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whitehotharlots · 4 years

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Sea of cowards

Subservience is the American default. I am tempted, at times, to criticize conservatives by making a simple observation: they are boot-licking cowards. This would be an ineffective line of attack, as all the conservative would have to do in response is point out the manifest cowardice of liberals. I’d say Do you really think Donald Trump is going to fight for you? Don’t you know he brags about making money by ripping off people like you? To wit, the conservative could respond simply with What about Obama? Do you honestly think he does not despise you, that he wouldn’t have loved to gut social services even further so that a humanistic parasite such as yourself would die off and clean up the gene pool? Honestly… touche.

Our political differences stem from the manners in which we are cognizant of our own subservience, that is, the type of dissonance we deploy to convince ourselves that, actually, we’re not cowards, we are good boys and girls who are being treated good and therefore we should suppress the desire to burn down the whole fucking system. Conservatives embrace a bizarre sense of authenticity that regards the worship of authority as a form of rebellion. I’m an outlaw, they say, which is why I love cops and my boss. When they find themselves on this outs of this world order--if they get arrested or fired, or if they come down with black lung at age 48 after working in a mine for 30 years and then go bankrupt within a month--they can rationalize this as either a personal failing or a defect caused by the menacing presence of outsiders. “The cop was just doing his job,” or “Mr. McGrath would’ve loved to give us decent healthcare, but the damn union made it too hard.” And so they suffer and die more or less quietly, physically hurting only those close to them, expressing their hatred through petty spasms and empty threats.

Liberals--again, no less subservient--tend to wield a bit more conscious control over their dissonance. They know the world is broken and terrifying, but they come to this realization in manner that exempts themselves from their complicity by virtue of their being aware of it. Every liberal believes themself to be one of the few people who truly gets it. And because they possess such rarified wisdom, their presence within these systems of exploitation and brutalization is rationalized into a positive, because even though they may be profiting from it their self-aware presence automatically serves to make it less bad. The pengs of guilt thus rationalized away, they can proceed to immerse themselves in a culture of booze brunches and standing desks, blaming any personal or professional failures on one or other social inequities that most likely don’t actually apply to them.

We see this split in the reactions toward Greta Thunberg, a 17-year-old climate activist who was recently named Time’s person of the year. Conservatives regard Greta with profane violence: Ben Garrison drew that sexually sadistic cartoon that’s at the top of this piece. Gentler conservative voices (those drawing a paycheck from a cable news network) have likewise threatened to spank her, or suggest she’s in need of firm discipline, or something else along these lines. Meanwhile, run of the mill conservatives adorn their pickups with stickers suggesting that they’d like to see the girl raped and killed.

These displays are disgusting and should be condemned. The liberal press, however, deeply misunderstands them, suggesting that they stem from a conservative inability to understand the seriousness of Thunberg’s message, their refusal to be spoken down to by a woman, etc. In reality, the opposite is true: the conservatives react to Thunberg with such profane violence because they actually do take her seriously, viewing her as one of the troublemaking outsiders whom they blame for their personal hardships. If anyone doesn’t take Thunberg seriously, it’s the liberals who profess to admire her.

Thunberg has received effusive praise from all the liberal individuals and institutions who have most profited off the acceleration of climate change. Barack Obama--a man who referred to himself as “the fracking president” and ordered federal troops to assault and arrest Indigenous water protectors--met with Greta personally, praised her bravery, and told her that she and he were on the same team. Can you think of anything more condescending? If the President did not assume she’d see immediately through his bullshit, he must think very little of her.

I don’t want this to come down a simple comparison: who’s worse, someone who openly hates you and announces as much, or someone who hates you only quietly while pretending to respect you? This question comes down to personal preference and is ultimately immaterial.

What I want to highlight is how liberalism’s preferred form of dissonance serves to create these tragic heroes--people like Greta, Malala Yousafzai, or the Dreamers. These people are all victims-turned-activists, and they were all victimized by disarray caused primarily by the United States and perpetuated under our bipartisan ideological consensus. Thunberg, like everyone else her age, will not get to live a full life due to the impending ravages of climate change. Malala was shot in the face by members of the Taliban, which would almost certainly not have had a presence in Pakistan were it not for decades of American meddling. And, most cynically, the Dreamers are a small, exalted caste of undocumented young people who Obama sheltered from the effects of a deportation regime that he himself designed.

