#sure will be like. pretty Informative about billions overall if we wrap this shit up & rian's behavior has still gone unchallenged

[unproduciblesmackdown]

thinking of [thinking & talking of the rian & winston dynamic] while reading the short study article "“This Was Just How This Friendship Worked”: Experiences of Interpersonal Victimization Among Autistic Adults" as thinking & talking abt things re: winston billions has Been something of a framework / touchstone for doing so re: [autistic experiences] more broadly....from going "dare i say winston is Autistic" (yes) to "sure he's established as being in a duo with this coworker who's insulated as he's vulnerable & supported as he's undermined as an already unfavorable foundation to the dynamic, & then as it plays out we see it's unilateral, with winston being hurt on purpose onesidedly for fun or to push him to do (or not do) something, left to 'just roll with it' onesidedly after such treatment, put down including around other people, Only getting less hostile, more constructive treatment when & while that's what happens to be what rian feels like, Not when he feels like it, b/c that's what he feels like all the time & only gets sometimes just out of frame laughing too, all while the basis of this is rian doing what she wants at any point while winston can only respond "accordingly" and Put Up With It and be disappointed while having no real recourse but to possibly give up on the relationship entirely, which doesn't even necessarily extricate him from being used / bullied here....but what about 'i mean is it That Bad(tm)' and 'i mean but did the victim respond with perfect strategy' and 'i mean but does the person hurting/using them feel like they're justified & normal actually' (ofc they can & do any/all thee time" lol like. yes.

anyways and some fun banger quotes in general, as stated re: [of course this is also like, talking about Anything irl too]

Forster and Pearson5 asked autistic adults about their experiences of relationships and understanding of mate crime, which is a form of interpersonal victimization perpetrated by those considered friends (“mate” is a British slang term for friend).1,2 Participants outlined the challenges that they faced building genuine, reciprocal relationships and their experiences of victimization. They also spoke about their difficulties identifying unreasonable behavior from others, and heightened social compliance. These findings were consistent with previous research into relationships16–20 and peer victimization among autistic adults.6,21

Participants in this study also explicitly suggested that a personal relationship between the perpetrator and victim was more insidious than bullying alone, as it could make it harder to spot disingenuous behavior. This aligns with the suggestion made by disabled scholars that terming interpersonal victimization as “bullying” can make it appear “low level” in nature.22–24

The difficulty in identifying manipulative and implicit social intentions can be explained through the lens of the double empathy problem.25 The double empathy problem posits that differences in communication style can lead to mutual difficulties in understanding between interlocutors. Autistic adults have self-identified how these bidirectional breakdowns can lead to problems with reading below surface-level social intentions in other people, and have shared concerns over their potential for being manipulated.20,26 The double empathy problem helps to frame these concerns as an interaction between the person and context, as opposed to an innate vulnerability.27

[...]

Theme 2 drew together three subthemes, centered around how the participants perceived what had happened to them. They focused on their difficulty in trusting their instincts around what is acceptable social behavior, often giving others the benefit of the doubt at a detriment to their own needs. They also highlighted how difficult it could be to recognize victimization, and how they felt when they did not recognize it. Finally, the third theme focused on the notion of compliance and how it had pervaded their situation.

[...]

Questioning their own input had meant it had taken them time and support from others to process a situation, only recognizing later what had happened to them: “otherwise having peace and time to focus on myself and my other friends (as well as support from a few close friends), I soon recognised that both ‘friends' had been abusive towards me from nearly the beginning of our friendship” (P.15, man, 26).

[...]

Some participants said that they struggled to spot negative social intentions and identify abusive behavior (theme 2.2), or trust their own judgment about other people (theme 2.1), which is consistent with some previous research.26,51 Some of the participants seemed to blame themselves for not “spotting” the abuse while it occurred, labeling themselves as oblivious, however, a participant who did recognize that they were being manipulated during the situation itself also said it made them feel naive. It is worth noting that the ability to retrospectively identify abuse and the ability to spot abuse “in situ” are not the same, but that they may lead to the same emotional response.

