#so like imagine for a second that its very homoerotic and gay okay????? okay.

[iwonderifthatisart]

Vee!! I saw Top Gun 2 yesterday and would love to hear your thoughts 😍😍

OKAY OMG. you probably weren’t expecting this much stuff, but you gave me a chance to talk about it so here goes.

first off, spoilers for top gun maverick, be warned.

So. lol. I'll preface this by saying that my thoughts on this absolutely arent objective in any way... i waited 3 (t h r e e) whole years for this movie to come out and honestly up until i was sitting in the movie theater i still thought they would push it out again, didnt feel real lmao

now a few of my thoughts, in no particular order:

i arrive at the cinema. i sit down. the lights go out. i lean over to my friend. i whisper: i hope they play Danger Zone. they HAVE to. my friend agrees. the movie starts, and lo and behold, the first notes of Danger Zone reach my ears. My crops are watered, my skin is clear. i look to my friend, we nod at each other. we turn back to the screen. we understand. we know this’ll be good.

Thought 1 flows neatly into Thought 2, which is that they knew exactly what kind of movie they were making. like, the main target audience for this movie were Dads™ and they hit the right balance between making it attractive in terms of nostalgia vs. new stuff. i think i saw a letterboxd review that phrased it like "having references to the original without being distracting" and that’s exactly what i felt like (see re: the Danger Zone example). And also: iconic homoerotic beach volleyball scene set to the tune of "playing with the boys"? turned into fun football scene on the beach set to New Music From Today (which was good, but the whole scene could've been gayer imo.)

sure. it's basically military propaganda, i know, we all know, it is known. It still looks cool as hell, i love people flying planes and say smart stuff and click a lot of buttons that look very complex and professional

AND that opening was so perfectly maverick i love it. he just HAD to push a little further

it was SO FUNNY at times! there were sincere (and at times cheesy) parts, but there were a few really funny moments that worked really well

rly liked all the new young pilots, though i expected them to focus a little more on them? but tbh it worked as it is, i didnt really felt like too much was missing (again, maybe a lil homoeroticism but you cant have everything)

Listen. Jennifer Connelly. Penny. Her character was... well. I liked her! But also. Well, she was a lil two dimensional, but idk? Or maybe its bc she was the love interest of Tom Cruise, who i really cant imagine in any kind of romantic relationship, no matter what movie he's in. I didnt really expect too much and i felt like it was done alright. it was solid.

(also... i kinda dont like tom cruise as a person, mainly bc of the whole scientology thing, but lets not get into that here. no negativity in this ask)

ofc ICEMAN!! RIP my man. Obviously wished he was in the movie more but *waves at the real life complications with Val Kilmer* still though, mav and ice texted throughout the movie and it was. so gay. like, i've read fanfiction that might have had these exact messages in them lmao

also. the whole thing about ice and mav? like we all expected there to be more of a rivalry, but they're just out here texting and chilling with each other. good for them.

"it was a nice moment, dont ruin it" lmao.

phoenix...loved her :) my girl :) also loved that they didn’t make a big deal out of ~oh shes a woman among men~ and she has to be the Strong Female Character, because that just falls flat 90% of the time

when they explained the mission to maverick and mentioned that there are still a few f14 tomcats there i was like *cocks checkovs gun* that'll come in handy later! and it did and i loved it!!

the scene where they had to fly the route in 2 mins 30 seconds and everybody’s like “thats impossible” and maverick is like “hold my beer” and does it in 2:15 and yeah i’m LIVING for that shit! call me a basic bitch i dont care!!

maverick and goose vs. maverick and rooster. we love cinematic paralles in this house

“talk to me dad” CRYING IN THE CLUB RIGHT NOW

so yeah. theres probably a lot more but i didnt want this to get so long slfksjlks.

i know its not a perfect movie, it has it’s flaws, but i enjoyed it so much! there were a lot of scenes and tropes that could’ve easily been super cliche but i thought they worked really well. or maybe i'm just biased.

please!! enlighten me with your own hot takes if you feel like it. id love to hear them <3

#top gun #top gun 2 #top gun maverick #top gun maverick spoilers #i hope i tagged all the relevant spoiler-y stuff #and sorry for rambling here #i didnt get that much sleep in the last few days #so i hope this is somewhat coherent #asks

[pocketramblr]

Poll Results

Alright, that’s it, i’m tired of trying to sort the answers so yall just get the big list of all the free response answers to that quiz about ofa. be aware some are less safe for work than others.

memorable ones: OfA Snickerdoodle, I’d Give It To A Cat, So You Know Vore Right?, I’m in Love With Nana, Slicey Blood Oath, and Homoerotic Sword Fight

(My answer above is how I think it did happen, not how I want it to happen.) I personally think something along the lines of a Bruce Banner Jennifer Walker blood transfusion where the OFA holder doesn’t realize they’ve passed it on until later.

a tender kiss. perhaps loving. perhaps they're dying, and i already knew that they loved me, either platonically or otherwise, and we always knew that i'd be next. perhaps they tried so hard to make sure it never happened, and perhaps that tender kiss as an apology as much as it is a gift. sure sucks to be gay i guess 

Peacefully? By doing the do and making it a wonderful moment of lovemaking and passing on the future.. If we're in the middle of battle you bet your freaking butt I want them to kiss me dramatically, tell me they love me, and then yeet me away as they turn back to the fight. Ow but relationship goals. 

