#putting hsmtmts and olivia into my veins again

[ewwhothefuckiski]

You Said Forever- Joshua Bassett

Joshua Bassett × fem!reader

Requested: no, I was trying to sleep and suddenly had this idea so here we are.

TW: Swearing, angst, emotional trauma, mentions of death

Taglist: @tclklater @spicygemini17 @bonobos-candy-bar @kaylinfayezink @jxznotfound {lmk if ya want to be added!!}

A/N: I apologise in advance 🤧 you can thank @hermes-creature and @nickalicious for fueling this fire. And yes this was heavily inspired on his new ep and Olivia's Driver's License. No not for the drama

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Love is hard. It can be wonderful, breathtaking. But it can also be painful, soul crushing even. When you fall in love, you give someone your all, you hand over your heart and pray that they don't break it.

But they will- It's inevitable.

Or at least, that's what Y/N told herself as she sat alone in what used to be her and Joshua's bedroom, holding their promise rings and letting out heart wrenching sobs.

She looked around, every picture of her and Josh like a new slap in the face. She looked back down at the rings, screaming as she threw them at the mirror resting on their dresser, shattering the glass.

Her hands tangled into the roots of her hair, tugging as she hugged her knees into her chest, rocking back and forth letting the sobs rock her body.

-

She didn't think Josh would leave her, he had been by her side since they were 16. But he did. They screamed at each other until they were red in the face; him eventually giving up and packing his bag.

Y/N screamed at him more, this time with tears streaming down her face.

"Why are you doing this?" She cried, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her. "You are the one who's in the wrong here, and you just decide to leave?"

Joshua felt his heart break as he stared at the girl. She was broken, hurting- and it was his fault.

But then he thought back to her words from earlier, anger flaring in his chest again.

"I'm in the wrong here? Y/N, you blamed me for cheating on you because of your insecurities. You scream at me after I come home from filming, because you're jealous. I told you nothing was going on with Olivia. But you can't get it through your damn head. You made me choose between you and my job. So I did, and I choose my job. Don't try and put this on me."

"I thought you loved me." She sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself; an attempt to keep herself from falling apart.

Joshua sighed as he zipped his bag shut, turning to face her.

"God Y/N. I do love you, I love you so much- and I always will. But we can't do this anymore. We aren't good for each other."

"You promised me forever." She whispered, staring down at the ring sitting on his finger. He followed her gaze, his heart breaking as he realized what she had been looking at. He slipped the ring off of his finger, gently placing it in her hand, before placing a soft kiss on her forehead. He grabbed his bag and walked to the door, turning to look at the girl who stole his heart all those years ago one last time.

"Goodbye Y/N." He whispered, turning on his heel and shutting the door behind him before she could see the tears running down his face. He stood there for a minute, hearing her sobs through the door, before flinching as he heard glass shattering as she screamed. He sighed and continued his journey to his car, before he finally pulled out of the driveway and left the love of his life behind him.

×××

Joshua shouldn't have had the time to feel the deep ache in his chest with each waking minute that passed without Y/N by his side- HSMTMTS had hit it off and soon his career was launched into full swing. His fans demanding an EP, him booking auditions, all while doing interviews back to back about the "love triangle" between him, Olivia, and Sabrina- but he did.

The fans had all assumed that Josh's sudden change in behavior was because he and Olivia called things off, but in reality, he just hadn't been himself since he left Y/N.

Everyone but him had saw it. So Olivia and Sabrina had been spending a lot of time with him, trying to cheer him up. But the fans read to much into it.

Josh knew Y/N was seeing the articles, he knew she definitely didn't believe him now. All he wanted was to take back the day he walked out on her. But he couldn't, it was too late. She was better off without him now.

At least, that's what he told himself.

Little did he know, Y/N had fallen into the darkest state of depression after he left. She didn't leave her bed unless she had to. She cried, a lot. She didn't have the motivation to get up in the morning, to do the basic things such as take a shower, brush her teeth.

What was the point?

Her friends tried calling her, coming over to help her get out and do something, but she had lost any part of her soul she had left.

When Joshua left her, he took her heart with him. She gave him everything, just to feel like nothing in the end. She loved him with every fiber in her body, and that was the hardest thing for her.

Before she met Joshua, she had been left time and time again. First by her parents, and then eventually anyone she's ever came to care about. She shut everyone out after that, afraid to get attached again.

