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megthemewlingquim · 3 years

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This Is Your Wilderness

Summary: You learn new things about the world you have entered, both the easy way and the harder way.

Pairing: Adam x Reader

Warnings: foul language (it’s a given for Adam), violence, angst

A/N: This is for @just-the-hiddles 's 3500 Follower Writing Challenge! The prompt was Bliss: A shot of pure, self-indulgent euphoria! A scent that is very, very wicked in its own way: the serotonin-slathered scent of pure milk chocolate. This turned out to be much more angsty than I expected, and you can thank @empower-bi-women for that little nudge. This is also an AU where Ian never died.

“Adam, don’t be so paranoid. No one has come around for ages.”

The tall, dark figure at the window sighs. His fingers had only moved the curtain for a second, and he had peeked out and looked down, but now he shifts, lets the curtain fall again. His eyes glint in the dim lighting, and they seem black. “Yeah, but I’m still worried,” he mumbles.

“I could try and get them to stay away,” you say lightly, a suggestion you know will fail tremendously. “Say it’s all fake, what with you and your reclusiveness.” You fiddle with a chess piece, a white rook, in your right hand, glancing back up at Adam. “It’s no trouble.”

“You’re the only zombie I trust now, you know that.” Adam moves back over to where you sit cross-legged on the floor. “You’re all I have. I’ll be damned if I let you go out there alone.”

He sits back down across from you, eyeing his own black chess pieces. Currently, he is down two pawns. “Besides, if the Others find out about you, they’ll… fuck, they’ll kill you. They’d kill you and leave me alone. Because they’d want me to suffer.”

Your eyes widen and your breath hitches. Adam never speaks about the “Others” — at least, never more than a mention of the name.

“Why?” you ask. “Why would they want that?”

“Because I don’t care about their fucking wars. The zombies cause enough trouble as it is. When the vampires and werewolves started their clans, I was not there to join them. I was... I was actually trying to settle down with someone.”

“That’s why you’re in hiding? Because you love?”

“I love, yes. I love and I care and I don’t just survive. This isn’t the goddamn 14th century anymore. I don’t just drink someone and throw their body in a ditch. I get my blood from hospitals. That is if it isn’t fucking... contaminated.” Adam winces. “That’s how Marlowe died.”

“Wait, who’s Marlowe?” you ask. “Was he a friend of yours? Another vampire like yourself?”

He smiles, an amused hum leaving him. “Yeah, he was a friend. Eve knew him longer than I did but we were friends. He was a visionary, an absolute genius. He wrote most of Shakespeare’s plays, y’know.”

You have to take a second to process this, and another to make the timeline match up. “You don’t mean the Christopher Marlowe?”

“He was one of Shakespeare’s biggest influences... and one of Shakespeare's real writers.” Adam smiles. “He really died a couple of years ago. Blood poisoning from a French hospital.”

“Is that why you only use me for your blood?” you ask softly. He nods. You look down, realizing the severity of it all. “So no drugs, huh?” you ask jokingly.

He laughs, a small amused chuckle. “Yeah, no. Drugs... if you’re still helping me out, are off limits. The occasional coffee is okay.”

“‘S okay with me.” You shrug. “As long as you stay safe.”

“And I can say the same to you,” Adam says, coming back over to sit beside you. He brings you close, resting his chin on your head and cuddling you from behind. “All I’d ever want is for you to be safe. Which is why I can’t have you talking to the Others... or anyone who might know them. Do you understand?”

“Yeah,” you say. “I do.”

After a long pause, you perk up.

“We should go to the store.” You glance at the electric clock, which reads 1:43 AM. “I’m sure some convenience stores are open. Do you need anything?”

“You ask me that every time we go,” Adam mumbles amiably. “I don’t need anything, no, but I’ll go with you if you want.”

And so you go.

All you get at the end of the trip is a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, and some milk chocolate bars (an essential in your opinion).

“I’ll go for my actual shopping tomorrow,” you say, getting the gallon out of the freezer.

The air is cold all through the tiny store, and the surprisingly satisfying scent of beer cooler is all around you. Adam wears his sunglasses and gloves, and looks around the shelves. He has nothing in his hands.

He glances at you. “Okay,” he says hesitantly, standing quite rigidly.

When you step up to the counter, the cashier looks suspiciously at Adam, who stands behind you, looking at a beer bottle: it has a tiny little Dracula on it. He is reading the flavor: blood orange.

It seems like the cashier had not heard the two of you talking, but had only seen you look at each other.

“Is this man here, uh, bothering you, miss?” he whispers.

You do not see it, but Adam’s head lifts, just a little.

“N-no,” you say, trying to make your voice as firm as possible. “No, I’m with him, actually.”

The cashier nods. “Uh huh,” he had said, not sounding convinced at all.

Adam comes up to accompany you at the register. Even through his glasses, you can see that his gaze is piercing. “She’s with me. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’d like to leave.”

Maybe it’s something about Adam’s gaze or his dark tone: the cashier looks slightly worried, but he does what he was told. In a few seconds, you are out, Adam following closely behind you.

“Don’t want anyone coming close to my girl,” he mutters, his breath steaming in the crisp air. “Even if he means well. We’re out in the open now. And I can’t take any chances.”

