#last june i experienced something traumatic and i'm stuck in an environment in which i cannot heal

[poppies]

2023 was the worst year of my life. not sure what's to come or where to start but i know things have to change, i have to fix things somehow

#i haven't been very active online #last june i experienced something traumatic and i'm stuck in an environment in which i cannot heal #plus chronic pain has inhibited my life to a devastating degree #so all i've done these past months is sink further and further into a sadness and emptiness and pain i can't describe #it's scary to look in the mirror at somebody entirely unrecognizable. i feel hollow and devoid of any traits #i feel i've lost everything that made me 'myself' #lost my family. lost my health. lost myself. lost all the things i cared about once #i don't think i can ever return to the person i was before. so i have no option but to start anew #i need to stop being so terribly nostalgic for the things i can never get back #i can't keep clinging onto broken shards #honestly i know deep down that holding on to the hurt has never served me. and i doubt it ever will #but i'm scared to let go. scared of what will take its place. scared of what i'll find. #i don't think i can heal here #so i'm just enduring. but it's scary how time keeps passing. i've been so dissociated and none of this feels real #i feel so hopelessly lost and trapped and behind. i'm 23 now but it feels so wrong #✩