#probably won’t play it because the games are gory as heck

[frickfracksnatchisback]

Fear of Infection (Monster AU)

So I love @teenytinyhatkid‘s Monster AU to death (haha get it???) and this idea for a shortish story would not leave me alone (and this took way too pecking long to write asdfjks). Premise is that Hat Kid is acting strange in the monster house which leads to almost everybody freaking out and investigating. And it turns out that Hat Kid isn’t all what she seems...

Warning! Bloody (and possibly gory) descriptions of animal corpses. No human gore though, so you’re safe there!  Enjoy the angst!

***

It was like any other normal day outside.  The sun was shining brightly, the spring flowers were all in bloom, and the air was filled with chirping birds. A small hatted child was running in the backyard of a small house, laughing as she ran through the freshly cut grass. Another child came close behind her, they were both playing a fun game of tag. As the two children laughed and played in the backyard of their home, one particularly tall adult watched over them. He kept a look out, making sure that the two young girls wouldn’t get into any trouble. As he watched, another adult was planting in the garden not too far away. The sun was shining down on her straw hat as she planted the herbs and vegetables. Yes, all was perfectly normal in this household. The werewolf pup playing chase with the human child, the vampire keeping watch over them, and the witch gardening…

Well, perhaps “normal” wasn’t the right term.

“Thanks for agreeing to watch over them, dearie. You’re being a big help!” CC said happily as she dug up another hole in the small garden with her trowel. Snatcher grunted in reply, steadily watching the girls like a hawk. He shifted his umbrella to get more cover himself from the sunlight. He really had no need to, he was pretty much shaded head to toe already. Not to mention he was sitting on the porch, which had a big enough awning to give him more than enough protection. But in Snatcher’s opinion, you could never be too careful when you’re a vampire. Especially when the sunlight was as strong as it was today.

“I hope it’s not too much trouble for you. I’d do it myself if I could, but I don’t have eyes in the back of my head.” CC joked as she planted a cucumber plant into the ground. Snatcher chuckled lightly.

“Who knows? You could make a spell or a potion that could do that.” he joked back, laughing as CC playfully threw one of her spare gardening gloves at him.

“You’re quite the rascal when you want to be.” she giggled, going back to her gardening.

“Hey, would I be me if I wasn’t?” Snatcher grinned, making CC giggle even more. He quickly went back to watching the two girls. It really wasn’t that much of a bother to be honest. Yes, she did wake him up much earlier than he was used to being up. Yes, it was annoyingly sunny out. And yes, he could be getting some lawyer work done or go out to look for a meal. But hey, CC bribed him with saying she would get him some blood bags. And it wasn’t too hard of a job to be honest, so how could he turn that down?

He brought his attention back to the two girls. It looked like they were taking a break from all the fun and games for now. Hat Kid was calmly sitting in the shade of a tree while Mu was...digging. Snatcher groaned, not again.

“Hey CC, the little gremlin is making a mess again.” he told CC. She stopped what she was doing and sighed.

“Please don’t call her that.” she said politely and turned around towards the pup. “Sweetie, what have I told you about digging holes in the backyard?” she called back. The little werewolf pup look up, her paws covered in dirt.

“I think I found a rabbit den!” she said as she grinned mischievously, her tail wagging behind her. She ignored CC and went back to digging. CC just shook her head and went back to what she was doing. Snatcher also shook his head, but more so at CC’s actions. When would she ever start being more assertive with that brat?

“You alright kiddo?” He yelled across to Hat Kid, who seemed to be staring off into space. She didn’t reply, her face had an odd expression. “Kiddo? I said, are you alright?” he yelled again. This time she snapped out of her haze and nodded back.

“Yeah! Just tired!” she called back and went to staring at the ground. It looked like she was picking up rocks or looking for bugs. From where Snatcher was sitting, it was kind of hard for him to tell.

“Is it just me, or has the kid gotten bigger?” Snatcher asked CC. She simply nodded as she was working.

“Wouldn’t be too unlikely dear. She’s been getting these awful growing pains lately. I know her appetite has certainly gotten bigger!” CC said, patting the soil firmly. Snatcher perked up from where he was sitting.

“Growing pains?” he asked, a bit worryingly. He hadn’t really been kept up to date with all the happenings in the house. He was busy with more important things after all. Things either relating to work, paying the bills, or… Well, CC didn’t know about all the hunting trips with Conductor. And he planned to keep it that way. Still, he definitely hadn’t been checking on the kid recently. That raised a few concerns from him.

“Oh yes, poor dear. She’s said her head has been hurting a lot lately, along with her waist.” CC explained. She grabbed a potion from the belt she was wearing. She poured its contents into the roots of the plant. As always, she couldn’t do a task without some kind of magic involved.

“Her head? You sure she isn’t coming down with something?” he asked, very confused. CC looked up at him and shrugged.

“I don’t think she’s sick, she wouldn’t be eating if she was. She just has some body aches here and there, other than that she’s fine.” She said as she quickly went back to gardening. Snatcher could tell she was worried though. She wasn’t very good at hiding her emotions. And to be honest? He was worried about the kid too. She might have injured herself, that was always a possibility. But then again… He looked back at the kid. She was happily playing with rocks and twigs she had managed to find on the ground, as if they were dolls. Seeing this made him shrug his worries away.

Eh, it was probably nothing too serious.

“You should really she the way she eats nowadays.” CC spoke up, tearing away Snatcher’s concentration once again. “She really enjoyed the beef stew we had a couples day ago! She even asked for thirds!” she joked, laughing to herself as she dug another hole in the ground. “If she keeps it up, she outgrow all of her old clothes. She’s already lost a few...huh?” she said, her trowel hitting something in the dirt.

“What? What did you find?” Snatcher asked, very curious.

“Hold on, I’m trying to find that out.” She said, digging up the ground faster. She saw something and quickly grabbed it. She trying pulling it out of the ground, tugging on whatever she had a hole of. She let out a surprise yelp as she finally pull it out, nearly knocking herself back. She started at what was in her hand, it was a piece of fabric. A shirt to be more precise. She looked it over with a puzzled expression. Her eyes widened, as she quickly tried to dig up the earth with her own hands. And underneath the dirt was a huge pile of dirt-covered clothes.

“Aren’t those the kid’s?” Snatcher asked, recognizing a few of the shirts and outfits.

“Yes...yes they are.” CC grumbled under her breath. Snatcher looked back at her, alarmed. Uh oh, now she was going to get assertive. There was only one person who was guilty of this, and they where about to get one heck of a lecture. She quickly stood up and yelled behind her.

“MU!”

The werewolf pup stopped digging again, the hole being much larger than it was before. She bounded over towards CC on all fours, her tail wagging back and forth. Once she got up to CC’s feet, she stood back on two legs.

“Ooo! Did you find a gopher? Can I eat it?” Mu smiled, her tail still wagging happily behind her. Her face dropped once she saw the face that CC was giving her though. It was the kind of face you never wanted to see as a child. The kind of face that said You’re in big trouble young lady. Her tail drooped along with her puppy ears.

“Would you care to explain why I found this buried in the garden?” she said sternly, holding up the ruined shirt. Mu’s face turned from ashamed to confused once she saw the shirt.

“What? I didn’t bury that!” she said, holding up her hands. But CC was not amused.

“So now you’re lying to me?” she said as she crossed her arms.

“Wha- No! I swear I didn’t bury it!” Mu begged.

“Well, who else could’ve buried it then?” CC asked her. Mu opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She thought for a minute, thinking about her answer carefully.

“A raccoon?” she said, laughing nervously as CC glared over her.

“That doesn’t explain why they’re covered in dried blood.” Snatcher spoke up from behind them. He had made his was over to the hole, picking up one of the dirty clothes and sniffing it. “Jeez kid, did you kill something in this?” he asked, turning his nose away from the smell.

“No! Because I didn’t do it!” Mu yelled.

“I think that’s enough time outside today.” CC sighed, shaking her head. “Come on. If you won’t admit you did it you’re staying in your room until you tell the truth.” she said, motioning for Mu to go back in the house.

“Nuh uh! I’m making a break for it!” Mu panicked, trying to run away as fast as she could. CC saw it coming though, and was quick to catch her. She lifted her up in her arms, keeping a tight hold on her. “Let me go! I’m innocent!” Mu grumbled, squirming and struggling to get away.

“May I give a bit of advice? Maybe next time you shouldn’t say you’re going to run away, especially if you’re guilty as charged.” Snatcher joked, Mu growling at him.

“Don’t give her ideas.” CC fussed at him, turning to head for the door. “Be a dear and tell her to come inside too, won’t you?” she asked him, somehow keeping her hold on the struggling pup as she pointed towards Hat Kid.

“Sure thing.” Snatcher said, snickering at Mu shouting for freedom. He went over to Hat Kid with his umbrella while CC went in the opposite direction.

“Help! I’ve been wrongly accused!” Mu shouted, the door slamming shut on her words. Snatcher chuckled to himself. When would that brat ever learn? And speaking of brat… “Hey kiddo, it’s time to go back inside.” he called to her. She looked up from her piles of sticks and pebbles.

“Aww…” she whined, getting up off the ground anyways.

“What? I thought you said you were tired!” Snatcher said, grinning wide. Hat Kid groaned at him and rolled her eyes. “Hurry up. The sooner we get out of this cursed sunlight, the better.” he said, walking faster.

“I think it’s nice!” Hat Kid said as she tried to keep up with him. “The sun is really warm and it makes me feel cozy!” she beamed at him, skipping alongside him. He scoffed and shook his head.

“Easy for you to say, kiddo! You don’t have to worry about burning up. Literally.” he said, making Hat Kid mumble awkwardly. As they made it to the back of the house, he put up his umbrella and held the door open for her. “After you, I insist!” he said, bowing in a ridiculous gesture.

“Thank you!” she giggled as she stepped inside.

“Don’t mention it.” he said as he followed after her, letting the door close behind him. Hat Kid rushed to the living room as he was putting his umbrella in the umbrella stand. Once he was done he decided to go in that same room.  As he walked in he saw the kid sitting on the couch, watching TV. “Mind if I join you?” he asked as he went up to her. She nodded, patting the seat next to her. He smiled and sat right down. He figured he could use a bit of relaxing time after being out in the sun all day. They both stayed there for a couple hours. Hat Kid watching her cartoons and Snatcher slowly starting to fall asleep next to her.

But he quickly woke up as his stomach growled loudly. Hat Kid didn’t seem to notice him, as she was transfixed by the TV. He rubbed his stomach, guess he was hungrier than he thought. He grumbled, CC was still too busy with the little monster to give him his blood bags. Looks like he was going to have to look for a meal, as much as he didn’t want to. But hey, nothing a little hunting trip couldn’t fix. And the sun was just beginning to set, which was perfect timing for him.

“I’m going out.” he told Hat Kid, pushing himself off the couch. “If CC asks where I’ve gone, just tell her I went shopping or something.” he said, straightening the cuffs of his shirt.

“Are you going hunting again?” she asked, he was surprise that she figured him out so quickly.

“Wow kid, read my mind like an open book.” he grinned. “Yes, I’m going hunting. I just need a quick bite to eat, that’s all.” he said, heading towards the hallways that lead to the front door.

“Can I come with you?” Hat kid asked again.

“What? No, you can’t come with me.” Snatcher told her, standing in the doorway. “I mean, unless you want to eat raw deer.” he joked. But Hat Kid didn’t laugh. She just rubbed the top of her head and pouted.

“But I’m hungry...” she mumbled quietly.

“What was that?” Snatcher asked, he didn’t quite hear her.

“Nothing!” she said quickly. He looked at her quizzically, she was acting rather strange.

