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anavoliselenu · 7 years

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Heart of stone chapter 19

Surprisingly, shopping for Selena had been rather enjoyable. From sweaters and skirts, to jeans and boots – the possibilities with women’s clothing seemed endless. Looking at various styles and picturing certain items on Selena was an experience unlike any other. I was careful with my selections, keeping her tastes above my own. I wanted her to be pleased with my choices and know that I was keeping her interests in mind. And most importantly, I wanted to show her how much I wanted to take care of her, yet still allow her to maintain her individuality.

I knew I was taking a risk. Selena might be down right furious once she saw everything that I had bought. But I also knew that she might be more apt to accept my gifts if she knew that I personally selected each item.

When I arrived home shortly after six, I was pleased to see that the packages from the day’s spree had been delivered and that Vivian already organized my spacious walk-in closet to accommodate the purchases. It was strange to see the colorful array of cottons, silks, and cashmere hanging next to the line of utilitarian colored suits. Yet, I also derived a certain amount of satisfaction over seeing it, as if I had achieved some kind of great accomplishment.

As I closed the closet doors, the intercom to the penthouse buzzed. I assumed it was Jeffrey letting me know that Selena had arrived, and it irked me that he hit the call button to announce her arrival. I had given him explicit instructions to simply send her up whenever she came to my home.

“Yes!” I snapped into the intercom.

“Mr. Stone. Ah…I, um Miss –,” Jeffrey started.

Just what I thought.

“Allow Miss Cole into the elevator, Jeffrey. Now please.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. She’s on her way.”

I walked away from the intercom speaker, not bothering to thank him. Whatever patience that I had for the bumbling doorman was starting to run thin.

I waited in the entryway for the elevator to arrive. When the doors opened, my breath caught in my throat. No matter how many times I saw Selena, her beauty took my breath away. Her hair was in a loose ponytail at the nape of her neck, allowing a few stray curls free to frame her delicate face. Her tight jeans and scoop necked sweater accented every flawless curve of her body.

She was perfect, like a goddess from the heavens. Little had I known that this woman would turn my world upside down when she slipped and fell that day at Wally’s. I wanted her then and I want her even more now – more than I ever wanted any other woman in my life. She was an angel.

My angel.

I closed the distance between us in less than a second and scooped her up under the legs to cradle her my arms.

“Justin! Put me down!” she half scolded and giggled at the same time, swatting at my arm. I ignored her and breathed in the sweet smell of her hair.

“Mmm…not a chance. I missed you,” I murmured into her ear.

“Already?” she laughed.

“Very much,” I admitted before kissing her softly. “You’ve been on my mind all day, angel.”

“Oh, have I? I can only imagine all of the wicked things you were thinking today.”

“Miss Cole, you have no idea.”

I ran my nose down the length of her cheek to nuzzle the sweet spot below her ear. She hummed and closed her eyes, angling her head to the side. I moved back up, savoring the softness of her skin, nipping along the line of her jaw. My teeth grazed her parted lips and I kissed her again, but this time it was long and possessive. She surrendered and gave into my tongue, allowing me to revel in the taste of her.

“I could get used to greetings like that,” she murmured once I gave her a chance to come up for air.

“My girl likes being swept off her feet I take it,” I joked.

I felt her stiffen in my arms.

“I guess I do,” she said with a small smile. However, her grin didn’t quite reach her eyes, and I knew that she was thinking metaphorically about what I had said.

“I was only messing around, Selena. After all, I did quite literally sweep you off of your feet.”

“I know,” she said, planting a placating kiss on my cheek. I set her down, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I thought she looked relieved. Her sudden change of demeanor was perplexing.

“You okay?”

“I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I think I’m just tired, that’s all. Somebody wore me out last night.”

“I didn’t hear any complaints,” I said with a wink.

“Oh, not at all. But I’ll have to admit, the day is finally catching up with me. I’d love to just lounge on the couch for a little while. Maybe watch a movie? What do you say?”

A movie?

Lying on the couch and watching a movie with a woman was foreign to me, yet it provoked some very interesting ideas. The thought of getting Selena horizontal had me readily agreeing.

“I’m game for that. But first, I have something for you. Come with me.”

I took her hand and led her into the bedroom. When we reached the closet doors, I paused before opening them. I was thrilled at the chance to give Selena her surprise, but I was nervous about it too.

What if this is a mistake?