[...]

Some participants said that they struggled to spot negative social intentions and identify abusive behavior (theme 2.2), or trust their own judgment about other people (theme 2.1), which is consistent with some previous research.26,51 Some of the participants seemed to blame themselves for not “spotting” the abuse while it occurred, labeling themselves as oblivious, however, a participant who did recognize that they were being manipulated during the situation itself also said it made them feel naive. It is worth noting that the ability to retrospectively identify abuse and the ability to spot abuse “in situ” are not the same, but that they may lead to the same emotional response.

There are also multiple factors that can affect both identifying abuse and knowing how to deal with it. First, the ability to pick up on often subtle signals exhibited by abusers, particularly in situations where coercion is used, requires knowledge about what a good healthy relationship looks like. Comments from some of our participants were indicative of victimization beginning early in childhood, perpetrated by parents and caregivers. Abuse from those who are meant to care for us and “know better” can impact on the ability to recognize unacceptable behavior in others later in life.52

Spotting these signals can also rely on not taking people at “face value,” and engaging in continuing reflection on what someone has said or done. For an autistic person who tends to be straightforward in their communication style and who says what they mean, it might not occur that someone they are interacting with is being disingenuous. This can be explained through the lens of the “double empathy problem.”25 The double empathy problem recognizes that difficulties in inferring the intentions of others do not need to be labeled as a social “deficit” or “one sided” to recognize its impact. It is important that we draw upon the double empathy problem to find ways of supporting people who feel they struggle with understanding social intentions without pathologizing this difficulty.

Second, identifying abuse can also be impacted by our perceptions of our own contribution to the situation. Several participants highlighted the experience of gaslighting and invalidation from perpetrators, and this had led some people to question their perception of the situation and blame themselves. This made it harder for them to recognize that what was happening was abusive, and to put a stop to it or leave the situation. Our findings did suggest that a good support network and time/guidance to introspect could be helpful in recognizing abuse.53 This is consistent with research showing the importance of peer support systems47,54 and suggests that it is important to support autistic people in developing good-quality relationships.18

Third, even if someone can identify abusive behavior, this does not always result in knowing what to do about it, or feeling like you have a choice to change the situation, which our findings around compliance (theme 2.3) highlighted. Some participants discussed feeling like they needed to appease perpetrators, or avoid confrontation, which is consistent with previous literature.5,21 However, this was not the only reason for compliance, and the circumstances that contributed toward it were often complex. Some participants complied out of recognition that it was the only way to maintain a semblance of safety within risky situations, for example, having to comply with the demands of others to avoid physical harm. For other participants, power dynamics were present that made the situation they were in more complicated, for example, the perpetrator was a family member.

[...]

A recent study examined the experience of trauma and PTSD symptoms in autistic adults, finding that the experience of “bullying” was one of the common traumatic life events reported by autistic people who had increased PTSD symptoms.48 The authors argue that autistic people may be more likely to experience trauma from events outside of current PTSD diagnostic criteria, which is not unlikely given the sustained stigma that many autistic people experience.63,64 Some of the acts that our participants described as “bullying” and being “taken advantage of” included domestic and sexual abuse, and financial exploitation.

There may be considerations to be made here about the way in which we ask questions about negative life experiences, and how different questions may elicit different responses. The line between abuse, bullying, and more nebulous concepts such as “being taken advantage of” is not particularly clear, and we know that bullying can have incredibly negative effects on an individual.14 However, it is important that future research acknowledges that despite autistic people being labeled as “literal” in their communication, they may downplay their experiences through the terminology they use.

