#she doesn't recognize just how badly her situation has warped her

[vulturevanity]

The people who complain about Natsuki DDLC's grumpiness wouldn't survive watching a single Haruhi episode

#been thinking about the show post-binge and I actually really like Haruhi's toxicity and why it developed #she's exactly what would happen if a 7-year old had a mid-life crisis #of course she's angry at everything. she's still a hormonal teen who thinks she's insignificant and wants to change that #normal teen angst #it just so happens that she also has literal godlike powers and people have to walk on eggshells around her so she won't blow up reality #which is why she can't be called out for her horrible behaviour #and why it's such a shock to her when Kyon gets so mad he tries to punch her #she cannot conceive of him not going along with her. that's unthinkable. he always complained but he was her most reliable follower #she's a horrible person because no one ever confronted her about it. that's all #and sometimes she managed to do something nice and every time people thanked her for it she was like “??????” #she's so used to being served unconditionally that she doesn't recognize the joy of being actually rewarded for her actions #i fucking love haruhi man. i would hate her if she was real but she's such a good unlikeable character #the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya #meanwhile Natsuki is lashing out due to being an abuse victim and basically drops the act pretty fast in both acts #i also like Natsuki but for different reasons #she doesn't recognize just how badly her situation has warped her #she's hurt and curling up into herself and biting every hand that comes close because she doesn't know if it'll hurt her this time too #and sometimes she hurts others and spirals into self-hatred and “why am i like this? ehy is this so hard? am i the problem?” #it's so sad #doki doki literature club

[onewholivesinloops]

shion's relationship with the houjou siblings will always be one of the most fascinating aspects of higurashi to me and it's just so heartbreaking in how tragic it is bc it's shion projecting her own anger and trauma onto their relationship, and she does that bc she sees herself in both of them - satoko, the one who always causes trouble and is treated as a burden for her behavior and is even told she deserves her abuse, and satoshi, the one who's constantly struggling to fix and improve things, even as it's wearing him down.

she also sees her dynamic with mion in them. shion talks at some point about how mion always comes crying to her when something goes wrong in her life (e.g. keiichi hurting her with his insensitivity and not giving her the doll) and she's the only person mion trusts enough to open up to like this, but there's also resentment there, bc when shion needed mion the most, mion wasn't there for her (shion going through torture and having her nails torn off by the sonozakis as punishment with mion just watching (we can see that mion really is powerless in the face of her family but anger and trauma aren't always rational and it's understandable that shion feels abandoned by her sister)).

satoko's dynamic with satoshi is reminiscent of this bc satoshi is always defending satoko from abuse as she hides behind him, so shion basically turns satoshi into everything she feels they can't be, everything she wishes her and mion were, and turns satoko into everything she loathes about herself and mion.

it's such a tragic dynamic bc shion is a victim of abuse who feels trapped in a horrible situation and sees no way out for herself after having had the person she considers a symbol of all of her hopes taken away from her which is why she pushes all the blame for that onto satoko due to the trauma warping her worldview.

shion has been simmering for a long time so when satoshi disappeared, her fragile mental state fell apart completely bc satoshi was the only hope she had left for herself and now she's lost it all. satoshi was living proof that, maybe, she can be okay one day and now that he's gone she has no reason to believe that anymore. it's like being told she can't have anything good for herself, and it's part of the reason she ends up lashing out at mion for taking away the 'mion' name from her. shion has only ever felt like things get stolen from her, which is why she rationalizes the trauma of being separated from her twin sister this way.

it's very complicated bc satoshi is the ideal of the older sibling shion wishes she could be, but he's also the older sibling who's always suffering for the younger one (which is what shion feels she is), and shion hates herself so she doesn't feel justified to act on her resentment unless it's for someone else's sake and satoshi being the ideal he is makes him the perfect object to project those feelings onto.

satoshi is also always putting on a strong front for satoko's sake so his pain goes under the radar, even though he's someone who needs help so badly. this is why shion, who feels as though her own pain isn't recognized by others around her, wants to be the one to see satoshi's pain.

satoshi and shion are both not 'seen', so shion tries to see satoshi with the hope that he'll see her in return.

shion always wanted to be seen, it's why she's so desperate for rena to realize that she's not mion at the end of meakashi and is disappointed when rena doesn't.

shion remembering satoshi's promise in minagoroshi and subsequent fragments isn't her protecting satoko purely for satoshi's sake, it's shion realizing that her and satoko are intertwined in their personal and emotional struggles, as young girls who want to be accepted and loved without the terrible restraints placed upon them by the adults and systems around them that have constantly failed and abused them, so shion takes it upon herself to provide satoko with what she's been robbed off her entire life, with the hope she can protect satoko a little bit from any further hurt and find some healing together.

it's shion breaking the cycle of abuse she perpetuated in meakashi bc she realizes that taking it out on satoko wouldn't solve anything and wouldn't be fair to satoko.

the bond between two girls who have been treated as unwanted and told they shouldn't have been born by the very people who should've protected them from the cruelty of the world is such a special kind of bond.

shion and satoko are so good. meakashi is also so good. look at them please.

#higurashi #gamo.txt