#ofc i wouldn't expect them to actually stick w/ them because that would also be impossible

[umbylievable]

More details on my ridiculous gay rich joker au:

He won the publishers' clearing house sweepstakes. There was an extensive investigation undertaken to make sure he hadn't cheated. In fact he had not and just entered because he woke up one day and thought "wouldn't it be so HILARIOUS if I won?" and it turns out he was right

Initially he pops up at the wayne manor just to let bruce wayne know that HE KNOWS he's batman because he thinks it'll annoy him. It does, at first, but as bruce wayne gets accustomed to his nonsensical visits he had to get more creative with his "ruin batman's life" plans

The final of said plans is to make bruce fall in love with him and THEN get a marriage proposal and THEN on the eve of their wedding seduce bruce's best friend clark kent and allow bruce to catch them in the act thereby BREAKING HIS HEART and RUINING HIS FRIENDSHIP!! Obviously it never actually comes to fruition because a) turns out being loved is nice and b) clark can't stand him.

He's gnc just for the lulz bc it makes these boring gotham socialites uncomfortable

He learns how to sew just to make increasingly ridiculous avant garde "ACAB" and "FUCK 12" pieces to wear to fancy gotham galas where he knows he'll be photographed. This, predictably, makes him a target of corrupt police violence and forces bruce to double down on his protection

He tries at least ten times to tag along w Batman as his new Robin but he is permanently grounded after trying to shoot firefly with a supersoaker full of paint thinner and nearly blowing up a city block

Later in their relationship, the joker decides that sitting at home doing nothing is not at all fun BUT sitting at wayne manor with alfred dressed like a 50s housewife and pretending to film a cooking show while dumping soap powder into a mixing bowl is very fun, especially when the stove catches on fire and alfred has to call the fire department

Naturally alfred hates him, ofc

Although in this au the Joker isn't the one who "killed" jason todd, Jason still doesn't come over to visit because he thinks bruce's entire prison abolitionist thing is bleeding heart liberal bullshit and he wants to beat the joker to death with a tire iron

Dick on the other hand is the most affable about the whole thing and even refers to him as Countess and sometimes he and Barbara (she's still disabled in this au but it's from an accident and not that gross misogynist bullshit the canon likes to tout) come over to hang out with him so Alfred can take a break from supervising him

The Joker's never actually had a stable home life or friends and family like this so he actually has a wonderful time just doing normal domestic shit like trying to make pasta or talking on the phone while watching the same television show or violently beating dust out of the rugs or making grocery lists

He takes his coffee with however much sugar it takes to make it thick like a syrup which he then dunks various types of cookies in, his favorite being funfetti (of course)

Definitely buys various drag queen-esque over the top wigs to wear to events and also just to wear while sitting in bruce's plushest chair drinking wine out of a soup bowl

Eventually he and bruce develop this cute little couples thing where when bruce is looking grumpy, he says "looks like you need a dose of my new and improved joker venom!!" and then pretends to stick him with a needle while making a ridiculous sound effect and no matter what's wrong it always tickles bruce enough to make him smile.

When it became clear he and bruce were dating, damian asked the joker if he expected him to call him dad and the joker was like "I would actually prefer not to be perceived batsy jr" and so for like three years damian literally pretends he doesn't exist and it absolutely delights him. What a commitment to a joke. What a great kid.

#i realize none of you asked and thats exactly why im providing