#meanwhile I'm just lying in my bed crying and throwing a pity party for myself

[binnie]

I feel so alone

#i feel empty and barren and desolate and lonely #so lonely #I am isolated and deserted and I have only myself to blame #always pushing people away #my best friend (my only true friend) is slowly walking away from me and it's my own fault #she's the only person I can and want to talk to and she's the only one in my life who even TRIES to understand me #even when I don't understand myself #she's the person in the world that knows me the best but even she doesn't know the true me #if she did she'd hate me. she'd despise me #I am chidish and egotistical and mean and jealous and selfish #I know this is most likely the mean voice in my mind talking but I just know she's gonna leave me very soon #it has been a long time coming #she's going through a very hard time herself #so it's just not fair for me to be so dependent on her for my well-being whe she's struggling so much #I've been very selfish #relying on her so much while she's dealing with her own pain #I'm a burden at this point #everyone is growing and moving forward and i'm just stuck in the same place unable to move #I'm a nuisance and a failure and she's bound to move on and leave me behind #meanwhile I'm just lying in my bed crying and throwing a pity party for myself #I'm afraid she's only sticking by me because she feels obligated to or because she's just used to having me around #or because she pitties me #I guess i'm just... mourning a friendship I don't think I can salvage anymore #soon i'll have no one #it hurts