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#kim dokja's abusive father mentioned
myfckingnameisnuwanda · 6 months
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Forgiveness
AU where Kim Dokja's mother leave his father and leaves him behind when he was a child. Lee Sookyung seems to want to repair their broken relationship.
"When will you ever forgive me?" ever the straightforward.
"For now... I don't forgive that you left me. But I forgave you for leaving a long time ago. If that makes any sense"
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Hello! I hope you’re doing well! I was just wondering if am I able to request Kim Dokja saving teen reader from fulfilling a their prophecy (platonic)? What I made by this is that the reader is destined to go berserk and either destroy or rule the world, and before Dokja came along, every life Joonghyuk had, the reader would go berserk (due to the amount of grief and trama that have accumulated over their life) and Joonghyuk would manage to kill them before the reader can fully complete the prophecy. Now with Dokja in the picture, he decides he wants to save the reader and while the reader is going berserk, he managed to stop them from their destiny and save them from dying, which leads to the prophecy being broken. Hopefully this is okay and makes sense, sorry it was so long!!
Thank you for your request! I'm doing very well, thank you for asking. And don't worry, it isn't too long!
[ Kim Dokja x Gn! Reader ] - Saving teen reader from fulfilling their prophecy (platonic).
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Kim Dokja knows himself very well, what his traumas are, his favorite foods, and his most disliked foods - tomatoes. The vain of his existence. Or the bruises that splotch his frail and thin body when he was a kid, and even his mother's warmth that radiated off of her when everything seemed to be falling apart. He knows everything.
Maybe that is why his skill is called: [ Omniscient reader's viewpoint ] Kim Dokja admits, he knows everything. About the constellations, incarnations, dokkaebi, the star stream even, but he doesn't quite get the emotion he is feeling right now.
Swords clashed between each other, as the white pure star energy fluctuated inside of his sword; broken faith. What was he feeling? Kim Dokja asks himself, was it guilt? Was it sympathy? Or was it just him projecting his younger self on your situation?
[ Ki m Do k ja. ] Muttered the fourth wall inside of his head, "Kim Dokja! Snap out of it! Hesitating right now will result in you being the one being killed!" He barely heard the loud shouts of Han Sooyoung throughout his fight with you, he knows that. He knows it. But why can't his body do it?
Every time his sword inched a bit closer to your neck, his fingers trembled, and the power held tightly in his fingertips loosen. Deteriorating his strength causing you to change your direction to counter his swift movements, you truly deserved the title of the calamity of the scenarios.
[ Ki m Do k ja, u r pas t i s ov er. ] Yeah, that's right. His past is over, but you were [y/n] [l/n]. His favorite character even rivals his obsession with imagining himself as 'Yoo Joonghyuk.' At the mention of the regressor inside of his head, an immediate thought flashes inside of the reader's head.
'What will Yoo Joonghuk do in this situation?' An image of you dying with a sword through your neck and the regressor's cold and lifeless eyes screened through his mind, a laugh emerged out of him even in this tense situation of crossing swords until one of them is killed. Yoo Joonghyuk will surely kill you without regrets but he wasn't Yoo Joonghyuk, he wasn't a regressor, and he wasn't the main protagonist even once in his life. He was just Kim Dokja, a reader through and through.
Kim Dokja finally knows what he is feeling, it was sympathy. He has sympathy for his younger self and for you who have experienced that kind of disgusting thing, no children have the right to experience their father beating the shit out of them over a loss of an alcoholic beverage, no children should need to experience suffering their hunger in silence while hiding in a closet to avoid the abusing eyes of their father. No one.
That is why Kim Dokja wants the best for his kids - Shin Yoosung, Lee Gilyoung, [y/n] [l/n], deserves a good and happy life once they reach the end of the scenarios. My kids, Kim Dokja thought.
"Ahjussi, what did you want to be when you grow up?" Kim Dokja tilted his head to the side at your question.
"Me? It's kind of embarrassing but I kind of want to be like Yoo Joonghyuk when I was a kid." You let out a small laugh causing flames to erupt in Kim Dokja's pale cheeks.
"I can see Ahjussi shouting to himself in the bathroom mirror: "I am Yoo Joonghyuk!" Kim Dokja doesn't have the guts to refute your statement when it was the truth. "Then what about you? What did you want to be when you grow up?" Your eyes widened for a fraction before your lips curled up into a bright smile.
"Me? I wanted to be someone like Dokja ahjussi."