“Okay then...” he said, unsure of what she had said. But he didn’t dwell on it further, he was too hungry to care. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Smell ya later!” he called back. Hat Kid smiled back at him, still rubbing her head for some reason. He paid little mind to it though, as he went down the hall to the front door. But as he opened the door his conscious told that something wasn’t right. He hesitated before going out the door. Was she going to be okay?

He shook the thought off, telling himself that he was worrying over nothing. The kid just had some growing pains, that’s all. And with that, he went outside and closed the door, leaving his worries behind him.

***

The entrance door creaked as Snatcher sneaked back into the house. He was visibly scowling, grumbling under his breath. His hunting trip had lasted longer than he thought it would, and it had all been a huge waste of time. And he didn’t managed to catch anything in the forest, which left him in a rather bad mood. Whatever, he was going to get those blood bags from CC soon. Maybe he could hold it off until then.

He silently closed the door behind him. The house was quiet, everyone was probably already in bed. Typical, since the sun had set the moment he walked in.  But he was used to that, he had come home later before. He tip-toed through the hallway, careful not to wake the kid up. That wouldn’t end well for him. Or worse, CC could be-

“Snatcher? Is that you dear?”

Awake...

He froze in his steps once he heard her voice from the living room.. Peck he thought to himself.  He held his breath and push himself against the wall. Maybe she just thought he heard him. And if he stayed quiet enough, maybe he could get out of-

“Snatcher, I know you’re there.”

Nope, she definitely heard him. He sighed in defeat and made his way over to the living room entrance. He peeked in, not wanting to walk in just yet. CC was sitting on the couch near the TV, drinking tea. She didn’t look too angry, so that was a plus. But she had an expression on her face that he couldn’t quite read. He quietly stepped into the room, she kept silent. There was tension in the air, which meant something was definitely up. CC put her empty cup down on a nearby table and looked back at him.

“We need to have a talk.” She said, as if she was his mother. Snatcher shifted uncomfortably. Oh boy he thought. This is going to be a long night.

“Listen, whatever it was I didn’t do it.” he said in his own defense.

“This isn’t really a time for jokes, sweetie.”

“I wasn’t trying to make a joke.”

“Ye sure about that? Because that sounded an awful lot like a joke to me, laddie.”

Snatcher whipped around towards the new voice. It belonged to the very last person he wanted to see tonight, Conductor. He was sitting in the armchair not too far away from CC, gripping a bottle and glass of what Snatcher assumed to be alcohol. He was staring back at him accusingly, his face cold and stern. Great, looks like he was going to get two lectures. And from the grumpy old man no less. Just perfect.

“What is he doing here?” Snatcher asked, annoyed as he pointed to Conductor sitting in the chair. Just seeing him gave him a massive headache. Peck, being in the near proximity of him was like a massive headache all by itself.

“Oi! Ah have every right to know about what the lass is going through, ye bum!” Conductor shouted. CC shushed him, gesturing him to keep quiet. Conductor saw this and grumbled in his chair, taking a swig of his glass.

“What? She just has some growing pains, nothing more.” Snatcher said simply. Conductor sat up and glared at him, as if he had said something offensive. He turned back to CC. “It is just growing pains, right?” he asked her. She kept her head down, saying nothing for a few minutes. She bit her lip nervously before finally speaking up.

“Actually...that may not be the case.”

Snatcher was shocked at her words. “What do you mean that may not be the case?” he asked, rather miffed that no one was telling him anything.

“You may want to sit down for this.” CC said, patting the seat next to her. Snatcher hesitated for awhile before plopping down next to her.

“It’s not like I’m going to faint.” he mumbled, shifting in his spot till he was somewhat comfortable.

“Well...” CC trailed off. “Conductor didn’t take it very well-”

“Ah did just fine!” He screamed, CC was quick to shush him again. Snatcher could see that he was lying though, very badly too. His hands were shaking as he filled up his glass again. And as fast as he filled it, he chugged the alcohol down in one swift motion.

“Conductor, sweetie, please don’t make yourself sick!” CC said distressingly.

“Ah’m fine, lass. Now get on with it.” he growled, making her shrink back in her seat. She took in a deep breath, shaking a bit in fear.

“Go ahead. The quicker you get it over with, the better.” Snatcher tried to comfort her, slowly putting a hand on her shoulder. She looked back at him and gave him a weak smile.

“Thank you.” she mouthed, not wanting to disturb Conductor. “Well… the little one has being getting worse now.” she said meekly, barely speaking above a whisper.

“Okay then…” Snatcher said, trying his best to collect himself. “How bad is ‘worse’?” he asked, fidgeting with his hands nervously. He hated it when he did that, but it was all he could think to do right now. He saw that CC looked like she was about to cry. Oh no he thought to himself. This can’t be good.

“I...I think she might be...” CC was choked up, her eyes watering. He told himself wasn’t going to panic. He was going to get through this bad news. Whatever it was he could handle-

“I think she might be infected.” CC said, breaking down as she finally managed to get the words out. If Snatcher wasn’t already a vampire, his skin would have been deathly pale at this moment.

“WHAT?!” he shouted, jumping from his seat. He couldn’t believe it. No, he wouldn’t believe it. They had all been so careful with watching over the kid! So how could she have-

He stopped panicking and walked towards Conductor in an angry stride. “You better start talking old man! And fast.” he hissed, clenching his fists by his side and gritting his teeth. Conductor was caught off guard, draining his glass before he noticed that Snatcher standing right in front of him.

“Wha- YER ACCUSING ME?!” he yelled, setting his glass down and standing up so they could see eye-to-eye. Snatcher was much taller than him, but that didn’t stop the two from giving each other death glares.

“How else would she have gotten it?!” Snatcher shouted back at him.

“Ye no good, dirty peckneck! I outta strangle ye with me bare hands!” Conductor said as he tried to stand on his toes to heighten himself.

“Wait!” CC said, quickly getting up to separate the two. “We don’t even know what it is yet! Please, don’t fight!” she said as she pushed the two apart. The two looked at her, confused out of their minds.

“You don’t know what it is?” Snatcher asked.

“Lass, I thought you said it was-” Conductor started, before Snatcher put up a finger to shush him.

“Well...that’s the problem. It’s hard to tell what it is, exactly. I’ve never seen anything like this before.” CC tried to explain, and failing miserably. The three fell silent for a moment, none of them knowing what to do about the predicament.

“Okay, let’s try to think this out.” Snatcher spoke up, distancing himself from Conductor. “Has she been scratching herself lately? Because he does that often.” he said, jabbing a thumb at Conductor. Conductor retaliated by slapping his hand away. “Watch it, old man.” he threatened as he glared at Conductor.

“She has been doing that, actually.” CC muttered. The two looked back at her again, then back at each other.

“Ha! So you did bite her then?” Snatcher said, smiling thinly at Conductor.

“What?! Ah did no such thing to the wee lass!” Conductor sputtered, holding his hands up defensively.

“No, no! That’s not just it!” CC fussed.

“Well what else could it be then?!” Snatcher snapped. He wasn’t handling the pressure very well. CC looked back at him, clearly irritated.

“I should be asking you that!” CC said hotly, poking as his chest. “How am I supposed to know? You think I know everything about turning symptoms? Because I don’t!” she continued, stomping away from the two. “I’m supposed to be the one who watches over her! And I...I just can’t-” she choked out, before falling back onto the couch. She covered her face and sobbed loudly, making Snatcher feel a twang of guilt inside him. He slowly made his way over to her, hoping he’d be able to comfort her.

“Hey, listen. It’s okay, you didn’t know about this.” he sat next to her and rubbed her back.

“I’m sorry it’s just-” she tried to speak through all her blubbering. “I have no clue what’s wrong with her or what she’s turning into. I don’t know if she has wereowl symptoms or...” she trailed off.

“Or…?” Snatcher asked.

“She could be turning into a bloodsucker, laddie.” Conductor spoke up as he came closer to the two. Snatcher looked at him, his eyes glaring daggers.

“Are you insane? You think she’s turning into a vampire?” Snatcher exclaimed, the Conductor was starting to get on his last nerve.

“It’s not too unlikely, dear.” CC broke in. “She’s been shaking all over, like you when you’re...hungry.” she explained, getting Snatcher’s full attention. “And she bit her lip today, very badly. And I almost thought I saw...” she stopped before plucking up the courage to say it.

“I think she had fangs.”

Snatcher eyes went wide. “F-fangs?” he said, a panicked smile on his face. CC nodded, looking back at him with pity. He took his hand off her, bringing his hands down to look at them. “N-no...I would never even consider biting the kid! Let alone turning her!” he said, fear on the edge of his voice.

“How do we know that ye didn’t do it on accident?” Conductor sneered. Snatcher stared at him for a moment, face-palmed, and shook his head.

“You don’t understand. Turning someone into a vampire is much more complicated than just a simple bite.” he groaned, rubbing the spot between his eyes. “I would have to feed off of her and then give her some of my own blood in exchange.” he explained, recalling the process all too well in his memory. “And it’s not an easy process. Unlike yours, that is. All you have to do is bite her once.” he finished. Conductor kept his mouth shut for a moment, processing his thoughts.

“Ye act like a real bumbling idiot when yer hungry. Are ye sure ye didn’t bite the lass?” he asked, cocking his head in question. Snatcher’s eyes thinned as he scowled back.

“Do you want an honest answer to that, old man? Or should I just carve it into your skull?” he hissed, stretching out his claws and digging them into the couch cushion.

“Will you two cut it out?!” CC shrieked, grabbing their attention. “Arguing is getting us nowhere!” she scolded them. They stayed in bitter silence, with Snatcher softly nodding. “Maybe we should just wait until morning. I think we all just need some rest.” She sighed, getting up from the couch.

“Sure, whatever.” Snatcher grumbled as he did the same. “We don’t have a lot of time though. We’ll need to find out what’s happening to kid soon, before things get ugly.” he said as he straighten his shirt collar and tie.

“Yer right there. Don’t want the lass biting and feeding off of peck knows what.” Conductor joked.

Something inside of Snatcher snapped as his eye twitched. And before he knew it, he was holding Conductor up by the throat. Conductor gasped and struggled for air as he was lifted off the ground. Snatcher’s eyes were glowing with rage and his fangs seemed to grow in size. CC watched in horror, frozen on the spot. She was too scared of what he would do next.

“I would. Never. Bite. The kid.” he snarled, tightening his grip as Conductor choked and gurgled. “Don’t you ever assume that I would hurt her like that again.” he said, showing off his gleaming, sharp fangs. He then let go of Conductor and watched him drop to the floor. Conductor gasped as he fell on his hands and knees, coughing up a storm. Snatcher simply watched the feeble old man, his shadow looming over his weak body. He leaned down ever-so slightly and whispered to him.

“You’re just a careless old fool, so quit denying it.”

Before he could brace himself, Conductor got up and popped him right in the nose.

He was knocked back with great force. His body slammed onto the hardwood floor and the back of his head bumped into the couch. He groaned, his eyes tightening with pain and watering. He laid there for a moment before quickly pushing himself up. Something warm trickled from his nose and he quickly went to cover it. He brought back his hand, he saw that it had smears of blood. He looked back at Conductor to see him shaking his hand in pain. Conductor then started wiping his hand on his white shirt, leaving behind small red stains.

“Oh, so that’s how we’re going to talk this out.” he laughed coldly, unaware of Conductor’s glare towards him as he held his nose. “Then again, why am I surprised? You always were a brute with conversation.” he grinned, flashing off his teeth. As he saw Conductor seething with rage his smile swiftly dropped.

“I’LL SHOW YE A ‘CONVERSATION’!” roared Conductor. He made to lunge towards Snatcher, would was still laying on the ground. He braced himself, outstretching his claws so he could give the old man a couple scratches once they made contact. Conductor’s hands were reaching for his face-

“ENOUGH!”