#winston billions #sure will be like. pretty Informative about billions overall if we wrap this shit up & rian's behavior has still gone unchallenged #It Has by winston; but has even going ''hey he seems to be getting closer to / choosing to spend more time with this apparent Better #Friendship with tuk'' been written in as primarily About winston as a character or was it instead About getting him; the peripheral joke; #out of the way? which writing him away might also be about #a real comprehensive litmus test about how far billions will take its own questioning of power dynamics & norms #and/or; rather; what Kinds of situations it considers important to question at all #bullying sucks sure but i mean yeah Some people deserve it so that they'll become more neuroconforming #which uncoincidentally is for all intents & purposes the same as ppl Simply externally Acting Correctly(tm) #which of course includes their perfect alignment with what interpersonal hierarchies demand of them

[oldguardhc]

Old Guard hc #57

Prompt number: 18 - “You don’t see it?”

Fandom: The Old Guard

Rating: PG-13

Warnings/Tags: Joe and Nile, Joe grabs Nile’s wrist (below cut)

AN: Kind of a Dead Like Me AU. Gets real choppy below the cut, so here’s your warning. 

“You don’t see it?” Nile asks, following the little demonic creature with her eyes. She’s been seeing those damn things ever since she woke up in the infirmary at the base. They’re nasty little things, two feet tall, spikes on their head and back, a Voldermort’s nose, and an overall sickly appearance. Just looking at them makes her skin crawl. 

“See what?” Joe asks, following her line of sight. “The man in the green pants? I mean, it’s kind of hard not to see him. I’m pretty sure the grinch uses less green than that man.”

“What? Oh, wow, that’s a lot of green.” She knows several people who would kill to have their lawn be as green as that man currently is. She doesn’t think she’ll ever understand America’s obsession with perfect lawns. She shakes her head and drags her eyes back to the creature. It’s climbing up a tree at the moment. “No, I keep seeing these small demons. They knock shit on the ground, shove things in the way, they’re like a bad cartoon if I’m honest.” Tom and Jerry was more original than these guys. 

The demon is bouncing on a branch now, each bounce making the branch sway a fraction more than the last. Nile doesn’t know when she started holding her breath, but now that she’s aware of it, she couldn’t suck in a breath if she tried. She’s unable to tear her eyes away from the demon that’s getting more fervent with his movements. 

It’s a relief when the branch finally snaps, barely missing two bikers on the trail as it crashes to the ground. She watches the bikers turn around, realization slowly dawning on them of just how lucky they are. 

It happens so fast. 

The warning builds in her throat like molasses. By the time it passes her lips, both bikers are on the ground in one bloody mess. 

Nile’s up on her feet, phone in hand, ready to call an ambulance when a hand wraps around her wrist. She turns to look at Joe, “We have to help them!” 

Joe swallows and he looks pained for some reason. “Nile, it’s their time.”

“What?” She tries to break out of his grip but Joe tightens his fingers and starts to tug her away. “What are you doing? Let go!” What the hell is wrong with him? “Joe! They’re hurt!”

 “I know,” Joe says, continuing to guide her away, “there’s nothing you can do.” Nile digs her heels into the ground and yanks on her arm, forcing Joe to stop and look at her. She’s going to have strong words with him later about what’s appropriate and not. 

“You better fucking explain and let go in the next five seconds because I’m getting really pissed off.”

Joe blinks at her, looks down at where he’s still holding her wrist and releases her as if she electrocuted him. “Shit, I’m sorry,” Joe quickly apologizes, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Nile experimentally rolls her wrist, sees the way Joe is watching the movement with a guilty frown and she thinks, good. Her wrist is already fine though, any potential bruising or swelling gone. “We should go,” Joe says after a pause, glancing around the park. There’s a crowd forming around the two bikers, people frantically shouting at each other to get help and call an ambulance.  

“Why?” Nile almost shouts, managing to lower her voice to a hiss at the last second. Why are you acting this way? Why do we need to leave? What aren’t you telling me? 

“You’re seeing death and death doesn’t like us.” Nile squints at Joe. Did he eat crack for breakfast? 