Without saying anything in response, you both make it into Adam’s car, your little plastic bag sitting peacefully near your legs. Adam turns the key and the car rumbles to a start, and he is just about to shift into drive when he looks up.

He freezes, nostrils flaring in anger. His grip on the shift tightens, and your eyes go from his gloved hand to the dashboard, to see what he sees.

As if on cue...

There are three middle aged men in front of the car, almost completely shrouded by the darkness. The sides of their faces are lit up from the left by the white light of the store’s inside.

Their eyes seem black, and their faces are deathly pale.

“Stay in the car,” Adam hisses, his voice dark and angry.

“Adam—” you try to protest.

“Stay. In. The fucking. Car.” Adam’s teeth are gritted, and his voice gets even angrier, if that’s possible, but he never takes his eyes off of the three men in front of you.

“Wh-what are they going to do? Wh-wh-who are they?” you ask, stammering.

“Lock the doors,” is all he says.

He takes the key out of the ignition. The car stops its rumbling. He opens his driver door and steps out, placing the key in his back jean pocket. He shuts the door behind him.

“Adam!” you whisper, knowing he can still hear you. “Adam, get back here! We can just drive away.”

You see him mouth something: No.

You lock the doors.

Your ears are unable to pick up what they all say: but I will fill in the details.

One of the men steps forward, his white teeth showing in a sickly sweet smile. “Adam,” he says, welcoming in tone. “It’s been a while. When was it we last saw each other, hmm? 1805?”

“Walter… Henry… Jesse,” Adam says quietly, nodding at each of the men. “It has been a while, yes.”

The first man — Walter — glances toward you, and winks. “We've come to talk to you about enlisting. But... this is much more interesting. What’cha got there, huh? A little mouse?”

The name is not positive, nor is it cute. With Adam, it would be. But, right now…

You’re already petrified. From a wink, and a bittersweet smile.

Your heart pounds.

You know, then, that they can hear it. All of them. They can hear your heart racing, the blood rushing through it. They can probably see you shaking, hear the breath leaving your mouth in trembling whispers.

Adam. Adam, run.

“She’s no one,” Adam says darkly. “She...found out about me. I have to kill her. She can’t know about me. About us.”

“How did she find out?” asks another man. Quite tall, nice looking, with light brown hair and stubble at the jaw and cheeks. A gold chain is around his neck, and he wears a brown jacket and white t-shirt. He is also pale, extremely pale, just like his friends, and his eyes seem black.

“There was a friend of mine who broke the confidentiality agreement. That friend is dead now. I killed him, too. But she also has to go.”

“Did she tell anyone?”

“No, Jesse, she didn’t.”

“Good,” the third man — Henry — says. He looks nice, too. Black hair, olive skin. He looks a little older than Jesse or Walter, though. “We can’t let that happen, now, can we?”

“Hey…” Walter says, getting an idea. His smile is not a good one. “Why don’t we help you out? She’s gonna die anyway, isn’t she?”

Adam, by all means, should say yes. It would give him some more time to banter, to discuss horrible ways of torture and death. It would help to keep your cover. He should shrug, say yes, and let you out of the car. Then, he should rip the other three vampires to shreds.

But he doesn’t.

Adam growls — and though you are not able to hear it, you can see his expression. It is hunger, it is defiance, and it is anger. “You are not to touch her. She’s mine: mine to kill, mine to torture — ”

“Yours to marry, yours to love?” Walter asks, mockingly. “Yours to fuck?”

Adam freezes.

“Nobody we know — you least of all — would ever get that protective of a fuckin’ zombie. What are you not telling us, Adam?”

“Get the fuck away from us,” Adam snarls, suddenly furious. “I don’t want any part in your little wars — and neither does she.”

“So you’re admitting it,” Jesse says, almost excitedly. “You love her, don’t you? That's what this is about?”

“That, and the fact that that he hasn't joined a clan in his entire existence,” Walter murmurs over to Jesse. “We discussed that already.”

“I told you once, I’ve told you a million times: I don’t want to be involved with you,” Adam groans.

“You know it’s frowned upon. Both things,” Jesse says.

“A vampire hasn’t mated with a zombie in centuries. And you remember how that went, don’t you?” Walter takes a singular step forward.

Adam’s eyes narrow. “Don’t,” he growls, his voice practically dropping a whole octave with anger.

“It’s only for the good of our survival, Adam. You mustn’t blame us,” Henry says, a mad glint in his eye.

The next five seconds happen with lightning speed. You only recognize the sound and feel of broken glass when it hits you, and a bloodied hand unlocks the door. You blink, it seems, and you’re suddenly pulled roughly out of the car and onto the cold pavement below. Then, you’re hoisted up into someone’s grasp, and into standing position. They still hold you tightly and roughly, and their grip is harsh. A cold hand is slapped onto your mouth.

You scream through it, though, your voice muffled and frantic.

In an instant, Adam’s alert, animalistic, beastly. He growls again, and spits out, “You will not harm her!”

“Adam, what are they doing?” you pant frantically through the hand covering your mouth, knowing that he can hear it loud and clear.