This is liberalism’s mechanism for ensuring conformity and punishing those who attempt to reform its more brutal aspects. You don’t like how many people we’re deporting? Well tough shit; keep voting for us or it’ll get even worse, they’ll even deport the lovable ones that we were kind enough to spare. Malala and Greta, meanwhile, are given a bridge to join the liberal horde, the true elite, those who are making things much, much worse but it’s not bad because they’re totally aware of it. Pointedly, both girls’ politics fall far to the left of what’s considered acceptable in American discourse--for this they should be admired. But their effect upon the system is the same regardless of whether or not they join the blob: Barack and Michelle smile, Trump and Pence sneer, and the apocalyptic consensus continues to gain momentum.

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theonceoverthinker · 6 years

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OUAT 3X08 - Think Lovely Thoughts

We’re nearing the end of the arc and it’s just utter PANdemonium!

Shut up, Rumple! That was funny!

Anyway, to find out why, venture below the cut!

Press Release

Pan leads Henry to a secret cave, where he has convinced the boy that he alone can save magic and Neverland itself. But a showdown between good and evil is about to go down as Emma, Mary Margaret, David, Regina, Mr. Gold and Hook find themselves directly on a path to Pan in an effort to save Henry. Meanwhile, back in the Fairy Tale Land that was, young Rumplestiltskin is given a magical item that could help him make a fresh start with his father – who has been anything but a good dad.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

This flashback may have one of OUAT’s most mature messages: Sometimes, family can be bad and they need to be cut away from you. There’s no hope of reconciliation and not even a removed heart to blame for it all. Sometimes, they’re just garbage people and trying to keep them in your life will only hurt you.

Malcolm’s abandonemt is one of the most malicious abandonments ever shown on the show. Like, had it not been for Gothel, it would probably be number 1. Malcolm sneers as he tells Rumple he’s the only thing holding him back and then just throws him to the metaphorical wolves. It’s the meanest kind of break up and making it familial just makes it so much sadder.

Present

Our present segment is kind of like “Into the Deep.” Like that episode, its character work is expressed not through more open-and-shut story, but through character interactions in the midst of plot progression. For a series like OUAT, I think these episodes are important because there’s always so much going on and this style keeps up the momentum of the season and of the two I’ve seen, I’ve liked them both!

It’s fantastic seeing everyone come together, flaws and and anger and all. We haven’t reached the “look how far we’ve come moment” yet, but the payoff is starting to emerge. We see bits of hope of reconciliation between Rumple and Neal, Neal forcing Rumple to do right by David, Neal and Killian working together better...yeah, there’s a lot of Neal, and I like that! Neal’s becoming a real favorite of mine and I’m really sad we’re gonna lose him soon.

But honestly, Pan is the true star of this episode again. What makes Pan such a good villain is how well he exploits tropes. He knows what buttons to press to make heroes do what he wants them to. “All heroes are tested.” He knew Henry would go tip over to his side with a line like that. Because Henry loves these tropes so well, Pan has been able to play him like a fiddle and that bit of manipulation is terrifying and fascinating.

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-”Follow the lead, gents.” Not even being subtle (And I use subtle loosely), are we? XD

-”You’d be better off without him [Rumple’s Papa].” Fuck yeah, he would be!

-Wow, watching this again shows me just how much “The Black Fairy’s” flashback fucked us over. Like, here, Malcolm doesn’t outright detest Rumple, there are just a million things he’d rather do than take care of Rumple. In “The Black Fairy’s” flashback, well, he outright hates Rumple from the second he learns of Fiona’s fate.

-Pan’s influence and manipulation, not over just Henry, but all of the Lost Boys, is incredible!

-I fucking love the Spinsters. They are such sweet old ladies! They offer to teach Rumple and they’re so friendly! Rumple, stay with them forever. Tell Malcolm to fuck off!

-”Names always make things better.” FUCK. YOU.

-”I didn’t think I had any talent.” Damn! That is so sad! Baby Rumple went through a good chunk of his childhood without any real positive reinforcement. Like, I want to say what that does to a person, but we already know and...DAMNN.

-”Your father will always be your burden, Rumplestiltskin.” Honey, you don’t know the half of it.

-OMG! Malcolm did the Rumple laugh! I love this show!

-”But you trust me. Don’t you son?” “I want to.” Holy shit. That line could’ve come JUST AS EASILY out of Rumple and Bae’s mouths.

-Rumple’s family is so freakin’ ass-y with fathers and sons! Gideon, either don’t have kids or have those Belle genes kick themselves into high gear!