There’s a crazed energy building within him and Nile doesn’t want to see what a 900-year-old man looks like when he snaps. Joe crosses his arms, “Quynh had your gift. Those things you’re seeing? They’re sadistic little bastards and they love us. So we need to leave before it clocks us and we wake up in a morgue,” Joe says, his voice tightening near the end. 

None of what he just said makes sense. She’s got more questions than before he started explaining, but Joe looks genuinely freaked out that she lets her sympathy momentarily win and nods, letting him set the pace as they exit the park. 

They don’t talk the entire walk home, hell they don’t even so much as glance at one another and she hopes he doesn’t think he’s off the hook. They still need to have words about grabbing her and whatever the hell she’s seeing. 

When they get to the empty house, Joe motions for her to follow him into the kitchen. He pours them both a drink and Nile takes her glass with a ‘thanks’ before sitting down at the table. 

Joe sits down in the seat in front of her and hangs his head in shame. “I’m sorry for grabbing you without your permission. That was very wrong of me,” Joe quietly says, looking up at her at the end. He looks genuinely sorry, and not like he’s only saying what Nile wants to hear. “I got scared, I know that doesn’t excuse what I did, and I wish I can take it back, but I can’t. I acted poorly, I hurt you and I’m sorry about that.”

Nile lets his words sink in. 

She fights back the instinct to immediately accept the apology. This isn’t something they can skirt around, not if they want to remain as teammates, much less as friends. “I’m more upset that you made a choice for me.” 

She can practically see the entire replay in his mind and she knows when he sees her point when he winces. “I’m new, Joe. I haven’t known you for two-hundred years, I can’t tell yet when to follow you with no questions. You have to explain stuff or at least say ‘Nile, danger. Explain later.’ I trust you to have my best intentions but you can’t—you gotta let me make that choice.”

Joe nods, hunching further into himself. “I understand. I’m really sorry, Nile.”

Nile reaches out to place a hand on his shoulder, “We’re going to be fine, Joe. I just need time to get on the same page.” She gently squeezes his shoulder, “I’m going to have this conversation with Nicky and Andy too. This was inevitable, looking back.” 

Joe huffs, a small smile creeping onto his lips. “I’m really happy you’re not afraid to set us straight. Booker,” Joe pauses, a flash of anger crosses his eyes, but as sudden as it appeared, it’s gone, leaving a trail of sorrow in its path. “It’s hard to have boundaries when you don’t care.” 

Nile doesn’t know what to say, and maybe there’s nothing to say. Booker is such a sensitive topic that it feels taboo to even think of his name sometimes. She gives his shoulder another squeeze and drops her hand onto the table.

Joe clears his throat, “Right, and onto the next topic. Quynh,” Joe closes his eyes, lets out a raspy laugh, and opens his eyes again, reaching for the drink. “We’re just going through all the difficult topics today, aren’t we?”

“I can wait,” Nile starts, she can tell how drained he already is and what’s a couple more days when they have billions more? 

Joe shakes his head. “This is important, will put you in danger for not knowing, important information.” 

She remembers Joe’s earlier words. Sadistic bastards. They love us. 

Joe sips at his drink and Nile mirrors the action. “Quynh called the things you see death’s helpers. They don’t directly kill people, they just set death into motion,” he pauses until Nile’s looking at him again, “Nile, whenever you see one, get out, especially if you’re in a public place. They know when they’re spotted and they know we’re special.”

Nile frowns, she has so many questions, she doesn’t even know where to begin. Why does she see them and they don’t? Is she in more danger because she can see them? Will those things attack her just because she can see them? 

Joe scans her face, “I can see you have a lot of questions and I do want to help, but I think you should ask Andy.” Ask Andy about her lost lover? The one she still feels extremely guilty about? Maybe Joe did eat crack for breakfast. “I know but she’s known Quynh the longest, she has the most information on this. I only know the bare minimum, Quynh didn’t like talking about it and I didn’t like asking about it.” 

Nile already knows this future conversation is going to be a painful one. Andy clams-up tight when she wants to and no amount of prying or crying can get her to open up. 