The two froze on the spot. Literally. A pulse of blue magic washed over them, freezing them like a statues. Conductor stood hunched over Snatcher, still reaching for his face but somehow managing to keep an impossible balance. Snatcher still had his claws out, still protecting his upper half through his frozen trance. CC was panting, she didn’t mean to cast that spell. But it had stopped them from killing each other, so that’s all that mattered. She walked up to them, their eyes were the only thing moving. They looked back at her, she sighed.

“If I unfreeze you both, you have to stop the fighting. Alright?” she asked them both. They couldn’t nod, but if they could they’d be doing it in unison. She quickly clapped her hands together. They both let out a yell as the spell was broken. And before he could move out of the way, Conductor fell on top of Snatcher. He grunted, feeling squished under the old-timer’s weight.

“Get. Off!” he wheezed, shoving Conductor off himself. Conductor yelped in surprise, his face hitting the floor and his hat falling off. Snatcher stood back up at an alarming speed, dusting himself off hurriedly. He tried fixing his tie but did it much too fast and undid it instead. He tore the tie off his neck and threw it on the ground.

“I am going to bed, I’ve had enough of this!” he growled, his hair puffing up.

“Darlings, what is all this racket?” Grooves said as he appeared in the doorway, yawning and half asleep. He was then fully awake as Snatcher came towards him and shoved him out of the way.

“GOOD! NIGHT!” he shouted, stomping off towards the attic room stairs. He slammed the door to his room, making the others jump and the house shake a little. Grooves looked back at CC and Conductor. CC had a very worried expression and Conductor was still getting up off the floor.

“What was that all about?” Grooves asked.

***

Snatcher tossed and turned in his old bed, the mattress creaking underneath him. He turned again for what felt like the hundredth time and stared at the ceiling. He huffed and then sighed, he just couldn’t sleep. He was too angry, his nose still being sore from that punch earlier. It wasn’t broken and the bleeding had fortunately stopped now, thanks to a couple tissues. But he was going to get back at that old coot for what he did.

Yet, as mad as he was at the Conductor, he was also extremely worried. What if he did infect the kid? It was a crazy notion, one that he dreaded. But it lingered in his mind like a bad dream. It was almost like he could picture-

Him standing over the kid in an alleyway. His claws sharp and ready to cut through flesh. His teeth bared and pointed, bigger and sharper. His eyes glowing and glaring, like he was a predator of the night. But he wasn’t all there. He was too hungry to notice or care. He didn’t care that the kid was crying. He didn’t care that her small body was shaking as he came closer and closer. He didn’t care that his claws were hurting her as he grabbed her. All he want to do was sink his teeth in and-

“Shut up.” he hissed at himself, smacking his face with a pillow. “That didn’t happen, and it never will.” he told himself. But he mind still wouldn’t let go of the dark thought. He knew that he could be very impulsive when it came to feeding. He hadn’t had a meal in days. And it could be possible that he slipped up and blacked out making him forget the whole thing…

No, he refused to believe it. He would never turn the kid. He didn’t want to admit it, but he cared about her too much. And he would never, under the stars and moon, ever bite her. The kid turning into a vampire? It was a stupid, rash thought. One that he needed to forget and take his mind off of.

He got up from the bed and began pacing back and forth. Perhaps he was just...hungry. Yeah, that was it. The lack of blood was probably driving him crazy, making him paranoid over silly little things. He just couldn’t wait another day for those blood bags that CC promised. He probably wasn’t getting them anyways, not after that little fiasco. Which meant he needed to find some food for himself. He went over to the window, looking out into the backyard and into the woods. He’d just have to make another hunting trip, that’s all. Just go into the forest, find a quick meal, and get out before-

He immediately paused his thoughts as he saw a figure outside. A very small figure was running through the grass. He got closer to the glass and set his hands against it. Who on earth was that? He tried squinting his eyes, his vampiric vision helping him try to see who it was. Was it a burglar? No...too tiny. Was it the monstrous puppy? No...she’d be running on all fours if that were the case. Then who the heck was-

Snatcher gasped slightly as noticed the hat. The all too familiar top hat that he could recolonize in a flash. But...no it couldn’t be her. It just couldn’t be her. His eyes widened with fear as the kid stopped running and turned around. She looked back at the house, her movements odd and jittery. She looked up at the house, almost at him, with...

Two. Glowing. Eyes.

Snatcher was shaking in fear. He used all his willpower to keep himself from screaming. He put a hand to his mouth, and then another. The kid hadn’t noticed him watching her from the window, or she didn’t care, as she ran faster into the woods. He stood there in shocked silence before stepping back and dropping back onto his bed. He shivered, pulling a his hair with tears of despair in his eyes. Telling himself over and over that he didn’t see that, he didn’t see that, HE DIDN’T SEE THAT! There’s was no way that the kid had glowing eyes! Only werecreatures had glowing eyes! Or...or-

“Vampires...” he said through his weeping, the word caught in his throat. He held his face in his hands, sucking the air in through his teeth. He stayed like this for a few moments, tuning out the world around him. Then, as fast as he broke down crying, he stopped. He got up off his bed a second time, stiff and emotionless as a robot. He made his way over to the door and was about to reach for the doorknob. But he hesitated for a moment. Should he really go after the kid himself?

No, he had to bring someone with him. He had to. Even if it was CC, who would be skittish and scared the entire time they would be in the forest. Peck, he would even take Conductor with him at this point. He would most likely insist on it anyways, despite him being a major hindrance. But he just need someone, anyone to come with him into the forest. He just need some clarification, that’s all. Just some evidence or excuse that he could hold onto for dear life. Because he did not infect the kid, and he was going to prove it. He opened the door and hastily went to wake the others up.

Time for another hunting trip.

***

“Are ye sure ye saw the lassie run off here?” Conductor asked for the fifth time in a row as they were treading through the forest. The sounds of chirping crickets, crunching leaves, and the occasional scampering of startled critters were all around them. Yet this didn’t stop them from going deeper into the forest.

“I know what I saw.” Snatcher said. He had manage to fill the two in on what happened, keeping the details of his nervous breakdown to himself. He lead the group, perking his head up as he listened to his surrounding with his pointed ears. He stopped the group for a moment, his ears twitching, and then motioned for the two to keep following him from behind.

“I hope she’s okay...” CC whispered, trying her best to be extra quiet. She stepped on a branch, yelping at the dry snapping sound it made. “Sorry!” she apologized, but he paid little mind to it as they kept on walking. “You said she looked strange?” she asked, her voice even quieter. Snatcher turned back to look at her, looking more serious then he had ever been before.

“Strange is an understatement. This is...frightening, to say the least.” he put it simply, quickly going back to directing the group. CC and Conductor glanced at each other. CC then went back to following Snatcher. She thought if he was this serious about it, then he must be trusted. But Conductor wasn’t so sure, staying behind from the group for a moment. Was it really a good idea to put trust in him of all people? The same crazy bum who nearly broke his own neck? It just didn’t seem right…

“Conductor, are you coming?” CC whisper-shouted over to him. He snapped out of it, nodding back at her.

“Ah’m coming, Ah’m coming. Give me a minute.” he responded, catching up with the group.

“We haven’t got all day, old man. Who knows how deep in the kid is by now?” Snatcher said back to him. Conductor grumbled and followed them hastily. Looks like he really would have to follow him, as much as it annoyed him. Wasn’t there any other way? Couldn’t he just go look for the little lass himself? Then again… Peck it. He was already out here following them, and there was always the possibility that he could get lost all by himself. Besides, he wasn’t doing this for the bum’s sake.

He was doing it for the lassie, he had to make sure she was safe.

“Ah wish DJ Peck Neck would’ve helped us.” Conductor complained, it was all he could think to do to ease the tension. “‘Ah need mah beauty sleep’ he said! What a load of rubbish! I’ll tell him where to shove his ‘beauty sleep’ once we-”

Conductor’s ranting was interrupted as Snatcher stopped in his tracks. The two bumped into him, but he still stood upright. He shushed them, holding up and hand and staying silent.

“Do you hear that?” he asked them in a whisper.

“Hear what?” Conductor said in his regular tone of voice. Both CC and Snatcher were quick to shush him.

“Be quiet and listen!” Snatcher fussed. Conductor glared at him before cuffing his ears to listen better for the noise. CC did the same, and they all joined in to listen…

What they heard was very disturbing. It sounded like little growling noises from an animal. Yet, they almost sounded human-like if you listened close enough. There were also crunching noises that were accompanied with wet chewing and tearing. The growling would stop for a few moments and a small gulping noise could be heard. They were sickly noises that sounded like something was eating. Or, more specifically, feeding.

They all looked at each other, chilled to the bone. Snatcher tried to compose himself as best he could, trying not to shake or shiver in fear. He tried thinking of a reasonable explanation to what he was hearing. Perhaps it wasn’t the kid? Maybe there were just hungry wolves in the area? No wait, bad thought. If there were wolves in the area where the kid ran into, that wouldn’t be a good sign. That means a pack of wolves could’ve found her, chased her down, and eaten her... Oh heavens, why would he even think of that?! That was a terrible thought!

While Snatcher was panicking in his own mind, so was CC. She was more concerned for the child then she had ever been before. Hoping that what she was hearing was just a trick if the imagination. It was probably some other creature, right? Like a squirrel or a rabbit maybe. Then again, those animals didn’t growl as much. But it was probably nothing! Hat Kid was just...a sleepwalker! Yes, just a sleepwalker! They’ll just find the little girl sleeping in a bush, take her back home, tuck her back into her little bed, and pretend like this all didn’t happen! After all, she had to be safe right? Right?

Conductor’s dreads were also starting to settle in more. He could tell that the growling sounded animal, but was it actually human. He broke out in a cold sweat, he recognized that growling. It was exactly was a newly turned wereowl would sound like during a full moon. But strangely enough, there wasn’t a full moon out tonight. And the lassie hadn’t been sprouting feathers the last time he checked, just scratching. So he had nothing to worry about, right? Hat Kid was perfectly fine and not turning into a tiny, little wereowlet. Because he hadn’t bitten her...or had he?

Snatcher set the group back in motion by plucking up the courage to go further. CC noticed this and quickly joined him. Conductor was the last one, taking a huge gulp before moving on in shaky steps. The terrible noises became louder. Snatcher was breathing rapidly, carefully moving through the brush so as not to disturb whoever was making the noises. Conductor was visibly quaking as they kept on going. But CC seemed to be the only one acting calm. At least, she was on the outside. But in the inside? Her motherly instincts were going crazy. They all now heard the noises from behind a few trees, as if they were right in front of it.

They froze as heard a voice. A voice that sounded like a child’s, but filled with growls and a soft yet creepy tone.

“Mmm...yummy, yummy...”

They all perked up at the child’s voice. CC was the most alert to it, her eyes wider than the two men combined. “Sweetheart? Is that you?” she called out softly, still whispering meekly. The chewing noises continued anyways, as if the person eating hadn’t heard her. Before Snatcher could stop her, she was already pushing past him to get through. She went up towards the patch of trees and tried to look past them. “Sweetie, are you okay?” she said, a little more frantic this time. “It’s okay, I’m h-”

She stopped as she caught sight of something. She stood there, stiff as a board. Snatcher and Conductor looked at each other, puzzled as to why she was so quiet. They both moved closer to her.

“Uh, CC? You doing okay?” Snatcher asked, making to tap her on the shoulder.

“Lass, what’s wrong?” Conductor joined in, reaching out to her.

