#she'll come here tomorrow. she has to bring my brother to guitar school. i don't know if we'll get to see each other actually

[ambreiiigns]

more whining i need to see my therapist sorry

#oh nay #i also just finished reading no longer human and i feel like that is kinda. giving me a kick to express shit. in a way #you know????? idk it feels like that unlocked something or gave me a push i didn't have #like why do i always always always feel at fault no matter what i do no matter where i am why do i always feel like i'm making everything #worse for everyone. i don't know if i've ever asked myself why this is #it's always like. it's just how it is #after enough therapy it did turn into. i feel like that and i'm wrong and it's insane to feel like that #like i can absolutely see how it's so unfair of me to see everything like that. and occasionally i can be like. no that is Wrong you're #doing nothing wrong it's alright or even. You Deserve Something‚ Actually #but idk i feel wuite helpless rn. i feel really bad i really do #i kinda just want my mom to hug me a lot right now i wish it wasn't only monday i wish it was the weekend so i could go back home and stay #w her some time. we didn't see each other much this weekend she was busy and she was sad abt it when i left #she was in the shower when i had to leave and she was sad couldn't say goodbye properly. said she was sad bc we didn't spend time together #and this is weird. she's not really sentimental like that. she's being a lot sweeter #wonder if it's because she misses me. bc i think i feel sweeter for her rn bc i miss her maybe it's the same for her #or maybe. more frightening. she's being sweeter bc of uni. bc i'm doing something that's making her happy and proud. so purposefully or not #she's kinda like. rewarding me w being sweet. and maybe she wouldn't do this/won't do it again if uni were out of the picture #she'll come here tomorrow. she has to bring my brother to guitar school. i don't know if we'll get to see each other actually #i told her i really hope we do meet up but now i don't know if i want her to? like i either lie abt the house. and don't bring it up. or?? #if i can talk to someone and have good news i'll tell her. if i get bad news idk. i probably tell her either way. i've hardly ever kept #secrets w her so. if i don't hear anything abt the situation i just don't bring it up until i know more i think #god what the fuck did they put in mother/daughter relationships #the point is. i wish i could forgive myself for being a person i think. i wish i could just accept that i exist #and that my mom made me exist so she gotta deal w me no matter what and if i wrong her it's on her as much as it is on me #but also it isn't. also it's just on me. but she has to deal w it anyway #i'm no good and even when i'm any good it's nothing special it's just the bare minimum and i shouldn't celebrate it #this is not like. an affirmation this is just. me putting into words something that i feel so i can perceive it. i'm not being edgy and #negative for the sake of it. + if anyone reads this and tries to comfort me by being like noo you're good you're great i might kill u #like thank you for the thought but it really does not make me feel any better so i appreciate it but fr do not say anything of the sort it #just makes me cry harder i mean it

[gloomyhearts]

Always by your side || Luke Patterson

Chapter two ~ just look up the sky

people grow together through darkness. does this band will make it without their most important human being.

After years will everything keep the same?

Luke patterson x oc

January 1995

Sabrina came home from school and was on her way to the garage where her favourite human beings have rehearsal before playing at the club the next day. The chords of 'now or never' blasting all the way to the front street. Jumping from her board she ran up the driveway, stopping at the door to catch her breath.

She threw the doors opened as she stepped in.

"Welcome stranger" Luke laid his free arm around her shoulders pulling her in the middle of the room.

"I don't want to push your ego but you're guys becoming better everyday," she pushed Luke's arm away when Alex glanced at them. Sending him an apologetic look.

"Thank you Brie" Reggie sending her a warm smile.

"Just the truth Reg" mirroring his smile she walked over to the couch and sat down. "What songs are you playing tomorrow?" She lay down her hands resting on her stomach. She twisted the ring Luke gifted her last year.

"Now and never is an essential. And then we will see, how's the public, their vibes and so," Bobby explains. Sabrina wasn't a fan of the fourth member to the fact that he's trying to steal Luke the show always ripping his lyrics saying negative words about them and his said words aren't any help either.

"Now or never is a hit boys I really like it"

"You just say that because you're my sister," Alex insisted.

"That's bullshit," she retorted.

"But just try 'Welcome home,'" Sabrina suggests.

"But there's a piano part," Luke remarked.

"Don't mind me sitting down here," Sabrina points to the keyboard and sat behind it.

She began to play the beginning chords as Alex softly hit on his drum.

Feeling high always chasing the light.

Calming down when everything's loud.

Adrenaline rushing through my body,

My heart beats for moment like these.

Luke plucks his guitar farster, the drums getting louder and the boys began to scream.

In the dark

We're jamming from our hearts

No regrets

Blood rushing through my head

Welcome home

Always grateful for you

The cheers

Echoing through my head

The keyboard was facing the band giving Sabrina the chance to study their emotions. Luke's eyes always laying on her even as he's walking between the other two guitarist.

