#the boiling isles' space program is just luz on top of 50m metal tube wearing astronaut gear

[atomicblasphemy]

Brief essay on the magical properties of human anatomy and physiology

Augustus Porter

Human Appreciation Society’s Journal

Abstract: The recent events that took place at the conformatorium left the Boiling Isles’ population with a myriad of doubts. Although for most such doubts seem to concern the continuation of our social structure and a naive undervaluation of our glorious Emperor’s legitimacy on the throne, for the Empire’s scientific community the point of contingency is another. Namely, the paradigmatic shift in our understanding of the relationship between humans and the use of magic. In this essay I shall investigate where our past errors stem from and raise hypothesis that aim at fixing them. Those will regard both the differences in the anatomy and physiology of humans and witches as well as the some of our potential misconceptions regarding the nature of magic itself. Moreover, I shall offer a thesis according to which human are, indeed, inherently capable of wielding magic without the use of subterfuges such as Luz Noceda’s glyphs.

Introduction and methodology:

As the Mr. Porter reported on the battle taking place a few weeks ago between our glorious Emperor Bellos and Luz “The Human” Noceda, the academic communities in Bonosborough and all other major cities in the Isles scrambled to come to terms with the disruption of centuries of accumulated beliefs regarding our extra-dimensional neighbors. We knew of their existence through a scattered assortment of artifacts provenient of their realm, sightings of their kind in the Isles (which always were taken more as the stuff of legends than fact, a conception now under scrutiny), and tall tales of witches’ adventures in their exotic, foreign lands. Of the last source, it is of particular note the recent reports of one Ms. Clawthorne, normally taken by the academy as little more than indulgent fiction. Now however, any unfounded skepticism gains the contours of esoteric stubbornness and it is our duty as makers of knowledge to use of the utmost rigor in any further statements regarding human nature. Therefore, firstly we need to reexamine our previous beliefs regarding magic itself. In a gross oversimplification, those could be described as: witches are capable of wielding magic; humans are not as they do not posses the magic bile sack attacked to their hearts right atrium. In other words, we placed that particular part of witch anatomy as the beginning of the causal chain that leads one to be capable of casting spells and enchantments. However, seeing how Luz “The Human” Noceda (hereafter to be referred as the subject), was able to perform magic nonetheless, we are now forced to face the question of which truly is the nature of magic. That is to say: is magic a prerogative of witchkind or is it merely an pervasive part of our which our bodies developed to manipulate.

In order to properly investigate this problem and hopefully create a new paradigm our methodological approach should be twofold. The first moment can be called the speculative stage, consisting in the bibliographical research of what human medical and scientific literature is available to us and ostensive interviews with both the subjects herself as well as witches that are part of her social circle. As for bibliography, the majority of it was supplied by a source that wishes to remain anonymous due to the questionable legality of her distribution of said tomes. Those seem to, fortunately, be especially up to date and thorough. It is with great joy that I announce that, as of the time of writing, the tomes used for this paper are being cataloged by the Bonesborough library’s staff and should be available for reference by time of publication. As for the interviews, those have been carefully transcribed by Hexside’s Human Appreciation Society and are currently in the process of editing.

The second moment, which would only make sense once the findings of the speculative stage are made clear to the reader, can be deemed the experimental stage, consists in using the subject for testing the theories resulting from the speculative stage, be it in a passive or an active manner. By “passive experimentation” I merely mean the observation of her interactions with magic as she grows further acquainted with our world, growing to become part of it. The active testing would consist in guiding the subjects behavior, mostly in terms of her diet, in order to ascertain the validity or falsehood of the theories resulting from the speculative stage.

The validity of our statements about humans:

As it is know, the scientific endeavor and the validity of its statements depends on the available empirical evidence. In this sense, the first step is the mere observation and subsequent description of nature and it’s phenomena, only then one should feel confident enough as to identify patterns. Those patterns, if resulting from a large enough pool of observed phenomena should provide predictability to future phenomena as long as they have similar causes and happen under similar conditions as the ones observed prior, that is: the ones used for the identification and description of the aforementioned patters. Should those predictions prove true through experimentation in a controlled environment – that is, the manipulation of the causal relations that should result in the expected phenomenon – then we can be confident in the validity of our statements.

The seldom nature of our kind’s interaction with humans, however, renders any scientific method of this sort impossible. We simply have no access to a sufficient pool from which to obtain the necessary evidence. Thus we can only trust in testimony, legends and literature that made its way across dimensions. In this sense, however, the arrival of the subject in our lands is quite possibly the greatest breakthrough in the history of humanistic studies.

