#one of my fellow nonbinary transmasc friends is going on T. and i'm happy for them obviously

[fanvoidkeith]

me, helping out my mom at a bazaar, like i've done for years, attempting stuff while she walks around to take a break and maybe get some xmas gifts: *vibing enough that some people want to buy some things*

my mom, about half an hour later: *comes back to be the more charming of the two of us, because she has more experience being a salesperson and is not autistic*

the nice lady at the table next to us, talking to my mom: your boy did a good job while you were gone!

my brain, upon hearing that sentence come out of another person's mouth while i'm feeling somewhat dysphoric in my body today:

B O Y ! ! !

(good job!)

#void keith talks #this isn't me discovering a new thing about myself but it is Different this time i think. it echoed in my brain #most people don't assume i'm masc because i have a high voice. especially because the fuckin “customer service voice" thing (higher pitch) #but more people than one have called me by masculine uhhh... adjectives? (it's probably adjectives.) it's nice. mostly strangers though. :/ #and i already know i have a Thing about praise because it's my love language or whatever #and i've also been obsessing over whether or not i should ask my doctor about going on testosterone because i've been avoiding my doctor #because i'm an anxious mess and my life is about to be turned upside down again soon #but i. i wwant to #go on T. more than i thought i would? #i'm so anxious about change and i know the changes technically happen slowly #but even so i keep hesitating because of personal circumstances #uhhhh... yeah. that's. that's a thing i guess #one of my fellow nonbinary transmasc friends is going on T. and i'm happy for them obviously #but i also feel a little envious of him for being able to figure it all out that easily. even though it probably Wasn't Actually That Easy #and it just looks like that from my outsider perspective #and i'm just tired and confused because i only discovered/uncovered the more masc part of my identity relatively recently and i've- #struggled with it for long enough that i don't have to fight with myself about it anymore. still kinda scared though #nonbinary #enby #trans #transgender #voidgender #gender dysphoria #gender stuff #gender thoughts #gender euphoria #trans stuff #nonbinary stuff #rambling in the tags #rambling into the void