“It’s alright, you at least answered the big question,” Nile says, and she wonders if this is going to be a theme. The what always being answered but the why remaining a mystery. “Thank you for filling me in.” 

“Yeah, and I’m sorry once again-“

 “Joe,” Nile interrupts with a shake of her head. “We’re moving past that.” 

“Right, of course.” Nile rolls her eyes, reaches out to ruffle his hair just like how her brother hated. Joe hates it too and she grins as he smacks her hand away, smoothing the curls back down. “Brat,” he mutters, it’s all reluctant fondness and the tension in his shoulders is gone, so Nile’s counting it as a win. 

They’re going to get there one day. 

#the old guard #nile freeman #yusuf al kaysani #fictober20 #hc

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 13-14

Chapter 13

We’re in yet another flashback/past timeline, 4 years ago from present time and in Dex’s point of view. 

He’s 17, which means he’s 21 in the present, so jot that down. 

Anywhoo, he’s just recently become a Guardian and he’s on his first bounty hunt on some planed called Uulveca, where we all know he found Andi. Apparently, completed bounties mean that he gets to add another star constellation tattoo to his body, which is apparently a status symbol among Guardians ...

That’s inconvenient. What if somebody doesn’t want tattoos? And why constellations (aside from them being appropriately cheesy and deep for Shinsay)? What decides which constellation goes where? Or do you just get to pick randomly? What’s stopping someone from just adding a bunch at random? Will they forcefully remove them? What if they don’t want constellations but something else?

Dex is here to prove himself and catch some dirty dirty criminals. He’s hunting some ... creature, that’s been suspected of doing shady business, but runs into Andi instead as she tries to steal his money.

They have what I can only describe as the most cliché-filled and boring first meeting, complete with rolling around in the mud all sexily while exchanging threatening quips. Whatever you can imagine them saying is probably close enough, so I won’t even show you any of it.

Well, have this, I spose:

Her wrists were wrapped in thick cloth and tied with leather strips. Dark stains, possibly blood, stained the material.

She was too old to be a street rat, and too filthy to be working for a pleasure palace. The palace owners on Uulveca liked to keep their workers clean and enticing.

Dark stains stained the material, huh?

And why do they call it “pleasure palace?” What’s wrong with “brothel?” Too R-rated for you there, Shinsay? I get wanting to come up with your own terms for things but you’re reinventing the wheel here.

Andi reveals that she knows about the guy Dex is hunting, but in return for the information she wants a week’s worth of meals and half of Dex’s money. 

He agrees and says that he’ll kill her if he finds out she’s been lying.

“That’s the funny thing.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m already dead.”

In case you didn’t believe me when I said that this while exchange is just a billion clichés slapped together.

Chapter 14

We’re in Androma’s POV, back in the present, and it’s been a day since last time. Andi is annoyed with Dex, and tbh I can’t blame her. He’s apparently been following her around just to annoy her, and this is what he says after checking out Andi’s ... electronic calendar? Which is full of super hot models? 

Fuck, I was going to post the quote here but now I’m just confused by that entire concept.

“So this is what you like, Androma?” he’d asked, waggling his dark brows suggestively. “I guess I understand why you left me.”

WAGGLING HIS DARK BROWS SUGGESTIVELY

You mean like this?

Remember, he’s supposed to be sexy.

Dex wanted to talk at some point, but Andi’s HEART JUST CAN’T HANDLE IT. 

She did try to murder him, but I guess she still loves him and just can’t admit it to herself. 

Andi is planning their approach, I guess, by looking over the planets in the Olen System, where Xen Ptera is.

The Junkyard was the perfect place for the Marauder to disappear.

Well, you’re not wrong.

Gilly was preoccupied with eating a chunk of bread from dinner. If she had the chance, Andi thought, Gilly would eat all our food stores. Andi often wondered if her stomach was a bottomless pit. The thirteen-year-old was growing fast and had an appetite to match her growth spurt.