CC started falling to the ground. Snatcher jumped back as CC fainted in Conductor’s general direction. Conductor managed to catch her by pure reflex, hoisting up her limp body. She was very much unconscious, but still breathing slowly. He looked back at Snatcher with a worried and confused face, still holding her in his arms. Snatcher just stared at her, his hopes were beginning to crumble into dust. All he knew was that this wasn’t a good sign.

“Just...set her down somewhere. She’ll be fine, we can get her later.” Snatcher whispered, instructing Conductor. Conductor hesitated before carefully lowering CC onto the ground. He move her arms and legs a bit, making sure she would be comfortable. As he did that, Snatcher was already going ahead of him. He hid behind some of the trees, moving around but not wanting to been seen. Conductor looked up and quickly left CC laying there to join him. But he didn’t hide like Snatcher. Instead, he simply walked on forward. They moved closer and closer to the sounds-

Until they finally caught a glimpse of the hatted child.

She was sitting on the ground, dressed in her little frilly nightgown. Only the nightgown was smeared with grass, dirt, and blood stains. To their horror, they could see exactly why. She was holding some sort of small creature in both her hands, tearing it apart with her teeth. And her teeth...they were pointed and clearly not human. Her chin was dripping with blood as she dung into her meal rather greedily. They both saw this, watching in terror and disgust as she gobbled up the fresh pieces of animal flesh.

Snatcher could not recall a time where he was more terrified. Watching the kid munching away with her teeth. Her sharp teeth. He couldn’t tear his eyes off of them. It recalled terrible memories for him. His past life spent with her. Him slowly be turned by her, an agonizing process of which he could never forget. His first time feeding, getting a taste of blood for the first time. And then, the village killings. The one memory he wished he could forget, but couldn’t. She reminded him too much of those memories. The pain, the hunger, the mindless urge to just feed. He scratched his claws against the bark of the tree, tears in his eyes. Please! he thought. Anything but this!

While Snatcher was fixated on the child’s inhuman teeth, Conductor was just as scared if not more. His blood went cold as he saw something that Snatcher was too scared to notice. All around the where Hat Kid was sitting, scattered here and there, were feathers. Little. Yellow. Feathers. On the ground, stuck to her clothes, even some on her face. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. But he couldn’t stop the himself from crying fearful tears. It’s true isn’t it? he thought in despair. He had bitten the little one. He had infected her. He couldn’t remember when it happened, but he must have. Now she was cursed to live a light under the full moon. A vicious little beast that fed off of tiny woodland creatures like snacks. And it’s all my fault...

Hat Kid was alerted to the sound of their sobbing. She quickly looked up at the two, grabbing their attention.

They both gasped at the same time. She didn’t look at all like herself. Her skin was orange-red and scaly, gleaming under the moonlight. Her eyes, like cat or snake eyes, bright yellow with a slit in the middle. And was that a tail? Yes, they saw a long pointy-tipped tail poking out from beneath her gown. They both got a full glimpse of what she had been eating, now that her face was out of the way. The small body of a dead bird was in her hands, nothing but a feathery and bloody pile. She was an absolute mess, her clothes ruined and her face bloodied. And she was, without a doubt, not human.

But she wasn’t a vampire or a wereowl. And that made all the difference.

“KID!” Snatcher yelled in surprise, letting go of the tree he was clinging onto and running over to her.

“LASSIE!” Conductor followed him, stumbling and nearly falling.

Hat Kid didn’t get a change to escape as the two men picked her up off the ground. They hugged and squeezed her together, as if she had been gone for an entire week. They didn’t care that they were visibly crying next to each other. And they didn’t care that the blood the kid was covered in was getting on their clothes. They just cared that she was safe! And more importantly, not infected by either of them. They kept hugging and cuddling her, not wanting to let go.

But they both lifted their heads once they heard her beginning to cry.

“Hey kid, what’s wrong?” Snatcher asked as she sniffled and sobbed, tears rolling down her scaly cheeks.

“Lassie, are ye alright?” Conductor asked, just as worried. Hat Kid managed to open her watery eyes to look up at them, a sad look on her face.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” she wept. They look at her in shock.

“Mad at you? Why on earth would we be mad at you?” Snatcher replied, laughing nervously in relief.

“Lassie, Ah’m the happiest man alive right now. And you better believe it!” Conductor said, playfully ‘booping’ Hat Kid on the nose. She giggled weakly before going back to frowning.

“Why didn’t ye tell us about this?” Conductor asked.

“And what are you anyways?” Snatcher added. Conductor glared at him. “What? Just asking.” he shrugged, ignoring the glare. Hat Kid looked down in shame, keeping quiet for a few minutes.

“I’m...an imp.” she finally managed to say. She took off her hat, revealing two little red horns on the top of her head. Snatcher and Conductor were fascinated by them. How had they not seen those before?

“Oh...” Snatcher blurted out, not knowing what else to say. He’d never really heard of an imp before, or even seen one. And neither had Conductor, who was staring at the horns rather bemusedly.

“I’m really sorry!” Hat Kid apologized out of the blue. “I used magic to make myself look human so you wouldn’t find out.” she explained, holding on tightly to her hat.

“Why?” Snatcher asked, tilting his head in question. Hat Kid’s eyes started to well with tears again.

“I didn’t want to scare anybody...” she muttered softly. “Nobody likes imps. I don’t know why, but everyone who’s seen my true form hates what I look like.” she sniffed, leaning into Snatcher’s chest. She started to full on sob. “And...t-they said I was a...m-monster! And...and a d-demon and I...I-” she tried to speak through her sobbing. “I’m so, so soooooorry!” she wailed, hugging Snatcher tightly. Both Snatcher and Conductor’s hearts felt like they were going to break from sadness. How could people say such things to such a little girl? Sure, she definitely wasn’t human. But she was the most kind, caring, and sweet kid they had ever meet!

“Shhhhh, hey now. It’s okay, it’s okay. Everything’s fine.” Snatcher spoke softly, cradling her like a baby. Conductor also helped to calm her by rubbing her back.

“It’s okay that yer a monster. Ye know that we love ye anyways, right lassie?” Conductor said, stroking her on the head. Hat Kid looked up at him, a glitter of hope in her eyes.

“R-really?” she asked.

“Kid, seriously? You live with a witch, a zombie, a vampire, a werewolf, and a wereowl all under the same roof. I’m pretty sure we’re okay with you not being human.” Snatcher said sarcastically, making her giggle happily.

“Bum’s got a point. I’ll have to agree with him fer once.” Conductor joked, resting a hand on Snatcher’s shoulder. “Ah don’t think we could trade ye fer anything in the world.” he smiled back at her. They couldn’t really tell, but Hat Kid was blushing from underneath her scales.

“Come on! It’s past your bedtime, young lady.” Snatcher grinned, picking up the kid and sitting her on his shoulders.

“Oi! How come ye get to carry her?” Conductor huffed.

“Oh? You’re telling me you don’t want to carry CC home?” Snatcher jested. Conductor’s face went red as he lowered his hat over his eyes.

“Shut up, peckneck.” he sputtered, heading off to get CC anyways.

“Language!” Snatcher shouted as he followed him, the kid resting on his shoulders. Once he saw Conductor with CC in his arms, they headed back towards to house.

“Y’know…you could have told us sooner. At least a warning would’ve been nice.” Snatcher told Hat Kid, sighing tiredly. He saw the kid sticking her tongue out at him, it was black and forked like a snake’s tongue. He snorted, she was just too adorable for her own good. Even in monster form!

“C’mon, kiddo. Let’s get you cleaned up before CC has a heart attack.” he said. He then realized something. “Wait a minute...” he paused. “You were the one who buried those dirty clothes in the garden, weren’t you?” he told Hat Kid. She rubbed the back of her head, looking extremely guilty. “Oh wow, hiding the evidence to frame someone? You’re more of a little troublemaker than I thought!” he grinned mischievously.

“Ohoho! The pup sure isn’t forgiving ye fer that one, lassie!” Conductor called back, joining in the fun. Hat Kid then huffed and crossed her arms.

“I was hungry okay?!” she yelling, irritated and making a pouty face. Conductor and Snatcher stared at each other for a few minutes. Snatcher started cackling and Conductor howled with laughter.

“What? What’s so funny?” she asked them, but they weren’t listening.

“Oh kid...you’re a riot.” Snatcher said, snickering a little. Conductor was too busy giggling to have a witty reply, so he just kept on walking. Hat Kid didn’t quite get the joke, but she smiled anyways. “Come on, kid. Let’s get you home.” Snatcher said, bouncing her on his shoulders. Hat Kid laughed, yawned loudly, and rested her head on top of his soft hair. Home… she thought happily as she started to fall asleep.

She was really starting to feel more at home that she ever had before.

#ahit #a hat in time #ahit au #a hat in time au #ahit monster au #a hat in time monster au #monster au #ahit hat kid #a hat in time hat kid #ahit cooking cat #a hat in time cooking cat #ahit snatcher #a hat in time snatcher #ahit conductor #a hat in time conductor #hat kid #cooking cat #snatcher #conductor #teenytinyhatkid #frickfrack fic

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND September 20, 2019  - VILLAINS, BLOODLINE, DOWNTON ABBEY, AD ASTRA, RAMBO: LAST BLOOD

It’s hard to believe that September is almost over, and we’re just sailing through the September festival season with the New York Film Festival starting (for real) next week.  There are three wide releases, but I will only have seen one of them before writing this, so instead, I’ll talk about a couple genre movies opening Friday, both of which played at Lincoln Center’s “Scary Movies XII” last month.

I remember writing quite extensively about VILLAINS (Alter/Gunpowder and Sky) when I was over at the Tracking Board, mainly about the casting of Bill Skarsgard from It, Maika Monroe from It Follows, as well as Jeffrey Donovan and Kyra Sedgwick. It’s the new movie from Dan Berk and Robert Olsen, who directed the horror sequel The Stakelander and have written a pretty amazing comedy-thriller twist on the home invasion movie. Skarsgard and Monroe play a young couple who hide out in a seemingly abandoned house after robbing a store. They soon learn that not only is it not abandoned, but there is a young girl chained in the basement. The owners of the home, played by Kyra Sedgwick and Jeffrey Donovan, then return and things go sideways for the young couple as they find that maybe their petty crimes make them the good guys in this scenario.  Villains is getting a fairly hearty release into roughly 100 theaters across the country, so check your listings to see if/where it will be playing near you. (It mainly seems to be playing in Regal theaters across the country.)

Another interesting genre film opening Friday is Henry Jacobson’s psychological thriller BLOODLINE (Momentum Pictures), starring Seann William Scott as Evan, a high school social worker with a secret – he’s also a serial killer who tries to help his patients by ridding them of their issues. Evan is also experiencing a new baby with his wife, which might keep him from his killing habits, except that his mother (Dale Dickey) has shown up to help them, and she was the one who taught him his ways. This is a really dark and gory film that I quite enjoyed in a similar way as some of my favorite serial killer thrillers, from Hitchcock’s Psychoto Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer and others. It honestly can’t be a better time for this with all the true crime television we’re getting, and I was pretty blown away by Scott’s performance in this. Bloodlineisplaying at the IFC Center for Friday and Saturday late night screenings and probably will be available On Demand as well.

You can read my interview with Seann William Scott and the directors of VILLAINS over at The Beat, the latter posting Friday.

The one wide release I have seen this weekend is Focus Features’ DOWNTOWN ABBEY, a continuation of the PBS series with an absolutely amazing British cast that includes Dame Maggie Smith, Penelope Wilton and so many more that I won’t name all of them. I feel that I’m not the best person to properly review the movie since I haven’t seen a second of the series, but I generally liked what I saw and might give it a look if I can find a good streaming source on which to binge it. I actually liked the movie enough to recommend it without having any previous knowledge of the series.