Background on magical and medical assumptions:

Tracing back centuries, the magic bile sack attached to a witch’s heart has been believed to be the main source of magical power. The apparent lack of such in human anatomy, which is in fact corroborated by human medical texts, being pointed as the culprit for their lack of magic. Therefore,  the role of  the magic bile sack has always been substantial in our understanding of witch physiology and of the nature of magic itself. Little process has been made over time, however, when it comes to our understanding of the nature of the contents of the bile sack, despite the best efforts of some of the greatest minds in both healing and potion making, the scientific community having to resign to speculation and the observation of the effects, rather than the causes. The common assumption, therefore, has always been that magic was something of a biochemical matter: the contents of the magic bile sack being metabolized by the witch’s body, thus producing magic.

This premise of magic’s purely bodily causes can no longer stand. After all, the evidence of an individual lacking the magic bile sack proves that magical feats are still possible whilst refuting that their origin stems from the caster’s body. Moreover, the use of glyphs, designs made in paper or other materials, as a form of both witches and humans casting magic shows that we can feel justified in believing that magic stems, instead from the environment. To quote the subject herself in one of the interviews: “magic is everywhere.” In other words, the glyphs seem to function as a form of conduit or magnet for the magic in the surrounding, thus turning it into the spell intended by the caster, loosely in accordance to the design made on what we can call the casting medium.

This pervasive nature of magic in the Boiling Isles, however, is still insufficient to explain the physiological function of the magic bile sack when it comes to magic wielding. After all, should that anatomical feature be irrelevant for such, the subject would not need to resort to her glyphs for wielding magic. However, we can no longer see it as a sine qua non condition for it either. Moreover, it raises a further, particularly poignant question as to what is the full extent of humans’ magical potential, if they can come to wield magic without the assistance of glyphs, wands, or staffs.

Before moving forward it is worth noting that since all accounts seem confirm the absence of manifestations of magic in the human realm, the causes for it are also likewise absent there. In other words, we can feel comfortable stating that magic itself is a particularity of this world.

Speculations on the magical bile sack:

If we are to assume the belief that magic stems from the Boiling Isles’ environment as valid, to which there seems to be no evidence on the contrary, then we have to divulged into the topic of the magic bile sack’s contents. As proven by observations in a number of necrotic investigations – a method humans seem to have a much firmer grasp on than ourselves, calling it by the name of autopsy –, the fluids therein do present a number of magical properties, being potentially usable for potion magic, although such practices are famously considered as taboo. However, no attempts at deconstructing it as to further understand it’s composition have been successful thus far. This could possibly be due to such contents being little more than a condensed form of the magical humours present in these Isles’ air, water, dirt and their respective product. That is to say: once the magic pervasive in the environment is absorbed into a witch’s, it is metabolized through the digestive and respiratory tracts, taken to the magical bile sack by the circulatory system wherein it becomes condensed and stored.

Being a species native to a land where magic is a feature would be, should one of humanity’s exponents be correct in his theory of evolution – by the name of Charles Darwin -, then further be cause for the magic bile sack’s peculiar placement in witch anatomy. By being next to the heart  it would be able to transfer the condensed magic to a part of the witch’s body through which magic can be properly cast. More often than the body part in question being the left hand, having a direct arterial connection to the heart. It is also worth noting that small, nearly imperceptible, canal like structures have been observed connecting the interior of the magic bile sack to the inside of the right atrium, thus lending further credence to the present hypothesis

However, those are but speculations hinging on even prior speculations. We cannot as of yet assess their validity. Experimentation should be conducted in order to it achieve such status.

Speculations on human anatomy and physiology:

A way for conducting such experiments would be by placing a test subject which lacks the magical bile sack in conditions that should ideally favor the accumulation of the, for lack of a better word, magical goo present in the magic bile sack. Should after sufficient time under such conditions the subjects starts displaying magical capacity associated with their bodies – that is, without the medium of objects such as glyphs, wands, or staffs - , then the theory proposed in the previous section is proven as valid. However, should merely this be enough we would be able to witness demons casting spells as a common occurrence. The test subject for the experiment should follow a particular condition: the presence of an anatomical feature that serves to clear function in their bodies. Demons lack any such feature, humans don’t.

In all the available human medical literature, it was possible to observe the presence, at the juncture of the small and large intestines, of a small protrusion, finger like in shape, that by all accounts has no known purpose in the human body. If the aforementioned human theory of evolution is to be believed, at some point in the development of humans as a species that feature did serve some unknown purpose. However, with the lack of a need for it, it atrophiated, eventually achieving its current status. The humans named it the appendix, and as per the subject’s testimony, a common human ailment, in particular in her own family, is something called appendicitis. To the best of this researcher’s knowledge, it consists in a potentially fatal inflammation on the appendix, leading to severe pain and demanding the surgical removal of that body part and subsequent treatment with some type of human medicine called “anti-biotics”.

