#w school again tho i think my motivation's gna return

[noxtivagus]

school starts again this week :')

#🌙.rambles #summer break went by so fast #w school again tho i think my motivation's gna return #i reallt do bad when i don't particularly focus on smth #focusing on school work i think i'll finally be able to manage other parts of my life better #a bit disappointed i couldn't get myself to do it all earlier but. there's no point in regretting the past #i'll keep my head high and continue onwards #it's still a bit lonely admittedly yes. i'm still wandering and lost but #all i know is that i must continue to believe in myself. but i just wish that #sigh. i don't know what to do at all. but i'll just continue to write what i can #i wish i just wish i could stop time for a moment. #that's. that's why all that mean so much to me huh? moments where it feels like time slows down #and i live in that moment. i am myself in that time #i have so much to do. so many dreams and ambitions #i won't let anything bring me down but i think. the weight's too heavy fr me to be able to properly continue looking n making my way forward #i should resolve this but i don't know how. hmm... no. i do know #but. no i can't. i shouldn't. it's better... it's better that i deal with is this way #maybe if i keep on telling myself that then. #fuck no i know this isn't right. i know this isn't what i want but. #this. is. for. the. best. #this is the path i've chosen and i'll walk it till the very end #i must forge on. this is a burden i must bear alone #i know this is a mistake but i don't care. for everyone's sake this has to be for the best #thinking on it i don't really think i'll be able to do this for long but #i have to be productive for fuck's sake #i know what i want i know a better way that includes being kind to myself but fuck #i don't deserve that. i never have and never will #but then deep down i also know that's false because... all these people in my life exist. #and then the cycle of thought repeats and continues its contradictions #and then i remember. i always remember... even if it hurts i'll never forget