If we're not romantic because I am obsessed with the Duo Holders ship currently, blood works fine. Ingest it or have them pressing a bloody palm into a wound of mine *shrugs* Gotta pass it along somehow

Personally, I'd rather drink blood instead of hair. It feels less gross. But I'd pass it on as hair just to fuck with my successor

Hair or blood eating, but no touchy-touchy or whatever thx.

Probably a vial of blood so it’s easy and over quick

kiss 👉👈

i would like it to be blood from an already opened wound just cause it would probably less weird, ..........but knowing my luck and because irl my sister has attempted to feed me her baby teeth by shoving it to my lips and saying "eat", thats actually how i would get ofa. ( >:/ i have almost eaten at least two teeth this way because i thought she was being nice and giving me candy )

Consider: doing one of those blood oath things where you swear to be BFFs for eternity except now you also get a quirk out of it. But lbr kissing is way more romantic and you’ve made First/Second my new OTP, so I’ll stick with that for them. <3 But also, maybe to make the kiss option more romantic First thought something more along the lines of wishing he could give ~everything he has/all of himself~ to Second which counted as including his quirk, rather than specifically about giving him the power to defeat his brother?

This is going to sound gross but all ways of transferring DNA is. Just work up a sweat and have the other party drink it. It would probably be the best tasting option which is kinda a weird thing to think about. Nvm sweat doesn't contain DNA looked it up but I don't want to delete all of this so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe a scraping of skin cells

Honestly the hair is probably the way I'd want to go. That or blood. Like just swallowing it.

Look, i know realistically it was probably some desparate on-the-brink-of-death "please defeat my brother" thing and oo, magic he gets the quirk. But consider. First's last fight with afo. Second is holding his bleeding body, crying. First gently cups Second's cheek and pulls him into a bloody kiss before dying. Second pulls himself together just long enough to flip off afo, barely resisting the urge to absolutely slaughter him, knowing he would lose. He finds his successor and trains him to the best of his ability, determined to not lose another person he cared for

I mean like dead skin cells probably dont work right? Except hair works so thats not true. So like you totally could lick someone to get OFA. Like could you imagine the whole holding your hand over someones mouth to shut them up but they lick you and they somehow wind up with your quirk, like crazy. What must have been the trial and error with this stuff cause they must have kept passing it inbetween each other to figure out its dna right. How long did it take for them to realize. Like you’re eating breakfast and theres a hair in your food like ew and why am i stronger now. Overall, comedic timing for getting a quirk would be hilarious.

My apprentice lays broken and bloody beneath me as I cradle them in my arms, crying on to an open wound on their face praying the power will be enough to save them

little bit of skin like a hang nail just like put it in a sandwich and dont thing about it

Put it in my coffee.

If I received it from Nana then I would love to have received it via eating her out~ though for passing it on to others I think I would just either spit into their mouths or shove a bleeding finger down their throat until they swallow and then run and get myself killed by AfO while taunting him with "I DON'T HAVE YOUR BROTHER'S QUIRK ANYMORE! SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK YOU LOSER!"

knock me out and just inject the blood. if i have to actively think abt ingesting someone elses dna im gonna yeet myself into the ocean. to pass it on i'll just spit in a cup (or in their mouth) bc im not gonna make someone eat my hair nor is anyone getting my blood

who in their right mind would trust me with a power like ofa 💀afo just looks at me funny the quirk is his. im not a mc for a reason

Sexy battle where I’m the villain, and randomly the hero thinks “I wish I could save you”. Boom I punch them with bloody knuckles and the quirk passes to me. Now the hero has to teach me how to be good again. Also we fall in love.

You know, I always assumed I would head canon it as something romantic until canon proved me wrong But these options are so varied - I had to choose the most Dramatic (tm) one As for my actual answer: a gentle kiss with full consent from both parties

I will bite a holder as a sign of affection. There's probably some dead skin cells in the arm I can swallow by accident. They are used to this and sometimes we switch the quirk around for funsies.

