#regulate and be normal and try to match their energy and form myself into the person they'd want it doesn't work them either

[comeonthinkers]

The Constant Struggle of Cuteness

I feel like, this morning, I need to talk about body image. Body image, and the constant barrage of conflicting messages around body image that I, as a midsize woman, receive and dissect every day.

First of all: midsize. Was this even a term five years ago? As “plus size” has become more ubiquitous and more accepted in the past decade, “fat” has been reclaimed, and “curvy” is suddenly more of a feeling than a descriptor, the terms I used to identify with as a teenager now, somehow, no longer apply to me anymore. I’m not sure what happened in the past decade; in high school I distinctly remember almost always being the largest woman in the room. Since then, whether it’s due to perception, self-confidence, age, awareness, or just... overall changes in the population, I now find myself distinctly in the middle. 

Note: I’ve been a size 12-16 my entire post-adolescent life. For one brief stint after college I could fit into a size 10. But before and since, 14 has been the mainstay numeral in my wardrobe. My steady friend and most accurate guesstimate across brands as to what my body may fit.

14, despite being the most (so I’m told) “common” size amongst women, was for many years infamous for being the most left-out, in-between size in clothing stores. In juniors’ stores (marketed toward teens: your Charlotte Russe’s and Forever 21′s), 14 would translate to the non-existent XXL: with “XL” usually falling in the “12″ range. In Plus Size or Women’s stores, 14 is a 0X; 1X is most commonly measured around a “16″ size.

About 5 years ago I found a fashion youtuber who made a video decrying the variation of a size 12 across different brands. And I’ll agree: sizes vary a lot from brand to brand, despite there being a base similarity in most big brand stores. She, like me, found herself living in this dreaded size 12-14 fashion purgatory, this no-womans-land of sizes. And even here! The numbers can’t be trusted!

She called herself “midsize”. She looked a lot like me. And at last, I had a label I could consistently search and see body types that I could identify with. From what I can tell, midsize is the chosen moniker for fashion influencers sizes 8-16, with of course, varying body shapes and compositions. For example, many of the folks I follow on instagram that claim “midsize” wear a VERY different bra size from me- so to find “fashion inspiration” I can actually act upon from midsize influencers, I also have to bring in a few accounts that allow for more top-heavy-friendly designs.

Despite all of the overwhelming positivity and diversity now available to me as a midsize woman (for example, almost all plus-size brands now start at a size 10-12 (00X-0X), and most “regular” retail brands now extend to a XXL), I can’t help but go back to my first observation: I’m no longer the largest woman in the room. While I don’t consider myself particularly unhealthy, I also know I’m not passing any presidential fitness tests any time soon. I find it difficult to run for extended periods of time. My joint strength isn’t nearly what it should be to support my weight. While muscular, I have a lot of extraneous body fat that adds strain to my daily life, and all my body’s systems: skeletal, endocrine, muscular, cardiovascular. This isn’t good. I’ve worked for years to try to find ways to get stronger, lose weight, and improve my overall health- in fact, the difficulty I faced when trying to lose weight was what led me to discover that I have PCOS and a few hormonal hurdles to maintaining a healthy body weight.

But when I try to research how best to approach health and weight loss with PCOS, the studies are few and far between- and when available are fairly inconclusive and far from thorough. I’m left to follow MORE accounts of personal success stories, all of which are biased toward one product or another, one lifestyle brand or book tour, all of which are antithetical to every other product, book, or brand I’ve seen before.

On the one hand, I’m grateful to see more body types represented in the media.  It IS helpful to my self-esteem to normalize the bodies of women both my size and larger than me (even if there’s still a prevalence of too-smooth skin and too-round belly buttons). But I also worry about how we tend to conflate feeling good about ourselves to being healthy. They aren’t the same. And we’re letting commercial forces tell us that it’s okay to be unhealthy even when attempting to BE healthy: mentally or physically.

Time to come clean here: for the past year, I’ve been experimenting on and off with a carnivore lifestyle, which, OBVIOUSLY, many people assume is super unhealthy, much like the stigma around Atkins in the early 2000′s. Honestly, it feels a lot like Atkins did back in the day: lots of bacon, burgers, steak, and eggs. Quite literally “zero-carb”, as opposed to just “low-carb”. While low-carb isn’t really new anymore, and many people can see carnivore as a logical step past the surprisingly universally accepted ketogenic diet, I was amazed to discover just how much the “science” of the trendier diets of the past decade (paleo, keto, whole-30) don’t match up to the scientific, accepted nutritional advice of the actual medical community.

