#of like queer black *femininity* n so ultimately i'm still left not knowing what homoeroticism looks like to like.

[rubberbandballqueen]

also today in queer history class discussion i pitched the question "how has your race impacted your experiences as a queer person" and so one of my classmates talked abt how she was usually the only black person in queer spaces (or if not, then the only dark skinned black person) and talked a lot abt the isolation of it all

which was cool to hear, but not quite what i was looking for, so at the end i was like, "follow-up question: how has your blackness influenced your queerness?"

and after class she told me no one had ever asked her that before and so she'd never had to consider it, but now she was excited to just throw that at every other queer person of color in her life because it's like, "huh. what kind of homoeroticisms DO i experience as a result of my culture? how CAN i express my queerness in a way that also feels at home with my culture, instead of just picking an expression that is one or the other?" and i think that's beautiful. i hope she figures out how she wants to be queer in her own uniquely black way

#the worm speaks #me bringing my valuable experiences with the blending of cultures as a mixed race person to the table 2day it seems lol #and she went on to tell me how there are a lot of examples of queer black *masculinity* but very few came to mind #of like queer black *femininity* n so ultimately i'm still left not knowing what homoeroticism looks like to like. #bc she is genderfluid n so she's not a woman but she is femme and she's mentioned this many times #but like you guys get my gist #i think i brought a lot of unexpected questions to the discussion today LOL like the reading was abt the erasure of queer asian americans #in the history of the united states and yep there sure were a lot of queer asians erased but like for some reason it didn't really strike me #as a subject to discuss or ask a lot of questions about. same with the mentions of orientalism LOL #i think i'm also a little bit averse to bringing up orientalism bc i feel like i risk being accused of it myself by nature of being mixed #as if being half white is all that matters in a discussion about race as if i've never felt the pressures n hardships of being asian myself #etc etc it's a little hard for me to feel like i'm allowed to speak abt the subject lol but it was like The One Subject #the prof deliberately drew attn to towards the end to discuss #mostly i focused my questions for the class on the subjects of culture and community building and the desire for connection #stuff i'm both deeply familiar with bc of blorbo studies and also kind of asian about lol