You know, I spent like 10 minutes trying to think of something original here, but knowing my shit luck some bastard would spit in my drink or something and cast upon me the Curse of Bone Breaking and/or.... y’know..... AFO...........

okay this is gonna sound weird but. consider this i marry a very lovely women. we are in much love. we get attacked by evil people because she is a good hero but plot twist. i am secretly her nemisis. the attackers are my minions. i wanted her to protect me because i am very smol but. my comrades were too mean. she is nearly dead. "take this" she says. she kisses me and i am one for all. fuck, i say internally, but i dont tell her. she dies in my arms. i run and become vigilante and take down my once comrades. all is not well. i die unsatisfied. i eventually pass it onto a cat in an alleyway because they are the only one who is with me when i get hit with a back alley sniper

Blood or just like. skin. You could use nail clippers to take a bit off from a really fleshy area, like just under the nail. It's that easy

Spit in my food like an underpaid fast food worker.

i have long hair so that would not be ideal, but blood seems kinda...unsanitary, but i guess it would be better if i was 100% positive i wouldn't pass on some sort of disease. so if that could be ascertained then like a few drops of blood in a glass of water or something and then down the hatch, bam ofa passed on. i know other folks are probably typing some nsfw stuff but just. no. keep it in your pants y'all.

Blood transfusion First, pick a hospital Second, steal all their blood Third, have the previous user donate their blood to that hospital Fourth, get into a major accident and need a blood transfusion near the hospital you robbed Fifth, hope either OfA will only pass onto you bc your the intended recipient, or that no one else needs a blood transfusion Sixth, get the transfusion Seventh, steal all of the previous users blood back Eigth, return all the other stolen blood Ninth, get new identities, this crime leaves DNA everywhere Tenth, die of a blood clot due to incompatible blood types (optional)

okay realistically bleeding into a cut or a drop of blood into water and drinking it would be easiest but like... what if somehow dna could be baked into like a muffin or cookie or something... like i know when cooking with wines and stuff the alcohol cooks away and evaporates out but is that process the same for like blood? like if you baked your blood into a cookie would traces of your dna still be there? basically i want an ofa cookie (snickerdoodle preferably)

no i like my bones

drink a drop of blood. it'd go down easier than hair

no

Something dramatic and desperate in the heat of battle like blood or something

First of all, I think First passed OfA as he was dying entirely on accident, because Second was badly (though not critically) injured and they'd been sort of dancing around each other's feelings and doubting their own worth, so First, knowing he was dying and that his brother was a petty bitch who would probably kill Second anyway because he knows that First cared about him, kisses Second with blood on his lips and his last thoughts before dying are about how he wants Second to have the strength to survive if his brother comes after him.

If I was given the option of getting OfA, I wouldn't take it. I'm a coward and being given something like that is a death sentence.

If it was forced, probably ingesting the previous users blood, because blood is a lot easier to choke down than hair.

If I already had it and had to pass it on, I would want it to be something suitably dramatic like collapsing on the doorstep of a trusted loved one and explaining with my dying breath who killed me and why and then raising my blood covered hand to their face like I was going to caress their cheek only for them to taste blood. They cry and try to get me take it back and when I finally die they swear vengeance over my slowly cooling corpse.

Pass it on in a non-life threatening scenario where I decide I actually don’t like the weird bone breaking power a random person gave me as they were dying and wish I could pass it to someone else and through a weird set of circumstances end up accidentally cooking some of my own hair into brownies I was making because I shed like a dog and passing it to my new neighbor I came to welcome to the neighborhood.

Either drinking a glass of milk with their saliva (no icky hair taste), or an epic sharing of blood while clasping hands like knights in a noble brotherhood!

not by eating all mights long ass hair thats for sure, why did he give midoriya one of the longest ones he had, he has shorter hair right there on the back of his head. not to mention the fact of like how i would prefer to recieve it or give it away which would be just, fucking sharing a pop or something and swaping it through the backwash??? less nasty than hair and not as weird as the other options for spit which is like straight up spitting in a drink or the other persons mouth outside of kissing. if someone told me i had to eat their hair i would straight up say no thanks, cheers for the fitness glow up tho homie

I want nana 2 kiss me, on.,, the m,,,.."#*(@÷out.h pretty lady.,

Q-tip to the inside of the cheek

Those blood pacts where you slice your hands open and do a little handshake thing. Not very creative, but idk it just appeals to me

Via consumption of blood, babey

I would want it to be with a maybe maybe not homoerotic sword fight in a Wendy's parking lot, preferably while we are both being impaled on each other's swords. The sweet pain of almost dying is a very intense moment to share isn't it?

Sweet love

Hair

If it's someone cute, a kiss. Otherwise I'd probably just swallow a hair with some water.

i'd just like. spit in their water bottle. if thats not enough dna i guess licking a paper cut it is. hair is bad idwa bc it doesn't digest and can get wrapped up in things. and like. im too aroace for kissing and such

Last option, cause first is sexy as hell

okay you know what vore is, right. and you know how blood and organ transfusions work? well...

Not at all, like?? I enjoy being alive and not having my body destroyed thank you. Literally everyone with OfA died young-ish or has suffered debilitating injuries bc of it. Like Midoriya's bones are powder, and we don't even need to go into All Might's medical history. Like thanks but no thanks no freaky dna ingestion 4 me

Had a open cut from a can lid and ofa holder had an open cut. While lamenting about fins a successor.