“We’re gonna fuckin’ skin you alive,” the one holding you whispers, gripping you even tighter when you flail and whimper in fear.

“No, you won’t,” Adam murmurs. “Let her go.”

“How do you think this’ll go, Adam?” Henry asks. “You think you’re gonna come out on top? You think you’re gonna stay away from our destiny? You need to help us, Adam. You need to be a good soldier and join us in the wars.”

“I’ll die first!” spits Adam.

“No. You won’t. But she will... whether you say yes or no. Because you’ve gone against our code anyway. Being with... and mating with... a mortal. Now, Adam, you’re better than this.” Henry’s tone becomes condescending.

Adam’s eyes glint with offense and anger. “If you say one more word, I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Not if we kill her first.”

You hear something, then. The breathy sigh of someone holding you... it sounds like a grin. A hungry grin.

You’ve heard that noise before. It happens whenever Adam drinks blood... yours included.

Your stomach drops to your feet.

A childish, delusional part of you wants to say something. Hey, ya want some chocolate? We got some in the car, it smells really good! Really sweet! Sweeter than blood!

You go mad, flailing and screaming, trying desperately to escape, but the one holding you keeps you in his grasp.

“It’s dinnertime,” Henry says, and his voice is a growl.

The next ten seconds happen in a blur. You hear several whooshing noises, feel light brushes of wind all around you, and see blurs of black, white, and gray all around you. You also hear growling — feral, ferocious, angry growls.

You land on the pavement, scraping your knees. Not enough to draw blood, but they sting all the same. In a frantic rush, you scramble as far away from the fight as possible. And that is what it is — a fight. A fight between four —

Three vampires. One of them has dropped to the ground in a heap. You fight the urge to vomit when you notice his head is at an extremely abnormal angle. It is not Adam, however.

Adam was the one, you realize, that has broken the vampire you don’t know to be Jesse’s neck. Adam is lunging, swiping, roaring at the other vampires, who are doing the same. They dodge each other’s grasping hands and punches. You can see flashes of white in the middle of this: fangs.

“Go!” Adam screams, and the breath leaves your lungs. You’ve never heard Adam shout. His voice has never risen above an indoor voice or a menacing mutter.

“Not without you!” you cry desperately. “Adam, they’ll kill you!”

“RUN!”

This time, you know there’s no argument to be had. You run as fast as you can away from the scene, tears stinging your eyes and your legs burning with the effort.

Eventually, you have to stop your running and settle for walking on the cracked sidewalks. Something howls as the night grows deeper and darker. Fortunately, you know the way home, and you also know that whatever is out there, howling at the moon, will not hurt you. Adam made sure of that one.

You’re a lone figure, shrouded in darkness, walking back to safety with cold arms and stinging knees. Occasionally, you glance behind your shoulder, but you don’t see anything.

After a long while, you start to hear the rumble of a car’s engine driving up behind you. You look behind you and see that this car is driving quite close to the sidewalk. Moving further to your right, you avoid it — that is, until it slows to your walking pace and stays beside you. Keeping your head down, you try to walk a little faster. The car, you notice, looks a bit like Adam’s, but it is not. Your heart pounds, and you almost start to run when a car window is rolled down, and —

“Hey — what’re you doin’ out here?” A soft voice. He sounds like he’d be a surfer in another life.

You recognize it. “I-I-Ian?” you stammer, your eyes widening. You turn to the car and exhale a sob of complete relief. It is Ian, driving slowly beside you and looking at you with the utmost concern.

Ian has known you for a long while, ever since you started dating Adam. He has always been sweet, kind, and considerate, and has always been a good friend to the both of you.

“Y-yeah,” Ian says softly, “what... what’s the matter, sweetheart? You ok?”

You shake your head. “No,” you mutter. “A-Adam got into some trouble. We were attacked in the parking lot of some shitty convenience store. He t-t-told me to run, and I did. R-Reluctantly.”

“Holy shit...that’s fucked up,” Ian says incredulously. He leans “Is Adam still there?”

You feel tears rising to your eyes again and you sniff. “I don’t know where he is... or if he’s ok, and — and — I don’t wanna go home and wait and find out that —” Your voice is dangerously close to cracking.

“Hey,” Ian says, his voice a little firmer now. It still keeps its compassion. “Y’want me to take you home?”

“Would you?” you ask desperately.

“Of course, sweetheart, come on in.” He leans over and, with a little grimace of exertion, unlocks and opens the door. You can't get into the car fast enough. You slam the door beside you and slump against the seat.

“We're gonna get you home, ok? It's not far from here. Want me to turn the heater on?”

You drive in silence for most of the trip. Ian must know you don't want to talk too much.

Ian's head comes into your peripheral vision. You're looking down at your feet.

“Hey... Adam's gonna be fine,” he says softly. “He can take care of himself. Something about him just tells me that. My guess is that he's driving home now, actually. He probably fucking destroyed whoever did this to you.”

You nod. You know it's true.

“He cares about you a lot. He loves you. I've... I've never seen Adam look at someone the way he looks at you. Well, maybe except his wife. But... that was some time ago. And she—”

He stops himself. You can both feel the tension there, and you shuffle nervously in your seat.