Last year I started going to a weight-loss clinic at the behest of my OB-GYN in an attempt to get my PCOS and weight “under control”. I’m gonna spoil most of the rest of this rant by saying this was a pretty dumb idea for someone like me. This clinic was created around those with extreme weight issues, for whom psychological care and bariatric surgery are the most “effective” forms of treatment (again, according to the health care system that seems determined to sell it, but I’ll talk more about THAT another time). The nutritionist I met with gave me the same spiel I’d read time and time again from every weight-loss specialist book I’d bought, despite me relaying to her my decades-long struggle with traditional diets and fat-loss strategies. A ketogenic diet was never recommended to me, nor any kind of actual dietary changes to help with hormone balance/control: I was prescribed metformin (a drug for insulin resistance most commonly prescribed to type 2 diabetics) and told to eat a low-fat, high-fiber diet.

I didn’t lose any weight. My periods didn’t regulate. I just stopped gaining weight as fast... although I did eventually gain back the 12 pounds I’d lost from my first 2 months on carnivore. 

The truth is, that treatment plan, that clinic... it doesn’t exist for someone who is trying to change their body chemistry. It might work for folks that are so obese that literally ANY form of mindful eating will help them lose 200 pounds. But let’s be real: if I lost 200 pounds, I’d weigh 6 pounds. I’m a tall, muscular woman with some fat that has tried all the recommended diets for fat loss. Through them all, I fight cravings and energy loss, mood swings, and all the symptoms that come with PCOS. The ONLY thing I’ve found in the past 10 years that actually helps with my PCOS? 

Regular exercise, stress management, and a carnivore diet. 

I’ll also point out that when I DID lose a considerable amount of weight after college (due to what I think was a combination of 1. getting enough sleep for once, 2. intermittent fasting, and 3. regular hiking), it was also easier for me to maintain my weight and many of my PCOS symptoms went away. It wasn’t until I switched to a HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL method that I then gained back all of the weight I lost (and then some) and once again began fighting uncontrolled PCOS symptoms. They compounded on each other, and made it harder and harder to get back to any kind of “normal”. 

So, I’m back on carnivore. In addition to more stable energy, noticeable reduction of PCOS symptoms, and slight weight loss, I also just... hurt a lot less on carnivore. Along this journey I’ve finally realized that I do in fact have a chronic pain problem. Whether it’s due to chronic inflammation, past injuries, or food sensitivities, I’m not really sure: but I know when I eat carnivore, my chronic pain all but goes away. Recently, I’ve been recovering from a back injury, so there was of course some pain associated with that (as well as a break from regular exercise, which I plan to get back to once I’m cleared by my chiropractor), but the daily body aches, numbness, and discomfort?

Gone. 

I’ve got regular periods when I eat this way- like, ACTUALLY one a month like I’m supposed to have. My facial hair growth slows down, even thins out. My focus improves. I sleep better, and actually follow a normal circadian rhythm. What’s total bananas is that I’m not the only one who experiences this: MANY folks who’ve tried this way of eating report daily quality of life improvements.

I’m not going to say everyone should eat this way; I’m not even going to suggest that everyone with PCOS should eat this way. But I WOULD love to see some actual RESEARCH done on this way of eating- or even better research on a ketogenic diet! I’m so frustrated by the lack of medical research on nutrition, and in particular the lack of action to curb the universally-accepted-to-be-unhealthy nutrition standards in America. While I won’t say it’s hard to eat carnivore (cause like, all diets are hard), I have noticed over the years that NO ONE IN OUR COUNTRY IS HEALTHY anymore- except for those whose JOB it is to be healthy. And this isn’t a coincidence!! Almost all cultures that have adopted American corporatized food structures are chronically unhealthy, and much, much more fat than they used to be.

I agree that being fat isn’t always a personal failing, and I’m so, SO glad that more and more figures in our media diets are representing the diverse catalogue of body shapes and sizes reflected in our world. I’m happy that my future daughter won’t be fat-shamed the same way I was as a little girl, and that she likely won’t be told (like I was) that she’s too fat to be what she wants to be when she grows up, despite not actually being all that fat. 

