎥🎥Ok! Fast forward into time to when I was seventeen years old. He was my first love or so I thought he was until I got 🤰🏽. I was all googly eyes 😍 for him.This story must be told and if you keep reading, you will find out why. We meet each other at a common workplace. Do not get me wrong, I am happy that we meant but I guess things happen for a reason. If this blog does find both of my old loves hands, I hope not to offend anyone. This story must be told and if you keep reading, you will find out why. In my heart, ❤️ I knew that I did not want to have babies until I was ready. So I decided to go on birth control. I was on birth control for a while. I was on birth control for about four years. The brands of birth control that I was on was known as seasonique, and loestrin. (I believe this is how my Pseudotumor Cerebri occured.) Loestrin was a generic brand and seasonique was not. On prescriptions, they talk about your possible symptoms, but they never say Oh!! By the way, if you continue to take this medicine then you will get Psuedotumor Cerebri. Of course, if that occured then I would of stopped the medcine earlier on. Noone ever want to be that person who continually in and out of hospitals and is doing bad. My mom story keeps me going and pushes me. It reminds me that I do not want to be in a similar predicament. Before, I went on birth control I was in completely good healthy and no allergies unless it was when I have a reaction to fake earrings and b12 vitimin. The symptoms that I had on birth control was known as the weight gain, mood swings, and I also would make me eat alot more even if I was not hungrey. Birth control is to regulate periods,but I never had an issue to regulate my period. Some lawyers, believe that taking birth control is the cause of Psuedotumor Cerebri but there is not enough strong evidence. ( I was hoping a lawyer took on the challenge and took on my case to find out if birth control was related. They say they take cases like if you have taken the Mirena, Deep-o-vera, and other birth controls just not the ones that I took. I feel that that is the world can do to compensate me for all of my PTC troubles. I assume no one cares enough to take my case. Psuedotumor Cerebri is seen in females who are overweight, but I was always a little thicker than others. I just learned to be use to it and to embrace my figure. 🎥🎥 Fast forward some time, the time is now: Prom Night: 💃🏽🕴🏽💃🏽🕴🏽 Prom was fun! Prom was a night to remember. Something happened after prom. I went back to his house. Definitely know, what happened after that! 🙀😮🙀 🎥🎥Fast forward about four months later, I was now eighteen years old, because it was the summer of 2006, It was almost time for me to pack up and drive away to college. From reading prior, because I was the only girl and the youngest I always felt like my family always treated me like I was a child. As I got older I always felt like I was a child stuck in a woman’s body. Or at least that is how I was treated. As a result of being treated in such a manor my intentions for college were to get away and go far away from home! 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️ I wanted and needed to get away as fast as I could. So, I attended a school in Maryland. Maryland was not that far for my family or myself, it was about three and a half hours away. I ❤️loved it down there! The scenery was nice. The school that I went to was in a secluded area. For my first year, I lived in a dorm room. In my room, I had a room-mate and two other suite mates in which we shared the bathroom. Back to my love life: I wind up falling in love with a guy who went to college near me. I literally stayed with him all the time. It was like we were joined at the hip, but it was not all peaches 🍑 and cream so I wind up writing a book about it. ( I wanted to publish short story but I never got the chance to, and if you are interested in reading it please let me know.) Meanwhile, I knew that back home I still had a boyfriend. He completely turned me away from him. He would call me all the time and several times during the day. I am pretty sure that he meant well, but at the time I felt like he didn’t trust me. Sometimes, I would say I was busy and I will call you back, but he wind up calling me before I could even. I begin to slowly fall out of him with him. So I begin to live my life and enjoy Maryland. I was not doing anything bad or extreme, I just did not like the fact of being smothered. Meanwhile, in Maryland I am gaining weight! I thought it was nothing but the Freshman fifteen. For those who do not know what that is during your first year of college you begin to gain at least fifteen pounds or more. So the boyfriend, tells me no this is definitely more than just the freshman fifteen. You need to go take a pregnancy test! So one of those days I wind up going to the health service office. I found out that I was 🤰🏽. To most new mothers this news is exciting, but this news for me was that I was scared shitless. All I knew was that I could not tell anyone! Not even my mom. So being unknowledgeable at the time, I thought the baby was current boyfriend, but months down the line he confronted me and said the time frame, just did not add up. I was not trying to make him somebody’s daddy that he was not, I clearly did not know. My parents never had the conversation about the “birds and the bees” to me. I had to go along and experimence for myself in order for me to know. The second person I told was other boyfriend. When I confronted him about it, he was happy 😊 but then told me he was not ready. I also asked, if he remember ejactulating inside and his answer was Yes! 🤦‍♀️ If I knew that in a timely manner, I felt like all of this could of prevented but it was not. He did not really have a good job, so he did not give me money for the procedure at the time. Boyfriend was willing to support and give me money, but if I took his money I would of felt bad because the child was not his. So , the next person I had to turn to was my mom. I felt like she knew already because she was the type of mom to be like I had a dream about “fish” was it you. So i am like no! It was not me! It was around christmas and it was time to go back home. I knew I could not hide this away from my family because it was getting to the point it was hard harding it. I also always wore tight clohes, so that did not help as well. Before I came home, I told my mom she knew, but she was very disappointed in me. So my mom did her research and found a place for this procedure. When I knew that my heart shattered into pieces. This was not suppose to happy to me because I was suppose to wait to have children until I was marriaged. My grandmother knew as well because she noticed I had put on alot of weight. I told her it was nothing to worrry about it was just the freshman fifteen. Oh no! I could not tell my grandmother, that would of been like shattering two hearts at the same time. My grandmother was like my mother, but one hundred times worse. She was also very old fashion. So having a baby at eighteen would not have been an option for my grandmother. 🎥🎥Fast forward to day it was time for the procedure: I do not remember much but I remember taking medicine. The nurses begin to talk to me while I was on the operating table.I remember being scared. No one was in there with me, just the doctors. My mom waited outside for me. I hated my ex for this, because he did not even have the decentcy to come along for the support. What a jerk! The doctors told me that this was a risky surgery and that basically the baby was alive inside of me. 😳😭 As a result, of the doctor saying that, sometimes I believe thats how I got Psuedotumor Cerebri as well. I have not been able to find research about that. Years have passed by, and one day my mom told me that the place that I went was shutdown. At the time, I hated myself, for doing this because I allowed my mom to make my decision for me. I wanted to keep the baby. At the same token, if I was going to keep this baby I was not allowed to stay under her roof. I did not have much money, and staying in college was very important to me. I did not want my child to live that life. If I was able to afford it, I would of raised that child without a dad. Now, I am able to write and talk about it, so that goes to show me that I came along way. I was finally able to find myself and make decisions for me. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I use to have a bad habit and allow others to manipulate my decisions. Sratching my eyes and if I was waking up from a dream! It was not a dream, the last thing I remember was waking up and seeing all of the bed near my cherry tree and all on the sheets and covers. 🍒 It took a while to recover mentally, but I had recovered just fine physically. I always thought 💭 to myself that I would be able to have another baby ever again. The sad thing is that the place did not even let me know where my whereabouts of the child would be. This was very hurtful. I am grateful that through all it all, I am very strong. Through all it all, I can stay that I am very blessed. Through all it all I can say that I have always been a warrior.

