#this hasn't been happening as often. bc we're on vacation and i don't see people as ofyen

[avisisisis]

i love being that one friend with a very chaotic personality that gives horrible advice on purpose (then gives some actually good advice) and offers to murder people for you but i also. would like to be taken more seriously. in a "please stop using me as just comedy i am a real person and don't find the jokes you make at my expense (is that the word?) funny" way

#this hasn't been happening as often. bc we're on vacation and i don't see people as ofyen #i like to stay home. i love my home. and i love the loudness of my family but not the loudness of the rest of the world yk?? #but uh #today my friend came to my house #and she has this joke #it's basically about how my siblings are “basically blessed by aphrodite” while i'm. ugly. compared to them #and just ugly in general #she doesn't say ugly but she does imply it. how does she do it?? by pointing out every fucking flaw my face has #“haha your head is egg shaped” #“lol you have a big forehead” #“you look like you have one big eyebrow!” #“your eye bags make you look like a raccoon” #<- this one hit me. harder than others bc like. that's smth ik and it's smth i'm trying to work on #i'm like this because i don't sleep much and because i spend too much time with my phone #i'm like this because i eat too much when i'm not even hungry and i refuse to exercise #and i'm trying to WORK ON IT. #and she just. laughs. at the consequences of all the stuff that's been actually harming me #and i KNOW that i should talk to her about this but HOW #how tf do i do that #it's not a “i don't want to lose her” thing it's more of a “i don't want any more conflict” #my 2022 and my 2023 have been so full of fights and just. pure negativity #and it was all bc of my friends. bc they're toxic and too stupid to see that they're wrong sometimes #and everytime i talked to one of them they would tell me more about the drama between them and some of my other friends and i HATED it sm #i'm flooding the tags w this cause it's. idk i wouldn't want it to be the first thing ppl see if they find this post #also i need to go to sleep it's almost 4am #avis talks #vent