I thought of the way her new clothes looked hanging next to mine. For me, it was simply a gift, one that I was anxious to give her. However, Selena had a tendency to look too much into things, and I was afraid of how she might perceive the appearance of my closet.

Maybe I shouldn’t show her this. Not yet.

“What is it?” she asked.

Her question tore me away from the indecisive meanderings.

I shook my head to clear it, feeling uncomfortable with the way I seemed to be questioning my every move as of late. I have always been confident in my choices, yet I seemed to stumble over the smallest of decisions surrounding Selena and it was starting to wear on me. I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Get your shit together and just give her the damn clothes!

“It’s here. In my closet,” I told her.

I opened the doors and gestured her inside. She stopped when she reached the threshold, not having to venture any further to see what was plainly before her. I saw her visibly blanch, in what I could only assume to be shock, before she slowly turned to face me. Our eyes locked, and hers were flashing with accusation.

I should have waited.

“Justin, you said that you had something for me. These are things. As in plural. Very plural.”

Her voice was strained and I could tell that she was trying to keep her temper in check.

“I just wanted you to have a choice, that’s all,” I tried to shrug off.

She got quiet, unusually so. By the way she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, she appeared agitated. She attempted to tuck a curl behind her ear, but it sprang free again. I reached up to do it for her, but she jerked her head away so that I couldn’t. I dropped my hand to my side, knowing that she was just as angry as I feared she would be.

She cast her eyes down, seeming to stare at some invisible speck on the carpet. Occasionally, her eyes would dart back up to her new wardrobe, but then down again as if she couldn’t bare the sight. Her silence was vexing, but I held my tongue, waiting for her to break it first.

“I wish you didn’t do this,” she eventually whispered.

“I wanted to,” I stated simply.

She looked up at that, sticking out a stubborn chin.

“What if I don’t want to accept?”

I pursed my lips in annoyance, trying not to feel insulted over her rejection. I took a deep breath, reminding myself that Selena responded best to brutal honesty.

“You’re not getting it, Selena. I want to buy you things. I want to take care of you. It’s a need that I can’t explain,” I told her, trying to sound as earnest as possible. “It makes me happy to do so, as I so discovered today. This is just something that you’ll have to get used to.”

“Look, I appreciate it, but it’s you that isn’t getting it. A week ago we were both saying no strings attached. All of this is a whole lot of strings,” she said, motioning to the clothes with her hand.

I chuckled at her unintentional pun, trying to keep the mood light. I was just grateful that she was talking again.

“Angel, it’s only clothes.”

“It’s more than clothes to me. It’s what it symbolizes.”

“I understand your hesitation. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t know what possessed me to do it. I’ve never personally gone shopping for a woman before, not even for my sister. It was just…” I struggled trying to find the right words to explain my compulsion. “It was just something that I wanted to do. Accepting would make me very happy.”

Her face looked pained, as if she were suffering from some sort of internal battle. She looked at me, eyes full of uncertainty, before walking into the closet and running her hand up and down the sleeves of the hanging blouses.

“You shopped for all of this by yourself?”

“Sort of. Hale may have had a thing or two to say about some of the stuff I bought.”

Her head snapped around so fast that it threatened whiplash. Her eyes were round with apparent disbelief, but then she let out a loud and genuine laugh. The sound was infectious and music to my ears.

“You two must have been such a sight!”

I crossed my arms and smirked at her.

“Are you laughing at me, Miss Cole?”

“I would never dare,” she retorted.

Her eyes twinkled, a sure sign that I was on my way to securing the win.

“Does this mean that you’ll accept my gift?”

“I suppose I could,” she mused the consent.

I hesitated before dropping the next bomb on her.

“I hope so, because this isn’t all of it.”

Her shoulders slumped and she shook her head back and forth.

“No more gifts, Justin,” she implored.

“You said you’d accept. What’s next is just part of the package.”

“Please. No,” she tried to deny, but I ignored her pleads.

I went over to the dresser and picked up the small gift-wrapped box that I had left sitting there. When I turned back to face her, there was no describing the look of horror that spread across her face. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the package that was in my hand.

I looked from her to the box, then back up at her. And then it dawned on me.

“Chill out, baby. If I was going to propose, I’d do it better than this,” I said dryly. “Just open it.”

I thrust the cube shaped box into her hand, annoyed that this was going so badly.

A blush crept over Selena’s cheeks. I was fairly certain that her embarrassment over jumping the gun was the only thing that kept her mouth shut while she went to work on opening the package.

