#my great-aunt's death in particular was a time for me bc i remember my mom getting frustrated w me

[oldyears]

sometimes i randomly remember the things that like make me realize my own consciousness... like the giant crayola clay set i got when i was 4 years old, my great-aunt's death when i was 5, watching a movie at the cinema for the first time (the incredibles) etc... like waw i am. person

#my great-aunt's death in particular was a time for me bc i remember my mom getting frustrated w me #bc i kept asking what does it mean for her to die and where will she go... i was not satisfied with the standard catholic answers #esp bc my great-aunt was tibo and called tito and i was trying to grasp that sort of identity against like #the rest of my conservative family's background lolz. anyway #moi

[nosks]

2023

I'm drunk now and therefore have access to parts that know more about what happened this year, so I can finally make one of those posts I've been seeing people make. If I don't remmeber some stuff, I'll edit and add on later

Had a birthday that was so bad it made me realize that it was time to finally move out of my moms home.

Reestablished a major trauma month as being a traumaversary for probably maybe the third time because of time loss and parts trying to keep the information hidden.

Had to get my mom to the hospital in spite of my disabilities that made this almost impossible to achieve, while also going there every single day except for one (my aunt took over that day) to be there for her and take care of what the nurses wouldn't+get them to actually help her. Had my contamination OCD worsened tremedously from this.

I started the process of working with someone who could help me with finding new housing for myself, in particular housing alongside a carer.

Met my best friend in person for the first time. I have never felt so hopeful for my future. I have never felt so certain that I can be loved for every autistic symptoms, every OCD symptoms, every trauma symptom until I met her. I have never been able to unmask so much around anyone ever. This was the highlight of the entire year.

Had my first endoscopy since I was a baby, and was triggered very badly by it. I was in a room with three men and then suddenly was aware again in another room without them there and this messed me up bad.

I went to my very first native event and felt change in myself that has never happened before. I found resources about therapy groups for native women and I have not yet accessed them, but I hope to in 2024

I met a native person at this event and had a falling out with them later that brought up my fears again that "no one in my community will actually like me".

I had one of the worst flare ups ever after pushing my self so much since the new year. I was incapable of staying awake for more than a few hours at a time for a month and a half.

My native friend who I'd met years back after finding out I was a native adoptee, decided they were committed to helping me reconnect and started inviting and driving me to different events.

At the orange shirt day event, the first one they brought me to, I broke down crying and said friend comforted me and told me I am family to them. I was also smudged for the first time at this event.

The second event they brought me to was to celebrate indigenous peoples day and I bought one of my most favorite pairs of earrings ever. I met one of their other native friends who was there, too.

I switched my medicaid plan and no longer had to go to the clinic that had long since been heavily associated with the worst of my trauma because of doctor compliance.

I faced the first anniversary of my dogs death and fought through the depression to stay as functional as possible. I went back to the trail we went to before putting her down to remember her and feel her again.

My primary doctor at the new clinic ended up being horrid and refused to prescribe my birth control based on an outdated medical myth or my non-stimulant ADHD medicine without getting verification of my diagnosis and a drug test (still havent gotten bc the request for info at the other clinic was ignored), also failing to even acknowledge my many concerning blood test results. My gastro was great however, and after checking with collegues, decided that I probably do have EoE but cannot confirm it for sure unless I was given another endoscopy done properly (ie. not a partial). My sleep specialist agrees I may have nacrolepsy and wants to schedule two tests for it. Have since been unable to find a new primary, since everyone is VERY far out in scheduling.

Have spent since my crash earlier this year trying to recover, and now face the possibility of kidney disease and/or narcolepsy as a possible cause for my fatigue that I can't seem to bounce back from.

Had a part become active again after spending a good couple of years inactive externally. However this was not an entirely positive thing, as I spent most of november and very early december being drunk because of them.

Discovered things about my trauma that will be imperative to putting together the whole picture of my childhood.

Found out from the housing specialist that there may be a group home that could be a good fit for me where I'd have on site assistance rather than someone coming over to help me once a week as well as rent being partially taken care of by insurance.

#.txt #I know I gotta be missing something.