#pseudotumorcerebri #pseudotumorcerebriawareness #intracranial pressure #intracranialhypertension #imawarrior #intracranialidiopathichypertension #chronic illness #survivor #multiple sclerosis #spoon theory #support #psuedotumor

[veratro-blog]

Really  LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.     RULES.  repost, don’t reblog !!     TAGGED.  no one in particular.    TAGGING. @oceanxcbeauty @wingsofhubris @seafled @saecris @canisbitch && anyone else that wants to do it.

BASICS.

FULL  NAME : Night Hellebore NICKNAME :  Nuit AGE :  18 BIRTHDAY :  November 20 ETHNIC  GROUP : Mistralian NATIONALITY :   Mistralian LANGUAGE / S* : Remnant’s equivalent of English. He knows the basics of French and a few Latin words.  SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  homosexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :   biromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :   taken by Ebene Darwitch nearer the end of his first year at Beacon, and single by the end and onward. SOCIOECONOMIC CLASS :   lower class HOMETOWN / AREA :   Mistral CURRENT  HOME :   Beacon PROFESSION : hunter in training

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : black messy nest of long hair with a blue tinted fringe. EYES :  dull grey NOSE : regular. FACE : smooth and averagely sized, not much definition on the cheekbones. LIPS :  pale regular. COMPLEXION : fair skinned. BLEMISHES : none. SCARS : light scars on knee and a small burn mark on his left hand thumb. TATTOOS :  right arm shoulder and chest with an abstract image of a panther running through a field of stars, which are a specific constellation that Night finds pretty. HEIGHT : 6′  WEIGHT : 140 lbs BUILD : Slight, with some lean muscle. NOTABLE FEATURES : A panther tail, dark black fur. ALLERGIES : bullshit USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  insanely messy and all over the place, typical bed head look but styled to look that way. Long fringe and slightly shorter sides. USUAL  FACE  LOOK : content. Doesn’t have resting bitch face. USUAL CLOTHING : sleeveless hoodie cut diagonally across and separated into black and white, with the hood being black. Black slim fit jeans and similarly coloured combat boots don his lower half. As for accessories, he wears a thin chain around his neck that connects to a vial filled with lavender petals, and when not wearing his weapon he wears several bracelets. On his jeans, a chain stretches across and around his right side and carries vials of dust usually.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : Nyx’s nightmares. The effects of Nyx’s Nightmares has been known to cause shell shock in the most damaged people’s minds, Night worries that if one day Nyx needs to use Night as part of his semblance, the fear he would experience would be incomparable to anything he’d ever experienced before. Also, the middle of the ocean, open spaces. ASPIRATION / S :  to find someone who he can share his life with in comfort, without the pain of the real world. To be with his brother forever and to have a lot of close friends. He wishes to be talented and respected alike, and wants to better himself as a hunter in order to achieve the respect he feels he deserves. POSITIVE  TRAITS :  academically intelligent, optimistic, patient, loving, tolerant, good listener, modest. NEGATIVE  TRAITS :  quick to judge, lazy, defeatist, doesn’t stand up for himself, poor memory. MBTI :   ENFP-T (campaigner) ZODIAC :   scorpio TEMPEREMENT :  phlegmatic SOUL  TYPE / S :  hunter, caregiver, thinker ANIMALS :  swan VICE  HABIT / S : stress smoking, fidgeting, incapability to sit still, clicking fingers randomly..

FAITH : atheist. GHOSTS ? :   yes. AFTERLIFE ? :   no. REINCARNATION ? :  maybe. ALIENS ? :  definitely yes. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  he hates politics. ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE : he does fine as is with minimum wage job considering he’s a faunus and all. SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION : n/a EDUCATION  LEVEL : Hunter in training.

FAMILY.

FATHER :   Jaime Erebus MOTHER :   Lavender Hellebore SIBLINGS :   Nyx Hellebore EXTENDED  FAMILY :   Paternal grandparents and large extended family in Vale, maternal cousin in Mistral. NAME  MEANING / S :  Night, the colour of the sky, and Hellebore, a flower representing scandal and calumny.. HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? : Bagheera the panther from the Jungle Book.

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  he never liked reading as a kid, he struggled to maintain focus. The only book he’s ever really read is the book of the language of flowers. MOVIE : superhero films are the one for him. And anything to do with space too. 5  SONGS : Jet Black Heart, RUN, Missing You, A Sky Full Of Stars, Work For It.

DEITY :  he wishes. HOLIDAY :  Remnants equivalent of Christmas/Easter/New Year. MONTH :   November SEASON :   Autumn PLACE :   Mistral, where his mother is buried beneath a great willow tree. WEATHER :   clear skies and no breeze. SOUND :  bird song. SCENT / S :  lavender. TASTE / S :   profiteroles. FEEL / S : Ebene’s jumper. ANIMAL / S :   felines.  NUMBER :   3. COLORS :  midnight blue.

EXTRA.

TALENTS :   fighting, leadership, balance, flexibility, agility, moderate artistic capability, guitar, piano, singing, emphasising with others, comforting others BAD  AT :  directions, taking heavy hits, inspiring others, arguing, stopping himself from thirsting over hot dudes, commitment, forgetting where he puts things. TURN  ONS : everything. TURN  OFFS : intimidatingly huge people.  HOBBIES :   flower arranging, performing musically, running. TROPES :  panther stereotypes, lonesome likes to climb trees and lazy.  AESTHETIC  TAGS :  midnight blue, smoke, night, black, dark,  QUOTES : (1) “ Now, now. I know how you feel. But you must remember, Mowgli. Greater love hath no one than he who lays down his life for his friend.” - Bagheera (2) “ This is the law of the jungle it's old and it's true as the sky And the wolf that should keep it may prosper but the wolf who will break it must die. For the strength of the pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the pack.” - Bagheera & others 

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC / S : Jong Won Jin ALT  FC / S :  Sadao Maou OLDER  FC / S : N/A YOUNGER  FC / S :   N/A VOICE  CLAIM / S : Lu Han GENDERBENT  FC / S :  N/A

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ? A1 :  A movie similar in style to Final Fantasy XV: Kingsglaive mixed with Harry Potter, with things happening fairly fast and being rather beautiful and showing off all the magic of this world before it turns dark and transforms from light hearted to desperate and fast as the movie or movie series continues.

Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ? A2 :  I love the soundtrack for Doctor Who, so maybe something along those lines for the first half of Night’s story, which then transitions into something much darker and heavier as the going gets tougher.

Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ? A3 :  It was actually in like year 10, when I was about 14 me and my friend started watching RWBY and we made up ourselves a bunch of teams and it was just for fun as we created weapons and stuff and used our elements that we discovered on an online test and were really proud of as semblances for these characters. We then morphed a bunch of our other friends into characters and soon we had 3 teams of 4. And at the time we were just sorta throwing ideas around about RWBY and stuff until one day I decide to write a story about these characters and my friend was kinda pressuring me into putting us into story form and at first I was like, yeah it’ll be cool, but I soon realised I wanted something more serious than that, and rewrote every single character and only maintained some of the major traits. I didn’t want to feel like I was writing a story about them so I changed their names their personalities and their backgrounds and carried on. Then it came to tumblr roleplaying and I decided that in order to develop Night, the oc I based off of myself at first, I needed to make him as different to me as possible. And tumblr is really helping me do that, now I don’t feel trapped in this mindset where I feel like I’m writing in some vain perspective about myself, and Night has become an entity separate to me but still close to me, and I feel a lot more freedom to change him into something greater.

Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ? A4 :  I’m just incredibly proud of him. The backstory I’ve created for him has taken me almost a year to formulate, and I’m still not quite 100% certain on the details, but I think for what it is currently it deserves some credit.

Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse. A5 :   I think the biggest thing I disliked originally was how self insert Night felt. Now though, after I’ve changed him up a whole lot, that isn’t an issue, so I suppose the biggest thing now is how uninspiring he is. Like I don’t really write him as much of a leader despite being one, but maybe that’s just him being lazy. I’m not really sure.

Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ? A6 :   Now? Not much apart from some elements of the backstory. I chose to do that because I think it’d be easier to write a character going through similar things to what I’ve gone through. Other than that, probably our patience and tolerance. 

Q7 :  how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ? A7 :  “awkward, and terrible at breaking habits.”

Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ? A8 :   Nyx, his brother, as they have a strange sibling relationship. Timber Wolfe, his closest friend and wisest person Night knows, but she’s got the mind of a 27 year old. 

Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ? A9 :   every oc blog I see on tumblr. 

Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ? A10 :   two days lmao.

[keywestlou]

CORONAVIRUS ENVELOPING US.....BLACKER BY THE DAY

Never have I seen anything move as swiftly as coronavirus. Dr. Fauci warned yesterday it would get even worse over the next 10 days. I believe him.

The virus is affecting every phase of our lives.

An example is a dear lady friend who resides in another State. She had called me. “I’m afraid,” she said. She is a widow. Has some money and stocks. Cash in the bank a little over $200,000. Value of stocks, who knows anymore.

What do I do, Louis?

I suggested she take all her money out of the bank. Not to hoard it. Buy gold. The stocks I had no judgment on. She said her husband said never sell when the market goes down because it always comes back.

My thought was she should not follow her husband’s advice. We are heading for a 1929 market. She would be dead before the stocks bounced back. Sell and buy gold.

I pressed her to get her money out of the bank swiftly. People are going to begin runs on their banks. The banks will not have sufficient monies to pay off everyone.

She called me later yesterday. She called her bank and asked to have her money ready in cash. She was coming down to close out her accounts. She was told the earliest the bank could have her money available was next wednesday. A major bank.

Those of you reading, do not follow my thoughts. I am not an economist. My only claim to some minimal knowledge is I am 84 and have experienced many things in my life.

Which now brings me to the stock market.

The market was down 1,400 points at close yesterday. Opened this morning already 1,600 points down. At 11:30 this morning, the market was down more than 2,000 points.

With everything closing down, it ain’t going to come back fast!

My yesterday. Blog in the morning. Reworked a part of Growing Up Italian early afternoon. Napped 3 hours later in afternoon.

It was supposed to be Shana Key for dinner last night with Susan. she begged off. Monday was supposed to be dinner with another charming lady who also backed off.

I’m doing good!

I’m beginning to wonder if my age has anything to do with it. None are in their 80’s. They are in less danger than I to acquire the virus. Whatever.

My evening turned out to be a good one. Watched Syracuse play North Carolina in the ACC Tournament. Syracuse destroyed North Carolina 81-53. It was a no competition game for Syracuse.

The amusing part of this tale is that North Carolina demolished Syracuse 2 weeks ago 92-79.

It’s Syracuse/Louisville tonight. I will remain home to watch.

The ACC announced after last night’s game that fans will not be permitted to any further games. A “limited fan policy” has been instituted. A mere handful of visitors will come through the doors. Family and friends.

Coronavirus being felt again.

Trump sits in the hot seat these days. He has heavy decisions to make. All with far reaching consequences.

Is he capable? I do not believe he is.

He did an Oval Office presentation to the nation last night. I assumed to reveal how he was going to handle the crisis from this point forward.

He was totally unimpressive. Totally depressed me.

A couple of solutions suggested which would, per his usual custom, aid the wealthy and screw the poor.

Paid leave. Trump would fund it with a “payroll tax holiday.” Intended to put a “pay check” in a worker’s pocket while he/she remains home because of he virus, to care for someone with the virus, etc.

The payroll tax is 12.4 percent. Sole purpose to pay Social Security benefits. One half paid by the employer, the other half by the employee.

If the employee is self employed, the employee pays the full 12.4 percent.

The reasoning behind eliminating the payroll tax is that it leaves more “disposable income” in people’s hands. They will spend more money, thereby stimulating the economy.

Two negatives involved.

First, the rich will benefit more. They earn more. They will have significantly more disposable income than ordinary persons.

An example of more for the rich and less for the poor.

The second reason even worse. Money will not go into the Social Security account for a long period. Such threatens future retiree benefits. They will be much less than anticipated. Could also affect present retirees. Many need that check, no matter how small. At some point, check amounts will of necessity have to drop.

Washington always wants to cut Social Security. Trump included. It was a mere 2 weeks ago he said at a rally he would not cut Social Security and Medicare. He would protect those benefits for the American people.

Certain businesses are struggling. No question about it. More will be also. Just as the American people themselves will be.

Trump wants to “bailout” certain businesses. Just like we bailed out the auto industry and banks.

The man is a pig, however. One of the industries he wants to bail out are the hotels. Is he mad! He who may still have a financial interest in some or all of his hotel empire. His children own the Trump hotel industry with or without him.

Then there is the oil industry.

Coronasvirus has nothing to do with oil and gas producers. Zip!

The industry is in trouble because of a Russia/Saudi Arabia oil war. Trump’s “friend” Putin behind the war. He hopes it will ultimately adverse the U.S. shale oil industry.

It already is doing so. America’s shale oil industry is and has been heavily debted. A bailout is need. Trump wants to use the virus as an excuse to bail out the shale oil people.

One of he hardest hit companies is Continental Resources. Owned by Harold Hamm. A Trump supporter and also an adviser to Trump on energy issues.

Some additional coronavirus irems.

American movie star Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson tested positive.

They are in Australia. They went for pre-production work for the movie Elvis Presley. Hanks will play Presley’s long time manager Colonel Tom Parker.

Hanks said he and Rita “felt a bit tired, like we had colds, and some body aches. Rita…..chills…..came and went. Slight fevers too……tested for coronavirus, and were found to be positive.”

Hanks said they would follow protocol, be tested, observed, and isolated for as long as public health and safety requires. “We’ll keep the world posted and updated.”

The last sentence may be one of the greatest practical help to all. Hearing first hand from a person we all respect and admire he and his wife’s experiences with the virus.

Google has sent its staff home. All 120,000 of them. They are to work from home.

Princess Cruises announced it has ceased sailing for 60 days.

Dr. Anthony Fauci a medical great. An infectious disease expert. Respected by all. Perhaps not Trump.

He is Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.

He reported yesterday before a Congressional Committee that coronavirus is 10 times more lethal than the seasonal flu.

I was a professional. I expected my clients to listen to me.

My life experience as a lawyer has trained me to listen to doctors. I do to the letter what I am told.

I sense based on their advice that this 84 year old man should spend more time in house rather than out on the town. I will. I have already begun storing food and other necessities. I expect a huge supply of Pruell any day. Even ordered plastic gloves.

N95 face masks difficult to obtain. A 1-2 month wait. Supposedly a friend was going to get me some. I am still waiting.

What I am trying to say is I will be spending more time in the house rather than out.

Must entertain myself in some fashion.

