#some really unhealthy tendencies to go look for pain. with w may be that's staying up all night so his body aches

[introspectivememories]

no bc white is so fucked up it’s not even funny. that first episode with him in bath where he stays under water for just a little too long..... trying to activate the bond..... how many times do you think black did the same thing? didn’t dodge a hit when he could, fingers pressing into his arms hard enough to bruise, holdiing his breath for a sec too long.... to grow up with phantom pains and bruises...... to constantly grow up in pain but it’s a pain that you know well bc it’s your brothers, it’s a burden you share together.... to suddenly being ripped apart and now there’s nothing? to wake up one day and there’s no pain at all? there’s nothing? how many times do you think white stayed underwater until his lungs burned just to feel like he was at the pool with black? how many times do you think black picked fights with other kids just to feel like his brother was still with him? do you think the night before they were separated black and white stayed up all night whispering reassurances to each other? do you think they thought that bond would last? do you think they watched as each others bruises faded away, the last things they had of each other? do you think they waited at the landline waiting for calls that never came? do you ever think about black living in thailand and white living in russia always feeling like something is missing? how long do you think it took white to stop calling out for black first thing in the morning? how long do you think it took for black to stop looking over his shoulder and going “white did you see that?!” whenever he completed a dangerous trick? how long do you think it took for them to stop living as black&white and instead live a black and white?

#do you ever think about black and white? bc i do. all the time. 24/7. 365. #sorry this was meant to be commentary on white mentality but then i couldn't stop thinking about b&w's relationship and well... here we are #and also i think to have pain multiplied by 2 all the time would give someone a casual opinion of pain #and they were 2 young boys. they were probably hurt all the time from roughhousing. and then to suddenly be too far away to feel each other #pain. so now there's nothing‚ where there used to be everything. i think for these 2 co-dependent weirdos it would lead them to seek out #some really unhealthy tendencies to go look for pain. with w may be that's staying up all night so his body aches #with black it's picking a fight. and maybe if they're hurt enough their parent will be forced to pick up the phone and maybe then they coul #talk to each other. how many years passed before they gave up? before they gave up on the idea of seeing each other again? #sorry i'm crying over little b&w thinking that bond would stretch all the way to russia‚ only to wake up one day like 2 weeks later #and realize that they haven't had a new ache in weeks. do you think they panicked? it was the only thing tying them together. #mom doesn't call dad and dad doesn't call mom. there's no way for them to contact each other. #do you think that when they started to seek out pain? #every ache‚ every bruise a reminder of each other. i'm here i'm here i'm here #god i think i'm gonna be sick #not me the series #not me black #not me white #not me black and white #tv.rambles #เขา...ไม่ใช่ผม