Carefully, she pulled at the satin bow and slid her fingernail across the tapeline to unwrap it. Inside the box, nestled in a royal blue pillow, lay the necklace that I had a local jeweler custom craft for her.

“Justin, it’s beautiful,” she said in awe. She ran her fingers across the platinum interlocked spiral emblem and over the three smooth sapphires that were placed in the surrounding circle. She looked up at me and smiled.

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

Confident that she wasn’t going to argue with me about the necklace, I released a sigh of relief.

“It’s a triskelion, or at least a variation of one,” I told her. “Some people call it a triskele.”

“What’s a triskele?”

“It’s a symbol of the BDSM community.”

“Oh. Well, um…” she hesitated and her smile faltered. “Am I…to wear this? I mean, don’t get me wrong – it is truly a beautiful necklace. I’m just not too keen on advertising my new-found interests.”

“Don’t worry,” I lightly laughed. “The triskelion symbol has many meanings actually, depending on who you ask. Most people you encounter will think it means something entirely different. I personally believe that may be why the BDSM community adapted it. Look it up one day, Selena. You may be intrigued by it’s history.”

“How so?”

“BDSM may be a subject that is never talked about, but many aspects of it are often in plain sight. Here, let me put in on you.”

I reached to take the box from her hands. I could still see the apprehension on her face, but she didn’t argue when I secured the clasp around the back of her neck. The emblem rested perfectly against her smooth skin, accenting the flawless swell of her breasts.

“Well, whatever the symbol is, you have impeccable taste. I love it, Justin. Thank you.”

“I’m glad you do. That will make it easier to give you the last surprise.”

“Justin,” she said in a warning tone. “I said thank you for the necklace, not the clothes. I’m still not sure what to think about those, let alone a third surprise.”

“It’s nothing, really. This one is more meant as a joke than anything else. Open the top drawer for my dresser.”

She eyed me suspiciously, but did as I instructed.

“What’s this?” she asked after she peered at the contents.

“Replacement underwear for the ones that I ripped off you. Remember?”

I flashed her a devilish smile, recalling the night that I tore the black lace from her hips. The image of doing that again caused a stirring in my groin.

“Oh, I can certainly remember! But this is more than a replacement – there’s got to be at least ten pair in here!”

“A dozen to be exact,” I moved over to her and circled my arms around her slim waist. I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “So that means, I get to rip them off of you twelve more times.”

I felt her shiver in my arms, and I knew then that I had truly won. I reached down to cup her behind, pulling her hips tighter against me.

“Twelve more times, huh?”

Her words sounded breathy already and I hardened in response.

“Yep,” I confirmed, nipping at her ear. I trailed a line down her neck, feeling the beat of her pulse beneath her skin. My hands found the hem of her sweater, and I slid them up her back to undo the clasp of her bra.

“Well then,” she started, but then paused to moan when I found one of her nipples. “We should, ah…we should get to work on that.”

“I thought you wanted to watch a movie.”

I rolled her taut peaks around between my thumbs and forefingers, flicking them softly while I did so.

“The movie can wait,” she breathed.

“Yes, it can,” I agreed, relishing in every response she had to my touch. I stepped away and reached into the drawer to retrieve one of the lace thongs. I looped it around my finger and held it out for her to take. “I think you need to go put on a pair of these so that we can test their durability.”

“I’ll be right back,” she promised, taking the panties from me.

After Selena disappeared into the bathroom, I went to the stereo to select a playlist for inspiration.

Something darker I think.

I wanted to show Selena something new tonight, to take her to a place that she hasn’t been. Selecting music that I thought was appropriate for what I had in mind, I turned back to the bed. Reaching up, I began to unlock the latches that held the crossbars in place for the St. Andrews cross.

Once I was satisfied that everything was secure, I fished keys out of my pocket and headed over to my private closet to retrieve the leather cuffs that I would need. However, I was stopped midstride when I heard Selena cry out from the bathroom.

“Oh, no!”

She exited the bathroom looking like she might cry.

“What? What’s wrong?” I asked, completely alarmed by her outburst.

“I have my period.”

Justin started laughing like it was the funniest thing that he’d ever heard. I, on the other hand, was thoroughly annoyed,

“This isn’t funny, Justin!”

“Well, it does put a damper on my plans for you, but it’s your reaction that’s making me laugh.”