Recall Irma and Me. Well, there is going to be a Coronavirus and Me. Beginning with yesterday. Diary fashion. Not my blog reprinted.

Eventually to be published. Assuming the virus does not kill me.

Enjoy your day!

CORONAVIRUS ENVELOPING US…..BLACKER BY THE DAY was originally published on Key West Lou

[lunaelumens]

“Starfetched. I get it. Like starcrossed and farfetched. Which I guess is kinda what most people hooking up are.”

The angel stood in a small clearing, naked and half-naked trees reaching into a yawning canopy above him. A warm sunlight trickled through what leaves remained, interrupted intermittently by a cool, wispy breeze. He’d never heard of this part of the Nevernever before, nor the reigning high Sidhe - though upon looking around for more than a minute, it became abundantly clear that Edea was the queen of the short-lived, often chilly, midseason court. The ruling fae of Autumn. Wild.

“Both destined to be, and unlikely so. To be Starfetched is entirely an act of fate. To imagine that anyone could find someone they are truly meant to be with, crossing hundreds of miles or oceans or traversing the many realms to do so… It is truly something.” She was taller than Cath - then again, most were - and, like most in this realm, possessed an unnatural, almost feline-like grace. Her hair spun in spirals down to the small of her back, bits of leaves and other natural debris arranged in it more artfully than one might expect.

Cath nodded slowly in reply. “Yeah, it really is. Something. But it’s why I’m here. I’m requesting a… what should I call it. A reading? I couldn’t translate some of the writings on the process. I wanna get the deets on my relationship with him. We’re ready to take it to the next level.”

“It would appear as though you have already taken to the idea without our influence,” she mused, lips the colour of dead Autumn leaves curling ever so slightly at their corners, gesturing at his left hand. Cath knew at once she was motioning towards the ring Kay had given him. Well, the troll certainly had gotten his wish of wanting anyone that saw it to think ‘Wow, that fellow sure is engaged.’ Hastily, the angel clenched his fist, slicing the air in a ‘cut the shit’ motion with his other hand.

“You know as well as I do what it means.” Anger swelled, a sour taste on his tongue. “Like I’d be able to set foot inside a house of worship without being smited where I stood.” The determination in his expression faltered. “...Smited? Smote? Is ‘smote’ a word?” His bitterness melted into momentary confusion, his penchant for getting sidetracked brought out in full force by the general hazy and confuddling atmosphere of the Nevernever. Edea only giggled, shoulders bouncing, curled locks of fire engine red hair spilling over her shoulders as she did so.

“But your mind has been made up,” she offered, gliding closer to him. “The pair of you are set to be wed by any means, what ever would a reading tell you that you don’t already know?”

To this, Cath’s stance dropped; his shoulders lowering as he thought about it. Really, not much. He’d had his fears worked over by Kay often enough to be sure about this, assured beyond all shadow of a doubt that this was what they wanted. But… Beyond… all shadow of a doubt…? He chewed his lip gently, eyes never leaving the shifting pools of weathered copper the fae watched him through. “If I’m right. We’re - if we’re right. For each other, I guess.” Showing any kind of weakness before a fae was generally a really stupid idea, but he couldn’t - Cath had to be sure. If the powers in his life that ruled over most everything he knew and believed could give him some firm insight, he was hoping the last of the dying embers of doubt would grow cold, and just let him enjoy what had been gifted to him. This life, this love. He had to be sure.

“I’ve read it can do that. Prove that what we have is… Is worthy of being joined as one. It isn’t the same as being married, but it’s the closest thing something like me is gonna be able to get.” He did his best to recall up the notes he’d taken, not wanting to deface Daud’s book. (Even though he deserved to have a few dicks drawn in it. The motherfucker.) “And if I pass the test, we’re allowed the ceremony.”

In his heart, he knew Kay deserved more. Always the wedding planner, never the star. But the fae could put on one hell of a shindig, and maybe, lost in the beauty that the fae (despite being treacherous, nasty, vile, nasty, evil creatures) could produce, he might forgive Cath for being unable to give him what he truly deserved. “And,” he began again, lifting his chin once more, sticking out his chest just a little bit, “it’s the one thing you’re not allowed to bargain for. This is a freebie to those that seek it.” Knowledge was something powerful to the fae, something they had in spades, and they were never ones to give it freely. The Starfetched reading, however, was different. It was something the fae themselves had personal interest in, and it was how lore of married fae couples came to be. Humans, most of the time, had a very basic understanding of the bond magical beings shared - simply put, Titania and Oberon were married. No convoluted reading or ceremony required. It was beyond what patience they had to look beyond the label to find out what was really going on there.

He almost expected Edea to give him lip over it, but instead those lips stretched into a leonine grin. “You are correct,” she acquiesced with a bow of her head. “We are not required nor encouraged to seek payment for this service.” Though her eyes glittered as her head lifted again. “It is taxing enough on those who experience it.”

The angel swallowed. He hadn’t taken into consideration the reading might be dangerous in some way. Hell, it might kill him. The book hadn’t talked about the risks involved, it had only outlined the basic practice. Fae were nigh indestructible, save a severe allergy to cold iron. Reflexively, he touched the heart-shaped ring of his collar. Pseudo outsiders, however… Well. Shit. Kay couldn’t get hitched to a quivering pile of ectoplasmic goo, or a lump of smouldering feathers. But Cath was determined to see it through. “This will be the first time anyone of your ilk has attempted this reading.” There was almost something savage in her tone, though he could not place it. “Should you survive it, I daresay having witnessed it would be payment enough.”

Scared of fae as he was, Cath was not one to give into intimidation tactics. “Then you’ll have witnessed something no other fae has seen, yeah. So, let’s get to it. Enough chat. I hate being here and I gotta say I’m not too keen on you either.” The fae’s look took on a bit more ice, but the smile didn’t fade. “And for some reason you’re the only one in this dump that can do it.” He tilted his head a little. “Why?” Generally, fae didn’t give knowledge without something in return, but they sure did love talking about themselves.

“As seasons change, the summer and winter courts are at a mutual weakness. For a very brief period of time, I am in power. That power also happens to coincide with Samhain. The spirit world and the mortal world brush closest, and the barriers wear thin. Who better to deal with matters of the spirit, soul, and heart than someone in my position?” Said with no small amount of smugness, Cath noted. She certainly seemed to be more than willing to toot her own horn. But he had to give her some credit, no one else would ever really consider the fact of a smaller court in the fae realm. Hell, this was all news to him. But her logic was frustratingly sound. Not like he was jumping out of his skin to talk to the other ladies or queens about this, or anything, either. He liked them right where they were. None the wiser. Though he was sure that once this was completed, word would travel fast. There was nothing he could do about that.

“...Have you ever been in love, Edea?” The angel asked suddenly, his own voice taking on a tone much softer than he’d had initially, losing much of the edge and normal vitriol reserved for this place. “I mean like. The real thing.”

That seemed to strike some kind of chord, and the fae queen glanced away momentarily. “While it is not irregular for us here in the Nevernever to find ourselves in such a situation, It has never happened to myself.” She sounded… Sad, almost. Far be it from Cath to actually feel sympathy or pity for things that existed here, but he found his brows knitting gently.