-”You suddenly interesting in what I have to say? Thought I wasn’t to be trusted.” Rumple, shut up. Your karma evaporated for a damn good reason! Don’t act hoity toity!

-”No deals, no favors, understand?” YESS KING! This is what I’m talking about with Neal. He’s not giving Rumple a fucking INCH and why should he? I said this before and I’ll say it again. Neal’s death had nothing to do with Emma but EVERYTHING to do with Rumple because Rumple would never be allowed to be sleazy again had Neal stayed alive.

-*Rumple grabs Killian’s sword right from his waist* *Jenna grins like a fucking idiot*

-”Thanks mate.” *A bro nod is exchanged* *Jenna grins harder*

-”You did that for me?” Let’s talk about this line. This fucking line! Neal never had anyone try to save him like this as a kid and now he learns that the Darling family was even more amazing than he ever thought! I love this show!

-”You told her I was dead?” NOT NOW, RUMPLE!

-”It was easier than telling the truth -- my own father abandoned me.” *Jenna cries like a little bitch*

-*Malcom falls* KARMA, BITCH!

-God, Malcolm is creepy as fuck as he remembers Neverland. He looks like he belongs in an asylum.

-”Well apparently, that’s the only thanks I need these days.” *sighs* You don’t get it now, Rumple, but you will in about four seasons.

-”You promise not to be long?” More like, “You promise not to BELONG?”

-“Because you don’t belong.” Holy crap! I wasn’t wrong!

-”Are you okay?” Neal, Emma just did a fucking back flip! You tell me!

-Blocking the moon out to get rid of shadows? Emma, you are a fucking genius! <3

-Is it any coincidence that I’m fucking humming “Brandy” while watching this episode? Damn, Guardians 2 hit me.

-”Oh, it’s for the best, Rumple.” Part of me isn’t sure if that’s the best bedside manner or not. On one hand, Fuck Malcolm with a rusty nail-covered bat. On the other hand, he’s an emotionally distraught child.

-”Pleasure to see you too, Baelfire.” Pan is such a little shit!

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - “We’re all going back. Together.” I love how everyone is together for the crescendo of the arc’s “climax” (Or one of like, three of them)! As I said before, it really delivers on the payoff promised at the end of Season 2 and the beginning of Season 3.

Emma Accepting Your Parents - “Maybe it’s just you rubbing off on me, but I refuse to believe that.” Until that line was said, to be honest, I was torn between being cynical of Emma for her rigid thoughts on family and her inability to understand the nuance of the situation and prideful in the character development she showed by fighting for her family. But once that line was said, I was on the latter side HARD! Also, this follows Emma’s line of thinking throughout the rest of the episode! She really wants to keep her parents!

Regina’s Redemption - Another small, yet big sign of Regina’s redemption is Regina apologizing for insinuating that Emma shouldn’t have rescued Neal right to Rumple’s face. Good job!!!

Killian’s Redemption - If my arch enemy called me a “cowardly pirate,” I wouldn’t smile. I’d gut him. I’m gonna give Killian points for being better than me in that regard!

Rumple’s Redemption - Rumple’s redemption is handled so well here! He’s still an asshole, almost charging David for the Dreamshade cure, but he’s really cooperating with the group because he knows he’s the center of a lot of bad blood. He’s trying to earn their trust because he knows Henry’s life means more than him being the top dog. And seeing him overcome his internal issues with Pan only to still lose hurts so much as a result!

Favorite Dynamic

The Nevengers and Rumple. Oh My Stars! The group teamup against Rumple was dramatic in the best way EVER. Just...everyone slowly making these points against Rumple as he weakly tries to throw a case for himself together was dramatic, tense, and incredible. All of Rumple’s bad karma comes to a head at the worst possible time and it is GLORIOUS! And the tense peace they reach is just as great! All of that distrust still remains, threatening to shake things up going forward. ”You life so much as a finger to perform magic, you’re gonna spend eternity in this box.” YESSS, Neal! And eventually, Rumple’s honorable decisions are recognized by Emma, Neal, and Regina!

Writer

David Goodman and Robert Hull are today’s writers and after their stellar start this season with “Nasty Habits,” I had high hopes for them. And they did a fantastic job here! Everything comes together very naturally, the dialogue is super en pointe, and the pacing for the packed story is just amazing!