"Han Sooyoung!" Kim Dokja shouted but never once turned back to look at Han Sooyoung's crouching figure, his eyes solely focused on your body. Cracks and veins of the color black littered your body, with your eyes turning pure white. You look like you have come to earth to judge destruction over the living.
"I'm going to be myself from this day on!"
"What the fuck are you saying, you bastard?!" Han Sooyoung grits the words out of her teeth angrily, "you just died three days ago! Are you trying to kill yourself again?"
"Don't say that in front of [y/n]! She wants to be like me when she grows up after all!" Kim Dokja grins as the feeling that was burdening his mind and body was finally lifted out of his chest, as he remembered the words that you said to him once on the rooftop of the industrial complex during sunrise.
"Me? I wanted to be someone like Dokja ahjussi. You were cool when you battled the constellations, when you became the demon king of salvation, when you kept saving us even though we're characters inside of a novel. So, I want to survive. With the kids, Heewon and Sangah noona, even Joonghyuk-ssi. So, promise me ahjussi -" 
"Kim Dokja!" Yoo Joonghyuk who was hit and flew to the other side of the wide open space finally managed to get up to where they were now. "Kim Dokja! Stop what you're thinking, you can't do it!" Yoo Joonghyuk clenched the sword of his handle tightly.
"No, I can do it! I'll break this scenario and let's survive together until the end!" Kim Dokja looks behind and stares at his two companions with certainty in his eyes. 
[ The Constellation Demon King Of Salvation wants you to trust in him. ]
"Let's survive together until the end, ahjussi."
***
"Ahjussi! Are you okay? I'm so sorry!" You crouch down in front of Kim Dokja's body in which he curled up into himself due to the pain coursing inside of him, "damn, that hurt." Kim Dokja looks up in front of him to see your tear-ridden face as you sob uncontrollably, Han Sooyoung was behind you with an awkward expression on her face, while the sunfish bastard was in the background with a grim expression hanging over his face.
"I'm so sorry!" You sob as Han Sooyoung patted you on the shoulder, "don't worry [y/n], look, Kim Dokja alive and kicking!"
"Han Sooyoung, shut up." Han Sooyoung lets out a small tsk sound, before getting up from her crouching position and taking out a lemon lollipop inside of her coat, she unwraps the lollipop out of its wrapper with ease and plops it into her mouth right after.
"Why are you crying?"
"It's because I - I almost killed you." Your sobs quietened down as you tried to speak normally, Kim Dokja sighs before raising his sore arm and gently putting on the crown of your head.
"It's fine." You rapidly shook your head at Kim Dokja's dismissal of the situation, "it's not!"
"But didn't we survive right after?" You stayed silent.
"But - you could have just killed me before the prophecy happened." You muttered in a small, gloomy voice that doesn't belong to a teen at all.
"Now, why would I? Aren't you the one who said it? To survive together until the end."
"But -"
Kim Dokja sat up out of his curling position to look you in the eye.
"I promised you, so, let's do our best to survive. Okay?" You nodded your head and finally, you let out a smile and Kim Dokja was finally relieved of the tension inside of his body. You took Dokja's hand that was in your head and held it close to you.
His hand was rough and formed callouses together with small and big cuts littering his pale and slender fingers. But you didn't mind it, not at all. It just comforted you into thinking that this man was doing all that he could for him and his companions to survive through these gruesome and taxing scenarios.
"Till the end?" You tilted your head inquisitively.
"Till the end." Kim Dokja nodded his head with a smile on his face.
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pttucker · 6 months
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This sort of affectionate behaviour felt uncomfortable to me, like some kind of ill-fitting clothes. Was it okay to be like this? Was it okay to experience moments like this already?
How long had it been since all of my companions were smiling together like this? Maybe, this could be our first time. They were able to smile even though the scenarios hadn't ended yet. They were able to chat away in happiness like that, and share their stories. ⸢And while looking at that spectacle, Kim Dokja suddenly felt lonely for some reason.⸥
"Well, Dokja-ssi, your communication skill has always been a little lacking, so it can't be helped, I guess. You were also like that back when we were working for the company." "…I was?" "You really didn't speak all that much to other people." I became utterly speechless after she mercilessly carpet-bombed me with facts. But then again, after giving it a bit of thought, it made total sense. I grew up without a friend from a young age. I wasn't clued in on how to socialise with other people, and back then, I only thought about how to weasel myself out of the company meal get-together. I figured that, rather than wasting time doing that, I might as well read the 'Ways of Survival' one more time instead.