“Anyway,” Ian continues hesitantly, “he — he cares about you. He'll come back, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

You get to the house, Ian driving slowly up to the curb. The house, as always, is dark.

“Check the back?” you ask. Ian drives further, and you crane your neck to eye the garden. There's an empty spot where the car normally would be.

Your heart sinks.

“Hey, sweetheart...” Ian says. “It's alright... I'm sure he's just...” But he trails off. “A fight wouldn't take this long,” he mutters under his breath. You can still hear it.

There's a pause in which none of you move. You're hesitant to get out of the car and into the house. Ian watches you, waits for you. The rumble of the car is quiet and hypnotic.

“I don't... I don't wanna go in alone,” you say, and you inwardly scoff at your own childishness.

“I can stay with you if you want,” Ian says. “Adam mostly leaves his doors unlocked, doesn't he?”

“Yeah.”

“Why is that?”

You hesitate. “I don't know.”

But you do know. Regular people are pretty much out of the question — they wouldn't come in, because they think the house is abandoned. If they do come in, Adam could play it off as nothing suspicious and get them to leave as soon as possible. The werewolves wouldn't hurt you, and vampires suffer awfully bad luck if they enter a threshold uninvited. If the Others did come in, well... Adam could take care of them, couldn't he?

“Maybe it's because he's all reclusive. He probably doesn't think anyone will actually come in. Those rock 'n roll kids are exactly that. Kids. They won't do anything.”

You nod. “Er... could you stay with me, Ian? Please?”

He smiles. “Yeah,” he says. “I can do that.”

Ian parks the car on the edge of the road, and shuts off the engine. The cold seeps in your skin again and reaches your bones.

You both get out of the car and walk up to the door. It opens without any struggle.

The house itself is completely dark, and there's no sign of Adam anywhere. The room upstairs — Adam's studio — is completely silent and dark, and he's not in his bed.

Without any words, you two go into his studio again and turn on some lights. Together, you sit on his couch and wait.

After some time, Ian sits up suddenly.

“Oh, shit! We should've called the cops!” Ian cries.

You shake your head. “No,” you say.

Ian looks at you, baffled.

“Ian, Adam's... not one for the police. And, like we said before, Adam can take care of himself. He's strong like that. I'm sure he's...” you trail off. “I'm sure he's fine.”

“Did they have any weapons on them?”

“I don't think so,” you say, remembering the flashes of pointy white teeth.

“Then, what the hell happened afterward? Why isn't Adam back yet? If they didn't have any weapons, and you know Adam can throw a punch and take care of himself, then why the hell isn't he back yet?”

“I don't know,” you say miserably. A part of you thinks Ian is somehow mad at you, but the rational part of you takes over, and decides that he is not.

Ian pauses.

“Fuck it, I'm calling the cops.”

“No,” says a voice behind you. It is sharp and commanding, but you recognize it in a heartbeat.

You turn to look. Standing in the doorway, all battered, bruised, bloodied, is Adam. His sunglasses are nowhere to be found, and neither are his gloves.

“Oh, my God,” you whimper, rushing toward him. Immediately, you're engulfed in his scent, his warmth, his comforting embrace. It's a rush of relief. “You're — you're okay,” you whisper, sniffing as tears of relief come to your eyes.

“Baby, it's alright,” Adam murmurs, “I'm here. I'm here and I'm okay. It's all OK. We're fine.” He rubs your back with a hand.

“Adam, what the fuck happened, man?” Ian asks. “We were worried sick.”

“I'm sorry,” Adam says. “That took way longer than expected. I was also questioned by the authorities. They're looking for the kids now.”

Something tells you that this is not what happened.

Ian looks at Adam skeptically. But, after a few seconds, he shrugs. “I mean... I'm just glad you're alright, man. And I'm glad she's safe, too.” He gestures toward you with a small smile.

“Thank you, Ian,” Adam says gratefully. “Thank you for keeping my love safe. Thank you for staying with her. Now... I think it's time for you to go... Do you need anything before you take off? You can piss in the garden if you need.”

“You sure you don't need anything? You wanna take a look at those bruises?”

“We'll be fine, thank you,” Adam says.

Ian blinks. “You never fail to amaze me, Adam.” He stands up, and rubs your shoulder. “G'night, sweetheart. You're in very good hands now.”

“Thanks, Ian. See you soon, ok?” you say.

“Alright.” He starts to walk down the stairs. “If you guys need anything at all, just hit me up. Later.”

You and Adam don't speak until you both hear his car driving away from the house.

“What did they do to you?” you ask immediately, suddenly frantic and worried, stepping away to get a good look at Adam.

You blink, it seems, and Adam's bruises, cuts, and overall tired appearance are gone. He looks perfectly normal now.

“They did that,” Adam says. “I killed two of 'em. One of them got away.”

“Did anyone see you?”

“No, thank God for that.”

But there's something... off... about the way Adam looks. He seems sad, worried.

“Adam... what is it?” you ask slowly.

“One of the Others got away. He's bound to have talked to his clan by now. I'm still not gonna join them. And I'm sure as hell not gonna give you away and leave you.”

“So... what's gonna happen?”

Adam takes a deep breath. “How do you feel about Tangier, Morocco?”