Blood

Assuming we can bypass the rules of canon, it would be funny as fuck is OFA was passed on by intentional physical contact. So yes, a smooch for First and Second (and Second and Third) but also. Bitchslap of destiny. Nana giving her protege one last hug. All Might ruffles Mido’s hair like a dad to pass it on. I’m sure you get it

Bleeding over an open wound

lil bit of spit in a milkshake.

I hold their hand Platonically but it's summer and we're both sweaty and they're a little loopy and having weird thoughts due to dehydration and heat lmao, literally hanging around anyone for any extended period of time guarantees you accidentally ingest SOME of their dna. Dead skin cells are floating through the air ~constantly~ and if you have a friend I promise you've inhaled their dead skin cells before. Have fun with that knowledge!!

ok so like deffo a kiss, but in canon people get weird biological urges for using their quirks, like bby Toga drinking bird blood. First has had a LOT of "spit in their drink" intrusive thoughts over the years. immediately post first-kiss he is mystified that his intrusive thoughts have disappeared entirely, but then BAM it seems that second has the stockpile now, and with it, a preoccupation with vampire lore

drink from the same water bottle?

“EAT THIS!”

Pass it on by making them lick my arm because that would make them rly uncomfortable, passed to me by spiting in my 20oz Red Bull and then chugging it

#aaaand done #this was going to be like. nicely organized in a couple different ways and i still might #but out of slots for that today so

[theradioghost]

some recs for my podcast mutuals who are burnt out on horror & sad plot stuff

aka I’ve been seeing a few flavors of people exhausted by several of the most popular podcasts around here being pretty dark right now & I have attempted to put together a tasting menu of some stuff I think might help alleviate that burnout (& which also deserves some more love)

1. I'm okay with stuff that’s still on the dark or macabre side, I'd just like something that isn’t 100% characters I care about suffering horribly all the time, maybe some laughs in there

The Beef and Dairy Network: Like a seriously disturbing body horror podcast, except British satirical comedy! About cows! You kind of have to listen to it to get what’s going on tbqh it’s nearly impossible to explain but if you like horror and are just tired of being depressed about it maybe try this one. NOT for the easily nauseated.

Wooden Overcoats: black comedy sitcom about two rival funeral homes on a small island, one run by The Most Perfect Man On Earth (tm) and the other run by two misanthropic twins with a knack for disaster (and their hypercompetent assistant (and a mouse who wants to be an author)). this one is about watching the protagonist suffer horribly all the time but like, this time it’s usually a lot funnier and honestly he deserves it

Death by Dying: (so far very short) dark comedy about the resident obituary writer of idyllic Crestfall, Idaho, who sets out to tell the stories of how the town’s residents died and ends up uncovering a lot of other things, like conspiracies, and man-eating cats, and a poet’s vanishing childhood home, and what his friend the Angel of Death isn’t telling him about what’s in the dark woods. has very strong ASOUE or Pushing Daisies vibes, that sort of dark whimsy and really distinct narrative voice

Arden: “true crime” comedy-ish mystery podcast feat. two of the best bickering hosts anywhere and a whole third host called homoerotic tension, trying to solve a decade-old Hollywood mystery. secretly a shakespeare adaptation. one of the hosts is michelle agresti. an airline run by killer robots is involved, somehow. it’s a perfect storm

2. I’m good with some plot and higher stakes, but I need something more kind and hopeful right now:

Middle:Below: 10-minute episodes about a man who travels between the worlds of the living and the dead to solve the problems of restless ghosts, and the three friends he does it with -- a ghost, a cat, and a writer. their tagline is “remember: bad things will happen.” this is basically a lie, this show is extremely sweet

Alba Salix: high fantasy medical workplace comedy about hospital staff in a fairytale-ish kingdom, namely one grouchy witch, one distracted fairy, and one extremely disgruntled teenager sentenced to community service. also comes with the miniseries The Axe And Crown, which is about a gay troll bartender, his clueless landlord, and his bombastic niece, and also is one of the most heartfelt touching pieces of audio fiction I’ve ever heard?

Dark Ages: also a high fantasy workplace comedy, but in this one the dysfunctional cast work at a magical natural history museum, which thanks to recent events is now hosting the mythical Dark Lord on top of all the usual problems caused by their complete incompetency.

Solutions to Problems: a sci-fi relationship advice show feat. human host Janet and alien host Loaf. also feat. banter, illegal time travel, what to do when the AI that controls the air you breathe is your on-again-off-again girlfriend, and how to avoid your many spouses when they insist you need to come back to the homeworld and spend some time with your spawn.