Thanks for that info, Shinsay. It’s absolutely vital to my understanding of Gilly as a character and the impact of this personality trait on the overall plot.

The ship’s system, Memory, beeped overhead.

WE KNOW WHAT ITS NAME IS. JUST SAY ‘MEMORY’ AND WE’LL GET IT.

It’s like Shinsay believes that the reader is so fucking braindead that they have to remind them where they are every five pages. Then again, you’d have to be to enjoy this book.

[The general had] already rejected several plans, which seemed to defeat the purpose of hiring Andi and her crew to do a job that he lacked the experience to carry out himself.

Andi you dumb bitch.

1. He doesn’t lack experience, he’s a general. You dipshits were chosen to do this not because you were “experienced” (which you very evidently are not), but because you were pirates and supposedly “impartial.”

2. Again, he’s a general. I’m pretty sure he’s rejecting your plans because they’re idiotic, because you’re a bunch of kids playing with guns who don’t know shit about anything, not because he’s just too inexperienced to know better.

3. Though I am going to blame Cortas here, also. The only reason he picked Andi was because she supposedly doesn’t have any affiliation with neither his side nor the side of his enemy. Which means there’s a billion other, more experienced mercenaries out there who could’ve done the same job had he just given them the proper instructions.

4. And why didn’t Cortas give them instructions? Why are they making up plans now instead of right away? None of this makes any damn sense.

5. If he hates Andi so much, and if she killed his daughter, why the fuck is he trusting her to save his son? If he thinks that Andi is an asshole and he was the one who had sentenced her to death, why does he think that she won’t just grab Valen herself and demand a ransom? Or does he think Dex will keep her in check? Is that really a gamble he’d want to make with his son’s life on the table?

6. Why didn’t he just send a few of his own men disguised as a pirate ship? There won’t be any difference once Valen is safe anyway, Xen Ptera will figure out they got into their territory once Valen is back to his father’s side.

Anywho, Dex fucks off and Andi asks why Lira hasn’t been able to keep him occupied like she’d promised to. 

“Dextro is a man with many talents, the most obnoxious of which is that he knows this ship inside and out.”

That’s a talent now, huh? 

I guess Shinsay follow the footsteps of their kween SJM, which means that any basic thing a man does is actually amazing and should be respected as such.

They joke about locking Alfie and Dex away in the “waste bay.”

This was how it should be, just her and the girls making plans to strike it big. Without a self-righteous, Krev-worshipping man on board.

Yeah. Girl power. 

I’m cackling.

This book is peak white feminism.

The Marauder was currently hidden within the large husk of a fallen warship. If anyone happened to come through this area, their ship would easily be mistaken as a piece of the larger one. That had been Lira’s bright idea, and the exterior damage the Marauder had recently sustained was helpful camouflage.

And I guess the fact that y’all are visible through its walls don’t make no difference?

Or is it opaque now that it’s convenient?

And why does this imply that they could only be found visually? How small is this Junkyard that they think people will be able to see them from space. We already know they have scanning and tracking technology, so whether or not they’re visible shouldn’t even matter.

Anywhoo, they go over their vague-ass plan and it’s really boring. Lira isn’t pleased that she won’t get to join Andi and Dex on the actual rescue mission, and Andi is forced to admit that she and Dex work great together.

Because of course.

Andi says that all they need now is a map of the prison, because I guess the prison moon isn’t guarded and has literally zero security measures, since they don’t even mention getting past any of that crap.

Maybe that’s a later stage of the plan, we’ll see.

“I know I’m not the most experienced at this stuff,” Gilly said from across the table as she polished her golden gun, “but it all seems a little too easy. How do you know we can even trust this so-called informant Dex has?”

Gilly? Saying good shit, for once? Unbelievable.

Also WE KNOW HER GUN IS GOLDEN.

They establish that they can’t trust any bitch and luckily, Andi has a backup plan! 

What is the backup plan? 

I have no clue. The chapter ends. 

Thrilling!

#eff reads: zenith #book rants