#mike pondsmith explained that johnny's memories are messed up due to the radiation and the soulkilling process so how accurate are

[southernvampire]

I finally finished cyberpunk 2077 and a good chunk of it I've spent in a bad brain fog and not dealing with my health issues very well, so I didn't pay as close attention to some of the dialogue choices. I had no clue how important it was in the pistis sofia to tell Johnny if you would take a bullet for him or not. So I got V to tell him he would, and honestly it made sense for his mindset at the time.

(rambling under the read more because I have so many feelings)

But then V makes connections with more people and, most importantly, met Kerry, and that went out the window. Suddenly, he has friends, a found family, someone who loves him, even if it is still very early on. It gives V hope and a future to envision, a life worth living. But that also means going back on his word to Johnny.

It's interesting, the whole time in this playthrough, V and Johnny have never been on the same page about V's future. At first, Johnny wants V dead and V wants Johnny gone. Then, V learns how bad of a situation he's in, goes into a deep depression and is grieving for Jackie and now himself, and is just so tired. Maybe it would be better for Johnny to take his body. Yet Johnny is beginning to like V because despite what people have told V about Johnny, despite V seeing his memories and how shitty he could be first hand, he's still nice to him and cares about him. Johnny doesn't want that on his conscience, taking time and life from someone like that. As much as he is a gonk.

And then, in Mikoshi, Johnny still wants V to live, but damn is he hurt when V goes back on his word. Because even though he feels he doesn't deserve it, he wants a second chance. He doesn't want it necessarily at the expense of V's life, but V's already been soulkilled, and V had said he wanted Johnny to have his body. A man's word means a lot to Johnny and it feels like a betrayal when V goes back on his, no matter that Johnny's mind has been changed and that he wants V (well, V's construct, to be precise) to live out the rest of his life his way.

On the other hand, he understands that for once in his short but chaotic life, V found some happiness and he doesn't want to let that go so soon. Could you really blame him, jumping for a second chance like that even when the odds are against him? Johnny would be a hypocrite if he did.

It's like a dance between these two, both initially wanting their own lives and hating each other, to becoming closer than they'd been with anyone else and practically begging each other to take V's body and live. When he chooses himself at the very last minute, V breaks away from that dance and leaves Johnny wondering whatever happened to him wanting Johnny to have his second chance. It's the decision Johnny wanted him to make, the decision he had been hyping up this entire fucking time in hopes of changing V's mind, but damn does it feel like abandonment in its worst form now that V agrees with him.

Worst still, he doesn't hide his feelings. V knows Johnny well enough that he didn't have to be so obvious in his disappointment, but Johnny can't help it. But he won't say anything in his own defense either, doesn't want to put that extra amount of pain on the kid, because at the end of the day V doesn't deserve it. He didn't ask for any of this. That doesn't stop his disappointment from haunting V when he leaves Mikoshi.

It doesn't help that he feels he's disappointing Kerry in not spending enough time with him even though he's fighting to find a way to have more than 6 months with him. He's aware he might not make it back from the Crystal Palace and might be ruining their chance to have whatever time he has left to be with each other, but the chance to have a lifetime with the man he loves is impossible to ignore. He has to try or he'll hate himself for letting himself fade away.

"Never stop fighting," Johnny had said, and yet fighting for his life hurt the two most important people in his life.

#i would love to actually write this as a fic but i dont have the spoons for that so here's my rambling #i also am fascinated at the fact that an alive V is soulkilled no matter what except for the devil ending i believe #like that just adds to the identity crisis V goes through this whole game because how would he know how similar to his original self he is? #would he even know? would he recognize it? would others notice a difference in him? did he die and come back wrong? #mike pondsmith explained that johnny's memories are messed up due to the radiation and the soulkilling process so how accurate are #V's memories? #i imagine more accurate bc no radiation but how would the brain trauma from relic malfunctions play into this if at all? #would V question any of this or would he just not notice anything or not question it? so many questions #i havent seen a lot of people talking about this concept either and i find it so fascinating #cybperpunk 2077 #sun ending #dont fear the reaper #oc: vincent vale