And then there he was. The brown eyed messy haired boy in the back of the coffee shop.

He looked terrified. His hands were shaking, his face pale, breaths coming up short. She knew that look all too well.

"Hey! Hey look at me."

He snapped his head up to look at the young girl, his brown eyes wide as she talked to him.

"Breathe with me ok? In through the nose for five seconds, out for ten."

She demonstrated what she meant, smiling when the boy started to copy her actions.

"Good, just like that. Again."

She took his shaking hands into hers, interlacing their fingers as they breathed together.

She didn't try and tell him he was gonna be ok, or to breathe because he's fine. She knew when you were having a panic attack, your body looses control of itself. She knew the best thing you could do is to just focus on your breathing until you gained control again.

After a while, Josh finally gained control of himself again. He looked down at their interlocked hands, blushing, but not pulling away.

"How did you-"

"You were having a panic attack. I have them all the time."

Joshua nodded, glancing from their hands back to the beautiful girl in front of him.

"I felt like I was going to die." He whispered, looking down in embarresment.

"I know."

He looked up at her, shocked.

"W-What?"

"Your whole body tingles, you can't slow your breathing, your heart beating so loud you swear your ears are gonna explode." She listed, smiling at him sadly, her heart aching for the boy. "It's like you can't control your own body."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, Yeah that's exactly what it felt like."

Y/N smiled softly, her thumb rubbing the back of his hand.

"How about some coffee, on me?"

Josh grinned at the girl in front of him. "That'd be great!"

After that, they had been inseparable.

Until now.

Now they were in separate places, trying to forget every painful memory they made together in the last 4 years.

Eventually, Y/N's friends got her out of bed, convinced her to come to the park with them. She reluctantly agreed, but only on the condition that she could drive herself- that way if needed she could leave whenever she wanted.

So she got up, took a shower, brushed her teeth, and put on the best clothes she could manage without breaking down because it brought her a memory of Josh- which was harder than you would think.

She made a mental note to go clothes shopping later.

She sighed as she sat in her car, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before starting the engine and pulling out of her driveway.

When she pulled into the park, it was deserted, and she sighed in relief. Her best friends sent a text saying they were on their way, so Y/N exited her car and sat on the park bench, waiting for them to show up.

-

Josh was exhilarated. He had just finished his first concert, and the feeling of the fans cheering as he sang was still alive and electric in his bones. His adrenaline was running so high he couldn't sit still.

So he decided to take a walk.

He wanted to go to the park, it was his comfort these last couple of months. It was a place where he could breathe, where he could be alone with his thoughts.

He usually thought about Y/N.

But today was different, he finally felt alive again. He was walking around the park, humming his songs to himself as he took in the stillness of this afternoon. If it hadn't been for the adrenaline coursing through his veins, he would have found it eerie.

But he didn't. So he kept walking and singing, relishing in the feeling of the wind running through his hair.

Until he heard an all too familiar voice.

She was singing- singing in a way that sounded sad, like every word she uttered was forced- but it was beautiful. He knew that voice the second he heard it, but he just couldn't believe it.

He rushed to hide behind a tree, peaking his head out to glimpse at the singing girl. He couldn't believe his eyes, there Y/N was, right in front of him, looking just as beautiful as the day he left her.

But she was different, he could see it in the way she slouched as she sat on the bench, slowly swinging her legs back and forth while singing to herself softly. She was hurting, and he knew it was because of him.

"Y/N-"

He meant to say it in his head, but her name had slipped past his lips, and her head whipped around, her eyes catching his. She gasped in shock, tears welling in her eyes as she looked at the boy who stole her heart away standing in front of her after spending so much time apart.

She stood up quickly, wiping her eyes and running in the opposite direction towards her car, she needed to get out of there before she broke even more. She knew it was a mistake coming here, she should've listened to herself.

"Y/N wait-" he called out, reaching out to stop her. But it was too late, she was already long gone and pulling out of her parking spot, tears clouding her vision. Joshua ran out from behind the tree, running up to her car, before he stopped dead in his tracks, watching the scene unfold in front of him.

Y/N had been speeding out of the parking lot and onto the street, not bothering to look before she slammed on the gas and pulling onto the street, before she saw a speeding car coming at her from the side, ramming into her before everything went black.

She finally found peace.

And Josh had just lost it.

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