Probably my biggest disappointment of this week is that I didn’t have a chance to see James Gray’s AD ASTRA (20thCentury Fox), starring Brad Pitt, before Thursday night, because I wasn’t able to get to the press screening. It’s been one of my more anticipated movies of the year, mainly because I generally love outer space movies, but I also have been interested in seeing what Gray and Pitt do with the material, especially with such a great supporting cast.

Another movie that I only got to see just before this column posts is Sylvester Stallone’s RAMBO: LAST BLOOD (Lionsgate), which I reviewed over at The Beat. I had very few expectations for the movie, as I’ve never been a huge Rambo fan. I’m not sure why, but I guess I just never got into the Rah! Rah! USA! Stuff that permeated the United States in the ‘80s, and I was more into music than movies at the time. Reading my review, it’s obvious that Stallone’s latest attempt to revive a franchise didn’t do much for me.

You can read what I think of the above’s box office prospects over at The Beat, as well.

LIMITED RELEASES

I’m not quite sure why there are so many limited releases this weekend –I count almost 30 (!!!!) over on Rotten Tomatoes– but I’ll see what I can get to this week since I’m already a little behind. If you missed, Rob Zombie’s 3 FROM HELL on Monday and Tuesday night and more importantly, missed my scathing review of it over at The Beat, well, then you’ve missed it since this column is posting after it played its last night before its blu-ray release next month. Sorry!

A fantastic documentary opening at the Metrograph this week is Jacqueline Olive’s directorial debut ALWAYS IN SEASON (Multitude Films), a stirring film about the history of lynching, circling around the death of 17-year-old Lennon Lacy from Bladenboro, North Carolina, which is ruled as a suicide but his mother Claudia is convince that her son was lynched. Olive’s powerful film provides a background for how lynching became so prevalent in the early part of the 20thCentury, including an eerie annual reenactment by the town of Monroe, Georgia that wants to make sure that the county’s atrocities aren’t forgiven or forgotten.  Narrated by Danny Glover, Olive’s directorial debut is powerful and moving and a film that must not be missed – maybe it’s no surprise that it won a Special Jury prize at Sundance Film Festival for “Moral Urgency” earlier this year. I was pretty shaken up when I saw it at this year’s Oxford Film Festival.

The Metrograph is also screening two National Geographic shorts, Alexander A. Mora’s The Night Crawlers and Orlando von Einsiedel’sLost and Found, over the next week. The Night Crawlers looks at a group of Filipino journalists known as the “Manila Nightcrawlers” who seek to expose the truth about President Duterte’s war on drugs and the number of people who lost their lives over it. Lost and Foundi s a new doc short from the director of the Netflix doc The White Helmets which looks at the Myanmar’s ethnic violence against the Rohingya people through the eyes of a man in a refugee camp seeking to reunite children with parents.

Japanese animation house Studio TRIGGER’s first feature film PROMARE (GKIDS) will get a limited release on Friday, following Fathom Events showings on Tuesday (already passed) and Thursday (tonight). It will then be opening in New York at the Metrograph and AMC Empire on Friday for a one-week run. It’s an apocalyptic sci-fi thriller set in a world thirty years after a race of flame-wielding mutant beings called the Burnish set half the world on fire an the battle between the anti-Burnish Burning Rescue and Lio Fotia, leader of the aggressive new “Mad Burnish” mutants.

Paolo Sorrentino, director of the Oscar-winning The Great Beauty and its follow-up Youth, returns with LORO (Sundance Selects), about a young hustler named Sergio (Riccardo Scamarcio) managing an escort service who sets his sights on the egotistical billionaire Italian ex-Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi (Tony Servillo) who is trying to bribe his way back into power. It will open at the IFC Center Friday.

A couple other docs opening this weekend, the first two opening at New York’s Film Forum…

Now playing is Hassan Fazili’s Midnight Traveler (Oscilloscope) about how the filmmaker received death threats from the Taliban in 2015 for running Kabul, Afghanistan’s Art Café, a progressive meeting place, so he, his wife and two young daughters must travel 3,500 miles over 3 years across four countries to get to Hungary, a journey documented via mobile phone cameras. It will open in L.A. on October 4.

Then on Friday, there’s Matt Tyrnauer’s new film WHERE’S MY ROY COHN? (Sony Pictures Classics) looks at the lawyer and power broker who was part of Joe McCarthy’s anti-Communist activities and who was pivotal in molding a young Queens developer named Donald Trump. I wanted to like this movie more because Roy Cohn is such an interesting human being in such a despicable way, but this doc really didn’t do much for me.

Opening in New York (Cinema Village) and L.A. (Laemmle Glendale) is DIEGO MARADONA (HBO Sports), the new doc from Asif Kapadia (Amy, Senna), which will show on HBO on October 1. If you don’t know international football (or soccer), the Argentine Maradona is one of the most famous footballers of all time, a bit of a legend since signing to Naples in 1984 for a record-setting fee. I haven’t watched this yet but hope to soon.

Opening at New York’s IFC Center Friday is Max Powers’ Don’t Be Nice (Juno Films), focusing on the Bowery Slam Poetry Team as they head to the national championships, and there will be QnAs almost every night in its week-long run, and then it will open in L.A. on September 27.

Completely unrelated but also at the IFC Center is a full-week run of National Theatre Live: Fleabag, screening a pre-recorded performance of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s one-woman show that inspired her hit Emmy-nominated show from the Soho Playhousein London’s West End. Heck, I might try to get to one of these since it won’t be on television or any other format for at least a year.

After opening for “one night only” on Tuesday, Louie (The Cove) Psihoyos’ new movie The Game Changers will get a release on New York this Friday and L.A. the 27th. Exec. produced by James Cameron, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jackie Chan, it explores the rise of plant-based eating in professional sports along with Special Forces trainer James Wilks and features segments on Schwarzenegger, Formula One racer Lewis Hamilton, tennis player Novak Djokovic and NBA star Chris Paul.

Demi Moore, Ed Helms, Karan Soni (from the “Deadpool” movies) and Jessica Williams star in the horror-comedy Corporate Animals (Screen Media), the new comedy from Patrick Brice (Creep, The Overnight) about a corporate team-building adventure that turns to cannibalism when an office group find themselves trapped in a cave system. The movie has a great cast but the strange concept and weak screenplay really keeps the movie from delivering.

Other movies out this weekend include James Franco’s Zeroville (MyCinema), co-starring Megan Fox and Seth Rogen; Nicolas Cage’s new movie Running with the Devil (Quiver DIstribution), a drug thriller co-starring Laurence Fishburne, Barry Pepper, Leslie Bibb and more; and the award-winning Chinese drama Send Me to the Clouds (Cheng Cheng Films), opening in L.A., NY, Toronto and Vancouver.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Maybe the movie I’m most excited for this week is Zak Galifianakis’ BETWEEN TWO FERNS: THE MOVIE (Netflix), which I’m sure is going to be silly, maybe even stupid, but I’m still amused by his style of humor. I also haven’t seen the new Netflix doc Inside Bill’s Brain: Decoding Bill Gates, and I also no absolutely nothing about the movie other than what’s in the title.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

On Tuesday, the Metrograph began a series called “Bleecker Street: The First Five Years” running through Thursday withsingle screenings of Debra Granik’s Leave No Trace, Sebastian Lelio’s Disobediance and Brett Haley’s I’ll See You in My Dreams with talent doing QnAs. On the weekend, the theater has special screenings of the dance film The Red Shoes   (1948) on Saturday with an introduction by Jillian McManemin – I honestly have no idea who that is. On Saturday, the Academy is back with its monthly series, this month showing Milos Forman’s 1979 musical Hair with actor Treat Williams and Annie Golden in person. On Sunday, there’s a similarly special screening of Martin Scorsese’s 1990 crime classic Goodfellas with producer Irwin Winkler and screenwriter Nick Pileggi -- $35 tickets, a little pricey for me. You also have just two more days (today and tomorrow) to see Satoshi Kon’s Millennium Actress on the big screen.

This weekend’s Welcome To Metrograph: Redux offering is Jean Vigo’s 1934 film L’Atalante,  Late Nites at Metrograph is showing Fantastic Planet(again) and the Japanese horror film Hausu (1977). This weekend’s Playtime: Family Matinees is Alfonso Cuaron’s fantasy A Little Princess (1995)

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE BROOKLYN (NYC)

The Alamo is also celebrating “Arthouse Theater Day” on Wednesday with Robert Downey Sr.’s Putney Swope. They’re also doing a “Rambo Marathon” on Sunday to tie-in with Stallone’s latest Rambo movie -- $35 for all five Rambo movies. Now THAT is a great deal, and there are a few tickets left. On Saturday afternoon, the Alamo is showing Almodovar’s 2000 classic All About My Mother to celebrate the Spanish filmmaker before the release of his newest film Pain and Glory.  Monday’s “Out of Tune” is Lars von Trier’s 2000 film Dancer in the Dark, starring Bjork. Next week’s “Terror Tuesday” is the amazing Vera Farmiga thriller Orphan from 2009, and the Alamo is also playing Almodovar’s Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown from 1988. Next week’s “Weird Wednesday” is 1995’s Tank Girl, starring Lori Petty.

AERO  (LA):

Wednesday is (or rather, was) a screening of the 1969 film Putney Swope as part of Art House Theater Day 2019, Thursday is a screening of the 1984 adaptation of Arthur C. Clarke’s 2010: The Year We Made Contact. In honor of Downton Abbey (I guess?), the Aero is beginning a series called “Upstairs, Downstairs,” beginning Friday with a 70mm print of 1993’s The Remains of the Day, starring Anthony Hopkins an Emma Thompson, then Saturday is a double feature of Hitchcock’s Rebecca  (1940) and Carol Reed’s The Fallen Idol  (1948), and then on Sunday is a double feature of Ruggles of Red Cap (1935) and By Candlelight  (1933), as well as a separate free member screening of Downton Abbey with some of the cast in person.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

Robert Altman’s classic 1975 film Nashville will screen as a new 4k restoration for the next week with screenwriter Joan Tewkesbury appearing on Saturday night. This weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is Howard Hawk’s 1940 movie His Girl Friday, starring Cary Grant.  Joseph Losey’s Holocaust drama Mr. Klein ends on Thursday.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

The Quad is back with another great series called “Laws of Desire: The Films of Antonio Banderas” beginning Wednesday, showing so many films starring the Spanish actor who is likely to get nominated for his first Oscar for Almodovar’s Pain and Glory.  It will even show Steven Soderbergh’s upcoming The Laundromat, which premieres on Netflix next week. Instead of going through all 13 of the movies, click on the link above and get ready to be Banderasized!

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Weekend Classics: Staff Picks Summer 2019 is Tony Scott’s vampire flick The Hunger (1983), chosen by “Todd,” Waverly Midnights: Staff Picks Summer 2019 is the anime classic Akira, chosen by “Katie,” and Late Night Favorites: Summer 2019 is Satoshi Kon’s Paprika(again?)

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

This weekend begins a “See It Big! Ghost Stories” series with the Japanese horror Ugetsu from 1953, then Saturday is The Phantom Carriage (1921) – this is with live piano accompaniment! --The Ghost and Mrs. Muir(1947), and then Sunday they’re screening Olivier Assayas’ more recent Personal Shopper (2006) with Kristen Stewart.

FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

Although Lincoln Center is preparing for next week’s New York Film Festival, this weekend it’s holding special screenings of two Gershwin films, Otto Preminger’s 1959 musical Porgy and Bess on Thursday (with panel) and then Vincente Minelli’s An American in Paris on Friday.

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

“The Purpose and Passion: the Cinema of John Singleton” ends on Friday, but there are screenings of his 2000 Shaft movie, starring Samuel L. Jackson, and another screening of Boyz n the Hood before then.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Thursday night is a screening of David Lean’s The Bridge on the River Kwai  (1957), but the rest of the weekend is the “Guadalajara Film Festival.”