BUT. Fat representation is not the hill I want to literally die on. I’m not willing to throw my health, my comfort, my ability to be active, away for my “right” to eat ice cream every day. I’m sick of being marketed to constantly as a garbage disposal. I’m not just here to eat and diet and wear clothes.

I’m here to LIVE. I’m here to plant gardens and make art and take walks and enjoy the seasons. And I can’t do a lot of those things if I’m constantly sick and in pain. And it’s way harder to enjoy not being sick and not being in pain when all we know to do as a society when spending time together is... eat food. 

What frustrates me is, I think so much of this really comes down to marketing, corporate profit-mongering, and the way our political system is set up to make laws for companies instead of people. I think capitalism is making us fat and unhealthy, to sell us sugar and diets and medicine and surgeries in an endless cycle of crap. I don’t really have much more to say on that, I don’t have sources, except like... well, look around you. Look at the system we have. Look at what we’re told to do to escape it. And look at how many forces are there to take us right back to the beginning of the roller coaster when we have a little success. 

Side note/conspiracy theory time: I actually think liposuction might be a more safe and effective (literally EFFECTIVE not just safe) form of “weight loss surgery” in helping folks with actual, permanent weight loss. Hear me out: while I will fully admit I can’t remember where I read any of this (as I’ve read so many scores of information regarding health and weight loss over my lifetime), I seem to remember body fat working something like this: it’s really easy for your body to make new fat cells, but very difficult for your body to destroy them. So, when you gain fat, it first occurs by your body filling your fat cells with fat, until they can’t hold anymore, and then your body makes new fat cells, which makes it easier for your body to hold onto said fat. The best way to “reset” your body’s fat threshold is to literally destroy or remove the fat cells. And, I assume, if you adopt more healthy habits AFTER having liposuction, your body would be less likely to create more fat cells than it was when you lived an unhealthy lifestyle.

Bariatric surgery is incredibly invasive and dangerous, and almost always ends up reversed by bad habits and your body’s natural ability to STORE FAT AND STRETCH YOUR STOMACH. It’s a temporary solution, and often proves to be ineffective in the long term, and leads to many unfortunate complications over time, not to mention the recovery from that surgery is LONG and TOUGH.

But liposuction (the most COMMON FORM OF PLASTIC SURGERY, I’ll add), is the only “weight loss” procedure (despite not being labeled as such- it’s “cosmetic surgery” even though it most definitely WOULD result in weight loss, right?) that actually removes fat from your body. Literally takes the fat cells away so your body can’t fill them up again, without once again needing to create more.

But bariatric surgery is covered by insurance, and liposuction isn’t... despite the fact that removing weight and fat from the body would be a more instant and potentially effective cure for obesity and its underlying symptoms, and being a simpler procedure overall, as well as extremely common. 

So like... why is being fat something poor people are forced to endure dangerous surgery and super long recoveries and lifetime habit changes to overcome, but rich people just get to have their fat vacuumed away? Sounds sus to me. 

[bigyack-com]

Women’s Day 2020: The power of women at work and how to ensure you lead a healthy lifestyle - more lifestyle

