#warning this is a vent? post? idk not really cuz i'm not sad nor do i need comfort and theres nothing for me to really vent about but

[salsflore]

#going back to school tmrw and i obviously have Feelings™️ abt that #warning this is a vent? post? idk not really cuz i'm not sad nor do i need comfort and theres nothing for me to really vent about but #well! i suppose you can just call it a way for me to talk about my feelings a little. but the way i am right now? i'm actually fine so if #anyone reads this then don't worry! ya know but. anyways this morning i woke up and overheard something i shouldntve #and for a moment (and what feels like the veryyy first time in my life) i considered if it was worth it to kms LOL a bit overdramatic right #to clarify i WOULD NEVER. i do not want to die but just! very briefly‚ i thought it’d be better if i did #(only for that short short short moment) did i consider if it was truly the best thing to do. like there was a possibility i really would #but i know i would never actually #and now i just wonder what i should do! i guess. like where do i go from here? what am i supposed to do to cope? #how do i get better? very obviously i don’t wanna get stuck in the same sad loop of self pity or anything! #so when therapy isn’t an option‚ and school (an unavoidable) seems to be 85% of the problem‚ what CAN i do if not just tolerate it? #what option is there for me? reach out to my friends? i feel like talking it out doesn’t do anything for me anymore #my calendar is littered with small events and reminders just so i can get by. when does it get better? where do i go from here because it #very much feels like i'm going to be stuck in this cycle forever. i know theres good intentions but i am Very tired of hearing #people say they're there for me and articles telling me to go outside and touch the flowers i! #i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i think i'm going to have to live with this feeling forever actually #but i really do want to get better. i suppose i just don’t know how #⠀mika’s chatroom !⠀