Given how similar human and witch anatomy are in terms or organ distribution in the thorax and abdomen safe for those two particular features and the shape of the ears, we have no reason to discredit Darwin’s theory, further implying that there would be a common link between humans and witches. That is to say that, at some point, both species were capable of wielding magic, even if by differing means (as will be discussed further). At some point, however, this possibility was taken from humans by unknown circumstances. In other words: there is no reason for us to refute a priori humans potential for casting magic through their bodies; however, without further experimental evidence, we cannot yet wholeheartedly support such theories as of yet.

It is important for us to note as well the differences between the magic bile sack and the appendix. As previously stated, by being attached to the heart – that is, the core of the vascular system – the concentrated magic humour contained in the magic bile sack is allowed to travel through the witch’s whole body, especially the arm, thus allowing the caster a great amount of control over the outpouring of magic associated with each given spell. Given the position of the appendix however, such dexterity and autonomy over magic wielding is unlikely for humans. Being placed at the end of the digestive tract, the movements of the magic humours are likely to only be capable of following the anatomy of the bowels. In this researcher’s opinions, the most probable option is that the movement of magic, once leaving the appendix, is highly dependent on the movement of the digestive vapors, with the casting of magic being concomitant with the emanation of such gases. As for solid rejects, I do not dare speculate.1

As a further note on this hypothetical means of spell casting supposedly inherent to humans, it should be stated that, if witches and humans were at some point competing species, the lack of dexterity and precision in human’s magic casting would not present itself as disadvantageous. After all, considering how, following the theory on the environmental origins of magic from earlier, magic enters the body by being either inhaled, eaten or drank by a magic caster, that would mean that the trajectory between the absorption and the condensation and further storage of the magic goo would be much shorter in humans than it is in witches. Moreover, seeing how it would be stored in an organ associated with digestion, the condensation of magical humours into magical goo should happen more efficiently than in an organ such as the heart, allowing for a greater degree of purity. As a result, the spells cast by humans – it is unlikely that the imprecise character of this magical outlet would allow for complex operations such as enchantments – would have a notably larger amount of raw magical power imbued into it. As an illustration, the reader can think of the magic cast by witches as akin to a bow and arrow – precise, highly correlated to the individual caster’s prowess -, whereas magic cast by humans would more similar to a trebuchet – it will achieve it’s intended goal all while also causing significant collateral damage.

Experiment design:

As the reader most likely was already able to extrapolate, any testing of the hypothesis and theories stated here will demand that the testers induce as much consumption of, supposedly, magic imbued food and drinks on the subject. The reason for this approach is to heighten as much as possible the input of magical humours in the subjects body, thus accelerating the production of magical goo in the appendix. Fortunately, the subject seems to like our local cuisine and to also have a considerable appetite.

However, in order to avoid any nutritional dysfunctions on the subject due to neglect of some as of yet unknown particularity in humans’ dietary needs, a “human diet” should also be observed. Naturally our source of knowledge as to what a normal human meal consists of is the subject herself. As per her instructions efforts to replicate items such as “borgars”, “pizza”, “chicken tendies”2,, , and “Dr. Pepper” using inputs available in the Boiling Isles are, as of the time of writing, underway. However, under no circumstances should be allowed the consumption of milk or any dairy products.

A diet constructed around those two principles should be able to expedite the subject’s magical growth over a still unclear amount of time, thus allowing for meticulous observation, all while ensuring her well being and health. As the scenario progresses, updates on her condition should be submitted for publication in this very journal.

Conclusions:

As of now, we are admittedly afloat in a sea of speculations. The paradigmatic shifted brought about by the knowledge that humans are capable of casting some form of magic has forced us to reevaluate our understanding of the human species, their world, their culture, and what all of that means to witchkind. But more importantly if forced us to reconsider ourselves, what we know about our very world is now put into questioning, and we should not rush to the quickest answer in fear of the unknown. Instead, we should practice patience, allow time to offer us the much needed evidence   for the construction of a new, more sturdy foundations for our beliefs on our own world, our bodies, and reality itself. We live in exciting and interesting times indeed.

We have cause for optimism, however. But further speculations on this matter should only come accompanied by certainty on the premises.

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HOOT. Hooty, Hooty – Hoot, Hooty, ????AH

NOTES:

1 - As to not interfere with the experiments and not face backlash from the interviewees, other than the subject herself, it is asked of the reader to deny any attempts by the subject to gain access to the present paper. We urge the reader to show both scientific solidarity and sense of humor.

2 - It should be noted that the subject seemed particularly adamant as to the importance of this particular item, leading to the belief that these “chicken tendies” are vital for human subsistence.

#THE OWL HOUSE #gus porter #humans #charles darwin #nuclear warfare #canon luz is canon #as per the latest imperial edict milk is now a regulated substance #the boiling isles' space program is just luz on top of 50m metal tube wearing astronaut gear