Emails that arrive almost all the time, travel arrangements that make you think twice about family, the struggle of work-life balance - working women tend to be like a pendulum oscillating between demands of office and home chores. And between these oscillations, there are endless social expectations to match up to and the constant anxiety of keeping up with demands of both the worlds. Geeta Sharma, 33, a bank manager says, “Being a working woman feels like it’s a double-edged sword hanging on my head. Most of the times I find myself sacrificing on my social life, family life and me time to be efficient in everything. My productivity often suffers due to anxiety. Juggling such different responsibilities takes a huge toll on my health which I usually ignore. This is the case with every working woman. I think we should all take care of ourselves and look out for each other.” And for working mothers with toddlers, the pressure - be it self-imposed or designated, increases manifold. After all, motherhood is constant, demanding and exhausting. Nikita Joseph, teacher and mother of a 6 month old says, “Thankfully, my mother-in-law helps me out handling my baby. However, it is still pretty much difficult. I have to wake up really early in the morning and feed her, finish my work in the kitchen, then go to school. Professional life is also extremely busy and mind boggling. At the end of the day I am so stressed and tired. Thankfully, my colleagues look out for me.” Mental stress This combination of juggling multiple commitments could lead to physical health problems as well as mental distress. Clinical psychologist and author Pulkit Sharma says, “The main source of stress for working women is the multiple things in their life. They expect themselves to do extremely well at work and home and people also expect the same out of them. I believe that one should take a more rational approach and not make everything so performance oriented. Then only they’ll be able to multitask and also get a space to breathe. Otherwise, it makes them more at a risk of depression because being the best in everything is not realistically possible.” He adds, “I have had many cases like such. This is something very common. You can’t be running marathons in every sphere of life.” Buy related products: B006Q6C4Y2, B00PFFB8V0 Why is women’s health so important? Obstetrician and gynaecologist Dr Rachna Rohatgi says, “Working women undergo a lot of stress because they have to keep a balance between all the fronts. The whole foundation of a family or a society is based on a woman’s health. If she is not healthy, the whole family gets neglected. In fact, women are very reluctant to get themselves checked and keep on ignoring their health. While doing justice to both their profession and family, they are prone to a lot of medical complications.” Every woman should have a priority for herself. She adds, “Women need to find time for themselves. Every day, they should do a half hour workout session as well as go for regular health checkups. Adequate breaks are also important. They should have a sense of self care.” Adopting a healthier lifestyle Trying to lead a healthier and less stressful life is not a bad thing. Holistic wellness expert Mickey Mehta gives some lifestyle tips: •Women tend to ignore their health and that is a disaster. Disciple, self love and sleeping early are some of the most primary things they should consider. •At home, they should do simple yoga exercises like Surya Namaskar, Bhujangasana to improve immunity, little bit of spot jog, and a yoga form where they hug themselves. ALSO READ: 10 minutes of Surya Namaskar daily is highly beneficial for body and mind, here’s how •At office, taking the staircase is very important and while coming home in the evening, a 10 minute walk in the garden would add up a lot to the immunity and energy of the person. •Once or twice a week they should have an all-fruit day to keep their weight in check and keep higher energy liberated within them. They should also pamper themselves with a spa treatment once or twice a week. •They should do meditation once before sleeping and after waking up. Do seven minutes of observing silence. Settle the mind down and breathe the mind out. Be selfish and serve yourself so much so that you can serve the world better. The combination of all these things put together will make sure that today’s woman can also be fit and healthy despite so many job roles that she plays. These are the endeavours she should keep integrated. Buy related products: B01LP0UKJE, 1409343472 The diet to consider Women should always eat well at every stage of their lives. Dietician Esther John says, “Trying to balance the demands of family and work can make it difficult for any woman to maintain a healthy diet. But the right food can support your mood, boost your energy, and help you maintain a healthy weight.” She gives some nutrition and diet tips: •While women tend to need fewer calories than men, their requirements for certain vitamins and minerals are much higher. Hormonal changes associated with menstruation, child-bearing, and menopause mean that women have a higher risk of anaemia, weakened bones, and osteoporosis, requiring a higher intake of nutrients such as iron, calcium, magnesium, vitamin D, and vitamin B9 (folate). •Among other things, you need calcium to build healthy bones and teeth, , regulate the heart’s rhythm, and ensure your nervous system functions properly. Calcium deficiency can lead to, or exacerbate, mood problems such as irritability, anxiety, depression, and sleep difficulties. If you don’t get enough calcium in your diet, your body will take calcium from your bones to ensure normal cell function, which can lead to weakened bones or osteoporosis. Women are at a greater risk than men of developing osteoporosis, so it’s important to get plenty of calcium, in combination with magnesium and vitamin D, to support your bone health. •Magnesium increases calcium absorption form the blood into the bone. In fact, your body can’t utilize calcium without it. The USDA recommended daily allowance for magnesium is 320 to 400 mg/day. Good sources include leafy green vegetables, summer squash, broccoli, halibut, cucumber, green beans, celery, and a variety of seeds. •Vitamin D is also crucial to the proper metabolism of calcium. Aim for 600 IU (international units) daily. You can get Vitamin D from about half an hour of direct sunlight, and from foods such as salmon, shrimp, vitamin-D fortified milk, cod, and eggs. •Some of the best sources of calcium are dairy products. However, dairy products such as whole milk, cheese, and yogurt also tend to contain high levels of saturated fat. The USDA recommends limiting your saturated fat intake to no more than 10% of your daily calories, meaning you can enjoy whole milk dairy in moderation and opt for no- or low-fat dairy products when possible. •If you are planning pregnancy while working eat organic foods and grass-fed or free-range meat and eggs, in order to limit pollutants and pesticides that may interfere with fertility. Avoid alcohol, caffeine and nicotine as they are known to decrease fertility. Follow more stories on Facebook and Twitter At Hindustan Times, we help you stay up-to-date with latest trends and products. Hindustan Times has affiliate partnership, so we may get a part of the revenue when you make a purchase. Read the full article