Rating

Golden Apple. What an awesome episode. It’s a great rush seeing the final pieces come together for the grand Neverland rescue, seeing everyone work together as a team and sniping at each other while cooperating, and getting a great and comprehensive flashback at the same time! Also, everyone feels really intelligent and earnest to who they are and want to be, making this episode feel more real. It’s honestly such a great time watching it!

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Thank you for reading and sorry again for the smaller review. I got caught up by my backlog after coming home from the con and losing two of my review days, so it looks like you’ll probably be getting four reviews next week. Still, I promise I’ll make something a lot better for next time to redeem myself! In the meantime, I really appreciate your patience with me! <3

Also, thanks as always to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales for putting this project together!

Season 3 Total (76/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (19/60) Kalinda Vazquez (17/40) Andrew Chambliss (17/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (20/40) Robert Hull (20/40) Christine Boylan (10/20) Daniel Thomsen (10/30)

Operation Rewatch Archives

#ouat #once upon a time #watching fairytales #ouat 3x08 #ouat rewatch #jenna watches ouat

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choupetit · 5 years

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GOT Recap: The Last of the Starks

Airdate: 5/5/19 Season 8, Episode 4

Ack! The remaining episodes of Game of Thrones are dwindling as fast as the number of secondary characters – we’re more than halfway through the season and merely two episodes away from the end of the series. Waaaah, I just want it to last forever! This latest episode offered up a buffet of secrets, strategy, and surprises, oh my! There’s a lot to unpack, as the writers rush to neatly tie up storylines and set things up for the next big battle, so get comfy, grab a cup of your favorite Starbucks beverage and let’s hop right into the recap for “The Last of the Starks”:

We start off at Winterfell, with a somber send-off of all the valiant heroes who died in the battle against the Night King and his Army of Dead. Ser Jorah’s body lays on a funeral pyre and a grief-stricken Daenerys Targaryen bids him farewell and whispers something into his ear.

Sansa Stark stands by Theon Greyjoy’s pyre, crying. You can’t help but think of all the horror they both endured together at the hands of Ramsay Bolton – the one person who best understood what Sansa has been through is now gone. She places her Direwolf sigil pin in his vest. Awww, Theon has officially been redeemed in the eyes of the Starks.

After everybody has had the chance to pay their respects, the camera zooms out and we see the enormity of the casualites – rows and rows of multi-leveled funeral pyres stretch across the battlefield.

Jon Snow gives a heartfelt speech and reminds all the survivors of their honor and duty to keep the legacy alive of the brave men and women who died to ensure the safety of humankind. The pyres are lit, and the gigantic cloud of smoke they emit is immense.

With the mass funeral behind them, it’s time for everybody to celebrate their survival with a grand feast in the Great Hall. Bran Stark, Sansa, Jon, and Daenerys are all steated at the VIP table for the festivities, though Daenerys won’t even look at Jon. Arya’s absence is noticed by Gendry, who asks everybody he knows if they’ve seen her.

As Gendry walks past the VIP table, Queen Dany calls him out. It’s a tense moment as she asks him “Hey, aren’t you the son of Robert Baratheon? You know, the dude who tried to have me killed?” Gendry cautiously replies, “Um…well, about that, see, I didn’t even know my pops and I only recently even found out he was my dad, so…” and then Dany’s all “Dude, I’m just messing with you.” She makes him Lord of Storm’s End – which is apparently a title that is totally up for grabs, and she also tells him he’s not a bastard anymore. Because. She. Said. So. She also decrees that it’s time for the realm to have access to hand-crafted coffee drinks from entirely different universes and everybody hails both Queen Dany and Gendry, Lord of Storm’s End. Tyrion leans over to Dany and praises her on the smart move: It’s both a fitting reward for a war hero and will ensure Gendry’s line will always be loyal to her.

Across the room, Jaime Lannister convinces Brienne of Tarth to let loose and drink a bit, seeing how they have fought Death and survived.

Meanwhile Tyrion and Davos share a quick chat about Melisandre and the Lord of Light thing that was, actually, weirdly accurate - and now it’s all over without much rhyme or reason. Thanks for acknowledging my feelings, GOT writers, because, yes, it does seem odd that we would have so much cool prophecy-driven stuff and have it suddenly vanish. Tyrion cynically states that even though the Dead may be gone, they still have people to contend with – and humans are doing a pretty decent job in destroying themselves without the help of the Night King.