He laughed harder when I scowled at him. I reached for one of the satin throw pillows that was on the bed and threw it at him.

“You’re such an ass,” I told him, although my words didn’t carry any true venom. I too was fighting off a smile.

“I take it that you’re surprised by your monthly friend?”

“Sort of. I started getting a headache this afternoon. That’s usually a warning that it’s coming.” I frowned, feeling somewhat chagrinned over my negligence to the matter. “I really should keep better track, but since I wasn’t having sex until recently, I guess I didn’t see the necessity. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for nature, Selena. It’s not your fault.”

“I suppose, but that doesn’t change the fact that our night is ruined. No point in me staying over now.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” he exclaimed, as if it was the most absurd thing he had ever heard. “There are other things we can do besides have sex.”

“Like what? That’s the only thing we do!”

I tried to say it with a laugh, but it sounded forced. I was all revved up with nowhere to go. I wanted nothing more than to sit in a corner and pout for the remainder of the night.

This sucks.

Justin came over to where I was standing, his expression stoic as he pulled me into his arms.

“You really should give us a bit more credit, Selena. Do you still have a headache now?” he asked.

“Yeah, just a little one though.”

“Well, let’s see what we can do about that. Shall we?”

He released his arms from my waist and took hold of my hand. Leading me into the bathroom, he opened up the linen closet and began searching for something. I expected him to pull out aspirin for me, but instead he produced a bottle of bubble bath and scented oil.

“What are you doing?” I asked curiously.

“My grandmother used to say that the best cure for a headache was a hot bath. So, my angel, that’s what you’re going to have.”

He went over to the massive, sunken marble bath and began to run the water. Unscrewing the cap for the bubbles, he began to slowly pour the thick soap into the water, mixing it with the scented oil. Before long, a soft smell of lavender and vanilla filled the room.

“You know, if your trying warm me up to the idea of you taking care of me, it’s working.”

He flashed me one of those sexy grins that I loved so much.

“I must say – you certainly make me work for it,” he said lightly. He leaned in to plant a tender kiss on my forehead. “I’ll give you a minute of privacy so you can get into the bath. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Once I was alone, I had a minute to digest the unexpected. The impromptu bath that Justin had drawn for me was sweet – remarkably so. It was the exact sort of thing that Justin said he wasn’t capable of, and the same thing that I told him I wasn’t looking for.

Teddy bears and roses.

If the perfumed bubble bath wasn’t the definition of teddy bears and roses, then I didn’t know what was.

An uncomfortable feeling began to form in my stomach, and I tried to ignore it as I undressed. After removing my clothing, I wrapped myself in a towel and stood in front of the vanity mirror. My cheeks looked flushed from the swelling steam in the bathroom and my hair was growing bigger by the minute. I hastily pulled it up into a messy bun on top of my head and secured it with a rubber band that I had around my wrist.

Satisfied that my hair would stay put, I made my way over the bath. Seeing that it was almost filled, I reached down to turn off the faucet.

Once the noise of the running water was silenced, I noticed that music was coming from somewhere. I looked around and saw that little speakers were strategically built right into the walls of the bathroom. The sound was soothing, fitting to the serene environment that Justin had created for me.

However, despite the luxury that I was surrounded with, I still felt anxious and I wasn’t sure why.

It’s because he’s breaking down your defenses.

I dismissed the bothersome voice in my head immediately, determined to just enjoy the moment.

It’s like I told Ally – live for today. Just take it as it comes.

I stepped into the bath that was fit for a god, and sunk down into its sweet foam. Leaning back, I appreciated a few minutes of uninterrupted relaxation.

When Justin returned, he was carrying two glasses of wine and was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. The lines of his abs rippled when he bent to set the glasses down on the ledge of the bath. I wanted to reach out and run my hands over his muscular contours, but stopped myself when I remembered why I couldn’t.

“Justin, I’m sorry. But if you have plans to join me, I can’t when I have my –,” I started.

“Relax, Selena. I have no expectations. Tonight, it’s all about you. Now slide up in the tub,” he ordered.

I hesitated for a moment, but then did as I was told.

Justin dimmed the lights so that there was only a soft glow about the room, adding to the tranquility. When he shamelessly dropped his towel, I found myself blushing for some unknown reason. I cast my eyes down, not wanting to brazenly ogle while he climbed in behind me.

