#update: slept 3 more hrs. had breakfast. now i'm waiting for something to be delivered but after that: shower. mandatory

[theforgottendaydreamer]

tw for op's dangerously irresponsible drinking habits!! i'm a bad example!! i drink the pain away!! don't do this!!

...

so. i just came to after THE most disastrous night. i was hurting. told my friends i needed a drink. purposefully drank way too much, talked about my ex and sex-related traumas to some unifriends, came out as trans to my bff, made it home in one piece god knows how, napped for like an hour with coat and shoes still on and keys still in my hand, then got horribly sick, forced myself to make toast and drink water, got sick again, forced myself to make more toast and drink more water, peed like fifteen times, and woke up like half an hour ago at five something in the morning with toast on the bed? i thought i'd eaten it all? but there is a slice of plain toast on the mattress. phone's battery at 6%, heart coming out of my ass, stomach all fucked up. and my head is fucking killing me. like i don't think i've ever drank this much before. i got home at like 9 pm which means i haven't touched alcohol since 8 and that was over 9 hrs ago. i don't think that my head's still supposed to spin, not after i had water and toast multiple times. i can't even take shit for it because i'm not going to fucking die mixing alcohol and meds. although i think i threw up most of it? anyway. this is like- my new low. unsurprisingly, i'm hurting even more now.

#i feel like i need to throw up again but maybe it's just bc my head hurts #gonna finish the mysterious toast. get up. pee again. drink some water. brush my teeth.-> #-> then sleep again until the construction workers on my balcony wake me up #which will happen in huh 2 hrs circa #alcohol tw #alcohol cw #i think this counts as a suicide attempt. that was my intention yesterday. now i just wanna sleep. not suicidal atm #delete later #jason todd would not be proud #update: slept 3 more hrs. had breakfast. now i'm waiting for something to be delivered but after that: shower. mandatory #also my headache is tolerable. nothing a liter of water can't fix