“It’s because no one can do this for you, isn’t it.” He shifted his weight uneasily as the realization came to him. “No one can perform this rite, this.. seance, this ceremony for you. So you can’t even know if what you feel, if you’ve ever felt anything, can be considered true.” A little ‘huh’ sound left him. “That sucks a big fat one for you.”

Whatever he was expecting from her, it was not a laugh - one neither filled with anger nor malice, or anything negative directed towards him. It was still sharp and all edges, but it was a genuine laugh. “You’ve picked up quite the colourful tongue from living amongst humans, dear Shachath. It is no wonder that love has ailed you so.”

His face screwed up a little at that. Ailed him, huh. There may have been a reason it was called ‘lovesick’. He hadn’t considered it until now. He’d done a lot of things for this love. Faced some of his greatest fears, even, without even thinking of being repaid for his actions. He’d just done them, just like that, because doing it would help someone he loved. Very dearly, at that. Someone he’d do anything for.

Very, very briefly, he wondered if Edea - or the Sidhe in general, had people they knew like that. Their very state of being operated on a different level entirely, but Titania and Oberon were together. He was at least reasonably certain other creatures of the Nevernever could court and find love, too. But how far did their affections stretch? He found he could just as easily imagine Titania waxing poetic about her husband as he could imagine her ripping his throat out over a something as tame as what to have for dinner. But then again, as he’d learned, even the faerie queens were mortal once.

“Maybe it has ailed me. I dunno. But… I do know that I want it to work out. And your little ritual thingy will tell me if it can.”

“Child, no matter what the reading tells you, you’re going to keep doing what you’re doing anyway.” Her tone chided him slightly, though she made no further presses to dissuade him.

“You’re fucking right I am.” Reading tea leaves or tossing sand in a circle could tell him no more than what he felt in his heart. Even if it told him they weren’t… Starfetched, they weren’t soulmates, they weren’t some other form of word that essentially meant they belonged together, right now, they did. They were together right now, and however long it lasted was all that mattered to him. Even if it did scare him a little. He’d spent so long feeling temporary, just a placeholder for the next iteration of him to come along. Many, many versions of himself had come and gone. 26 - almost 27, now - years strong in this form had him… Antsy. He knew it was highly unlikely he’d go anywhere this time, but that ever-present fear lingered. Had he changed enough to be good for this? Had he changed at all?

And then there was still the whole fact that he might not survive the reading. Knowledge was a powerful thing, especially to the fae. It was probably their most valuable asset, and their strongest bargaining chip. Knowledge could make or break someone. Topple cities. End civilizations. Maybe, just maybe, his pathetic little human slash bird brain just wasn’t equipped to handle what vast knowledge Edea was going to forcefully shove into it. Maybe he’d survive. Maybe it’d drive him mad. Maybe that danger was the real reason the service was “free”. Nothing was free. He knew better than that.

Yet here he was.

For a long few minutes Edea regarded him with little more than amused boredom, watching the angel process things. His choice was obvious, even to him - though he didn’t want to seem all too eager to jump into bed with her. Metaphorically speaking. Eventually he nodded, sighing, letting his arms drop to his sides. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s do it.”

Almost instantly, complete and total darkness engulfed him, and he let out a startled cry - stumbling on nothing and falling flat on his ass with a hard thud. It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that he hated complete darkness, though through his scrambled thoughts he couldn’t think of any reason why she’d be doing this to him. It set his heart racing, and it was only moments after that he felt an icy vice grip on his arm. Another sound left him as four pinpricks of pain blossomed from his bicep, sending a numbing chill through him. An instant later he was dizzy, struggling to free himself as the dimness around him faded - like a lone fluorescent bulb slowly bathing a room as it warmed up.

“The fuck,” he managed, free arm coming to support himself on the ground, eyes adjusting. The forest was exactly as it had been moments ago, and Edea herself was standing a few feet away. Her look suggested that of watching a child tucker itself out through a tantrum, and to fit the bill Cath scowled at her. “What the fuck was that for?” Eyes raked around again for some sort of answer, and he realized that it was perhaps an enchantment to blind him momentarily, rather than bathe everything in darkness. Which, of course, scared him more than anything: Edea hadn’t said a word, or made any move to do so. She’d simply willed him blind and it had happened. He quietly filed her under yet another ‘Fae to not fuck with’.

“It is very foolish of you to think that just because you are here to partake in this that you can handle it as you are,” she upbraided, removing a number of things he couldn’t quite focus on from somewhere behind a tree stump. “To put it simply, I’ve drugged you. An altered consciousness is required to… partake in this. I know you don’t use your brain quite so often, Shachath, but unlocking some extra rooms among those grey matter folds is necessary.” She tutted then, shaking her head. “Humans are so unfortunate.”

He really couldn’t argue, all things considered. Humans were unfortunate, and he had read something at some point about brain functionality being limited in a completely sober state. But this wasn’t like any drug he’d ever been on before. He mostly just felt dizzy, awake and sleepy all at the same time, like he was straining to focus on something that may or may not have been there. “So you had to scare the shit out of me first?”

“Blood flow quickens with the pulse, does it not? At least that is what I’m led to believe.” She sounded uncertain for a moment, and Cath had to wonder, briefly, what exactly made up the biology of a fae. But even still, he rolled his eyes and grunted in annoyance.

“Couldn’t you just have dropped a porn mag in my lap or something?”

At that, he actually got a scowl from Edea. “Ezra Shachath,” she began in a tone meant to deride children, “and you’re here to prove your love, too.”

Unable to help his uneasy grin, it faded quickly with a sigh. So, she’d made him blind to drug him, and scared the shit out of him to make it quick. He really didn’t like where this was heading, but it was probably a decent testament to her character that she hadn’t done anything else to him. For now. That could change in an instant.

Edea continued gathering her things, Cath watching in dazed silence as the forest spun gently around him. He counted his lucky stars that the drug he’d been given wasn’t doing much more than making him acutely aware of everything around him… It could have been a lot worse. And he’d bet dollars to donuts it wasn’t just some piddly human drug, either. Fae shit was dangerous. Strong. The stuff he made was comparable but at least it wasn’t ever considered deadly.

A figurative age passed by before Edea had settled in front of him, kneeling at a shallow table she’d set up between them. A large, completely smooth stone about the size of a post card but oval shaped sat on a what looked to be something like a dinner plate. The notion made him giggle, suddenly and uncontrollably, rocking back on his hands as the sound turned into a belly laugh. “It’s like. It’s like. You’re serving it up to me. Where’s the knife and fork? Lemme just cut a slice.” He didn’t see Edea roll her eyes, but he could practically hear it, and it only made him laugh harder.

When his laughter finally subsided, he sighed, wiping tears from his eyes. Hoo. Okay. He was calm. He could focus. Which he did. To the best of his abilities. Several stones had been placed around the plate (teehee), varying colours and sizes, all seeming important while appearing innocuous at the same time. She held her hands, palm up, an inch or so above the table, looking at him almost expectantly. “Your hands, Shachath.”

He hesitated, but eventually laid his own hands on hers with his palms down. It made him twitch, feeling the connection between them link suddenly. Some part of him knew that was just the drugs, but another part swore up and down it was fae magic bullshit. “Okay. Not what?” Impatient. High on fae drugs. He wanted to get this done and go.

“Close your eyes and focus on the stone before you in your mind. Take in a deep breath, let it out slowly, and count to ten.”

