#making me feel like I'm the onw wrong here and thwse 2 ppl were not on talking term a week ago again ego calshes this other girl didn't

[february-academia]

28.04.2023

So much happened this week. (In tags I'll rant about it)

N4 is coming and my prep is not at all good. Took a test today and i failed🥲. But i know my prep is soo bad,it was bound to happen. So have to study for that.

College exams are coming🥹 also have to study for that. The dissertation proposal is in the finalising stage,so that's good. But have to work on it properly imo.

Then i also proposed another research study to my professor and he has encouraged me to go for it. So,also have to work on it.

These very cutu plants in the scorching heat were a treat to eyes and mind.

Got this book from the library and I'm really enjoying reading the essays.

( correction in a tag- she scored less than me in class and she was all sad sad. With her i had to suppress my happiness at moments like these)

#here i go #so here in this clg i have 2 friends mainly they are my classmates and one is roomates also so thsi roomate is very toxic i kinda knew it #from the start but ignoted it bcs we became friends when we used to have online lectures and haven't met each other and somethings happened #in which she helped me so i was kinda obliged to stay w her. and after sometime i kinda strted feeling it. all the bad vibes #the toxicity she carry for other ppl judging them on their appearances and whenever i trued to correct her tries to manipulate things #like she jas all of the mean girl vibe but i the clown couldn't just had the courage or ways to not be w her i so wnated to but couldn't #it was all so fucked up and living w her. i changed i started judging ppl. this was so bad. she went through soem toughtimes and as i frien #friend i cared for her i was there for her almost all the times and most of the times whenever i needed her she was not. #tries to dominate always and the incident due to ehich I'm writing all this is - I'm not earing well properly well from past month she know #and last sunday i was very excited to this dish and i wanted to take more and she said very rudely how much more will you eat? i said i did #not had lunchand almost didn't eat the ehole day what's yhe nig deal abt it why tou saying and stopping me like that and she said i did not #say it she said again i did not say it with that rude voice like she can never be wrong and ppl wjom i rarely talk to have noticed that #I've lost weight but she who luves wirh me almost all the time do not know it whom I've talked to abt this don't knwo it . i didn't have #any appetite after that i just stuffed the food unsideand went outside wiyjout syaing anything 8 wanted ro puke so bad i controlled my #i couldn't beleive what just happened i didn't try to talk to her and she obviously wouldn't bcs of teh ego and then there's another friend #and classmate of us and she has a great bond w her then after taht incident she is also not talking ro me and. avoiding me in the corridor #making me feel like I'm the onw wrong here and thwse 2 ppl were not on talking term a week ago again ego calshes this other girl didn't #so yeah i got snakes here #now I'm all alone but this feels great literally like yes i cried and couldn't sleep bcs even tho i knew they are not always what they show #they were the only obes here i was able to form a bond with ( i hate this part so much now)and i care abt friendships alot but it ended #they are not talking to me I'm not talking to them. but thus whole thing made me free now I'm free i don't have to wait for them everytime #i want to go to library or to a class or to a walk bcs they wanted everything to be done in a grp #and I'm going everyday out to study to walk and to jyst peacefully live bcs now I don't have to deal with negativity and toxicity anymore #i feel myself again my trye self who was kind to ppl who wanted to just study quietly in evening who wanted to just go in class on time #i don't have to feel that if i di this will she judge me I'm feeling free with what I'm wearing I'll enjoy and celebrate all my wins #and achievements of the last year bcs i couldn't even enjoy those when i was with her just bcs she didn't got less tahn me #I'm smiling more nad I'm loving more myself to actually avle to come out of thsi spiral i didn't even know i could so yay #listening to you're on your own kid in loop and it made me so happy #that's it done. there was so much to say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hope you got some idea of what's happening in my life #sending you all love and light and if you find urslf in somesimilar situation or any difficulty rn hope you get out of it very soon<3