Tyrion makes his way to Bran and I can’t help wondering what conversation these two had the night before the battle. When he points out that Bran’s abilities as the hard drive for their world’s memories will surely serve him well as the Lord of Winterfell, Bran shrugs it off, saying he’s not a Lord, and honestly doesn’t have need for wants in this world as he pretty much spends most of his time in the past. Gah, I really want to see more time jumps!!! I’m really hoping that Bran’s nifty warging days continue and that they will have a role to play in the following two episodes.

As the men and women continue to celebrate and drink heavily, Tormund Giantsbane gives a toast to the Dragon Queen, who in turn toasts the absent Arya Stark as the true hero of Winterfell that she is. Meanwhile, Tyrion joins Jaime, Brienne and Podrick Payne for a rousing drinking game.

The night wears on and Tormund is sloshed out of his mind. He boistrously sings Jon’s praises, listing his many daring accomplishments and at one point Tormund even roars “Who flies a dragon? A madman! Or a king!!” and the room breaks out in cheers. Daenerys ain’t liking it. She sulks in the corner and gives major side eye to Jon and his group of pals who are all having a blast as she sits alone and friendless. Varys looks on with suspicious concern. She rises with a resentful scowl and exits the hall.

Brienne, Podrick and the Lannister bros thoroughly enjoy their drinking game until Tyrion pulls an a-hole move by speculating about Brienne’s virginity. It’s very Breakfast Club-y (“Answer the question, Claire!”) and it sobers Brienne up real quick. She excuses herself and walks off. Jaime follows after her.

Sansa spies the Hound and joins him for a chat. At first he’s his usual gruff self, but he soon comes to realize just how much Sansa has changed since her time in King’s Landing. He points out that she could have been spared all the torment she’s lived through, if only she had trusted him and left King’s Landing with him the night of the battle at the Blackwater. Sansa – boss that she is – goes full Christina Aguilera and tells him how all those hardships made her stronger and the woman that she is today. It’s really an awesome scene and solidifies why the Hound is one of my faves and also how savvy and confident Sansa has become since the start of the series.

Gendry leaves the hall and finds Arya, shooting arrows by herself in the courtyard. He shares the news of his Lordship with her and before you know it, he’s professing his love for her and bends his knee to propose that she become his wife and the Lady of Storm’s End. Aw, Gendry! That’s sweet, but that’s also not Arya’s jam at all. She lets him down super easy, and while it’s kind of a bummer these two aren’t going to settle down and make babies together, it’s totally the right move. Hold on, though – maybe they already HAVE made a baby together?! I know it seems a bit far-fetched to throw that log onto the storyline fire with just a few episodes left, but it could be an actual possibility. Just sayin’.

With the festivities winding down, errbody is looking for a booty call. Jaime comes a knockin’ on Brienne’s door to do some serious follow up on the question about her virginity. They hook up and it’s the first time for them both – for Jaime it’s the first time sleeping with a knight…and probably also somebody who isn’t related to him. For Brienne, it’s the first time sleeping with a dude with a golden prosthetic – which might come in rather…handy. Also, she is a virgin. Well, she was. ‘Till Jaime gave her a hand in that department. Ok, I’ll stop.

As Jon sits in his room, there’s a knock on the door. It’s Daenerys and he invites her in. She gets super vulnerable with him and tells him she loves him. Things start to heat up and they make out until Jon remembers that she’s his aunt. Weirdly, it spoils the moment. Dany wishes he had never told her the truth about his parents, and she begs him to keep it a secret. Jon reasons that he has to tell his family and he downplays the significance of putting the truth out into the world for everybody to know. Danerys counters that this will destroy them and he has a choice, but is being a d-bag about it. “Ugh, why can’t you just go along with my awesome plan to live in blissful repression so I can be queen and everything stays amazing?!” She leaves in a huff. I’m so torn by the stuff going on with Dany. The writers are turning her into this unlikeable, selfish, pouty brat. On the one hand, I feel she is justified to feel and act the way she does. On the other hand, she’s making a lot of poor and rash decisions lately and really isn’t winning people over. She needs a PR overhaul to get her mojo back, stat.

The next day in the War Room, all the important people are discussing strategy as it pertains to knocking Cersei off her Iron Throne. Daenerys has lost half her Dothraki and Unsullied troops. Same for Jon and the Northerners. They are now at an even balance with Cersei’s fighters which include the Golden Company. Yara Greyjoy has managed to take back the Iron Islands, so Dany has her support. Dorne also stands behind Daenerys’ claim to the throne, because they hate Cersei’s guts. Daenerys points out that is doesn’t matter that she has half of Westeros’s support if Cersei remains in power in the capital – she must be removed. And Dany’s gut instinct is to completely annihilate King’s Landing.