#jth3500writingchallenge #adam olla #adam x reader #adam olla x reader #adam headcanons #only lovers left alive

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barbasbodaciousbeard · 3 years

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If You Love Someone, Let Them Go: Part 8

Summary: Since starting with SVU, Sonny hadn’t kept much terribly close to the chest. The squad knew about his family, growing up on Staten Island, the classes at Fordam. What was hidden was why he didn’t date. Sonny Carisi was also separated from his childhood sweetheart, a separation neither ever took to divorce. They had the same haunts. They’d grown up neighbors. Their paths crossed every few months, and divorce talks would turn into reminiscing would turn into a night spent together, sometimes sex sometimes just talking until the early morning. It always ended with one of them waking up alone however. How will that change when the squad finds out?

Pairings: Sonny Carisi x Original Character

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

A/N: I really wanted to write Sonny and conflict with his family in Transgender Bridge so this chapter includes transphobia via his mom and then talk about past homo- and transphobia in Sonny. I think Sonny’s acceptance of things is really interesting, especially given he seems like he’s from a traditional/conservative family.

June 2015

“Hey, doll. Can we wait and do dinner? I know it’s an anniversary dinner, but this was a bad one.” She didn’t like how his voice sounded. He’d been keeping her in the loop, and there’d been a spirited, to say the least, discussion at the Carisi family dinner that Sunday. His mom had fought him regarding Avery, a transgender teenager, over the phone. The case had been everywhere it felt like, and the traditional Carisis felt that Avery wanted attention. Sonny, for his part, was confused, but between Amanda and Victoria’s reminders he didn’t know a single guy who would wear a dress for no reason, he’d come to realize it wasn’t a choice, just like being gay, straight, or bi.

It was hard for him sometimes. Despite the fact Victoria had always been open and accepting, a result of her mother’s influence and LGBT family members, Sonny was raised that all of it was wrong in the eyes of God. That said, as he grew, he saw how much harder it was for Victoria’s aunts. It started to dawn on him that he didn’t choose to want to be in his body or be attracted to women. Why would he assume someone woke up and chose something that didn’t make their lives easier? He also came to believe that God did make them exactly as they were, and human influence had bastardized the love everyone part of His message. When he stood up to his mother, Victoria was pleased to see the growth in him; usually, he’d have let it lie.

“Of course it can wait. What happened?”

“She died,” he said, voice tight. “The boy that pushed her is being tried as an adult, but Tor, her parents don’t want it. He’s just a kid. He even drew her this comic apologizing. He got scared because she was different.”

She knew what he wasn’t saying. As good as Sonny was, as much as he’d grown, they’d both been easily influenced at one point. When they grew up, it was easy to get swept into easy homophobia and transphobia. Sonny had said things she knew he regretted as he learned more, and they both knew how easy it would’ve been for him to get swept up in the crowd at that age, trying to prove he was tough and manly and straight.

“How about I pick up the pizza ya like? We can stay in? I’ll tell ma I don’t feel good. I don’t think that visit is what you need right now.”

“Thank you.” They said their I love yous, and she quickly scheduled pick up for the pizza and tucked his favorite treats from the cooler into a box. When she got home, she straightened up the apartment and threw his favorite pajamas in the dryer so they’d be warm when he got home. One pizza and beer run later, Sonny came through the door, and he was visibly exhausted. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, taking his coat.

“You pajamas are in the dryer.” He let out a grateful groan, changing into them before coming back and dropping onto the couch, arms out over the back. She sat beside him, handing him a beer and opting to sit in silence as he nursed it. Her Sonny was a big softy, but she also knew he’d talk about things when he was ready; that was a change she could rely on. He wrapped his arm around her, caging her against his chest as he laid back. His eyes were closed, but his brow was heavy and his mouth set in a frown. Carefully, she smoothed his hair, and he pressed into her hand.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice barely audible.

“Any time. Thank you for telling me what you needed.” He nodded, rubbing her back.

“I saw a pink box.”

“It’s an assortment. I got all your favorites. And the pizzas.”

“I love you so fucking much.”

“I’ll call ma tomorrow to get us out of going there. It’s just you and me all weekend, okay?”

He nodded gently, cheek pressed against her forehead. This case didn’t sit well, and in this moment he was deeply grateful not to be the ADA for this case. He understood logically where they were coming from, but he was also acutely aware of how little Avery’s parents agreed with trying Darius as an adult. Their daughter believed in forgiveness, and he was a kid. His colleagues liked to pretend they’d always been the cops they are now, but Sonny remembered being sheltered and ignorant. If Victoria hadn’t been there to tear him a new asshole when he was 13 and started using slurs he didn’t fully understand, he could have gotten swept up in this type of accident. Lord knew his mother didn’t think this case was anything but bad luck for the boy. She thought Avery had finally gotten the attention she wanted. That had set him off at dinner, and he swore Mia was proud of him, sitting by Victoria as he defended where this may have been coming from.

Sonny, God made him a him. He doesn’t make mistakes.

Or, ma, maybe all those things you like to call trials? Maybe transitioning and dealing with this kind of ignorance is a part of her trial. No teenage boy would wear a dress if it weren’t real. Avery is a girl, and if you can remember Aunt Rhonda’s new name every year when she gets married again, you can at least call Avery she.