Once he was settled, he procured matches from somewhere and lit the candles that were placed in the corners of the marble surround. Pulling me back against him, I had little choice but to settle in.

After a moment or two, he began to massage the muscles in my shoulders. A sigh of appreciation escaped me as I sipped on a delightfully sweet white wine and absorbed the music. I literally felt like a queen being pampered.

“This song that’s playing...it’s really good. Who is it?” I asked, curious about the female artists sensual lyrics and textured contemporary sound.

“It’s called “Breathe” by Of Verona. It’s on one of the playlists that I made for you.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize. But then again, I haven’t had a chance to listen to all the songs yet.”

“That’s a shame, but it might explain why I still have to try so hard to coerce you,” he laughed.

“What do you mean?”

“This particular song is on the Surrender playlist.”

“I see,” I mused, suddenly very intrigued by what Justin hoped to accomplish with his playlists. “I’ll make a point to listen to them all soon.”

“Actually, it’s okay if you don’t. I like seeing your reactions when you hear a song that you like. You’re very responsive to music.”

“I know. It’s hard to explain. It’s like I can feel music, if that makes any sense,” I told him.

Justin shifted his position slightly, causing his manhood to brush against my backside. The seductive music alone was doing a fine job of provoking my already heightened sexual ache – the last thing I needed was to feel that. A shiver of desire raced down my spine.

“Is the water too cool?” Justin asked, seeming oblivious as to why I had quivered. I gave myself a lecture in an attempt to ignore the longing that I felt.

Focus on the massage. Tune out the music. Just disregard the feel of his body.

That’s wet and warm.

And slick with bath oils.

“No, the water is fine. Perfect actually,” I said, my voice sounding slightly higher pitched than normal. It was a real struggle to focus exclusively on the kneading of his phenomenal hands on my shoulders.

“Hmm, yes. This is nice,” he agreed easily, but he seemed distracted.

I glanced up at him. He looked lost in thought, and totally unaware of the torment I was experiencing.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Actually, I was thinking about this weekend. If the weather holds out, I thought maybe we could go out on my boat on Saturday.”

“You have a boat?” I asked, seizing the opportunity to break the progression of my salacious thoughts.

“Yes, I do. It might be the last chance we have to use her too. I don’t expect to have many more days of good weather.”

“I don’t think I’d be much fun out on your boat. Frank used to take me fishing on Rensselaer Lake when I was a kid. I would always get seasick.”

I could feel his chest vibrate with a low chuckle.

“I’m sure my boat and the water conditions are quite a bit different than being out on Frank’s fishing boat. But don’t worry. I can get you a bracelet for seasickness if you need it. And there’s always a motion sickness pill, although I’m not a huge fan of them.”

I watched the steam furl in the air above the tub and contemplated the likelihood of getting seasick. After a while, the lazy swirls were mesmerizing and I began to fully relax for the first time since Justin joined me in the tub. It seemed silly to fret over whether I may or may not get sick aboard his boat.

“Whatever you say,” I agreed easily.

Content to just appreciate the moment, I closed my eyes and breathed in the soft scent of the billowing moist air that surrounded us.

Justin continued to knead the muscles in my neck and shoulders. When his hands moved down to massage my arms, I was starting to get drowsy with sleep. However, my eyes snapped open when I felt his fingertip brush over one of my nipples. I couldn’t be sure if it was by accident or not. However, when he skimmed over it a second time, I sharply sucked in a breath, knowing that it wasn’t merely happenstance. My nipples hardened in response, just aching to be touched, a painful reminder of what could not happen.

Slipping both hands under my arms, he captured both breasts and I realized how heavy they felt. Yet, despite their fullness, his gentle rolling of the ultra sensitive points began communicating to another part of my body. Unfortunately, that area was currently wearing a do not disturb sign.

It was like torture of the worst kind.

“Oh, why couldn’t my period have come tomorrow?” Frustration gripped me and made the rhetorical question sound like a whine.

“Shh…don’t talk, Selena.”

He tilted his head forward and began trailing kisses up and down my neck. His teeth tugged at my earlobe, causing a shiver to race down my spine. I could feel his erection growing and pulsing against my lower back, a sure sign that he would soon have a frustration to match my own.

“Justin, you’re making this worse,” I moaned. He moved his hands down my belly, coming precariously close to the mark before I stopped him by squeezing my thighs together.

“Open your legs for me, Selena.”

“You know I can’t.”