Lord Varys points out that it’s not the best move to kill thousands of innocent people, if they can find a better way to remove Cersei from power. Tyrion suggests they make use of the Greyjoy fleet and cut off all food from coming into King’s Landing – he’s seen the people revolt against their monarch on their own in the past. If they show the starving plebians what a crappy leader Cersei is, they’ll handle her downfall on their own. He also suggests that Daenerys offer Cersei a bargain, wherein the current queen can keep her life if she steps down without a fight. At first Dany bristles at the idea, but she agrees to this plan, if only because it will make Daenerys look good to the people of King’s Landing that she attempted to broker a deal with Cersei to minimize the suffering of the common folk.

Sansa speaks up and says that her men – aka the North – need time to rest and heal from the battle against the Night King. Daenerys snaps back like a petulant child. “Excuse me?? We need to attack my enemies NOW. I lent my forces for the Winterfell battle – and now that it’s time to pony up the North’s soldiers for my pet project of conquering the realm, you don’t wanna do it yet? What do we say to the God of stalling for time? NOT TODAY, BIATCH!” Jon interjects that they’ll give Dany whatever she wants, when she wants, and both his sisters shoot him a look. Ugh, I think it’s a really dumb decision on Daenerys’s part, and it is really solidifying her continued descent into becoming an unreasonable tyrant. Plus, it’s not winning her any favor among the Northerners, which she badly needs. Really, what’s the harm in waiting another week or two?

Everybody agrees that Jon and the Northern army will march south along the King’s Road. Meanwhile, Dany and her Unsullied will head to White Harbor and sail back to Dragonstone. As everybody leaves the room, only the Stark siblings are left behind and Arya grabs Jon’s arm. “We need a word, bro.”

In the Godswood, Bran, Sansa, Arya and Jon all talk about how Sansa and Arya don’t trust Daenerys. But why?! Cause she’s not family. Ooooo-kay? Jon argues that’s a pretty stupid reason (I agree), as you can’t go far in life if you don’t widen the circle of trust beyond your kin. When Arya remarks the four of them are the last of the Starks and they need to stick together, Jon says he isn’t really a Stark. Both sisters tell him that they see Jon as their brother, not their half-bro or a bastard. Jon’s face is all “Oh, crap. Maaaan, do I need to get this out now???” “Dude, it’s your call,” says Bran. And then Jon spills the beans. Or rather, he swears his sisters to secrecy and then makes Bran fill them in on the details of his true parents. Sadly, we viewers don’t get to see that part, so I’m left to imagine Bran pulling out a powerpoint presentation with a venn diagram of two circles that say “People Jon is related to” and “People Jon has slept with.”

The Lannister bros are chilling in one of the parlors at Winterfell, when who should walk in, but Bronn of the Blackwater – crossbow in hand. Tyrion and Jaime ask him what’s up and Bronn tells him of Cersei’s plan to have him assassinate the two of them for a handsome reward. Only problem is that Bronn doubts Cersei will win the war against Daenerys, and then she won’t be able to pay up. When Tyrion reminds Bronn of their mutual understanding that Tyrion will double any amount that Bronn is offered to kill him, they reach an agreement. Jaime and Tyrion can live, and at the end of it all, when Dany takes over as queen, Bronn gets to be Lord of Highgarden – formerly the home of House Tyrell. I don’t really think Tyrion is in any position to make this offer, but it gets the job done and Bronn is out of the picture till the fighting is through. He’s always wanted that Castle, and now he may actually get it. Huzzah for Bronn!

Outside Winterfell, the Hound is on a solo ride, when Arya shows up on horseback and joins him. They both disclose that they are each headed to King’s Landing for some unfinished business with no intention of returning to Winterfell. And since these two travel so well as a duo, they agree to make the trek together. When the Hound asks Arya if she’ll leave him to die again, should he get hurt she quips “Probobaly.” He grins and they trot off side by side. It’s such a good scene. These two are #FriendshipGoals. My guess is the Hound means to kill his big Frankenbrother, the Mountain. And Arya, obviously, must be planning to murder Queen Cersei. Hopefully she’ll do it disguised as Jaime and give Cersei the shock of her life when she ends it.