Hours to go but always thinking 'bout you

Seeing you in the crowd

Brings ache to my heart.

But this band's like homeee.

Sabrina sung quietly in background every word of the lyric when her favorite passage was to come.

Some chase the fame and lose themselves

But with you I'm being grounded

Flying high and blasting through the sky

Would never feel the same without you

Their eyes glaring at her when she was the only one singing this phrase, the boys astonished by her voice froze in tracks. Her eyes narrowed to keep on playing their instruments.

Seconds later the music started again.

Welcome home

Always grateful for you

The cheers

Echoing through my heart

Welcome home

Always grateful for you

The cheers

Echoing through my heart

The chords slowly dying as Alex hit his ride a last time.

"This was spectacular" he jumped in front of his drums.

"This is.. Will you have to join the band" his hands now resting on her upper arms, shaking Sabrina lightly.

Shaking her head she just laughed. "You know I wouldn't, Lexi" she began to thickle his abdomen as he removes his hands.

Reggie agrees to Alex nodding his head steady.

"Think about it Brina" Luke spoke smirking.

"I'll think about it" the corner of his mouth turned up. He stretched his hand in front of her as she grabbed it he squeezed it slightly.

He dragged her closer by shoving his arm to his body, he leans down to her and whispers. "You smell nice today" her cheeks turning red as turned away to cover her up. Alex observes it critical.

"I've got to go. Don't stay up too late," she calls after the group. She waves to the boys when she walked out of the door Luke hold open.

Skateboarding down the main street the sky a mild orange and yellow as the sun; already dotted with stars. Sabrina was almost in her friend's street as a jolt threw her down her board she even flew a few yards; hitting the ground with a loud thud and sliding a bit more. Her skin now cluttered with abrasions on her left side. She pressed on her upper arm trying to stop the blood

The blonde girl lay on the cold pavement surrounded by tourists and pedestrians. Eyes glaring on her staring at her wounds, some chatters whereas she couldn't understand it.

In the distance she heard sirens over her loud sobbing; a wave of relief and hope floating through her tired body.

She was lifted into the ambulance and they start to drive to the hospital.

At the arrival of the car they rushed to the emergencyroom. Shifting her into a bed before taking her to the tests.

The first nurse pushing a needled for the IV into her hand when she saw her naked hand sadness overcame her.

"The..the ring" she stutters.

"There was no ring" the paramedic explained dry and shrugged his shoulders. She lost her consciousness right after.

A steady beeping was the only noise in the room. Her body covered with wires plugged into machines for her vitals. A nurse entered as she saw Sabrina opens her eyes.

"Hello dear. Great to see you. So what's your name?" she sat down next to the bed.

"Brie" she struggles to breath.

"Slow. Take your time," the nurse soothed. Sabrina's hand slightly shakes as she tries to imply. "You wanna write?" The blonde just nodded.

Writing has always helped me.

"There you go"she handed her paper and a pen.

Sabrina Willow Mercer. It wasn't her best writing but readable.

"Got this." The nurse grabbed the paper and left.

She left her three empty papers, so she began to write with all the power she has left.

Minutes later the woman came back reassuring she reached someone at home. A single tear escape her eyes as she quietly sobs. What if this are here last breaths and no one of her family was here she'd do everything to hear their voices one last time. She remembers the rehearsal hours ago.

"Your mom said she is on her way after calling your dad and collecting your brother." Laying her hand on Sabrina's arm her thumb rubbing an unscathed spot. The girl in the bed mouthed a 'thanks'.

What felt like hours of waiting her mother and the blonde boy ran into her room.

"Baby" her mom threw her body down next to the bed grabbing her hand.

"Will" Alex stumbled towards the bed reddish eyes staring at her.

"She's going to be alright, right?" He turned to the nurse.

"That's not mine remit sir" she left.

Alex softly moving next to her in the bed. "We'll make it. We always do" he pressed a kiss on her temple pulling her into his side.

Their mother started whimpering remembering what the nurse told on the phone. She gave Brian's hand a small kiss holding it near to her heart. Alex was this situation suspicious. He sniffed her scent in; the ocean breeze.

"Lex.." Sabrina's voice broke halfway.

"Psst. Let me hold you" he pressed her tighter into his side.

The girl hold the letters over to him. "When I... when I die.." the siblings whimpered in sync.

"These are for you, mom and dad and Luke" his name gave him a flashback to Luke's reaction as Alex rushed out of the garage running towards their car and leaving without a word. Luke didn't moved since then.

"Call him" she pointed towards the door giving him a resuring smile.

Minutes past when Alex walked back in. "He's coming" he took his spot again laying his arm around her shoulder.

"You sure about this?" He raised the letters and she nodded.

The shaggy haired boy arrived as Sabrina was sleeping in Alex arms. "She's alright right?" He questioned and the blonde boy shakes his head much to his dislike.

"I talked to the doctor they gave her maximally a week" his thumb brushes the tears away. "If they find a donor.." he sobbed thinking about a life without this sunshine.