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

Friday night’s midnight offering is John Waters’ 2004 movie A Dirty Shame, starring Tracey Ullman, Johnny Knoxville and Selma Blair.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

The New Bev continues its “time out” at the bottom of this section as long as Tarantino uses his repertory theater to show Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood, and currently it’s booked through the end of September. Since this week’s column is late, you already missed the 1952 film The Narrow Marginas the Weds. matinee, the New Bev will also show the Hanna/Barbera animated feature Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear (1964) as this weekend’s “Kiddee Matinee.” Tarantino’s Jackie Brown is the Saturday night midnight movie, and then on Monday, the theater will show David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive  (2000) in two matinees (the 2pm is already sold out).

A quieter week with only one wide release, the Universal/DreamWorks animation fantasy-adventure Abominable.

#WhatToWatchThisWeekend Movies Reviews Villains Bloodline Downton Abbey AlwaysInSeason

[ghostface-babe]

Hello :) could I get a match up? I'm 5'3 (so basically I'm very smol), straight female with long curly dark blonde hair and hazel eyes. I'm the mom friend, usually very patient but can also be quite stubborn and fiery if I have to. I'm very interested in psychology and anatomy. I enjoy both inside and outside activities like swimming, cooking and video games. I'm an introvert and I'm very very clumsy. I usually get along with everyone but love wise I'm more of the opposites attract kinda girl

You dang sure can 💖 I love all the matchups I’m getting. We’re all so simlair ☺️

You get 2! Up first is..

Bubba:

• Bubba would love your long, curly hair. He’d love twisting it around his fingers and sniffing it. Expect him to coo into it when he hugs you and give little babbles of praise and affection. Your eyes would be another thing he’d love. Such a pretty color, he’d really enjoy staring into them while stroking your cheeks with his fingers.

• Bubba requires a lot of attention and affection. He’s very needy and clingy, quite like a small child. Once he finds someone who loves him as much as he loves them, expect him to never let you go. Very grabby, always hugging you, and covering you in kisses. You’re a mom friend? Great! You’ll know just how to care for him. Your patience will greatly come in handy when he’s a dirty, bloody mess and needs to be cleaned. The fact that you can also be fiery and stubborn is something Bubba will love. You’ll defend him when Drayton yells at him. He loves you even more when you do that.

• Psychology is cool, but Bubba never went to school so he won’t understand it. He doesn’t understand a lot, but if you teach him with pictures maybe he’d get it a little better. His job requires him to know a bit about human anatomy, so maybe he could give you a lesson or two on that 😂 You finding anatomy interesting would make him excited. At least you aren’t afraid of him.

• Bubba’s an outdoorsy type of man. He’ll enjoy swimming with you and running around outside. He’s never had more fun in his life till you came into it. Lots of hooting, yelling, and happy babbles. When you do choose to stay indoors, he’s fine with that too. One of his favorite activities is cooking. He’ll enjoy cooking with you a lot! Whether it’s animal meat or human(; He’s never played a video game in his life, but he’d give it a shot. A slow learner, but excited to learn and listen! Choptop and Nubbins would probably want to play too!

• Being introverted is fine by him. He’s shy occasionally, but usually very extroverted. He’ll babble enough for the both of you. Hugs, head pats, cooing, holding hands. He’s a very affectionate person. Your clumsiness will be adorable to him. He loves how much you resemble a baby deer standing on hind legs for the first time. He’ll carry you around and catch you when you fall. If you get hurt, he’ll be sad and won’t stop giving you kisses and groaning, trying to ask if you’re okay.

• You’ll get along with Bubs and his family. They’ll appreciate how kind you are, but also love your fiery personality. You’re a perfect addition to the Sawyer clan!

And last but not least..

Billy/Stu:

• Stu is tall, 6’4 so your height will be one of his favorite things about you! Billy’s 5’10 so he’d appreciate the height difference as well. They both adore how much bigger they are compared to you. Expect a lot of teasing and nicknames such as shorty, tiny, baby girl, and anything else they think of.

• They’d love your long, curly hair and hazel eyes. Such perfect features that enhance your beauty. Playing with your hair is a must, Stu more so knotting it while Billy’s a tad more gently and twirls it. Your eyes would be their favorite feature on your face aside from your lips of course.

• Being the mom friend is perfect when it comes to these two goof balls. They’re messy and can’t cook, usually just eat takeout and fast food. They leave a trail of blood whenever they come home and you’ll always know where they’ve been because there’s usually food crumbs. You’re patient, so that’s good because these guys are annoying and stubborn as heck. ‘You both need to shower before you get into bed! You’ve got blood all over you!’ - eye rolls, mimicking your voice, shaking their heads. If you want your boys clean, you gotta get in with them. Everything’s a game. They’d love that you can also be fiery and stubborn. When you’re stubborn about something, they’re pouting. ‘Come on babeeee please.’ They’ll whine! You’re so cute when you’re being grouchy. When you’re fiery, they’re turned on lol. They love that you can put them into their place and whip them into shape. More teasing! ‘Oh so you’re the boss now?’

• Both of them would find psychology interesting and would love reading about it with you or even watching documentaries, with pop corn of course! Anatomy would be one they’d also probably be into. Wants to watch gory videos about it all with you. Billy and Stu come home, ‘hey babe, you like anatomy right?’ you’ll just look at them confused and nod. ‘Good cause we brought you something.’ Oh god what is that..🤢 they’re trying to be romantic, but they’re jerks.

• Any activity you’d want to do, they’d do it! Swimming? Yes! Video games? YES! They love it all. They can’t cook and probably won’t be patient enough to learn, but would appreciate whatever food you make for them. They’re excited to have a change of pace from their usual take out.

• They’re clumsy in costume, so your clumsiness will match theirs. Out of costume Stu’s more clumsy than Billy, but they’ll both find you even more adorable. Expect more teasing, things like ‘don’t slip babe.’ Or ‘hey! We should go ice skating as a date!’ oh heck no.

• You’d all get along greatly because these boys are extroverted and would do anything with you. Whether it be staying in or going to an amusement park. They’ll help you get out of your shell and introduce you to so many fun things.

💖💖💖

Hope you enjoy it

[lia-nikiforov]

Spring 2018 Anime Watchlist

THERE IS TOO MUCH ANIME THIS SEASON I HAD TO BINGE 37 EPISODES IN THREE DAYS TO CATCH UP

Dropped

Mahou Shoujo Site: Although I originally intended to irony watch this one, expecting something like MahoIku or King’s Game, its sadistic reveling in the main character’s suffering was impossible to stomach. I felt physically ill at the end of it. I’m not, in principle, opposed to gory stuff, y’all know I sat through the whole stupidity that was King’s Game, but MahoSite doesn’t even reach the level of ridiculous over the topness to make it funny, it’s just a cascade of misery porn with not a single moment of levity or triumph for the heroine. I think I was done the moment that gratuitous “if you punch my stomach my period won’t come” line, because apparently some dudes get off on the idea of a woman being so brutalized she stops menstruating??????

Kakuriyo Yadomeshi: I was willing to give this one the three-episode trial after the first episode in spite of the godawful main love interest and the fact that the grandfather sold the MC into literal slavery wtf, because the main girl seems proactive and independent buuuuuuut fuck I hated episode 2. Not only does she seem to quickly forgive her grandfather for SELLING HER OFF, the men around her keep speaking over her and making decisions for her and she turns out to be just independent enough to not be a complete doormat, but not enough to appear defiant and I hate it. Thanks but no thanks, I ain’t here to see a romantization of being literally sold into an arranged marriage.

YOU THINK?!

Cutie Honey Universe: Before this, I’d had zero interaction with any other iteration of Cutie Honey, so I wasn’t sure of what to expect beyond knowing this was from the creator of Devilman. Certainly blatant homophobic jokes and jokes about physical abuse wasn’t in my list of thigs I expected to see, yet here we are. I ain’t here for “hyuk hyuk look at these fat/butch/ugly lesbians, aren’t they ridiculous” jokes either.

Butlers x Battlers: I completely forgot I watched this one. I don’t remember anything about it except being confused

GeGeGe no Kitaro: This one didn’t do anything wrong, but I was never gonna watch it. I just checked out episode 1 because I heard it made a dig at Logan Paul. I wish they’d gone all the way through and killed that character, but I guess you can’t have it all. It was actually a pretty decent episode, and in a weaker season I’d probably keep watching it, but there’s just too much stuff coming out. And I have watched previous Kitaro anime and it’s sometimes too meanspirited for me.

Uma Musume: I didn’t expect much from this show and was pleasantly surprised by the double-length first episode. Special Week was a nice, fun protagonist to root for and although the world-building was weird as heck, it was fun and positive. So I’m not exactly sure of what happened with episode 2/3 that it left me feeling completely dry. The pacing was super rushed, the characters all felt horribly flat, and the races weren’t super exciting because rather than any strategy or strong emotional realization, Special Week just has to start running even faster and faster in the final leg. It was also kind of implied she had gained weight? But then never brought up? And it’s not made very clear why she lost in the end? Was she supposed to learn humility and not getting too complacent? Seems too early for her to learn that when she’s supposed to be an underdog. I don’t know, it didn’t really work for me and I don’t feel like I care to watch more of it.

Because this post is long af and has a lot of gifs some folks were having trouble loading it on mobile, so you’ll have to read under the cut to know which are the shows I’m actually watching oops

Chopping Block: 

There is too much anime and I’m near the end of the semester so I’m gonna have to cut at least one -preferably two- of these shows

Sword Art Online Alternative: This was another one I intended to hatewatch? But rather than offensive or idiotic it’s so far been pretty boring. Episode one was a slog. The first half of episode two was a horrendous spectacle of hating your own body. The only think I liked was the friendship between LLENN and Pito (btw Pito meand ‘dick’ in Spanish and every time she says “call me Pito” I die). Then episode 3 was more boring exposition. FPS games are the least interesting I could think of, and I’ve never been into Let’s Play, so this show is hitting all the right notes to make me bored out of my mind. I also don’t appreciate the big dude not telling Llenn the plan and just kind of being condescending to her. If next episode is just 20 more minutes of the dude explaining things to Llenn, I’m out. (Also, Pito is 100% Elsa Kanzaki)

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: Not feeling this reboot at all. It’s all very dry and just dudes expositioning strategy at each other. Also there are 30 characters in the Ending and only 2 of them are women???? I’ll give it one more episode, but tbh I’ve had problems even paying attention to 2 and 3, it just doesn’t grab me.

Libra of Nil Admirari: Although I like the heroine and she might be one of the strongest reverse harem heroines I’ve seen, the plot itself is very... eh. The guys are also very uninteresting so far. There’s also the fact that Tsumugi claims to have no interest in men or love, but this being a reverse harem with a bevy of men starved for her attention makes me worry this’ll end with her being “fixed” by an actual nice guy who is worthy of her or something. But the OP is very cute!

Hatewatch

Darling in the Franxx: Boy oh boy, the otaku have been creaming their pants and tearing their clothes off for the last three weeks, but “Don’t call it Fucking, It’s Making Love” in the Franxx’s greatest achievement in my eyes is going for idiotically offensive to just bland and clichéd. A recent AMA on reddit with the producer seems to imply that none of the themes of sex, gender and heterosexism that have been at the core of the show were even properly thought out, nor were their implications even remotely considered. I don’t know if the show’s heterosexism would be worse if it was active propaganda rather than what it seems to be: a bunch of ideas the producers thought would be “cool” and “titillating” with no particular meaning to them. Also we’re 15 episodes in and all we’ve achieved is Palurdo has finally tamed his beast waifu who is Not Like Other Girls. Oh, and I guess the monsters actually had humans in there, what a shocker, never seen that before, never expected such a clever twizzzzzzzz....

