#since my family has shamed me out of journaling I gotta go back to SH I can't deal with any of this

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

#I don't think I'm capable of being loved so much that I'm proposed to #fuck all I want is to get married and be in love and finally stop hating myself #I wanna bang my head against a wall until I don't exist #nobody ever understands the pain they've all been chosen before #I've never been chosen for the full me #I just wanna cling onto someone and cry during the nasty dark moments #like when sex and regression and trauma mix #when my brain works against me #when I am 100% sure there's no way past this #I keep forgetting that I'm doomed to be alone and keep getting my heart broke I'm so angry and hate myself #I feel like I'm drowning on air #I'm crying and sobbing and verging on sh I dunno what to do everything feels fake #fake* #I lost my sister and I lost my dad I just really fucking need somebody #I can't turn 30 and be alone I've already had puking fits over trying to accept the fact that I'll be 25 and single #im fucking going ballistic I don't wanna be alone #the only thing that's gonna make me happy is finally having a partner and that's just not gonna happen #I'm going to be a 30 yr old virgin FUCK #since my family has shamed me out of journaling I gotta go back to SH I can't deal with any of this #there's just so much going wrong #my life is falling apart I have no one