"That's not true. It can't. She's so young" Luke's body fell into the chair. The Mercer mom left an hour ago.

Luke intertwined their fingers bringing her hand up to his forehead. He felt a light pressure on his hand and looked up at Sabrina. A small smile on her lips. "Hey gorgeous" he didn't cared if Alex was still with them.

"You're going to be alright. We'll find a way Brina," Luke whispers, his voice shaking.

The next day Sabrina woke up to two boys sleeping with their heads on her bed, quiet snorts escaping their mouths.

She wanted to let them sleep they need it. Flashbacks from last night crashing onto her.

The boys refused to play tonight but she insisted that's their chance, there always managers who could sign them.

'Just let it go',

'we're not leaving you here, alone.'

'don't let this chance die because of me' she retorted. As she mentions the word 'die' the time stand still, the air around them getting cold, their eyes not daring to look at her.

"Morning Will" Alex greets, his voice just above a whisper; his hand sliding through his hair trying to smooth it.

"Hey" she tried to smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Greatest I've ever been" she sarcastically said, rolling her eyes.

The siblings laughed the first time since the whole accident. Luke awoke to them laughing and his muscles eased a bit. Seeing them relieved, laughing, this gives him hope, hope she'll survive this.

"Morning there sweetie" Alex says towards Luke who rubbed his eyes in the process of waking up.

"Morning" he yawns and stretched his arms up.

"I'm getting breakfast any wishes?" Alex stands up and began to sneak to the door.

"Pancakes" his sister calls after him.

"We're not in a hotel" he shakes his head in disbelief. The three of them erupting in laughter.

"A coffee, please" Luke adds.

Alex was out the door so Luke took the chance to climb up into the bed. His arm resting around her shoulders. Her head resting on his shoulder and his head on hers.

"I can't do this tonight without you, Brina." his voice a shaking whisper.

"Of course you'll rock this, all of you. Do it for me P." Sabrina turned on her side and rested her head in his chest, hearing his heartbeat calmed her. His right hand plays with a strand of her wavy hair. Unfortunately one of his rings gets tangled in it.

"Ouh" exclaimed the girl reaching for his hand and slowly puts his hand in front of her face. Thank God her hair is long that this is possible.

"Keep still" Sabrina points out.

She took the ring off of his finger and entangled it from her hair. Luke watching her moves closely. She let out a small chuckle.

"Where's your ring" he grabs her hand finding the naked spot around her index.

"I've must lost it. The paramedic said he hasn't found anything" the corners of her mouth dropping down, she sighed.

"No problem. I'll find it" Alex enters the room again with their drinks in his hands and a chocolate chip muffin. He reached the bed and hand them their orders.

"Can I have a bite" she made puppy eyes which always convinced him.

"Fine" he exhales holding it in front of her. Taking a large bite she smile without teeth; making kissing sounds to thank him.

The boys left around lunch due to her following tests but Alex dropped in minutes after she was pushed out of her room bringing her journal and her pencil case. Arriving back and seeing the utensils she smiled and began to write down her thoughts, forming poems and wisdoms.

Sabrina's view laid on the clock at it hit 7pm which means their show begins right now, she wishes to be there seeing them relieved and freed, dancing over the stage having fun with each other.

"Hello guys we're sunset curve" Luke was interrupted by Reggie's 'tell your friends'

"We want to dedicate this night for a special one who couldn't be here today" his mood darken slightly.

They began to play the chorus to 'now or never' and the people radiate the same energy as the band. The crowed danced to the words the band sings.

The song came to an end and Luke exchanged glances with the other guys, nodding their heads they were ready to jam 'Welcome home'.

Mid song Luke stopped singing and stared into the void. He lost his focus, frozen without her; that's when it hits him like a train it wasn't just a silly crush, he loves her.

Tears began to build in his eyes as he tried to focus back on the music.

When the last chords were played he ran out of the bar and to the place Sabrina told him she had the accident.

Earlier the day he didn't find the ring, the probability to find it now is zero but he didn't would give up until he held it in his hand.

Luke arrived to a jumbled room, nurses running in and out same as doctors. Loud chattering and beeping of machines. He rushed into her room, Alex already sat by her side. He grabbed her other hand holding it and squeezing it constantly. Sabrina tried to sat up, her hands trying to escape their grip. They all lean in closer, heads now in the middle of the bed.

"Just look up the sky. I'm the brightest star guiding the way. Watching you. Always by your side" her hands resting on each of the cheeks from Luke and Alex. Luke takes her hand and puts the ring back on her index, she slowly proceeded the gesture and it takes all her power to sent him a heartwarming smile but it didn't reached her eyes too tired.

"I love you" Sabrina's hands falling lifeless onto the bed. The machines now with a monotonous sound and a flat line. Tears streaming down their checks. Holding her hand not able to proceed that’s she’s gone, forever

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