#people who mocked me because i couldn't perform womanhood and then who condemned me when i accepted that I wasn't a woman!

[weirdshrimphours]

god that post really turned some wheels tonight lmfao. being in therapy with a main complaint of "growing up in the inner cult circle of a megachurch" is just the gift of complex and unfortunate feelings that keeps on giving

#there is footage of me as a minor performing in elaborate easter plays and stuff! in one i make the christian equivalent of a dirty joke! #i did not understand it bc i was literally five or six and REALLY really liked snakes and lizards! #i still remember by heart the song i sang in one of them! it was a solo with a guy who was kind of into me! #people would recognize me at my workplace after I was kicked out and would take me to the side to tell me they were praying for me! #people who mocked me because i couldn't perform womanhood and then who condemned me when i accepted that I wasn't a woman! #i can't relate to other ppls childhood experiences because of how heavily my media intake was regulated & how much it revolved around Churc #i'm so thankful that i got out and where i'm at and how my life is rn. i'm SO thankful. #but i also can't help but grieve all the people who didn't. all the fulfilling relationships that I had but could not even begin to repair #because of the extremist paths my childhood peers have taken. my entire social group from 0 to 14. gone. ripped away from me #because people saw a lesbian when they looked at me and I didn't do anything to avoid it