Mid Priority

Tokyo Ghoul: Re : I thought I was done with Tokyo Ghoul after trying to read the manga and being bored shitless by all the unnecessary exposition, but this one, while not quite excellent, managed to pique my interest. The conceit of Kaneki losing his memories and joining the Doves and helping in exterminating ghouls I’m super not interested in, but his encounter with Nishio has made me curious enough about what has happened with the rest of the characters to keep watching for now.

Rokuhodou Biyori: The iyashikei show of the season I guess. The guys’ personalities are a little bland, so I might bump it down to the chopping block, but it’s only been two episodes, so I want to give it a fair chance

Persona 5: My history with Persona has never been good. Episode 1 of P4 made me sleep, and I watched the first P3 movie THREE TIMES and never managed to parse wtf it was about. This show shares some of the same problems in making me struggle to pay attention, but at least so far the plot seems interesting, the visuals are creative and striking, and I really like the main character’s design. I’m also more inclined to keep watching because Sayokan directed the OP for the videogame.

Hisone to Masotan: There’s a cynical part of me that watches this show and feels like I’m watching a commercial for the JSDF. Yvan eht nioJ, come join us, we have cool dragons!!! I also don’t love the fact that the dragon turns into a plane :/ BUT the characters have a lot of heart, the dynamics so far between Hisone and Masotan and Hisone and Kanzaki have been very touching. A part of me though, wishes Hisone had stuck with Otofu because it’s such a cute name and she sounded really funny yelling “OTOFU!!!”

Safe Sequels

Although some of these sequels would go in higher categories, I was unsure about how to rank them -especially the 2-cour ones- compared to some of my top premieres of the season, so I’m just putting them all together because there are A LOT of sequels.

Yowapeda Glory Line: FINALLY SOMETHING POSITIVE HAPPENED FOR SOHOKU. I was starting to feel exhausted with all the gloominess, especially for seeing Teshima punished, HE DESERVES EVERY GOOD THING. Now we can get back on track and hopefully have a fun race without Teshima brooding all the way through the episode. ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE EXCELLENT TESHIAO CONTENT

Nanatsu no Taizai: FINALLY ESCANOR SHOWED UP. It’s felt like the first half of the show dragged a lot compared to the manga, so I’m happy we’ve reached one of the coolest parts. Though if memory serves, the rest of the season will be spent floundering around, but damn, the Escanor vs Galand battle is very satisfying to watch.

Lupin III Part V: So this time around they’ve added the social media factor into Lupin’s adventures, and so far the result has been quite interesting. I don’t have a lot to say, the artstyle looks closer to classic versions of the franchise and has lost some of the edge from part IV, but the comedy and Lupin’s plans are still creative and fun to watch, even adding a unique spin to the social media component, so I’m excited to see where they take this. But we need more Fujiko yesterday pls

Binan Koukou Chikyuu Boueibu Happy Kiss: A soft reboot of this magical girl parody franchise, with frillier costumes and even more ridiculous attacks and transformations, and I’m here for it. I do wish we’d get at least some cameos from the original gang. I also feel that so far, apart from the Red guy (Kyotaro?) the others don’t seem to have much of a distinctive personality. It’s only episode three, so hopefully that’s something we’ll see developed as the show goes on.

Hozuki no Reitetsu: It’s the same as it’s always been, a brilliantly dry workplace comedy. If you haven’t watched the previous seasons, you’re missing out on one of the best comedies of this decade.

Boku no Hero Academia 3: After the recap first episode, the series has gone back full gear ahead into the next story arc and so far it looks pretty cool. Although I’m never a fan of “regular MC activity gets interrupted by villains”. Idk why it bothers me a lot -a prime example being the S Class exam getting cut short in Fairy Tail and the concept of S Class mages completely ditched thereon after. But anyway, I have faith in the writing that they’ll make this villain interruption cool and worth it. I do however wish they’d let us meet the Class B guys better.

Steins;Gate 0: You know, I was 100% ready to be disappointed and abandon this one right away, but damn, damn have these first two episodes been brilliant. The nuances in Okabe’s characterization, the portrayal of his grief, and his more mature attitude seem like a mirror of the watcher who has grown all the same in the seven years since the show’s original season. I’m hoping the teases about Maho as a potential love interest are a red herring, but other than that, I’m blown away by how good it has been so far. Just delete Daru please.

Card Captor Sakura: Clear Card: Things have started happening! We’re starting to see that Akiho’s mysterious book is somehow having an effect over the events of Sakura’s life. The episode with the animals was particularly strong, with a new card that had a nice renovated design, and a really emotionally effective scene of Sakura and Syaoran embracing to help Sakura regain confidence to save her friends. It’s one of the strongest episodes of the series so far, so hopefully we’ll have more of those and less of the “finding a card that only minimally makes 10 cm from a bookshelf disappear” type. As a sidenote, I find Akiho’s obsession with Sakura’s play a bit offputting.

High Priority

Mahou Shojo Ore: Given how little I knew about this series going in and how excited I was about it in spite of it, I’m pleased to report the show has lived up to my expectations in one way or another. The weird comedy is on point and also everyone is fucking gay. I’m rooting for you Blue Girl! Easily the superior show with Mahou Shoujo in its title.

Hinamatsuri: You know, I didn’t have super high expectations for this one, but it’s turned out to be a very nice surprise. It has that charming paternal relationship between Nitta and Hina that is cute and hilarious. I have to say I’m not super into the classmate-forced-to-become-a-bartender storyline and I’m not sure how that even fits with the rest of the show, so I hope there won’t be a lot of vignettes about it.

Piano no Mori: Wonky CGI and occassionally questionable character design choices (Ajino was so BEAUTIFUL in his youth, why does he look so ridiculous in the present?!!!) aside, this has been one of the strongest premieres of the season. I know fans of the manga have criticized it, but as someone unfamiliar with the original, I’m definitely intrigued by this story.

BESTEST

Megalobox: This one wasn’t on my radar at all. It’s one of those numerous cases of me seeing a title that sounds stupid and deciding to ignore the show based on that alone. I’m glad I stumbled on all the praise the premiere episode received because damn is it good. The story behind the cameras is that this is a 50th anniversary project for Ashita no Joe, and it was meant to be a reboot, but the director couldn’t find a way to make it work, so he created something entirely new, and aren’t we glad about that. It has a unique retro look and although the plot beats do call back to Ashita no Joe, our Joe feels like his own person alright. I think my only nitpick is that I’m not entirely sure of what is even the point of the additional gear. Also, I know how Ashita no Joe ends and I hope this show won’t end like that too :’D

Golden Kamuy: How long has it been since the last time a multi-awarded manga not only wasn’t disappointing but ended up being one of the most promising anime adaptations of the season? Yes, everyone’s seen the ugly CGI bear, moving on, this is a captivating and unique historical show with a so far excellent portrayal of Ainu culture and a kickass lady coprotagonist.  I am really excited to see where this one will go. Also, it was really exciting to hear characters actually speaking ainu language. I’ve done some research on Ainu history (and kickass Ainu women) for school, so I’m very pumped about this one.

Otaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii: By far my favorite premiere of the season. So far, two episodes in, it’s all I ever hoped it would be and more. The characters are charming, Narumi and Hirotaka’s relationship feels natural and effortless -both the romantic aspect of it, and the way they easily become comfortable with one another-. Narumi is delightful and very well-rounded, being as cheerful and optimistic as she can be cynical, and her quick-developing friendship with Hanako is so violently relatable I was screaming. I really love this show. ALSO THE OP IS SUPER CUTE

I FINALLY FINISHED WRITING THIS IT TOOK FOREVER BECAUSE THERE IS TOO MUCH ANIME

#spring 2018 anime #anime watchlist #wotaku ni koi wa muzukashii #golden kamuy #megalobox #darling in the franxx #piano no mori #card captor sakura #steins;gate 0 #boku no hero academia #hinamatsuri #mahou shoujo ore #yowapeda glory line #hozuki no reitetsu #binan koukou chikyuu boueibu happy kiss #nanatsu no taizai #legend of the galactic hero #sao alternative #libra of nil admirari #hisone to masotan #persona 5 #rokuhoudou yotsuiro biyori #tokyo ghoul: re #mahou shoujo site #cutie honey universe #uma musume #gegege no kitaro #kakuriyo yadomeshi #butlers chitose momotose monogatari #100

[bsidesthepoint]

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: DARK SOULS?

So apparently Nintendo is hiring a key level designer for the next Zelda game and that got me to thinking...so here comes a potentially unpopular opinion (I apologize in advance):

I've recently become enamored with the souls-like genre.  You know, DARK SOULS, DEMON SOULS, and my personal favorite so far, BLOODBORNE.  For those unaware, they are extremely hard, but not unfair games that take joy in killing the player, but not so sadistic that they allow you to learn from your mistakes and actually use death as a tool to figure out how to beat obstacles in the game.  That's skimming the surface of the subject but it's the basic truth. There is something I like even more about the souls-like games from From Software, and that is their level design.  It's not universal, but the thing that tend to be known for are their interconnectedness, and their surprising amounts of secrets.  Exploration may get you killed, but it's extremely rewarding when you find treasures hidden away in hard-to-reach areas, or when you find a door that leads you back to the start of the level so that you don't have to backtrack and hoof it as much if and when you die again.  

What's more, though, is how the games tell their stories.  Which, can be argued, I guess, is that they don't tell them at all, really.  There are sort of overarching narratives, but it's never really spoonfed to you, and it's never really the focus of the game.  It's up to you, through context clues and bits of lore mostly accessed through item descriptions, to kind of piece the story together yourself, and get a broad idea of what is going on in the game's world, rather than having it broadcast to you over loud-speaker the whole time.  It gives the games an air of mystery and really promotes player participation if they want to understand more about the world.

Now, when it comes to the next Zelda, no, it's not as simple as me saying, "YOU SHOULD MAKE IT MORE LIKE DARK SOULS."  Mostly because, weirdly enough, Nintendo already has.

I love BREATH OF THE WILD; it's ZELDA, undeniably, but in a lot of ways, I feel like it's the Zelda game that Miyamoto wanted to make originally, the kind that emulated exploration and the kind of gaping joy one has when finding something you didn't expect.  But to do that, Nintendo didn't just throw out everything and start over from scratch; they borrowed and lifted things that worked from other games to make them work within that familiar Zelda framework.  So it's not hard to look at BREATH OF THE WILD and also see echoes of SKYRIM, as an obvious example, or even weirdly surprising inclusions from games like MINECRAFT, etc.  I didn't realize until after having played BLOODBORNE how much BREATH OF THE WILD actually seems to have in common with souls-like games, even if it's circumstantial.

Not to outline every single instance of it, but to highlight a few things: it's markedly harder than some of its predecessors...it's possible for enemies to kill you in a single hit...it's entirely possible to find enemies and areas that will kill you mercilessly, because you aren't strong enough to defeat them yet.  That includes bosses, some of which are optional.  The game is packed with secrets and urges you to find them, but in doing so you put yourself at risk and frequently into peril to find them.  Some areas have interesting connections to other areas you don't know about till you explore them all.  And the story, while not as obtuse as anything found in BLOODBORNE (or DARK SOULS III, which I'm playing now), is very much up to you to put together, even if cut-scenes and exposition are a little more ham-fisted.  It's not a carbon copy, but there are certainly things in this game that remind me of a From Software game.