When he opened his eyes, he was greeted to being assaulted on every front and every sense with… everything. He could see so much, almost too much - he understood what Edea meant about needing to unlock more of his brain very suddenly. It was as if he was watching a hundred, thousand, impossibly more than that movies at once. All of them showing him Kay, and himself.

But things were… different. In one of the visions, they were meeting by chance, one of them having missed a train. The vision culminated to them in a coffee shop some time later, confessing their feelings. In another, Cath was a private investigator trying to prove Kay innocent of a crime. Unsurprisingly, they fell in love. In another still, the angel, merely a human here, was the lone cause of a zombie apocalypse, and Kay was the only person immune to his deadly influence.

There were too many to keep track of, but somehow he managed to watch them all, all at once, from start to finish. Cath sang karaoke. Kay was a prince, and Cath his knight. In one they were both angels. In most, they ended up hooking up in one way or another, happy and in love. For every one time they didn’t, a dozen other scenarios came up to soothe the heartbreak Cath felt in their instances. It was surreal. It was bizarre. It was almost too much to handle and the meek part of his bird brain that had squawked ‘It must be the drugs!!’ was saying the same thing again here. Unbeknownst to him, his nose had started to bleed, and he was breathing fairly heavily. Though his brain dutifully ignored the peasantry that was his semi-mortal body, plodding on with the task it had been given by the fae. He couldn’t stop watching. He wasn’t even sure he’d blinked in the past however long it had been. Every vision he saw was simultaneously over in an instant and took an eternity to complete.

It was a nightmare. It was hell.

It was so, so beautiful.

He didn’t remember collapsing, or how long it had been since the reading had started. His recollections were choppy at best, of Edea picking him up and sliding the stone into his hoodie pocket, now an almost impossibly deep shade of black. The forest around them seemed to melt as his consciousness slipped, mumbling incongruently to no one as darkness aggressively swamped his vision.

The home Edea found herself in was exactly that - a home. She felt a significant portion of her power dissolve as she crossed through the Way just to deliver the fallen angel back peacefully, though it bothered her little. She’d traced his origin point rather simply, and felt it maybe necessary to chide him at a later date for making himself so easy to find. At the bedside, she noted the sleeping figure already occupying the large bed. That… must be the one this had all been for. Fascinating. He seemed quite normal from this vantage, far more normal than someone she’d peg Shachath to be interested in. He always seemed so… Flighty, for lack of a better term. Not the kind to settle down in any sense of the word. Hum.

Silently, she placed the KO’d fallen onto the bed, moving to lower herself to a sit next to the other sleeping figure. He seemed strange, from this angle; like nothing she’d seen before. Maybe he wasn’t as normal as she’d initially thought. Though her curiosity got the better of her - a hand gently reached out, placing itself on his forehead (between horns, no less) and closing her eyes.

In an instant, she was standing no more than four feet from him, looking around and taking inventory of the sight.

“Well,” she said, tone loud enough to hear but not loud enough to disrupt, “this certainly isn’t what I’d been expecting.”

#[drabble for safe keeping]

[milenasanchezmk]

The Carnivore Diet: Pros, Cons, and Suggestions

All-meat diets are growing in popularity. There are the cryptocurrency carnivores. There’s the daughter of the ascendant Jordan B. Peterson, Mikhaila Peterson, who’s using a carnivorous diet to stave off a severe autoimmune disease that almost killed her as a child. The most prominent carnivore these days, Dr. Shawn Baker (who appears to eat only grilled ribeyes (at home) and burger patties (on the go), recently appeared on the Joe Rogan Experience and Robb Wolf’s podcast, and is always breaking world records on the rower. Tons of other folks are eating steak and little else—and loving it. There are Facebook groups and subreddits and Twitter subcultures devoted to carnivorous dieting.

What do I think?

I’m no carnivore. I love my Big Ass Salads, my avocados, my steamed broccoli dipped in butter. My blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries. My spoonful of coconut butter.

Yet, I get the appeal.

We’ve been eating meat for three million years. Its caloric-and-nutrient density allowed us to dispense with the large guts needed to digest fibrous plant matter and build massive, energy-hogging brains. There isn’t a traditional culture on Earth that wholly abstains or abstained from animal products. Nearly every human being who ever lived ate meat whenever he or she could get it.

Thus, meat appears to be the “baseline food” for humans. If you look past the cultural conditioning that tries to convince us that meat will give us heart disease, cancer, and diabetes, meat looks pretty damn good as a place to start.

The question is if it’s where we should stay exclusively…. 

All this said, I’m skeptical about the “steak and water” or “ground beef and water” diets of modern carnivory. Let me explain….

A Few Key Arguments For It (and My Feedback) “In its natural state, meat is relatively safe as far as toxins go.”

Animals can run and bite and claw and fly to get away from predators; most don’t need to employ any chemical warfare that causes problems when you eat the meat. Sure, allergies and intolerances can arise, like if you get bitten by the Lone Star tick and pick up a red meat allergy, but those are quite rare.

“Whereas plants’ phytonutrients are pesticides.”

This is technically true. They are toxins the plant produces to dissuade consumption by predators—toxins that the plants manufacture to maim, poison, kill, or even just make life uncomfortable for the animals who eat it.

But just as we can do with many other “harmful” inputs, we tend to treat plant phytonutrients as hormetic stressors that make us stronger, healthier, and more robust. 

There’s an upper limit, of course. And many of the phytonutrients have been primarily applied either to populations eating normal omnivorous, often downright unhealthy diets or to unhealthy subjects trying to improve a disease marker. As I’ve said before, there aren’t any real studies in healthy human carnivores, so we don’t know one way or the other whether the promising results of the extant studies apply to people eating only animal products. 

“Meat nutrients are highly bioavailable.”

The protein has all the amino acids we need to live and thrive. We readily absorb and utilize the vitamins and minerals in meat; they already come in “animal form,” requiring little to no conversion before we can start incorporating them into our physiology. Plant nutrients usually undergo a conversion process before humans can utilize them, and not every human has the same conversion capacity.

Some of those essential and/or helpful nutrients only occur in meat, like creatine, carnosine, vitamin B12. There’s literally no realistic way to obtain them without relying on supplementation, which didn’t exist until the last hundred years.

“Nutrient requirement studies don’t apply to us.”

I could see that. They haven’t tested the requirements for selenium, magnesium, and iodine on a zero-carb carnivorous diet. Do they go down? Can you therefore get by and thrive on lower intakes—the low levels found in muscle meat?

It’s a tough call.

It hasn’t been empirically tested. That’s true. It largely hasn’t undergone a series of RCTs. You can’t pull up a Cochrane meta-analysis of carnivore studies. All we really have are anecdotes.

I’m not disregarding the power or relevance of anecdotes and testimonials. Those are real. They’re not all suffering from a mass delusion. They’re not all lying. Peer-reviewed? No. Admissible in a scientific paper? Not unless you call it a case study. When you’re there in the room with someone pouring their heart out because something you wrote helped them drop 50 pounds and reclaim their lives, you don’t go “Yeah, but where are the clinical trials?” At some point, the weight of anecdotes adds up to something substantial, something suggestive. And hey, if it’s working for you, there’s no arguing that. 

But I can’t point to anything solid and totally objective in the research. Not yet anyway.

Still, any time you embark on a historically unprecedented way of eating, whether it’s pure muscle meat carnivore or vegan, you should be a little more careful about what you think you know. 

