#the narrative of the story brushes all the truly awful shit away and pretends like it didnt happen

[empirecentury]

I still feel like things haven’t settled yet, which is going to bother me until it gets resolved. I wanted to say more about it earlier, but I wasn’t quite in the right frame of mind to do so. Therefore, I’ll elaborate my exact reasons on why I’ve decided our friendship should cease from existence, since you clearly didn’t quite understand the first time. 

First off, I’m not just “throwing you away,” because that implies that this was a spontaneous decision on part of my impulsiveness. This is not the case. In fact, I’m baffled that you hadn’t seen any of the warning signs. We’ve been at each other’s throats for a while, now, with each apology or explanation of our behaviors acting as some sort of band-aid slapped on the situation that never could actually the issue. This isn’t sudden, nor is it new, and we both are aware that, our friendship is rocky at best. We’re quick to snap on each other. Furthermore, there are a lot of small things you do that make me either uncomfortable or genuinely offended. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one; I’m sure you don’t even realize how out of line you are at times. 

For instance, the other day, when we were discussing the incompetence of the YIG chair members, and you immediately jumped on my case to insult me, relating that incompetence to how I was as a drum major? That was completely uncalled for, and not to mention really fucking mean? Like, my potential fallacies as a leader is one of my biggest insecurities, and for you to treat it as the butt of a shitty joke that nobody even laughed at was pretty distasteful. And this is just one issue, out of many that I suppose you’ve just brushed past like they were nothing. I’ve given you tons of chances, but every time you blew it. Every time you’ve found a way to insult me or degrade me or bring up shit from however many years ago for who-knows-what reason. And it’s usually just out of the blue, a casual occurrence because for some twisted reason you think it’s just /okay/ to treat me like that. And it’s not. 

Now I’m not saying that I don’t have faults, either, because I know I do, and I do whatever I can to make amends. I know I still have issues like a bit of a temper and the fact that I tend to run away from my problems, but I’m still learning and changing. And you’re changing, too. I could call you fake for being harsher than you were freshman year, fake for changing who you were in order to try and get me to like you (yes, I know about that), and fake for overall just being different from the kind of person you used to be. But y’see, I’m not like that. I understand that people are not obligated to bend to a set of personality traits that someone else established for them. Just because I’m different from how I was TWO YEARS AGO, does not in any way mean that I’m fake. (Which, by the way, I’d really appreciate you stopped slandering me as. It’s getting old, and isn’t even true.) 

Anyway, what I think is really low thing to do, is talking shit about me behind my back to one of my friends, and then trying to act like we’re friends the next day. To be specific, I’m talking about yesterday, when I told you, to your face, that I didn’t enjoy talking to you (if I was fake I would’ve pretended to be your friend, which I didn’t do, now did I?) Also, I heard what you said, about wanting to “hit me with a car” and et cetera when we were leaving the band room today. This was your response, to me saying one word, and not even in an aggressive tone, either. I said “nope”, and you decided that was grounds to cuss me out and threaten my life. It’s a little bit petty, if you ask me. Or, y’know, the guy you told that to. So now, when you ask me what you did to “warrant my hate”, I’ll tell you: It’s this bullshit. 

To tie the point I made earlier, about how I’m not just “tossing you away” to the point that people developing over time, I’ll give you this: Over time, you’ve grown to be a negative impact in my life and I’m just not going to deal with the stress and discomfort you bring. Sure, we were close before, and yeah, you’ve done me a lot of favors. But this wasn’t one-sided. I was your friend, too, and y’know what? I had you over at my house with the squad, and invited you to my fucking 16th birthday party, and don’t even try to tell me that you forgot all the times I was there for you, when you felt like shit and had nobody else to turn to. I really don’t appreciate you skewing the narrative into one where you’re this tragic nice-guy victim who ~gave his heart out to a girl who didn’t appreciate him~ and ended up being crushed. And I definitely don’t appreciate you spreading a biased story in order to either gain sympathy or frame me out to be the antagonist. I’m also aware that you’ve been leaving out important details of our little “arguments” in order to make yourself look better.

Furthermore, I don’t understand why you kept trying to maintain communication with me? It would’ve just been easier for both of us if you’d accepted the fact that I had to cut you off for my own personal well-being and mental stability. I’m not obligated to maintain a toxic friendship, and you aren’t entitled to my attention. Not because you were nice to me. Not because you were there for me. Not because you helped me out. 

Listen, I do those same things, to many people, but never will I act like they owe me shit just because I treated them with human decency. If I were to spend, even a hundred dollars on someone, but was an awful, draining person to be around, I would respect their decision to cut me off, because that’s just the right thing to do. If you truly care about someone, you’ll respect their decisions, especially if it’s necessary in order them to lead a better life.

I really don’t want us to end on bad terms. We had a good run, for the most part, and keeping up this dispute is immature and pointless. Neither of us are going to gain anything from constantly fighting with each other. Stress is definitely a valid factor, on my part in ending our friendship. I just don’t have the emotional capacity to resolve this issue. And frankly, I don’t want to. 

Just accept that I’m no longer going to be a part of your life, and move on.