“You can,” he persisted. Shifting his legs so that they came over the top of mine, he locked his ankles around mine. In one swift motion, he spread our legs out together. Water sloshed out onto the floor.

“You’re making a mess,” I scolded, hoping to distract him from whatever it was that he had planned.

“You really are a terrible submissive,” he murmured into my ear. Moving his hand back down to my waist, his finger circled my belly button before traveling farther south to find my sweet spot.

“Or maybe…” I began, trying one last time to divert him from the inevitable. “Maybe I just have a bad teacher.”

“Hmm,” he growled. “Don’t remind me.”

Without warning, he pressed down on my clitoris. I could feel the nub instantly begin to pulse beneath his finger and I cried out. I arched my back, trying to squirm out of his reach, but my efforts were in vain. He still had my legs trapped and one arm secured tightly around my waist. There was nowhere for me to go.

“Justin…” I tried to plead. However, my attempt to stop him was halfhearted. Despite my reservations, I craved his touch with every fiber of my being.

“Trust me for a minute and just let yourself feel, Selena.”

Ever so gently, he began to flick back and forth, teasing my pressure point. I was amazed at how quickly Justin had learned my body. He knew all the places that brought me the greatest pleasure, and he used that knowledge to make me crazy with need time and time again.

Angling my head up, I looked at him. His blue eyes were blazing with so much heat that I had little choice but to surrender. I reached to pull his head down to meet mine, and gave myself over with abandon.

****

I lay curled up against Justin’s side, listening to his even breathing while he slept. However, sleep was evading me, as the past few hours had been playing like a tiresome broken record over and over again in my head.

Overall, our evening had been amazing in ways that were indescribable. Justin had unselfishly satisfied me without taking anything for himself. From the erotic pleasures he rewarded me with in the bath, to the way he carried me to bed for the night – he was true to his word and made our night together all about me. I couldn’t have asked for anything to be more perfect.

But despite the seamless end to the evening, I couldn’t help but to remember how it started out. Justin was slowly tipping the scales in his favor, and it was terrifying.

I was apprehensive about the slew of woman’s clothing that hung in his closet, clothes that I could not bring myself to think of as mine. I had concerns over accepting the necklace, which I was sure cost a small fortune. And while the clothes and the necklace may simply be material things, it was hard not to think of them as something more.

I glanced down at the emblem that was still hanging around my neck. The sapphires sparkled, reflecting the moonlight that was streaming in through the windows. It was a beautiful piece, but I knew it would probably be best if I gave it back to him. It may be a symbol of the BDSM world, but to me it was more like Justin was putting his stamp on me, serving as another reminder of how fast we were taking things. We were moving at a breakneck speed, and it was more that just a little bit troubling.

Just that very morning, I promised Allyson that I wouldn’t get in too deep. In fact, it wasn’t just an assurance that I gave to Allyson, but it was personal vow that I had made to myself. Yet here I was, ready to blindly fall. I couldn’t shake the nagging worry that I still may be subconsciously clinging to the hope of someday finding that white picket fence.

The idea made me feel edgy. Restless.

I rolled over, facing myself away from Justin. He stirred but didn’t wake. I punched at the pillow, but my efforts to get comfortable were not working.

Happily ever after will never happen, Cole.

After all, I was the one to set the rules. I had been blatantly clear about no strings attached. The time that I was spending with Justin was supposed to be a small step to putting the past behind me, not some massive leap that would leave me fumbling to find my footing again.

I flipped over onto my back and stared at the ceiling.

There was still too much that Justin didn’t know about me, and I barely knew a thing about him. He lived in a clandestine world of kink and sex clubs, where everything was one giant secret that I couldn’t be privy to. He spoke of domination, and that it was my duty to submit to his every need. But what he said that he wanted was confusing to me, as his actions showed differently. He catered to my every whim, striving to please me at every step, while I gave him nothing but push back out of fear that he would eventually change me.

However, I was able to see the shift in Justin during the short time that we were together, and I was very conscious of the fact that it was me who was unintentionally changing him. Whether he was aware of what was happening or not, no good could come from it either way.

What had begun on shaky ground was shaping up to be something more – something that I didn’t want. And I was fairly certain that Justin didn’t want it either. I felt like I was being pushed, lost in a colossal storm of emotions that I wasn’t ready to feel. I knew it was time to take a giant step back. If I didn’t, I sensed that it wouldn’t be long before I slipped and fell from the ledge.

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