What Do We Know About Carnivory in Human History?

We don’t know if there have been any purely carnivorous human cultures. We haven’t found any yet, and you can’t prove a negative, so I won’t say “there were none.”

In all the best candidates so far, though, plants sneak into the diets. The Inuit actually utilized a wide variety of plant foods including berries, sea vegetables, lichens, and rhizomes. They made tea from pine needles, which are high in vitamin C and polyphenols.  The Sami of Finland, who primarily live off a low-carb, high-fat diet of meat, fish, and reindeer milk (I have to imagine that’s coming to Whole Foods soon), also gather wild plant foods, particularly berries and mushrooms (Finland’s forests produce 500 million kg of berries and over 2 billion kg of mushrooms each year!), sometimes even feeding their reindeer hallucinogenic mushrooms to produce psychoactive urine. The Maasai are known for their meat, milk, and blood diets, but they often traded for plant foods like bananas, yams, and taro, too, and they cooked their meat with anti-parasitic spices, drank bitter (read: tannin- and polyphenol-rich) herb tea on a regular basis, and used dozens of plants as medicines (PDF). Even Neanderthals used plants as food and medicine, we’re learning.

Even if we discover evidence of carnivory in human prehistory or in some extant group, the emerging science of genetic ancestral differences suggests that the habitual diets of our recent ancestors shapes the optimal diet for us today. If your close ancestors weren’t carnivores, you might not have the adaptations necessary to thrive on an all-meat diet.

Still, what about Vilhjamjur Stefansson, an Arctic explorer who came away very impressed with the native Inuit diet and underwent a series of studies on the effect of an all-meat diet in man? He and a colleague did great for over a year eating only meat. But Stefansson wasn’t eating ground beef. In his own words, he ate “steaks, chops, brains fried in bacon fat, boiled short-ribs, chicken, fish, liver, and bacon.” Definitely carnivorous. Definitely not just steak or ground beef, as many modern carnivores seem to be eating. All those “weird” cuts gave him critical micronutrients otherwise difficult to get from just steak.

How To Best Optimize a Carnivore Diet

While you won’t find me switching to the carnivore side, if I were to do a carnivorous diet, here’s how I’d try to optimize it (and why).

Take Magnesium

A recent paper showed that the majority of people following a “paleolithic ketogenic diet” with at least 70% of calories from animal foods and including offal had adequate serum magnesium levels. That’s a great start. But earlier studies show that serum magnesium may not be the definitive marker. A person can have normal serum levels but inadequate tissue levels—and in the tissues is where magnesium does its work. A person can have normal serum levels but still be deficient.

Eat Eggs

They’re not quite animals, but they contain everything you need to build a bird from scratch. That’s cool·—bite-sized whole animal.

Eat Liver

Liver is unabashedly animal flesh. It absolutely qualifies for a carnivorous diet. Loaded with choline, folate, vitamin A, copper, and iron, it’s nature’s most bioavailable multivitamin. There’s no reason not to include it. If you get your hands on some fish livers, you’ll get a ton of vitamin D along for the ride.

There’s frozen liver tabs, where people dice up liver into little chunks and swallow them hole.

There’s liver smoothies, where absolute savages blend raw liver and drink it. I know a guy who fixed severe iron deficiency by drinking raw chicken liver orange juice smoothies, with the vitamin C in OJ meant to enhance iron absorption.

Liver is also great sauteed with fish sauce, citrus, salt, pepper, and sesame oil. Do it quick, don’t overcook.

Eat Seafood

A few oysters, some mussels, a filet of wild sockeye salmon… You’ll get vitamin D, long-chained omega-3s (which tend to rare even in pastured ruminant flesh), selenium, iodine, copper, iron, manganese. Not every meal has to—or should— be a New York strip. 

Implement Intermittent Fasts On a Regular Basis

A constant influx of muscle meat will keep mTOR topped up. That’s great for muscle growth and general robustness. Just do something to stop the protein intake for a day or two to  lest you start fueling unwanted growths.

Treat Spices and Other Low/Non-Calorie Plant Foods As Medicinal Supplements That Don’t “Count”

All the nearly-carnivorous cultures we have good data on did similar things, using bitter herbs and barks and the like as supplements to their diets. You’re not getting calories from this stuff. You’re getting non-caloric compounds that provide health benefits.

Get the Best Quality Meat You Can Find and Afford

While I’m sure a diet of snare-caught hare, Alaskan elk, and choice sockeye salmon you wrest from the grasp of picky grizzlies poised over rivers preparing for a long winter would be ideal, it’s not necessary. Yes, grass-fed and -finished/pastured as well as organic are ideal, but do the best you can with what you have.

Use Bone Broth

It’s a great way to get collagen and the glycine it contains to balance out all the methionine you’re eating, especially if you’re doing the muscle meat-only thing and avoiding most gelatinous cuts of meat.  Make it yourself or buy. Collagen supplementation, of course, works here, too.

The carnivore diet isn’t for me. I like plants way too much. But I’m cautiously optimistic that it could work for more people than you’d expect, provided they heed as many of my suggestions as possible.

That’s it for me, folks. What about you? Have any experience eating a carnivorous diet? Interested in trying? Let me know what you know!

[fishermariawo]

The Carnivore Diet: Pros, Cons, and Suggestions

All-meat diets are growing in popularity. There are the cryptocurrency carnivores. There’s the daughter of the ascendant Jordan B. Peterson, Mikhaila Peterson, who’s using a carnivorous diet to stave off a severe autoimmune disease that almost killed her as a child. The most prominent carnivore these days, Dr. Shawn Baker (who appears to eat only grilled ribeyes (at home) and burger patties (on the go), recently appeared on the Joe Rogan Experience and Robb Wolf’s podcast, and is always breaking world records on the rower. Tons of other folks are eating steak and little else—and loving it. There are Facebook groups and subreddits and Twitter subcultures devoted to carnivorous dieting.

What do I think?

I’m no carnivore. I love my Big Ass Salads, my avocados, my steamed broccoli dipped in butter. My blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries. My spoonful of coconut butter.

Yet, I get the appeal.

We’ve been eating meat for three million years. Its caloric-and-nutrient density allowed us to dispense with the large guts needed to digest fibrous plant matter and build massive, energy-hogging brains. There isn’t a traditional culture on Earth that wholly abstains or abstained from animal products. Nearly every human being who ever lived ate meat whenever he or she could get it.

Thus, meat appears to be the “baseline food” for humans. If you look past the cultural conditioning that tries to convince us that meat will give us heart disease, cancer, and diabetes, meat looks pretty damn good as a place to start.

The question is if it’s where we should stay exclusively…. 

All this said, I’m skeptical about the “steak and water” or “ground beef and water” diets of modern carnivory. Let me explain….

A Few Key Arguments For It (and My Feedback) “In its natural state, meat is relatively safe as far as toxins go.”

Animals can run and bite and claw and fly to get away from predators; most don’t need to employ any chemical warfare that causes problems when you eat the meat. Sure, allergies and intolerances can arise, like if you get bitten by the Lone Star tick and pick up a red meat allergy, but those are quite rare.

“Whereas plants’ phytonutrients are pesticides.”

This is technically true. They are toxins the plant produces to dissuade consumption by predators—toxins that the plants manufacture to maim, poison, kill, or even just make life uncomfortable for the animals who eat it.