I’m just saying, any of my grandkids pull that, we’ll be taking them somewhere. That’s attention seeking behavior, and needs to be taken care of.

If Victoria and I’s child ever comes out and you are anything but supportive, you will not be a part of their life.

You can’t do that. I’m your mother.

I don’t know ma. Making your own blood feel less than? Sounds like real attention seekin’ behavior to me. Needs to be taken care of.

He let Victoria guide him to the car afterwards, but he hadn’t cancelled the next family dinner. Knowing Avery had died? He couldn’t do it. Meeting her had taken a logical belief that trans people were the gender they identified as and made it more serious. He’d known his mother felt that way, but he’d never heard her articulate it like this. Before the separation and therapy, he’d have bottled up how wrong she was, tucked it away to keep the peace. Now? He couldn’t do it.

“Thank you, Tor. For all of this. And for calling her. I’m still so angry.”

“I know, Dom. I love you.”

“I love you too. And I meant what I told her. If our kid is gay or trans or something else that exists that I’m sure I don’t know about, I don’t care. They’re our baby and I’ll love them and I’ll take them to whatever store to get whatever they need or whatever doctor. I’ll beat the ever living shit out of anyone who makes them feel like they're wrong for how God made them.”

“You’re going to be an amazing father.”

“That should be the bare minimum though, shouldn’t it? Loving your kids no matter what?”

“It should. But that can be hard, you know? Like your mom. She exists in that really conservative vacuum. I’m proud of you for changing when you learn about things, not ignoring it and doubling down.”

“That means a lot, doll. People act like I’m supposed to have been born knowing. Our priest was open minded, and I met you. Otherwise, I may not have turned out like this. And that was scary to realize?”

“Bella, Theresa, and Gina all did it too. You’d all have grown.”

“What if our kid is gay or somethin?”

“We’ll love them. If your mom can’t handle it, we’ll keep them from her.”

“You mean it?”

“Yeah. we’ll get close to my family or something. Or have holidays with Amanda and Liv.”

“Good,” he murmured. “I wouldn’t want to, but I won’t subject them to their grandma actin’ like that. The world is so shitty. I want family to be supportive.”

“I know. We’ll be okay. And who knows? Maybe you snapping makes her reevaluate. I had to yell at you to make you start reevaluating things. We didn’t talk for awhile month. That’s years in thirteen year old time.”

“True,” he chuckled, rubbing her back. “One can only hope. You’d have liked Avery. Into photography and comics.”

“She sounds awful cool.”

“She was. And she was so kind. Like she was hurt, but the last thing she did was forgive him, Tor. Can you imagine? He drew her a comic, and she forgave him. Then she died.” He was facing the ceiling with his eyes closed as he talked.

“Do you want me to be there?”

“Maybe come by at lunch?”

“I’ll be there, okay?”

“Thank you, Doll.”

“Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling.”

@cycat4077 @fear-less-write-more

#sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi x oc

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yellowhoothoot · 4 years

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i think both versions of the old guard are really good and fun and i like that neither one feels overall better than the other so here's my thoughts on what i like in each version. ive only read the first book of the comic so spoilers for that ig

comic - honestly funnier. especially andy, she’s less stoic in the comic - also on the topic of andy, booker’s betrayal being for her sake as well makes much more sense bc it’s more clear that having lived so long really takes a toll on her. her depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms are a lot more explicit. even though she’s more sarcastic and funny than in the movie it doesn’t take away from her personal struggles. i think having her “voice over”/narration throughout helps show this

-also, even though it’s not explored a lot, canon bi andy. a couple of the people at the beginning that she wakes up with are women and then i believe there was also a line about her sleeping through whole populations? which in my bi opinion would not be limited to men

- andy old person technology jokes. come on. also it makes more sense for nile to figure out booker betrayed them because of him getting internet in a cave than being like “this one gun is empty so something’s wrong”

- nile lore! nile lore! nile in the comic seems much more competent and experienced. her role on the team is less of a trainee and the skills she already has come into play more. it’s really nice to hear her talk about her life before, with the different jobs and interests she had. also it’s a crime that her interest in art history isn’t explicit in the movie because the scene in the comic where she sees the rodin and the other art is so good and you only get a little slice of it in the movie

- andy and merrick have better designs in the comic. everyone else looks better in the movie but andy’s design just kinda feels more “her“ and merrick just looks cooler honestly. i’m mad that joe and nicky were both robbed of long hair in the movie

- merrick is more evil and the way they kill him is way better. like, his bravado is way more hollow and the fact that he’s just a little rat bastard coward is more satisfying. so rather than a dramatic way to save andy they all just shoot him while he’s cowering in a bathtub. and he deserves that more than he deserves getting dragged out of a window with nile.

- oh on that note, the scene where they all jump out the window is great. i mean, “so nile, read any good books lately? SPLAT” is way better than being silent on the way down

- sexier settings. mostly i’m talking about the fact that they’re not in england. imagine being british. dubai and then malta is so much better than london and then... i think still london?