I guess what I'm getting at is this: it wouldn't kill me if Nintendo leaned hard on DARK SOULS for inspiration for the next Zelda game.  That comes with a ton of caveats and I will preface this by saying: that doesn't mean Nintendo turn it super dark, gory, and/or rage-inducing.  But they can keep what works in BREATH OF THE WILD and can continue borrowing things from the souls-like genre that makes it so engaging and addictive.  Ideally, I think it would be something like this:

Keep the storytelling minimal.  Not to say that we can't have a sweeping epic story (in a way, BREATH OF THE WILD denies us that, at least when it comes to what I feel is not a satisfying finale), but the way it was being handled in BREATH OF THE WILD is definitely the way to go in future games.  Accessing memories, cut-scenes not always giving you all the answers, having to find and earn certain story-beats instead of them happening in a pattern or a rigid structure.  I want to put the story together myself.  I would almost argue they could be MORE subtle and obtuse, but I don't think that would be too popular an opinion.  I'm probably alienating people enough right now.  But I know the idea of a Zelda game where I truly didn't know what the heck was going on and forced me to put the pieces together makes me super excited.  And I don't think I'm out of line by saying that I'm not the only fan who kind of wishes the series would let me just figure out what's going on myself, instead of forcing it down my throat.

No dungeons.  At least, not in the sense we've seen them in the past; and, being frank, I think the series could exist without them.  BREATH OF THE WILD more or less did away with them except for the shines and the Divine Beasts, and a similar dynamic can be preserved in future games.  But (and here comes another unpopular opinion) I think SKYWARD SWORD was onto something when it was taking things you typically found in a dungeon, and putting them in the overworld environment instead.  Puzzles, pitfalls, and bosses.  BLOODBORNE did that amazingly well; I never really knew what would be around a corner, because I wasn't going through the motions of finding a boss key knowing I was going to have fight Gohma for the nth time.  I had similar feelings rounding a corner and seeing a freaking Hinox asleep in the area in front of me, forcing me to stop and rethink my position.  It throws preconceived notions out the window; all the things you've learned through Zelda games of the past get thrown out the window.  Lean hard on that, Nintendo.  I want to feel like the overworld is one huge dungeon, so I never know what to expect.

More to the point, perhaps superficially, I like the idea of future levels looping back on themselves and connecting to places in surprising ways like they do in the SOULS games, only accessible through exploration, puzzle-solving, and toil.  Perhaps that won't work all the time, and that's fine; it's one false move away from being gimmicky anyway.  But I remember some of my fonder memories from SKYWARD SWORD, a game that has very little love from fans for good reason, was solving a puzzle that made an area accessible that previously wasn't, and looping back around to an area I'd already been, streamlining my progress going forward.  It felt like a reward.  I liked the idea that the puzzles were not confined to a dungeon and instead were out there in broad daylight, and on occasion a freaking giant scorpion boss would jump out unannounced, instead of me knowing I was about to fight one in a boss room.  Discovery and happening upon stuff like that made me instantly fall in love with BLOODBORNE, even though I died in Inner Yharnam easily around 80 times.  

"I'm going over this bridge and HOLY CRAP A BOSS BATTLE I'M NOT READY OH GOD I DON'T WANT TO DIE OH WAIT THIS IS FUN OH WAIT I'M DEAD...well, gonna get stronger and beat this guy later."  :D

It's hard for me to get into specifics, but I think I've belabored the point.  I think BREATH OF THE WILD built a pretty sturdy foundation for future Zelda games, but I feel borrowing smartly from DARK SOULS and BLOODBORNE could only make it more compelling.

(And, yes, I realize a key thing here that differentiates the two games: you can't climb everything in BLOODBORNE.  Yes, that might be a problem, lol.)

#legend of zelda #dark souls #demon souls #bloodborne #from software #nintendo #gameplay #game mechanics

[tolipops-blog]

High as a kite

REALITY: “WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING!” I could hear her yell through my closed bedroom door. “YOU ARE THE OLDEST, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE EXAMPLE!” I could faintly make out as she slammed the washer door shut. I was in my room, fumbling around with my ear buds trying to untangle them, which always feels to me like I am a magician pulling off some spectacular stunt. My mother was still yelling at me through the closed door, but I couldn’t hear anything she was saying now, as I had successfully untangled my ear buds and was currently drowning her out with the rhythms and beats of one of my favorite alternative rock tracks. Listening to music is my only real escape at this point. I mean I can’t really go anywhere or do anything. I just got home from the hospital. I broke my arm and my leg. Should have been much worse though, it sounded much worse when it happened. As I lay in my bed listening to my music, I started drifting off in thought. I suppose she is right I said to myself inside my head. I mean I am the oldest child and I do know my brother looks up to me. But its that whole jump off a bridge thing. I mean, mom raised us to think and act for ourselves. Just because I do something stupid doesn’t mean he has to, Heck, my little brother is a smart kid. He probably wouldn’t even do anything I do at all. But I see where I could have made a smarter decision, but I was backed into a corner. I was under a lot of pressure. I mean you would have done the same thing if you were faced with the same situation. I mean come on my social reputation was at stake.

FLASHBACK: This morning after I got ready for school and ate my breakfast, my brother and I set out to the bus stop to wait for the bus to pick us up to go to school. While on the way to the bus stop we ran into our neighbor and my best friend Danny Dalinbar. We greeted each other with our secret handshake and spent most of the walk talking about how instead of going to bed like we each told our parents, we were up playing zombie horde 4 on our gaming console. It was a typically cold morning for our part of the country and we could see our breath as we continued our walk to the bus stop. The whole time pretending we were some cool, suave dudes smoking a cigarette with our buddies. We finally made it to the bus stop, and while Dal and I were in the middle of a conversation my little brother interrupts us and is pointing up at something in the sky. “LOOK!” he shouts, “up in that tree in Mr. Ratsan’s yard” “Do you see it?” he questions. “Well do you see it?” I look up at the tree and I notice something tangled in one of the branches and moving violently in the breeze. “It’s a kite” Dal Says. “I’m going to climb up there and get it” I hear Dal say. “Not if I beat you to it” I say back to him. “Pssssh,” Dal says, “you can’t beat me to that kite, you are too scared to climb that tree” he says in reply.  “I am not!” I holler back at him. “You are nothing but a big chicken” Dal continues, “Remember that one time at my house, you came over to play catch with my new foam football and you threw it to hard and it got stuck on the roof” he said. “You were too scared to go on the roof to get the football, so we couldn’t play anymore.” “Yeah I remember” I say with an attitude. “But I was like 10 at the time, I’m 14 now and I’m not scared to climb up high anymore” I say back at him. “yeah right, I’ll believe it when I see it, you big chicken” Dal says. Dal then proceeds to mimic the movements and noises of a chicken, “bwaak, bwaak, bwaaaak!” he says to me at the same time he is moving his arms up and down as if he is flapping his wings. “Cut it out, Dal!” I say forcefully. “im not a chicken and I can climb that tree and get that kite” I say with confidence. “Oh yeah, well than prove it chicken wuss” Dal replies.

REALITY: This is where my mom thinks I should have been a good example to my little brother. But I mean what could I do?  Dal had me cornered. I couldn’t risk my social reputation and friendship with him. If I didn’t climb that tree he would tell it to all our other friends when we got to school and who would want to be friends with a chicken wuss?

FLASHBACK: “Dal” I say with my chest puffed out, “Im going to climb that tree and I am going to get that kite and I am going to make you eat your words” I say with arrogance. And just like that I walk across the street and into Mr. Ratsan’s yard. As I stand face to face with the behemoth in front of me I glance up ward toward the top of the tree. I can’t really see a whole lot on account of the sun shining through the gaps in the branches momentarily blinding me. One thing I could tell for sure is this was a tall tree. As I stand looking up at the tree, I seriously start to doubt that I can make this climb. “This doesn’t seem like a good idea” I say to myself. I don’t think I can make it up that high, and if I do how in the heck am I going to get down? All these thoughts are racing through my brain. Then just like clockwork, like he knew what I was thinking, I can hear Dal on the other side of the street taunting me. “You won’t do it, you big Chicken” I hear him tease. “Bwaaak, Bwakkk, Baaaakkkk!!!” he continues.  That was just the motivation I needed to snap me out of these thoughts of self-doubt. I search for a good first footing and I find a knot in the tree that looks to be the beginning of my trek up this tree. I place my left foot on the knot and put all my weight on it as I hoist myself up and give the tree a friendly hug, like you would a friend you haven’t seen in years. From this position I look for my next move. I see a branch just within reach. With my left foot stretched out on my tippy-toes I reach for the branch just above my head. I am able to wrap both of my hands around it, and at the same time sort of walk myself up the tree until I reach the branch. At which point I hoist one leg over the branch and then straddle it as if I am riding a pony. Once I feel safe and settled in, I break the first rule of climbing, I look down. I feel a rush of fear push from my stomach up to my brain and as if it were one motion I feel myself lay back at the same time.

REALITY: I physically felt it. I know because I almost feel of the branch. It like physically moved me. It was one of the scariest moments in my life. I thought for sure I was going to fall of and die. Luckily, I didn’t.

FLASHBACK:  I quickly pull myself against the mysterious force and slam my chest down on the branch and hug that limb as tight as I can. I hear my little brother from the other side of the road yelling something. It takes me a few seconds to regain my composure, but once I do I am able to make out what my brother is saying.  “Quade, be careful up there” he yells. “No Duh!” I want to yell back but I am still a little leery, so I don’t do anything but continue to hug that branch. After a few minutes of hugging that branch, I finally regain my confidence to continue my journey up this tree to get that kite. I slowly but steadily, climb up the next few branches, until I arrive at the final branch. The branch that contains the kite. I fight back the urge to look down, that got me into lots of trouble last time. I instead focus my gaze on that kite.  I know I am close to the kite because I can feel the cold breeze vehemently rake across my face. The same breeze is also causing this kite to do all kinds of tricks. Flips and spins as it whips sadistically in the wind. This is going to make it that much harder to grab I think to myself. I continue to internally dialogue with myself, trying to talk myself into taking those last few steps towards the kite. “Just a few more steps”, I say to myself “and this is all over”. I run through the game plan in my head take slow careful steps, grab the kite, then return to this position here, and begin my decent down to precious ground. I continue to go through the steps at least 5 more times. I am still hesitant to take that first step. All of a sudden, the wind picks up and a forceful gust moves the limb just enough for me to lose my footing which as a consequence drives me to adjust to save myself from falling. Another scary moment, I think to myself. I’m getting tired of all these close calls. I can feel the wind start to pick back up again, I pull myself in tight to the closest limb and brace myself for the fight. To my surprise, instead of fighting to not fall, I find that I am being smacked in the face repeatedly by the kite. I have to carefully think on how I can loosen my grip with one hand and grab the kite, while at the same time holding on to the tree to prevent from falling. Once I figured that out, I reach for the kite, and right as I feel the cold plastic material between my fingers, I hear a deep booming voice, “Quade Alexander, get down from off my tree right this instant” It was Mr. Ratsan. That wasn’t the worst part. The worst part is that he startled me just enough for me to lose my concentration. Which as a result made me lose my footing, which chained the next few sequences of events that led to me falling about 18 feet in the air until the ground decided to be helpful and catch me.

REALITY: I won’t go into the gross and gory details of how bad my leg sounded when it connected with the ground. I’ll just say it was loud. I won’t mention the weird and unnatural angle my foot was turned either.  I won’t mention how you could see the bone sticking out of my arm. I will of course leave out that I may have cried and blacked out. What I can tell you is I don’t really remember to much about the fall or what happened after. All I really remember is waking up in the hospital and not really being able to move. I soon realized my movement had been restricted by casts and drugs. I don’t really remember much of my stay at the hospital, but I do know I won’t really be doing much of anything for the next 6-8 weeks, maybe longer. You know come to think of it, that was a really dumb idea, good thing none of that ever really happened.