#they said it couldn't be done and yet francis and i exist everyday

[existentially-yibo]

Happy Birthday rabbitcrimes!

In honor of my sweet roommate dedicating their latest fic to me I am memorializing the horrible platonic wangxian fic I wrote about us based on a dream I had about our lives together/our jobs -- they are Lan Wangji and I am Wei Wuxian in this fic, and also unfortunately in like everything that we do. I wrote this in like one hour and it is indeed supposed to be bad -- I swear I can write better than this. This fic was a part of a 24 page zine about us and how we are Platonic Wangxian. I had to modify the format of it to get it to post on tumblr so it somehow looks even MORE stupid, but yeah lol here she is. Happy belated Birthday @rabbitcrimes sorry for putting this on the internet 🐰🤡

                       PLATONIC WANGXIAN MODERN AU:

                            The One Thousand Dollar Day

Most days, Wei Wuxian wakes up later than Lan Wangji — unless he just hasn’t gone to sleep yet — particularly on days when they both work. These are objectively the worst days. Not only for the audacity that both of them have to work, but also because their work schedules overlap so that on these days, they inevitably miss each other. Lan Wangji leaves before Wei Wuxian wakes, Wei Wuxian leaves before Lan Wangji returns, Wei Wuxian finally returns after Lan Wangji has fallen asleep. It’s horrible. 

They may live together and are in constant communication both via their individual messages, messaging in the 4+ group chats they are both in, and the endless stream of pornographic content they share with each other on various media platforms; AND YET, when they  don’t see each other for 24 hours, it IS a tragedy akin to the fall of Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian, often stuck in baby-girl mode is very clingy, and will send work selfies to ensure that Lan Wangji doesn’t forget what he looks like, and that he is a snacc.

On this, the day our story takes place, the day has thus far… sucked. Bitches in the bookstore are really trying Lan Wangji’s patience, which is un-fortchy not an uncommon occurrence. Lan Wangji, perfect boy that he is, is responsible for every single inch of that bookstore, including physically holding up the wall beams in his big strong hands so that the ceiling stays up while the silly little patrons walk around and talk about how they all go to art school. Lan Wangji has also read every book that has ever been written, and  still just smiles and nods when people ask him things like if he’s heard of the greatest book ever written: “Infinite Jest.”

Things are even worse for Wei Wuxian, as he has just rolled over in bed like a beached seal and remembered that he, a good person, ALSO has to go to work. The fact that they live in a four person household and only they go to work is honestly insane . And yet, EVERYDAY (insert quote about everyday meaning everyday) BOTH Toast and Juno stay home making no money and committing crimes. Double guilty!!

Alas, nothing to be done. Wei Wuxian, still in bed, finishes the fic he fell asleep reading last night, sending Lan Wangji screen shots of the parts that make him wants to pull his teeth out with his bare hands, and then gets up to feed his screaming son.

The two of them fall into their daily routine — Lan Wangji at the bookstore, Wei Wuxian prepping for a night at the club — all the while messaging back and forth. It’s comfortable, comforting, the easy stream of thoughts, jokes, and little updates they haven’t yet told each other. Though they are not snugglin’ in one of their beds, or screaming in their living room, they are together in the homey space they’ve made between their phones. Wei Wuxian pauses midway through putting in his extensions to smile at a message and respond to the very correct take that Lan Wangji has sent him about their blorbos, tagging on one of his overly used memes, and then goes back to his hair. His days are easier when they’re sprinkled with Lan Wangji like this. He takes a moment to collect himself and not go little bitch mode about how he has found a family and made a home.

By 4:00 P.M. Wei Wuxian has complained at least twelve times about going to work, every time Lan Wangji patiently and sincerely telling him that it is indeed not fair, cruel and unusual, frankly insane. He walks to the train blasting UNIQ and for the umpteenth time texts Lan Wangji “this song is so bad,” and then, “it does kinda bang tho.”

At work, he flirts with men to scam them out of money, living out the plot to started from the bottom / now I’m rich, except instead of murder it is acquisition of dollars (he is never sure if he is disappointed by the money over murder outcome). Lan Wangji finally gets home to their horrible children. On breaks, Wei Wuxian skips up to the locker room and checks his messages, there are memes and videos in a few of their shared group chats, and a photo sent by Lan Wangji of Juno curled up like a little angel on his bed. Wei Wuxian smiles, and hears himself getting called for stage. He heart reacts to the Juno pic and asks Lan Wangji how the rest of his day went.

The rest of the night goes by fast and busy, and Wei Wuxian doesn’t have time to check his phone. He twirls his hair and pretends to be interested when men tell him about bitcoin, or that they’re “not like other guys” because they “like to travel,” all the while thinking about gay porn.

On his way home, he reads a very pleased message from Lan Wangji that the store had a thousand dollar day, despite the season. Wei Wuxian beams for him. It’s 4:30 A.M. when he gets home and goes through his nightly routine: texting Lan Wangji as he’s coming in so he doesn’t worry, quietly closing his door to not wake him while he takes his make up off and makes ramen, then falls asleep as the sun comes up.

Later, Wei Wuxian wakes to the sound of the electric kettle. He picks up his purple felt Crown Royal bag and counts his cash from last night to the familiar sounds of Lan Wangji making tea in the kitchen, gently talking to Juno about getting her breakfast ready. Wei Wuxian’s face breaks out into a huge smile as he counts over a thousand dollars. Unable to contain his glee he enters into the kitchen, giving Lan Wangji a devilish look, which takes him by surprise and he laughs. Wei Wuxian loves walking into a room and making Lan Wangji laugh with just a face that makes mischief music play in their heads.

They fist bump over their shared thousand dollar days, and Wei Wuxian giddily brings out the cash so that he can show Lan Wangji the thick stack of hundreds and twenties. It’s Monday and they both have the day off. They’ll spend it reading quietly, or writing loudly, in the same room or separate rooms. It’s easy. Many things aren’t, but these days are.

“Let’s order Gorilla Sushi for dinner,” one of them thinks, as the other one says it out loud at the same time.

THE END!! 

#my fics! #wangxian #but platonic #they said it couldn't be done and yet francis and i exist everyday