From the ramparts, Sansa watches Queen Dany take off with her dragons. Tyrion approaches and asks “What’s wrong, Buttercup? How come you don’t like my queenie?” Sansa considers things for a while and then goes “What if I told you there was a better choice?” Ruh-roh, don’t trust Sansa with your secrets, y’all! Gurl is savage when it comes to pushing her agenda. It’s a calculated move on her part, but damn, that is a major betrayal to Jon. I wonder what it’ll do to their relationship.

In the courtyard, Jon is ready to hit the road and bids farewell to Tormund. His wildling pal is over life south of the Wall, and plans to head back North once the winter storms calm down. Jon tells him to take Ghost, too. WTF, Jon! Rude. Sam and Gilly say goodbye and reveal that Gilly is preggers. Yay, Sam will have a legit heir for House Tarly…I mean…if they tie the knot, I guess. They’d better hop to it. Then Jon gets on his horse and trots off without so much as a belly rub or a pat on the head for poor Ghost who just looks at him like, “Wow. Ok, so all those times I saved your ass, and protected your dead body and saved your friend AND then ran like a madwolf into a horde of Dead for you…that meant nothing? Screw you, Jon Snow. P.S. I peed on your entire collection of hair ties. See ya never.”

Dany’s fleet is on the home stretch with Dragonstone in sight. Tyrion and Varys are aboard one of the ships and discuss Jon’s secret and what it means for the future of the realm. Varys questions Daenerys’ state of mind and Tyrion sticks up for her. Grasping onto hope that Dany and Jon might be able to get married and rule in harmony, Varys shuts it down. “He can’t marry his aunt, dude! He’s from the North and that just ain’t cool. You think his people would stand for that union?” But Tyrion lobbies hard for Dany and tells Varys she needs guidance from her trusted advisors. Varys just gives him resting eunuch face.

Above in the skies, Dany flies on Drogon while Rhaegal soars nearby and the dragons both shriek out happy dragon sounds at the sight of their home when…THWACK! Out of nowhere a spear pierces Rhaegal’s chest. And then another comes at him. Holy moles! Euron’s fleet has been lying in wait and each ship is outfitted with a giant dragon-killing spear launcher. More shots are fired and Rhaegal gets it in the wing and goes down, crashing into the water below. Dany is furious and steers Drogon straight at Euron – pure rage burning in her eyes. This is exactly what Euron wants. He readies the next spear and aims it at her. But when the spears are launched, Daenerys manages to dodge out of the way and changes course away from the reach of the weapons. Next, Euron turns the spears on Dany’s fleet, completely destroying all her boats. Survivors – including Tyrion and Grey Worm –make it ashore, but Grey Worm soon notices that Missandei is missing.

In King’s Landing, Cersei watches from her balcony as commoners file into the Red Keep – she plans to use them as human shields. Should Daenerys try to lay fiery waste to Cersei and the Red Keep, she’ll have to do so at the expense of the death of several thousands of innocents. Not a great way to gain the love of the masses, Dany. Euron is there, too, and confirms that Dany’s one dragon was killed. Cersei smiles smugly and tells Euron how their child will rule both the land and sea. Nice way to break the news to him – even if it’s a lie. Euron is delighted that he’s knocked her up and secured his spot as future king. As Cersei saunters away, we see she’s taken Missandei as her prisoner. Ugh, Cersei is such a ruthless biatch. I don’t understand why she wants to be queen if she doesn’t give a crap about her subjects and hates to be an actual leader to her people. Seriously, she should just go and be a filthy rich Real Housewife of Casterly Rock and day drink all the time – it would be so less stressful and her quality of life would improve immensely.

In the War Room at Dragonstone, Daenerys, Varys, Grey Worm and Tyrion all discuss next steps. Both Dany and Grey Worm are out for revenge and are driven by their emotions, due to Missandei being kidnapped. Grew Worm pushes for them to storm the city with no regard for the thousands of civilians who will die in the process. Varys advises strongly not to do this and Dany gets a frightning look in her eye as she says it’s her destiny to free the world from tyrants – no matter the cost. Somebody call Alanis Morissette because we really need to work this into her “Ironic” song. “It’s like killing 10,000 peeeeeeeps, so you can be their beloved queen…”

In the Dragonstone throne room, Varys and Tyrion are in for more hand-wringing as they discuss the Daenerys/Jon problem. Ultimately, Varys has lost faith in the dragon queen and he’s ready to bet all his chips on Jon. He questions her ability to keep a cool head and worries she’ll get more ruthless and impulsive with more power. When Tyrion protests that Jon doesn’t even want to be king, and can’t they just rule together, Varys dismisses it as an option. In the end, Tyrion chooses to stand by his queen and do what a good advisor SHOULD do. Varys, however, is ready to board the treason train. When Tyrion asks Varys what would become of Dany, Varys just give him a look. “Don’t do it, dude.” – “I’ve made my choice – now you make yours”, says Varys. Oh man. We already know Varys is gonna bite it, due to Melisandre’s prediction last season. I’m betting Dany is going to find out about his plotting and have him killed.