- nile and andy have a better relationship. nile seems less like a protege and, again with the way the comic has more jokes and lighthearted moments, they’re a lot quicker to get to that found family level of friendship and their fights/arguments are less actual anger and more poking at each other

- the van scene has slightly different dialogue i think, and it’s even better than in the movie. i think there’s a few extra lines. and they’re really good.

- the actual results of the research! the fact that there’s nothing scientifically special about them! i mean as a science person i would love some sci-fi answer as to what their deal is but honestly i think them just being regular people who don’t die fits the setting and tone of the story better

movie - despite some nile details that i love being left out, there are scenes with her that aren’t in the comic that make her more... sympathetic isn’t the word i’m looking for because she’s sympathetic in both. but like when she talks about her dad and her mom and brother it gives a better sense of why she joined the military and makes it hurt way worse the way her friends turned on her. you kinda see it again at the end when andy mentions she would’ve let book off with an apology

- copley is so much more sympathetic and their not killing him makes way more sense. not only are his reasons and motivations more clear, but it’s also clear that he didn’t realize how brutal merrick and co. would be and actually tries to both stop them being treated so poorly and then is willing to risk his own life to make things right when he brings nile to the lab.

- i can’t decide if i like andy becomes mortal or andy is fine better. actually i think that the difference is good because each outcome fits its medium better. comics andy staying alive means she has time to address the self-destruction that’s pointed out to her, while movie andy learning to deal with mortality means it gives her more of a chance to see the bright sides of things like she says to nile about how she thinks nile’s presence can remind her what it feels like

-quynh being alive! there’s so much possibility with that and like, i guess in theory it could be a thing in the comic too? but honestly i don’t think it will be. so yeah both the angst of knowing that quynh’s out there and then the twist of her getting out of the water are really good elements

- this is more of a benefit of the medium than of the interpretation, specifically, but all the characters are so much more expressive. especially nile, i like how when she’s processing how old everyone is her eyes get really wide and her inflection is really good. also i think when different team members give each other A Look it translates better.

- ok yes comic merrick has a better overall design BUT movie merrick does look more like a rat bastard. im sorry to that actor but god he just looks so unpleasant to be around.

- the fact that dr. uhh... kozak? was that her name? gets more screen time of actually doing experiments is nice. like dr. ivan in the comics is for sure more explicitly awful but his actual mad science is all off screen. whereas in the movie dr. kozak is SHOWN doing all her stabbing and poking and prodding and it’s awful and a great detail.

both - ok the main thing i really like about both is that they’re not cowards with the found family. i know other people have said this but it’s really nice that the characters actually act like they like each other rather than it being like “this ragtag team has been together for 200 years but they have no chemistry or inside jokes and are very stoic to each other”

#i don't actually expect you to read all of this don't worry #just wanted to like write it down #the old guard

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shadowinacorner · 7 years

Text

Bored, so why not!

Lets see if I can answer these. 1: Name Mandy

2: Age 26

3: 3 Fears Spiders Burning alive Bungee jumping

4: 3 things I love Food Accomplishing something productive Sleep

5: 4 turns on Assertiveness Kindness Sense of humor Forwardness

6: 4 turns off Rudeness Narcissism Bad habits Excessive negativity

7: My best friend My buddy Allison

8: Sexual orientation Not big on labels. Bi I guess is a good umbrella term.

9: My best first date Winter formal in ‘05

10: How tall am I I’d say 5'10. I think I technically have been deemed to be 5'7 though.

11: What do I miss Being taken care of as a kid.

12: What time was I born 9am ish I think?

13: Favourite color Purple or black

14: Do I have a crush He’s pretty cute

15: Favourite quote The bird on your shoulder quote from tuesdays with maurie

16: Favourite place My living room (don’t you judge me)

17: Favourite food Pizza

18: Do I use sarcasm Never, who would do such a thing?

19: What am I listening to right now Assasination Classroom

20: First thing I notice in new person Jewelry

21: Shoe size 10.5/11 womens or 9 mens

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Brown. I change it alot and right now it’s got some pink.

24: Favourite style of clothing Modern kinda urbany or punky I guess?

25: Ever done a prank call? Nah. Not my style.

27: Meaning behind my URL Nothing deep

28: Favourite movie Harry Potter I guess

29: Favourite song To the moon and back by Savage Garden

30: Favourite band I couldn’t tell you honestly. I like too many.

31: How I feel right now Tired and unaccomplished

32: Someone I love Mr. Leo Bunny

33: My current relationship status Married

34: My relationship with my parents Strained and unconventional

35: Favourite holiday Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have I have 2 piercings in each ear and 1 cartilage. Also a small tattoo on my upper back.

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I always wanted a eyebrow piercing and the really dainty bullrings are cool. I’d also love to have full sleeves of tattoos but I’ll probably never get another of either.

38: The reason I joined Tumblr My hubby got obsessed with it.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? Nah, he’s a cool dude and finally forgave me for being a terrible child when I was with him.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Definitely always get good morning ones since we get up at different times.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Definitely not. Keagan is probably onr of the few I haven’t actually.

42: When did I last hold hands? Last time Marku and I went to the store I’m sure.

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? No makeup: 5 minutes from bed to car. With basic full makeup a solid half hour. With going out makeup and clothes like 2 hours.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Yes! Actually.