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[thirst-order-confession]

Could I please request Bodhi reacting to fem!rc, who is normally neatly dressed and tidy and soft spoken, chest deep in an Xwing or other space ship engine? Messy hair, jacket off, maybe a grease smear across her face and hollering back and forth with the pilot of the ship but with a wide smile on her face? Sfw or Nsfw I don't care. I just want to see more Bodhi stuff. ^_^

Hey there thanks so much for this ask! I had a blast writing it. It’s pretty long since it took on a mind of it’s own. I adore Bodhi and I kinda wanted to showcase the fact that the rebel Alliance was becoming a family and home for him. This is more of a snippet in the life of both the reader and Bodhi who have yet to define their relationship. 

PS: I took on a different approach to Bodhi’s shyness. In the movie he has a lot of nervous energy rather than outright shy tendencies so I focused in on that. :3 

It was a wonder that the X-wing made it back at all. Not many pilots came back from head on collisions with the rough terrain of that day of the week’s battle setting. By this point (Y/N) had seen it all; from paint jobs withered away by meteors to ships half filled with water it’s pilot miraculously sitting amongst the sea life. But some crashes drove home just how much was at risk; that the job of an X-wing fighter went beyond the amazing feats and the stuff of legends. Some cost lives some simply spoke of dumb luck.

The well position shot that brought the ship down scorched through via the nose of the plane, showcasing the intricate wiring below that had formed an almost perfect halo running along the length. Embedding in the cockpit somewhere just above where Hobbie’s head rested, was just that, dumb luck that took down the plane but spared the pilot.

And here Hobbie stood, arm in a sling ready to get back into the piece of what could only be called scrap metal at this point, tear off his cast and fight the good fight. Thankfully for his health and the sanity of Vrogas Vas, who reckless in his own right, played the role of the concerned squad leader well, the x-wing was not going anywhere anytime soon. Effectively grounding the hot shot pilot and all but, condemning his X-wing to be broken down into scrap metal. It’d serve it’s purpose for the rebellion either in battle or as a way to get the money to fuel the ins and outs no one but those inside the base thought about.

To Hobbie the X-wing was like an extension of himself and while Poe could sympathize in some ways, he knew when to let go. Having totalled two crafts before the one he now rode with well practiced ease.

“Hobbie…”

“No no, (Y/N), look before you say anything hear me out. She’s given me a good run and saved me life. I’m repaying the favor. I’ve tried asks the other mechanics around but now one will touch it or even go near me at this point!” His frustration was imminent by the ruddy color that had settled on his high cheekbones causing the blue of his eyes to become more prominent. The same blue eyes he tried batting the way of another mechanic just days before. All it took was one look at (Y/N)’s softening demeanor to see that he struck a chord; Hobbie let out a breath he didn’t know he was hold, thankful for the fact that he didn’t have to charm the straight laced mechanic. He knew better than to try that with (Y/N) who was plainly head over heels over one of the bases resident heroes, Bodhi Rook.

Quickly, the Jedha pilot, who played a major role in the battle of Scariff, became the talk of the base. Unlike Cassian he did not hold the same prickly demeanor that urged people to not waste his time. It was to the point that the shy pilot couldn’t go anywhere without being stopped. Words often taken out of context, whispered amongst the base inhabitants. His role in it all blown of proportion until he was soon looked at like one of the war heroes the empire had warned him against. How things had changed in the past 6 months for him. Going from a cargo pilot who was simply another cog in the machine to one of the most wanted men in the galaxy along side names like Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor.