Word of Daenerys’s ambush is delivered to Sansa. When Jaime approaches her, she fills him in and adds “I always wanted to see your sis get executed – looks like I won’t have the chance. Tsk, tsk.” That evening, Jaime leaves Brienne’s warm bed and saddles up a horse in the courtyard. When Brienne notices he’s gone, she runs outside and begs him to stay. She believes he intends to save Cersei from Dany’s wrath. Jaime won’t be persuaded and he gallops off as Brienne sobs, heartbroken. Personally, I think he might just go and try to kill Cersei himself – because, prophecies. That is, unless Arya beats him to it. Oooh, maybe he’ll get to King’s Landing just in time to see Arya disguised as him…killing Cersei. Whaaaaat? Mind blown. It could happen.

Outside the walls of the Red Keep, Daenerys and Cersei have a parlay. Cersei stands on her ramparts – which have several dragon-spearing weapons set up – along with Missandei and the Mountain. Both Hands of the Queen, Qyburn and Tyrion, meet up. Tyrion informs Qyburn that Dany demands Cersei’s unconditional surrender and that Missandei be released immediately. Qyburn placidly parrots nearly the same demand back to Tyrion: Cersei demands Daenerys’s unconditional surrender and if she doesn’t, Missandei will die on the spot. As Tyrion attempts to reason with Qyburn, he can see it’s pointless and he bypasses him, trotting right up to the gates to talk to his sister directly.

When Tyrion approaches, Cersei’s archers all pull back their bows, ready to shoot him and oh my goodness, I’m so worried that Tyrion is about to get killed! Cersei raises her hand, and after a good long moment of trepidation, she gives her men the signal to stand down. Whew! Tyrion appeals to Cersei’s one good side – her loving nature as a mother – and he tells her she and her child don’t have to die if they cut a deal. She can end her rule, and still have a great life with her child. But Cersei ain’t having it. She walks over to Missandei, who stands dangerously close to the edge of the wall. Cersei leans in and places a hand on her arm – is she going to push her?! Will she release her?! Nah, instead she tells Missandei this is her chance for some final words. Ugh! WHY? Missandei tearfully stares out at her Queen and Grey Worm and in a cracked voice calls out “DRACARYS!” The Mountain draws his sword and in one fell blow, chops off Missandei’s head while Daenerys looks on in helpless horror. Her shock turns into pure simmering rage as Daenerys turns away and storms off. And roll credits.

Ruh to the roh! This episode was rough! Poor Missandei. And poor Grey Worm! I mean, I did assume one of them was going to die by the end of the series, but my money was on Grey Worm. RIP Missandei! I’m so upset that Daenerys is losing her most trusted people who love and support her completely. I’m not happy at all that the show really seems to be setting her up for a total Mad Queen downward spiral. Say it ain’t so.

I can’t say I really liked this episode, though I guess it was a necessary one to get all the pieces into place for the last two episodes. I found it hopped all over the place to get as much stuff in as possible and tie up lots of characters’ stories. I just hate all the things Dany did in this episode and it feels like a total betrayal to the viewer, if I may say so. They just had her be this pouty, impulsive and manipulative person who makes a lot of dumb choices. If this is all meant to lay the groundwork to make her seem more and more power hungry and unstable, then well-done, but it doesn’t seem true to her nature at all and feels a bit like a cop out. Unless the writers just WANT us to believe they are going down that track and then they’ll surprise us all. Ahhh, the GOT mind games are messing with me.

Also, I really hope Arya gets to kill Cersei and I’m thinking maybe she’ll even help the Hound kill his bro – because Cleganebowl is starting to look like a sure thing here, right? I kinda feel like Arya will die by the end of the series, because all four Stark siblings can’t possibly survive, can they?

I’m getting super excited for the big battle episode next week and I’m hoping it doesn’t leave me as disappointed as “The Long Night” in its resolution. Hang in there, friends, and I’ll see ya next week!

#GOTrecaps

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