Victoriocity: steampunk buddy-comedy mystery show, in which misanthropic detective Archibald Fleet (aka Tom Crowley but he’s grouchy this time) and intrepid newbie journalist Clara Entwhistle (aka an absolute ray of sunshine) uncover some Secret Plots within the government of a very different victorian london. if you like the “opposing personalities come to care deeply about one another as friends” trope this one is for you

Inn Between: not an actual play, but a show about the developing relationships of a party of RPG-esque adventurers as they rest at the inn between campaigns. you don’t see the adventures, just the crew growing closer and learning about one another in their moments of peace.

The Strange Case of Starship Iris: sci-fi adventure about a stranded biologist and a ragtag crew of smugglers who set out to resist an authoritarian government, solve a mystery, and prevent a second human-alien war. as far as I can tell their plan for accomplishing this is to be as funny, gay, and adorable as possible, and to dismantle oppressive systems via the power of found family tropes. also via the power of linguistics.

3. just give me the fluffiest, funniest, sweetest, most relaxed, lowest-stakes thing you have:

Everything is Alive: meditative, deeply touching show where Guy From Public Radio holds interviews with inanimate objects. the interviews are super genuine and beautiful and I think they’re improvised, or at least they sound very natural? for people who want to be profoundly moved by a can of generic brand cola (you may not know but you are one of those people)

Standard Docking Procedure: a self-described “hopepunk” scifi sitcom about a group of employees on a space station, dealing with the little daily misadventures of difficult tourists, traffic control disasters, nonexistent love lives, and each other. Has an explicitly stated purpose of staying happy, lighthearted, and comforting.

Love and Luck: tied for absolute most heartwarming audio drama in existence. the story of the relationship between two Australian men, told through voicemail messages, as they fall in love, start a cafe, build a supportive and loving local queer community of close-knit friends and chosen family who help one another through thick and thin, and also find out that they can do magic apparently (IMPORTANT NOTE: there are some darker events and themes tackled in the plot starting around the latter half of the first season, but the focus of the story itself is always on how people support and help one another through trauma and difficulty, and the explicitly stated core premise of the show is that every character will have a happy ending and be okay.)

Quid Pro Euro: Look Around You-esque satire of old 80s and 90s instructional tapes where Felix Trench tells you what the European Union will look like in the far-off year of 2000. I don’t know anything about the European Union but I cackle like a witch when I listen to this

The Cryptonaturalist: I know you’ve seen his tweets. well it’s that but a podcast. just a man with an extremely nice voice talking about fantastical creatures like salamanders that swim through parking lot asphalt or foxes that roam the shelves of libraries at night. in between he reads poetry and generally talks about nature in the most beautiful way you could imagine. this show feels like a peaceful walk in the woods.

The Hidden Almanac: a podcast made 90% out of gentle fantasy worldbuilding, as a somewhat grumpy man in a plague doctor mask tells you about the history of his world and distributes gardening advice. has an immense archive of four-minute long episodes. it’s best to listen in order, because there is continuity, and be aware that about the first year or so has dropped off most feeds. written and performed by much-loved fantasy writer and artist Ursula Vernon and her husband Kevin.

Startripper!!: the other forerunner for most heartwarming audio drama in existence. seriously, you cannot imagine how much joy Startripper!! will bring into your life. it’s just the travelogue of one little alien with a heart full of enthusiasm and love setting out to see the universe and making friends along the way with just about everyone he meets, including his extremely loveable spaceship AI. I really mean it. listen to this show if you listen to nothing else.

Cabin Pressure: BBC radio workplace comedy about the dysfunctional crew of the world’s smallest airline. not only utterly hilarious but will tug on your heartstrings more than you could possibly imagine (this does not look at first like a found family story but it so very much is). warning for bendytoots cucumberpatch but like, in the one and only valid role he’s ever played. you definitely cannot find this show by searching its name on the Internet Archive.

#HEY DO YOURSELVES A SELF CARE! LISTEN TO SOME THINGS THAT ARE NICE! I LOVE YOU #bobbie recommends things #my posts #podcast recs

[samaraclegane]

what about Mac x Dennis and number 23

author’s note: when I first saw this I thought this was a brilliant idea! such a macdennis quote you’ve picked, anon. love love love this! hope you like :)

number 23: “If we get caught I’m blaming you.”

-okay, so maybe this is self-induced. Dennis doesn’t often like to be the one to point fingers (well, that’s mostly if he can sense the finger slowly rotating and coming back towards him) but this is definitely Dee’s fault.

-the situation, this awful predicament they’re in now, is because of her utter lack of intelligence and integrity - and, to be honest while he’s at it, she’s not that pretty, either.

-long story short, she’d planned for them to go and surprise one of her ex-boyfriends (which, in Dennis’ mind, had sounded nefarious to begin with) but she’d accidentally sneaked them into the wrong house. what a bitch.

-and so, in some dreadful, roundabout way, here he found himself, crushed into a tight closet space with only Mac for company.

-out of the gang, Dee was certainly the least graceful. Charlie was surprisingly elegant (when he wanted to be, and when he wasn’t distracted by animals or gunk of some kind that he deemed treasure). Mac was on Dee’s level.

