#manipulated and grappling with humanity all by himself with another alternate that constantly reminds him that he's broken and a failure

[mustangs-flames]

Rereading the series!! I am now going to. brain rot about this funky little man. God I love the blurriness between Cesar and It. Like. At what point does It become Cesar? Where do you draw the line? Because if someone had all your memories, your face, your name, everything except your personality, is that you or is that someone else? Because It technically knows everything about Cesar, but never having lived it out is such a strange thing. It's like trying to act like a person after having read their biography, but even then you'd still be able to act like them because one has experienced pain, and hardship, and struggle. I think it's more similar to a person who knows all the theory of art trying to replicate Michelangelo's style. No matter how hard one tries, one does not have the muscle memory, or the experience that Michelangelo has accumulated over his many years of art. Even if it were to be replicated, it would lack the life that the original had. So what's the point of trying to replicate a piece, when you can cultivate your own? But alt!cesar has only ever known tracing, and stealing, not in a bad way, simply in an instinctive way, the way we would not call a tiger something evil for killing a deer. It does what it was supposed to do, but where did the lines blur? Where do the lines blur???? God this is so interesting. It is Cesar, but it is not Cesar. Cesar's personality entwines with that strange canvas of knowledge, forming this amalgamation of an entity- not the person it mimics, but not itself either. What is it? It is like a sculpture of Cesar, the weeping angel that moves closer when you do not look. Made to depict human life, but still lifeless. No matter how lifelike a sculpture may be, it will never have that essence of human life that the person that it depicts does. If you are a sculpture of another being, then what are you? Neither the being nor an entity of your own. God I am sorry this is just very hard for me to comprehend so I am brain dumping to you in hopes to make it make sense in my head. So far I think the sculpture metaphor works the best for alt!cesar, not the person you are depicting, but not yourself, either. You don't have your own personality- you're just there to show. Show the Morningstar, probably. Show them (im not sure what pronouns the Morningstar uses) what, exactly? I'm going to have to figure that out but dear lord this is so interesting and I have never had so much fun analysing something in a long while. God I can barely imagine the horror Mark feels towards alt!Cesar, considering he's completely convinced this thing took his best friends face to torment him. Good lord, like give the silly guy a rest... damn..... I'm excited to see their dynamic post the revelation, and how mark takes it. (probably not well lmfao. I doubt he'll ever take it well. Yikes. Like, extreme Yikes.)

Augh, I'm sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to this :/

Yeah, I'm really excited to explore alt!Cesar's identity crisis in Part 6. Because it's such a strange existence. He doesn't know what he is anymore, but he knows he doesn't want to be Cesar. He doesn't view himself as such and yet he has all these memories and feelings and thoughts, and just how much of it comes from the person he replaced? It's no wonder he decides to take it all out on Mark, because it's easier to hate someone and blame them for everything than sit and think things through - especially because the deer doesn't foster an environment safe enough for alt!Cesar to even do that in.

And it doesn't help that Mark views him as an extension of Cesar - of being no better than a puppeted version of his best friend's corpse. Thatcher and Dave are able to be more emotionally detached from that side of it - because they never knew the real Cesar. Thatcher only ever met him in relation to the case and Dave never met him at all.

Plus Dave and alt!Cesar make a connection a little easier, because Mark hated Dave too for a while. Dave exists as a representation that a healthier relationship with Mark can happen. alt!Cesar just needs to put in the effort and realise that these things take time and that he ultimately has to be okay with the fact that Mark may never accept him at all, because he isn't obligated to.

#hail true body au #mustang answers! #htb alt!cesar #htb mark #htb dave #htb thatcher #a lot going on with alt!cesar in part 6. poor guy needs a hug #manipulated and grappling with humanity all by himself with another alternate that constantly reminds him that he's broken and a failure #he needs a fucking hug :(