It was for these reasons that he felt so at ease around (Y/N). Treating him as any of the new recruits she’d often helped with navigating the maze like hanger of Yavin. When days were especially hot and the asphalt of the semi exposed hanger seemed to bake the pilots alive, Bodhi, would often spot her resting against one of the gargantuan walls of the pyramid like structure; peering out into the expanses of green that peaked through the fog. Despite the heat (Y/N) always dressed up to code in her regulation jumpsuit, hair neatly tied back from her eyes, small smile reserved for him as she called him to join her. This is where he’d spend what few moments he could spare. Soon Y/N didn’t have to ask instead he simply gravitated towards the mechanic who magically seemed to avoid the grease and rust stains that colored all others in her division. The months blended into a tempestuous routine of Battles, missions and quiet afternoons joking around with one of the sharpest mechanics in the rebel alliance.

Today was one of those odd days spent in his psydo-home. The endless green now as familiar to him as the inside of the craft his piloted. Back from a three week mission on the other side of the Galaxy his body screamed at him to rest but his mind had other ideas. Deep brown eyes darted around from face to face. The mix of tan and garishly bright orange jump suits blurring together as he ran around. All eager to get back to their dorms after a long day of fixing the unfixable and doing the impossible. Not paying attention to where he was going Bodhi accidently rammed into an unsuspecting person. A sharp intake of breath was broken by the deep chuckle that rumbled from under civilian clothing of the grounded pilot. “Hey Bod! Welcome back, what’s the hurry?”

“Sorry Hobbie! Didn’t see you there..” Bodhi rattled off; talking a mile per minute as always. “How’s the arm” He added in; wincing as he looked Hobbie over. He looked no worse for wear, certainly less delirious since he last saw him. He could clearly picture Hobbie than, high on adrenaline, it took several of them to hold him down. All but tackling him as he continued on his tirade about the hell he’d bring to the empire after what they did to his X-wing. He was strong for a little guy..

“Oh good as new” The wry smile Hobbie offered did not seem to match his statement. But nothing could curve the joy that came from finally getting his way. (Y/N) had said yes after all. A reluctant yes, but a yes nonetheless.

Bodhi smiled at that. Playfully slapping Hobbie on his tender shoulder light enough not to truly hurt but hard enough to cause him to swallow his pride and wince. “Fuck’in hell..”

 “Oh yeah definitely up for the turbulent flights. Being knocked around in the cockpit.” He joked good naturedly, shyly brushed stray strands of inky black hair out of his eyes. A nervous habit that still persisted despite being around friends. Hobbie was at least above hero worship, set on making a name for himself rather than hanging off the arm of someone else. “Hey I will be as soon as my ships good as new.”

Bodhi’s eyes widened comically taking in the smug smile across Hobbie’s face. No one in their right mind would have touched the scorched scrap metal. “(Y/N) will have it fixed in no time. Yeah she gave me some grief about it, stating that it’s take the better part of the next ten years to fix it or that I had a better chance of getting K2 to like me but I’m optimistic”

“She can fix anything that’ll run.” He said confidently, fully aware of the stubborn nature of the object of his affection. “ I just don’t know if she won’t kill you before it’s done”.

Three hours had passed since Hobbie had all but pulled at (Y/N)’s heart strings. “Stupid Hobbie and his stupid love for this stupid piece of junk. I should just melt it down myself not that it sell for much is there anything that still works?!” She muttered in between grunts as she unscrewed a bolt. Her words held little bite, more annoyance at the current task at this point to warrant any real threat. The melted metal of what was meant to be heat resistant giving her a good arm workout amidst the sharp edges and bare wire inside. Everyone in her little corner of the workspace had left long ago; going with nightfall. Now all that kept her company was the stickly breeze that would come in every now and then to lick at her bare arms every time she came up from the bowels of the beast of the ship to take a breath. The long sleeved jumpsuit long ago unzipped tied haphazardly around her waist, showcasing the tight fitted once white, now horribly stained grey tank top she wore underneath.