-his new broad frame hardly helped. they were lucky Dennis had kept himself in check for the last twenty plus years, because if he were as wide as Mac, there’s no way they’d both be able to fit in here.

-he’s trying to be quiet. he’s listening for footsteps, figuring from the sounds of things that the woman - not Dee’s ex-boyfriend, obviously - was a couple of rooms across from where they were in the bedroom, showering. 

-this bought them some time, he’d figured at first, but then another voice had entered the scene, freezing them in place. a male spoke through the bathroom door to the woman, then wandered around a little before settling in the room next door, which Dennis had seen earlier was a study.

-he’s trying to call Dee or Charlie or anybody, really, but it’s hard to keep as quiet as you need to be when you’re practically brimming with rage at this fool’s mistake. she’s a disgrace to the Reynolds name.

-what’s worse, Mac just can’t stop shifting and shuffling beside him. the closet can’t be any bigger than three feet either way, but Mac’s not helping at all.

-”if we get caught, I’m blaming you,” he hisses, under his breath, risking getting caught to tell Mac this very important fact. the man’s face falls.

-”well, don’t blame me! this is all Dee’s fault,” Mac shoots back, whispering though his words are obviously full of ire at his sister, “if she hadn’t gotten the wrong house- how the hell do you get the wrong house?”

-”I don’t know!” Dennis exclaims, a little louder than he meant to, and silence hangs in the air for a solid minute as they wait to be uncovered. nobody comes, so he chances speaking again, “we’ll ask her if we get out of this alive, but for now would you please stop moving?”

-”sorry, man,” Mac sounds sincere, voice low and almost defeated as he says, “I just don’t fit in here. do you mind if I- it’d make it a lot easier-”

-before he actually asks any sort of coherent question, he shifts again, and Dennis could almost kill him. he kicks a box of shoes over, the racket making Dennis’ hair stand on end, and when it’s all over he’s pressed right up again Dennis, the sides of their faces almost touching with the newfound proximity.

-”what. the hell. are you doing?” Dennis asks him, trying simultaneously to intimidate him by looking him in the eye but also not wanting to get to close that this becomes even more awkward than it already is.

-”well, I don’t know, Dennis,” he tries to reason, “I just thought I’d fit in better this way, because my shoulders can’t fit side-by-side with yours. I can turn back if-”

-Dennis’ hands shoot up in the darkness, cramping them even further, to grasp at Mac’s shoulders. he shakes his head, though he’s not certain Mac can see it properly. “no. do not turn around again: you’ll get us caught.”

-Mac seems to accept this sound justification, but a heavy quiet strangles them after this. without actual, clear sight, Dennis is left with a greater accentuation on his other senses.

-for example, he can feel every possible inch of Mac pressed up against his body. it’s strange, feeling the man so close. it’s wrong, feels too firm and familiar. they haven’t stood this close in years, not since Mac came out.

-the man’s smell is overwhelming. knowing this isn’t the time to do so, Dennis makes a mental note to tell Mac to switch up his cologne, because this one really isn’t doing it for him. it isn’t doing it for anyone, actually; Dennis feels like he might choke to death before they get out of here.

-outside the closet, he can hear the undisturbed sound of the woman’s shower, longer than usual, and vaguely there’s the sound of a man coughing, a page turning, something. inside, though, it’s oh-so-quiet. he can’t breathe.

-every time he moves, tries to manoeuvre into a less-homoerotic position for the two of them, he ends up making it worse. he moves his shoulders, and he bumps up against Mac. he turns his head, ends up breathing into Mac’s neck. he moves his hands and- 

-oh Lord, he’s had his hands on Mac’s shoulders for a good thirty seconds or more now. is this awkward? this is awkward, right? it should be, and it is. 

-friends don’t do stuff like this. he’s not meant to be all touchy-feely with Mac, especially not now that he knows the man’s gay. there are unspoken boundaries, built by Mac’s sexuality. he has to stop this.

-he drops his hands to his sides, letting them just dangle there. he doesn’t know what else to do, forgets what hands even do, thinks there isn’t enough space for anything in here, shakes his head gently to himself, dismissing this obsession.

-his eyes slowly adjust to the darkness. he thinks they might have a chance soon, because it sounds like the man’s moving about, hopefully to put on his jacket and go out again. he can just about handle getting past the one person, he thinks, but certainly not two.

-in the closet, he can now see a number of objects. none of them out of the ordinary, mainly just clothes and other usual things to find in such a location. there’s a once-neat rack of clothes that their bodies are now crushing. average.

-and then his eyes settle on Mac, who he finds looking anxiously down at the floor he probably can’t even see. absent-mindedly, he takes a moment to study the man’s face, all strong and dark-featured. handsome.

-he’s about to mentally slap himself silly for thinking such things when Mac finally looks up, catching his eye, stealing his breath. the traitor, the perpetrator.