But just as we can do with many other “harmful” inputs, we tend to treat plant phytonutrients as hormetic stressors that make us stronger, healthier, and more robust. 

There’s an upper limit, of course. And many of the phytonutrients have been primarily applied either to populations eating normal omnivorous, often downright unhealthy diets or to unhealthy subjects trying to improve a disease marker. As I’ve said before, there aren’t any real studies in healthy human carnivores, so we don’t know one way or the other whether the promising results of the extant studies apply to people eating only animal products. 

“Meat nutrients are highly bioavailable.”

The protein has all the amino acids we need to live and thrive. We readily absorb and utilize the vitamins and minerals in meat; they already come in “animal form,” requiring little to no conversion before we can start incorporating them into our physiology. Plant nutrients usually undergo a conversion process before humans can utilize them, and not every human has the same conversion capacity.

Some of those essential and/or helpful nutrients only occur in meat, like creatine, carnosine, vitamin B12. There’s literally no realistic way to obtain them without relying on supplementation, which didn’t exist until the last hundred years.

“Nutrient requirement studies don’t apply to us.”

I could see that. They haven’t tested the requirements for selenium, magnesium, and iodine on a zero-carb carnivorous diet. Do they go down? Can you therefore get by and thrive on lower intakes—the low levels found in muscle meat?

It’s a tough call.

It hasn’t been empirically tested. That’s true. It largely hasn’t undergone a series of RCTs. You can’t pull up a Cochrane meta-analysis of carnivore studies. All we really have are anecdotes.

I’m not disregarding the power or relevance of anecdotes and testimonials. Those are real. They’re not all suffering from a mass delusion. They’re not all lying. Peer-reviewed? No. Admissible in a scientific paper? Not unless you call it a case study. When you’re there in the room with someone pouring their heart out because something you wrote helped them drop 50 pounds and reclaim their lives, you don’t go “Yeah, but where are the clinical trials?” At some point, the weight of anecdotes adds up to something substantial, something suggestive. And hey, if it’s working for you, there’s no arguing that. 

But I can’t point to anything solid and totally objective in the research. Not yet anyway.

Still, any time you embark on a historically unprecedented way of eating, whether it’s pure muscle meat carnivore or vegan, you should be a little more careful about what you think you know. 

What Do We Know About Carnivory in Human History?

We don’t know if there have been any purely carnivorous human cultures. We haven’t found any yet, and you can’t prove a negative, so I won’t say “there were none.”

In all the best candidates so far, though, plants sneak into the diets. The Inuit actually utilized a wide variety of plant foods including berries, sea vegetables, lichens, and rhizomes. They made tea from pine needles, which are high in vitamin C and polyphenols.  The Sami of Finland, who primarily live off a low-carb, high-fat diet of meat, fish, and reindeer milk (I have to imagine that’s coming to Whole Foods soon), also gather wild plant foods, particularly berries and mushrooms (Finland’s forests produce 500 million kg of berries and over 2 billion kg of mushrooms each year!), sometimes even feeding their reindeer hallucinogenic mushrooms to produce psychoactive urine. The Maasai are known for their meat, milk, and blood diets, but they often traded for plant foods like bananas, yams, and taro, too, and they cooked their meat with anti-parasitic spices, drank bitter (read: tannin- and polyphenol-rich) herb tea on a regular basis, and used dozens of plants as medicines (PDF). Even Neanderthals used plants as food and medicine, we’re learning.

Even if we discover evidence of carnivory in human prehistory or in some extant group, the emerging science of genetic ancestral differences suggests that the habitual diets of our recent ancestors shapes the optimal diet for us today. If your close ancestors weren’t carnivores, you might not have the adaptations necessary to thrive on an all-meat diet.

Still, what about Vilhjamjur Stefansson, an Arctic explorer who came away very impressed with the native Inuit diet and underwent a series of studies on the effect of an all-meat diet in man? He and a colleague did great for over a year eating only meat. But Stefansson wasn’t eating ground beef. In his own words, he ate “steaks, chops, brains fried in bacon fat, boiled short-ribs, chicken, fish, liver, and bacon.” Definitely carnivorous. Definitely not just steak or ground beef, as many modern carnivores seem to be eating. All those “weird” cuts gave him critical micronutrients otherwise difficult to get from just steak.

How To Best Optimize a Carnivore Diet

While you won’t find me switching to the carnivore side, if I were to do a carnivorous diet, here’s how I’d try to optimize it (and why).

Take Magnesium

A recent paper showed that the majority of people following a “paleolithic ketogenic diet” with at least 70% of calories from animal foods and including offal had adequate serum magnesium levels. That’s a great start. But earlier studies show that serum magnesium may not be the definitive marker. A person can have normal serum levels but inadequate tissue levels—and in the tissues is where magnesium does its work. A person can have normal serum levels but still be deficient.

Eat Eggs

They’re not quite animals, but they contain everything you need to build a bird from scratch. That’s cool·—bite-sized whole animal.

Eat Liver

Liver is unabashedly animal flesh. It absolutely qualifies for a carnivorous diet. Loaded with choline, folate, vitamin A, copper, and iron, it’s nature’s most bioavailable multivitamin. There’s no reason not to include it. If you get your hands on some fish livers, you’ll get a ton of vitamin D along for the ride.

There’s frozen liver tabs, where people dice up liver into little chunks and swallow them hole.

There’s liver smoothies, where absolute savages blend raw liver and drink it. I know a guy who fixed severe iron deficiency by drinking raw chicken liver orange juice smoothies, with the vitamin C in OJ meant to enhance iron absorption.

Liver is also great sauteed with fish sauce, citrus, salt, pepper, and sesame oil. Do it quick, don’t overcook.

Eat Seafood

A few oysters, some mussels, a filet of wild sockeye salmon… You’ll get vitamin D, long-chained omega-3s (which tend to rare even in pastured ruminant flesh), selenium, iodine, copper, iron, manganese. Not every meal has to—or should— be a New York strip. 

Implement Intermittent Fasts On a Regular Basis

A constant influx of muscle meat will keep mTOR topped up. That’s great for muscle growth and general robustness. Just do something to stop the protein intake for a day or two to  lest you start fueling unwanted growths.

Treat Spices and Other Low/Non-Calorie Plant Foods As Medicinal Supplements That Don’t “Count”

All the nearly-carnivorous cultures we have good data on did similar things, using bitter herbs and barks and the like as supplements to their diets. You’re not getting calories from this stuff. You’re getting non-caloric compounds that provide health benefits.

Get the Best Quality Meat You Can Find and Afford

While I’m sure a diet of snare-caught hare, Alaskan elk, and choice sockeye salmon you wrest from the grasp of picky grizzlies poised over rivers preparing for a long winter would be ideal, it’s not necessary. Yes, grass-fed and -finished/pastured as well as organic are ideal, but do the best you can with what you have.

Use Bone Broth

It’s a great way to get collagen and the glycine it contains to balance out all the methionine you’re eating, especially if you’re doing the muscle meat-only thing and avoiding most gelatinous cuts of meat.  Make it yourself or buy. Collagen supplementation, of course, works here, too.

The carnivore diet isn’t for me. I like plants way too much. But I’m cautiously optimistic that it could work for more people than you’d expect, provided they heed as many of my suggestions as possible.

That’s it for me, folks. What about you? Have any experience eating a carnivorous diet? Interested in trying? Let me know what you know!