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#so i messaged my neurologist and hes like 'yeah its fine. wanna inject yourself?'
ef-1
·
1 year
Text
legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23
#so.
#i fell into the fireplace lol
#- thats the concise summary. but ive just been unwell health wise recently. i think ms is just harrowing to deal with
#because you can go for so long symptom free and then one day you wake up and everything is wrong
#your body feels wrong.
#i remember being constantly angry at my body as though its a separate entity. especially when i was like 17/18.
#because everytime i had a bad ms relapse i would literally breakdown in angry tears like- at my body. i was good to you. im meditating
#im eating healthy. im exercising. ive been good to you.
#but then suddenly you cant see or youre shaking uncontrollably or your limbs are numb
#or my new favourite one: a couple of weeks ago i woke up at 4 am in a cold sweat. the inside of my thigh was burning
#i dont mean like. exercise burning. i mean like struck a hot iron rod burning. it was obv nerve pain but that didnt stave off the panic
#so i messaged my neurologist and hes like 'yeah its fine. wanna inject yourself?'
#anyway. so recently i was helping my friend get his place houseparty ready and we were cleaning out the fire place
#and my legs just gave out 😍
#and i got so angry and humiliated i kind of just wanted to go to bed and not wake up tbh
#which is what i usually do but like. i was angry. angry. scorpio angry as lidya would say. so i had a nap in his bed
#and when i woke up i felt slightly better and for once i thought 'im not going to let my body ruin this day for me'
#and i just dragged him to the markets with me. and i still had the tremors but we bought more greens than either of us needed
#and we laughed and walked and he carried me to the car at the end of the trip and it was one of the best days ive had in a long while tbh
#and it feels impossible but sometimes all u need is to brush the ash from ur knees and hide the scruffs with stockings &maybe youll be ok
#💚
#tw chronic illness
#/ multiple sclerosis
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