-neither of them says a single goddamn thing. Dennis knows this should be the worst experience of his life, and thinks that in some ways it just might be, but on another, never-seen-before hand... it’s kind of nice. relaxing, almost. gentle.

-Mac’s face scrunches a little, silently asking him what’s happening. Dennis wishes he could give a response, but he really just doesn’t know. what is this?

-it’s a perfectly fine question, and one he has even less than no answer to when Mac begins to lean into him. it’s almost imperceptible to the eye, but Dennis sees it. is he waiting for it? no, that’d be weird. he’s just observant, okay?

-still, there’s something happening. his heart is pounding in his chest, and yet he feels completely calm. the world around them stops, even though it doesn’t, as Mac’s eyes drop to his lips and he closes the gap between them.

-surely this can’t be real, Dennis thinks to himself. he tries to convince himself that he’s asleep, that this is some dream-nightmare, some delightful poison mixed up by his mind, and he’s going to awake from it all very soon. too soon.

-he doesn’t. as Mac dares to press more into him, pushing him as far back as he will go before he’s completely shoved up against the wall, crushes and loving it.

-yeah, he knows he should stop. he should force Mac back, scold him, tell him this isn’t the time, and that even if it was the time he’s not interested, but those would be lies. well, maybe not the former, but when is the perfect time for something like this? Dennis thinks it’s one of those things that you just go for.

-and Mac does just that. there, in a stranger’s house, in a stranger’s closet, he kisses Dennis like it’s all he was ever meant to do, somehow sweet and hot at the same time. desperate and demanding.

-Dennis isn’t thinking straight - how could he be? - when he wraps his arms around Mac’s shoulders, letting go of all his inhibitions. his mind is somewhere else completely when he lets himself release a moan that’s been trying to claw its way out of his throat for the longest time - years, actually - and then he stops.

-shit.

-oh, shit shit shit. this cannot be good. he’s just gone and done it, hasn’t he? he’s outed them, let the woman and man know they’re there, and sure enough, like clockwork, as soon as he moans, the water turns off and a book slams shut.

-they’re fucked. utterly, royally fucked. he searches Mac’s eyes, finding a shocked expression that he imagines is identical to his own, and they have next to no time to react before the closet door is being thrown open.

-there, a woman and man are revealed, the former in a towel with soaking wet, dark brown hair. Mac and Dennis pause, frozen still with discovery, and without thinking Dennis offers them merely a sheepish smile and wave.

-uproar. devastation. threats to call the police, lots and lots of running. after all this, the catastrophe subsides, leaving Mac and Dennis hunched over, clutching at their stomachs, laughing their asses off, like nothing at all happened.

-”I can not believe Dee,” Dennis proclaims, and though he should sound agitated at best, he finds he can’t stop smiling fondly. did his sister just accidentally set him up with his best friend?

-”I know, man; she sucks,” Mac agrees, humming, but stop suddenly and smiles broadly at Dennis, just for him, only ever for him, “but you know what?”

-Dennis can’t help but return the smile lazily, unsuspecting, “what?”

-”I blame you.”

#macdennis #mac x dennis #mac mcdonald x dennis reynolds #iasip #send me prompts #prompted writing #prompted fic #mine

[antoine-roquentin]

The Victorian era is infamous, rightly or wrongly, for its repression of sexuality. But its temporal and philosophical heir definitely did repress the possibility of the homoromantic relationships between women and between men that had been normal, if not the norm, for centuries and centuries. This process was rooted in one of society's most fundamental adopted divisions, gender, so you can imagine that there are a whole lot of factors implicated in the shift that are all tangled around each other and mutually reinforcing. Some of the key ones include: industrialization and urbanization, women's colleges, class concerns, a crisis in masculinity (masculinity is always in crisis), and most importantly, the invention of "sexology" as a field of science at a time that science played a central role in cataloguing and normatively ordering society.

Anthony Rotundo, primarily studying men, argues that "romantic friendships" in America start to become visible in the Revolutionary War era and flourish in the mid-19th century. The 18th century is kind of a black hole for me so I'll take his word for when the concept of romantic friendships was jump-started, but it was by no means new. In the Middle Ages, Christians and Muslims alike wrote poetry and composed letters depicting homoromantic and even homoerotic relationships. I'm going back this far not for the heck of it, but because medieval society helps clarify key qualities of male and female "romantic friendships" that contributed to their eventual demise: a societal value on men expressing emotion (knightly tears; religious devotions) and the very, very limited possibilities for unmarried women to rise above the poorest classes. Romantic friendships did not threaten men's sense of themselves as men, patriarchal control of women, or marriage.

Socio-economic changes in the late 19th and early 20th centuries knocked all of that askew.

