#maybe my brain just hasn't fully recovered yet from being sick 🤡

[theotherrichardpapen]

nigel & alex - to be haunted by your love

henri nouwen // like minds (2006) // death - melanie martinez // pope alexander - crywank // her mother's kiss - eugene carriere // sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you - catarine hancock // the song of achilles - madeline miller // achilles lamenting the death of patroclus - gavin hamilton // lee martens

#am i happy with this? no. am i posting anyway? you bet your ass i am #another largely experimental post so take it with a grain of salt #honestly i could've just posted the achilles comparison part on its own and liked it better #cause that's really the part i wanted to get to #BUT the song lyrics are so load-bearing to this post. they started the whole thing. so it didn't feel right kicking them to the curb #so you get the whole shamozle lmao #anyway this post is more or less a take on the idea of when people say no one ever truly dies so long as your memory of them lives on #so long as you always carry your love for them in your heart #and how it's always meant to be a good thing you know? a positive thing #but what happens when it's not. what happens when their memory is a weight you drag forward? when that love is a haunting #when an absence becomes a presence in of itself #and you wish you could be rid of it. but you can't. and now they're in everything you do. they're everywhere you go #a permeation over every aspect of your life? how are you supposed to handle that kind of feeling #in the end this was more or less me scratching an itch wondering what life for alex was like after nigel was gone #and how fundamentally nigel does end up gaining immortality by living on in alex's memory #and arguably by becoming a part of him too #maybe my brain just hasn't fully recovered yet from being sick 🤡 #like minds #murderous intent #nigel colbie #alex forbes #web weave #quotes