Torso deep, grease had made it’s way up her forearms giving off the illusion of sporting odd mismatched, slick, stripes and patches along feverish skin. Her hair fanned around around her, like a halo; having come undone as sharp corners and randomly placed bolts within the machinery snagged the plaits in her hair. Brand new nails held in between her teeth. The R2 droid assigned to help her letting out concerned beeps every now and then. Met only by a unbeat indiscernible tune as a response.

By the time Bodhi had gotten away from Hobbie and just about every other person who wanted an update on his latest mission (Y/N) was tugging on a twist sheet of metal with all her might. Feet planted firmly apart before the metal groaned and bent back into shape with a loud clank. Glistening from the light sheen of sweat that build up on her tired form he marveled as she watched her laugh triumphantly. Fists pumping in the air as turned to the droid. “Ha! Hell yeah I told you I could move it!” The encouraging chirps were halted by the sound of Bodhi’s approaching footsteps. They seemed painfully loud in quiet of the night. “Bodhi!” (Y/N) said breathlessly, deft fingers quickly moving to tan jumpsuit as she wiped her hands with practiced ease on the course material.

“Welcome home”.

He swallowed hard. It seems that whenever he was around her he either seemed to find it infinitely hard to find words or to stop the trainwreck of sentences that sped through his mouth. It seemed that today his mind favored quiet as he drank in the odd sight. Gone was the picturesque look of the feisty mechanic, in it’s place was one he had never seen before. Her love for what she did truly showed she had never seemed more beautiful than she did now in her natural habitat. Relaxed with an open smile, grease smeared on the bride of her nose though, he doubted she had noticed.

“You did quick work. It’s looking less like a hopeless case now”. He offered at last finding his words. It earned him a breathy laugh. The air seemed to grow more humid or was it simply the heat of the blush that was spreading through his body that caused the wind to provide little relief. “Hey I’ll have you know that this is now slightly functioning scrap metal rather than a neat pile of junk”. He smiled at that, both at ease and on edge by her very presence. Naturally the two seemed to draw closer. Gently he brushed away stickly locks from her forehead, returning them to the wild mass that still vaguely resembled a braid.

Her smile softened, leaning into the slight touch. Unspoken attraction and feelings buzzed around the two like the odd lightning bugs that (y/n) had seen some of the new recruits capture in jars. Her words from earlier had just struck him. This was home. From the quirky x-wing pilots that both livened the place and went to places that no doubt haunted them to the brilliant mechanics that kept everything running. Happy to simply do what they do; not calling for any more thanks than what was given always. Always ready to tackle the next job without complaint and here he was somewhere in between hero and average pilot. A part of something bigger than himself, a cause that didn’t strip away who he was but rather welcomed it.

The kiss came abruptly, no words were shared, no fairytale moment just a simple gesture between two people who didn’t need any words to convey what they felt. Her lips were warm against his own tasting vaguely of lip balm she’d often apply and heat. Undemanding almost lazy in their languid exploration of his lips; natural. He returned it with a bit more vigor. Nervous energy focused in on a single task; memorizing the shape as he might memorize star maps.

The loud crash and unceremonious beeps of the fallen over R2 brought them back to where they were. He was the first to break the kiss breathless eyes that he hadn’t even registered close opened. (Y/N) stood there with a giddy smile. The same he had seen moments ago. Her lips twitched before she let out a snort followed by a breathy laugh. If anything the R2 unit complained even more. Bodhi soon found himself laughing at the expense of the poor little bot. “I don’t think it’ll want to help you after this.”

“You good with a wrench Rook?” (Y/N) said as she jutted out her hips, balancing her weight on her left side. “Well more like holding a flashlight if we’re going by what he was doing”. Warm eyes darted to the droid that had somehow righted itself.

“Depending on how well you do, you might just get a reward”

“Oh yeah are you kidding me? I’m the best flashlight holder in the base” he stuttered out. No doubt his face was as red as the streaks that ran along the x-wing. But he could honestly care less. What he had (Y/N) was not defined but he had all the time in the world to figure that out.

“If that’s the case neither one of us will be getting any sleep tonight.”

Sorry I didn’t get to the NSFW stuff. This would have been waay longer if I had. This was already well over 2000 words. I’m always happy to write more of this! tho ;) 

#Mod Remy #Bodhi Rook #He's a small bean and I love him #SFW #Sorta slice of life #Feel good #random R2 unit ruining the moment

[hyungsikmi-blog]

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