#media normally urghhhhh

[ebeeebeeebee]

way back home

California was a nice break. 

It was interesting. 

I honestly thought it was going to be nicer. It was pretty dirty. And just by my observation, it seemed like everyone was... pretentious? Kind of. I just know that I really did not see myself ever living there. I thought LA would be super chill vibes. But it was very... old and dirty-ish. Malibu was really beautiful though. 

It was so nice seeing social media influencers just walking around and enjoying their normal lives. I was so shocked to lay my eyes on them in real life. But then it made me think. In the end, all famous people and celebrities are freaking human in the end. Why do we have to put these people on a pedestal for? I don’t know. I always end up feeling like a fool whenever I get star struck. 

Despite the literal/figurative filth, I did really enjoy letting loose and letting my free energy beam out. I guess I’ve been feeling so stuck at home. Doing nothing but work and just bum out at home. I have this INSANE hunger for travel these days. All I want to do is hop on a plane and spend my time somewhere new so that my mind can be occupied and stimulated. 

However, this October, I’m afraid to travel alone. I’m still trying to convince myself that it’ll be okay but all these doubts just overpower my mind. I’m afraid to eat alone. I’m afraid to see beautiful things by myself. I want to share memories with someone. I want to share beautiful scenery and moments with someone. Good views and good vibes are too good to be experienced alone. I’m so introverted and shy. I can’t get myself to approach people first. I don’t know how I would survive more than a couple of days by myself in a foreign country. Urghhhhh. 

God, I don’t know why you give me this itch to go overseas... What is it...?