#the struggle of finding one's place in an often hostile world as an unapologetically unique entity

[moggettt]

Murderbot has taken up permanent residence in my heart and soul, so here's a lovingly crafted playlist in its honor <3

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #martha wells #tmbd #playlist #attempting to cover themes like: #the rage fear and anxiety of a character who's been deeply hurt and suffered terrible trauma at the hands of others #the tentative cautious hope of a character experiencing kindness and compassion for the first time and beginning to slowly heal #the struggle of finding one's place in an often hostile world as an unapologetically unique entity #while simultaneously battling the internal fear that you're worth no more than what you were created to be #and more! #plus general good ol' fashioned anti-capitalism and scifi badassery #and an effort to maintain something of the series' dry humor and irreverent tone #murderbot diaries #Spotify

[aintjennyrous]

CHILDHOOD OF

DISCOVERY AND TRANSFORMATION

As a child, I often felt like I was living in a world that didn't quite understand me. From a young age, I had a sense that my gender identity didn't align with the expectations placed upon me. I was assigned a gender at birth, but deep down, I knew that it didn't fully capture who I was.Growing up, I felt afraid to express my true gender identity. I was worried about how others would react, fearful of being judged or rejected. Society's rigid gender norms felt like a cage, trapping me in a persona that didn't feel authentic. I felt like I was living a lie, pretending to be someone I was not.My fear of expressing my gender identity was not unfounded. I saw how society treated those who dared to defy gender norms, how they were often met with discrimination and hostility. I didn't want to face that kind of backlash, so I kept my true feelings hidden, burying them deep inside.Despite my fear, there were moments when my true gender identity would shine through. I remember feeling a sense of freedom and joy when I allowed myself to express who I truly was, even if it was just in private. Those moments were fleeting but powerful, affirming that my true self was valid and worthy of acceptance.As I grew older, my struggle with my gender identity intensified. I felt like I was living a double life, presenting one way to the world while concealing my true self. It was exhausting, and I longed to break free from the constraints of societal expectations.It wasn't until I began to explore my gender identity more deeply that I started to find a sense of peace. I learned about the concept of gender fluidity and realized that my gender identity was not fixed but fluid, allowing me to express myself in a way that felt authentic and true to who I was.

With this newfound understanding, I began to take small steps towards expressing my gender identity more openly. I started experimenting with my appearance, trying out different styles that felt more aligned with my true self. I also sought out communities and resources that offered support and validation for non-binary identities, helping me to feel less alone in my journey.The more I embraced my true gender identity, the more I began to feel a sense of wholeness and authenticity. I no longer felt like I was living a lie but rather living as my true self. I realized that my gender identity was not something to be ashamed of but something to celebrate, a unique aspect of who I am.But as I navigated through the ups and downs of adolescence, I began to realize that my true gender identity was not something to be afraid of, but something to embrace. I began to see that being true to myself was more important than conforming to societal expectations. I began to see that my gender identity was not a burden, but a gift, a part of what made me who I am.It was not an easy journey. There were times when I doubted myself, when I questioned whether I was making the right choice. But in the end i knew that I had to be true to myself no matter the cost.It wasn't until I found the courage to embrace my true gender identity that I began to feel a sense of peace. I realized that I didn't have to conform to society's expectations of who I should be. I didn't have to hide who I truly am to make others comfortable. I could be myself, unapologetically and authentically.

My journey of self-discovery and acceptance has been challenging, but incredibly rewarding. Along the way, I have learned so much about myself and the world around me. I have learned the importance of self-love and self-acceptance, and the power that comes from living your truth.I have also learned the importance of community and support. Finding others who have walked a similar path has been invaluable. Their guidance, understanding, and acceptance have helped me to feel less alone and more empowered to live my life authentically.To other young transgender individuals who may be struggling, know that you are not alone. It's okay to be scared, to be unsure of what the future holds. But know that there is a community of people who support you, who understand what you're going through, and who are here to help you along the way.Embrace who you are, love yourself fiercely, and never be afraid to live your truth. You are valid, you are worthy, and you deserve to live a life that is authentic and true to who you are.

Today, I am proud to say that I have embraced my true gender identity. I no longer fear expressing who I am, no longer hide behind a mask of conformity. I am who I am, and I am proud of that.My journey to self-discovery and acceptance has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I have learned that true happiness comes from being true to oneself, from embracing who you are, not who others want you to be.

To anyone out there who may be struggling with their gender identity, know that you are not alone. Know that it is okay to be afraid, but also know that it is okay to be yourself. Embrace who you are, and the rest will follow.

[her-culture]

Accents and the Game of Assimilation

Studying abroad is wonderful. You get to go immerse yourself in a new culture, experience a whole new side of the world, and ‘Eat Pray Love’ to your heart’s content. But do it for the entirety of your undergraduate career and your perception of it might change just a little. And by little, I mean a lot. The skies don’t seem as blue, classes don’t seem as new, and most importantly, people don’t seem as nice as they did during orientation week. 

As an international student, one is already subjected to many stereotypes about their intellectual capabilities, economic standing, and even personality. Overcoming these preconceived notions to establish one’s own identity in a new environment is a struggle on its own, but throw in perceptions based on accents to the mix and this is only amplified. International students are often subjected to microaggressions within and beyond the realm of academia, and while some of these might seem harmless on a superficial level (such as the good old fashioned ‘but your English is so good!’), they are ultimately detrimental to the psychological state of these students.

Microaggressions can be defined as “daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative prejudicial slights and insults toward any group, particularly culturally marginalized groups.” These acts are often products of internalized sentiments unknown to the individual themselves. For example, once last year, one of my friends very politely let me know I had an Indian accent. She said, “Sneha, I’m sorry, but you have an accent.” What seems as an empathetic statement here, was in fact, everything but that. I always knew I had an accent, but this was the first time I was made to notice it, and that made a world of difference. From this point onwards, I became overly-conscious of every sentence I spoke. Every syllable was policed and scrutinized before it left my mouth. I could see, -but pretended not to notice- the amused stares thrown my way whenever I pronounced something differently. All of these microaggressions got to my head to the point where I stopped talking. I stopped participating in class, stopped being assertive, and most importantly, stopped having a voice of my own and an identity I was proud of.

It wasn’t until I went back home for the summer that I really thought about what had happened. Why is it that one finds the European exchange student’s accent incredibly sexy but cringes at the Asian student trying to articulate their thoughts? Where are these biases rooted?  

I had let my desperation to assimilate override my culture, my history, and everything that mattered to me. I am someone who is very proud of where I come from and how I was raised. Being embarrassed of my accent would translate to me being ashamed of the wonderful childhood that my parents gave me, which is the farthest thing from the truth. 

Now, I am done trying. I am done mispronouncing my name so it sits better in someone else’s mouth. I am happy with the way words roll off my tongue since it is unique to my identity. I’m finally at a good place place with myself and I’m proud of the work I put in. My anecdote would be incomplete, however, if I did not mention all of my non-international friends as well as the sisters in my sorority who were wonderful allies. It is my story, but I am incredibly grateful that they played a part in shaping it. Here’s to all of us finding our support systems, growing and being unapologetically ourselves!