The 1870s-1920s saw a massive influx of young women and men into U.S. cities. On one hand, this was an age-old process that, for centuries, was basically the season cities could exist (they were population sinks--on their own, city residents could not reproduce enough to replace themselves given mortality rates). On the other, the type of work they found and the pathways for success in that work were much more recent. The old system of apprenticeships and family connections for men, and almost exclusively domestic servant work for women, absolutely persisted but were swamped by the numbers of factory workers and non-domestic service workers. To support the population boom, cities constructed residential hotels/dormitories/apartments that were often designated single-sex.

That situation made both male and female romantic friendships a threat to the gendered prescriptions of society. For men, it diminished the utility of romantic friendships as potential economic and social connections, meaning they wouldn't be stepping stones towards supporting their eventual family. For women, it opened a much more achievable possibility of financial stability outside marriage.

The blossoming of women's colleges at this time made that problem even clearer to the sexuality reformers and sexologists we'll meet in a little--because "these women" were most assuredly middle and upper-middle class. In short: the ideal marriage partners for men...in an environment where romantic friendships could permit them both prestigious social roles (scholars, administrators, politicians, professional artists, etc) and economic success without men. This was true, even long-term, for both students and teachers. About 10% of American women at the end of the 19th century never married; the figure was around 50% for graduates of women's colleges. So when men observed, as in this letter to the Yale student newspaper:

There is a term in general use at Vassar, truly calculated to awaken within the ima penetralia of our souls all that love for the noble and the aesthetic of which our natures are capable, The term in question is "smashing."

When a Vassar girl takes a shine to another, she straightway enters upon a regular course of bouquet sendings, interspersed with tinted notes, mysterious packages of ‘Ridley’s Mixed Candies,’ locks of hair perhaps, and many other tender tokens, until at last the object of her attentions is captured, the two women become inseparable, and the aggressor is considered by her circle of acquaintances as "smashed."

they might not have seen sexual competition, but the possibility of a lifestyle threat was lurking.

Men's romantic friendships were also under fire with respect to their emotionality. The gradual militarization of western culture over the 19th century (think the Salvation Army or the military trappings of the Boy Scouts) drove/was driven by a narrowing definition of masculinity on "muscles"--vigor, strength, athleticism, the Teddy Roosevelt stereotype. Whereas emotions had once been the healthy counterpart, gradually the internal dimensions of character and a value on openness and gentleness became a liability. (Marriage was still okay, because the idealized marriage was the husband/father rising up to 'be a man' and take care of his family).

Steeped in all these burgeoning developments and their implications came the sexologists, with an agenda not just to categorize society but to evangelize their "discoveries."

A lot of us are at least in passing familiar with the "homosexuality didn't exist as 'homosexuality', an identity, before 1900" trope. This can be taken too far (and often is), but it is nevertheless true that the later decades of the 19th century and early 20th century saw professional, middle-class scientists coalescing ideas of same-sex sexual relations according to Science rather than morality. Instead of a wrong step by step choice, it was an abnormal physical, inherited trait.

This idea got mixed up in Progressive Era utopian visions of societal improvement that, among other things, tagged "deviants" and lower-class people as hindering forward progress--just as same-sex sex, now identified with the people who practiced it, prevented heterosexual, reproductive sex.

And scientists like Bernard Talmey exhibited one of my favorite characteristics of historical men writing about women: in his 1904 book on, well, women, he announced his deep concern that the American public "does not even surmise of the existence" of sex between women. It was a scientific version of what I see in my medieval (male) clerics skating gingerly around actually mentioning lesbian activity because they don't want to put the idea in women's minds.

But this view of American sexologists, lagging somewhat behind their European counterparts, was crucial to the decline of romantic friendships among men and women. First, because it started off with a condemnation of these friendships that took away from social order regardless of whether there was sexual activity involved.

Second, because of the label first stacked onto the participants: inverts. That is, the inversion of proper sex/sexual order. Here we meet up with the rise of muscular masculinity against emotionality and gentleness, as well women's political activity and independent economic power against the norm of a separate women's/domestic sphere.

And so romantic friendships, instead of a natural part of growing up for men and women, became an aberration--not in the sense of "rare", but in the sense of "wrong."

...Unbeknownst to the sexologists, however, their codification of language and an identity for homosexual men and women gave people who did experience same-sex attraction a mutual self-understanding--a certain legitimacy. It's seen as the beginning of an LGBTQ+ movement (if not yet a civil rights one). So there is a lot to mourn about the loss of romantic friendships and what it signified. But this is one story about the past that also has a future.

Further Reading:

This is actually a topic where there are some books that hit the triumvirate of happiness: generally good historically, interesting to read, and affordable on Amazon. I'd recommend:

Michael Bronski, A Queer History of the United States

Lillian Faderman, Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in 20th Century America (this is older, now, and I have some problems with how it handles race and class, but it's well grounded in its sources, and both educational and entertaining)

Scott Herring, Queering the Underworld: Slumming, Literature, and the Undoing of Gay and Lesbian History

So that's where I'd start. :)