45: Where am I right now? Laying in Marku’s bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Definitely Marku. He usually camps in the bathtub and sets me up on the floor by the toilet.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Too loud. Always.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Nopppeeeeee

49: Am I excited for anything? Someday we’re going to travel!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Definitely Marku.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Everyyyy dayyyyy. Customer service at it’s finest.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Earlier today I hugged Keagan, Angie, AND Mark. So many hugs!

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? He might have some ‘splanin to do

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Hmm, yeah probably a couple family members.

55: What is something I disliked about today? I woke up late and didn’t accomplish much

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? I have no idea… maybe bernie?

57: What do I think about most? What I’m doing wrong

58: What’s my strangest talent? Noticing small details (but only when I’m trying. Otherwise I’m oblivious to my surroundings)

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Chalkboards. They freak me out and I can’t touch them.

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind!!!

61: What was the last lie I told? “You don’t have to do that, I can pay for it”

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Neither. But phone if it’s between the too.

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I half believe in ghosts, aliens seem probable but not little green guys.

64: Do I believe in magic? I wishhhhhhh

65: Do I believe in luck? Kinda actually.

66: What’s the weather like right now? Kinda nice actually! Wet but mild.

67: What was the last book I’ve read? Kane chronicals

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Mildly

69: Do I have any nicknames? Mandoo

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I accidentally cut a large chunk out of my ankle when i was a teenager… otherwise no broken bones or anything.

71: Do I spend money or save it? I have a spending problem.

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? No :(

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? My pj pants

74: Favourite animal? Kitties!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Playing on my phone and watching netflix

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I think Satan /is/ his last name lol

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Uh… something pop-y I’m sure.

78: How can you win my heart? Food.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? That I was super nice!

80: What is my favorite word? Totes

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr That I posted? None. I have like no followers that aren’t porn bots.

82: If the whole world was listening to me right now, what would I say? Let’s just all get along

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Shapeshifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Depends on who is asking it.

86: What is my current desktop picture? The inside of a midevilish zeldaish tent with a woman lying in the bed.

87: Had sex? Yeap

88: Bought condoms? Yeah. Still awkward no matter how old you get for some reason.

89: Gotten pregnant? Nope

90: Failed a class? Yeah

91: Kissed a boy? A few

92: Kissed a girl? A few

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Not dramatically

94: Had job? For years

95: Left the house without my wallet? Just yesterday

96: Bullied someone on the internet? Nah, not my jam.

97: Had sex in public? Nah

98: Played on a sports team? Plenty of them

99: Smoked weed? Nope, not on my list

100: Did drugs? Never have, never will

101: Smoked cigarettes? Nope, terrible habbit

102: Drank alcohol? On occasion

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Not anymore

104: Been overweight? I am morbidly obese technically atm

105: Been underweight? Once

106: Been to a wedding? A few

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Jesus, is that suppose to be a long time?

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Every weekend

109: Been outside my home country? Nope

110: Gotten my heart broken? Once

111: Been to a professional sports game? Big leagues, no. Minor, yea.

112: Broken a bone? Nope

113: Cut myself? Yea

114: Been to prom? Yeap, twice

115: Been in airplane? Twice

116: Fly by helicopter? Once

117: What concerts have I been to? Hinder, buckcherry, paproach, death cab for cutie

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Yea

119: Learned another language? Started japanese, never went very far

120: Wore make up? Pretty normally

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? At 18 I think

122: Had oral sex? Yea

123: Dyed my hair? Alot

124: Voted in a presidential election? Every year

125: Rode in an ambulance? Sat in one, refused the ride

126: Had a surgery? Just wisdom teeth

127: Met someone famous? Voice actors, and there was a famous guy staying at our wedding hotel that I rode the elevator with. I always forget his name.

128: Stalked someone on a social network? Mildly

129: Peed outside? Ya, camping

130: Been fishing? Mmhm

131: Helped with charity? I actually don’t think so. I’ve donated before.

132: Been rejected by a crush? Never got myself to be in the position to be rejected

133: Broken a mirror? Yeahhh

134: What do I want for your birthday? Yummy food

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 1-3 & no clue

136: Was I named after anyone? A barry manilow song

137: Do I like my handwriting? No i hate it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? Barbies

139: Favourite Tv Show? I don’t have any active shows atm

140: Where do I want to live when older? Back in my family home

141: Play any musical instrument? I’m not musically inclined in any way

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Have an L on my finger from slaming and locking my finger in the car door as a kid. I was stuck there for a while.

143: Favourite pizza toping? Sausage

144: Am I afraid of the dark? Nah

145: Am I afraid of heights? A little

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Nope

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Plentybof times

148: What I’m really bad at Doing anything consistently

149: What my greatest achievments are Graduating college

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me There would be a list.

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery Buy out my family home, remodel, set up my inlaws and grandma for life, get a working car, change jobs, and if I had enough I’d set up my parents and college funds too.

152: What do I like about myself My hair

153: My closest Tumblr friend I have some of my best friends irl on here

154: Something I fantasise about Being a normal person

This is way too long. I’m not tagging anyone and bringing this onto them. Yeesh.

#questionaire #personal #long #questions

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