I wasn't sure what to say to her. It felt as if I'd only sound like an ass just by thanking her or expressing my gratitude. The 'Ways of Survival' never taught me what I should say in moments like this.
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Ughhhhh, Dokja not having a single friend and basically teaching himself how to socialize based on how characters interacted in a web novel. With the main character of said web novel being Yoo Joonghyuk so...yeah...
Granted, apparently even Joonghyuk took time to give his companions breaks and hang out with his little sister.
Of course, it's not like Dokja has ever had to pay attention to what anybody else wanted when out and about doing things, nor did he expect anybody else to pay attention to him.
Ughhhhh, the pain. I know it was heavily implied that he had no friends, like ever, on top of being badly bullied and abused and traumatized from killing his own abusive father as a little kid and mentally covering it up to the point that he thought his mother killed him, who then wrote a very popular book claiming she did just that and and and...but I think this is the first time he outright says that he never had any friends?
And it seems to also be heavily implied that the relatives who took Dokja in were perhaps not the greatest considering he apparently didn't learn how to socialize from them either and moved into a hostel at seventeen...
And maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it almost seems to me like Dokja maybe thinks, at least subconsciously, that he has to earn the right to be happy and to have friends to be happy with? Or that he has to get through the bad stuff first before being allowed to finally enjoy life? (And doesn't that say a lot about his own life in the Before?)
He mentions twice that they're happy and smiling before the end of the scenarios, with one of the times literally being him saying, "Was it okay to be like this? Was it okay to experience moments like this already?" And he just feels so alienated and alone at seeing them all do exactly that, meanwhile he's got serious anxiety about all this "affectionate behavior" that can be ripped away at any moment. That he hasn't secured yet.
And maybe that's just it. Maybe he's just worried about having fun when there's still a threat nearby that can swoop down on them at any moment, and that in and of itself says a lot about his mentality and you can see pretty easily how that can tie into aspects of his past.
And that's not even getting into the fact that some part of Dokja probably feels that getting them to the end is kind of what he's there for, it's how he proves his worth and his love for them. He has no "place" at the big found family barbecue.
Ughhhh, someone please just cuddle him. 😭 Who wants to start the Kim Dokja cuddle pile? Kids? Hyunsung?
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chuncao · 1 year
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Spring Curse
Joongdok Modern AU - Mentioned OD (Oldest Dream) 
CW: dead dove, suicidal thoughts, domestic violence, death
Loosely based on 春の呪い by Konishi Asuka
Kim Dokja had never liked spring. 
The weather was cold, flowers were blooming, his allergies got worse, and the first school term started. Nothing about it was good. Today was another reason that Kim Dokja hated spring. 
“Poor boy, he is just 20 years old.”
“The family spent a lot of money treating him right?” 
“Hey, where is the mother? Tsk, not coming to even her own son’s funeral…” 
“The older brother looked completely fine to me. I thought they were close?” 
That’s right. Today was the funeral of his twin younger brother - od. Kim Dokja couldn’t describe how much he treasured his brother. The boy was the sole reason why he kept living and breathing, everything he did was for his brother’s sake. Kim Dokja started writing because his brother liked reading. Kim Dokja went to college because OD told him to go in his stead. Kim Dokja dropped out of college to take care of him when no one in the family paid them any mind. His life had always been revolving around his brother ever since he was born. 
When their abusive father hit them, the only thought in his mind was how to protect his little brother. When their mother left them for another man, he tried his best to make sure that OD didn’t feel abandoned. When the diagnosis result came, he started to take up more part-time jobs to pay for the treatment fee because he didn’t want to owe his father anything. 
Now that OD was gone, he didn’t know what to do. His whole existence was based on the boy with him doing everything just for the sake of his brother’s happiness. He dedicated his life to taking care of OD, making sure that nothing could hurt his little body. But when the sole reason why he managed to survive in this cursed world disappear, he was completely lost. 
At first, Kim Dokja felt absolute anguish. He cursed the gods for taking his brother away, destroying every single last bit of effort he had built up until now. He loathed the people who were still alive and kicking when OD had to pass away at such a young age, not being able to experience what he would like to do. But slowly, he started to feel nothing. It was as if all of his senses were nulled and he reverted back to the days when he silently endured his father’s beatings, his little brother hiding in the closet. His mind went blank, not a single thought recurring in his head. Everything he did feel meaningless. 
Kim Dokja was staring mindlessly at the casket where OD lay when he noticed people gathering around it. The moment they were about to close the lid, Kim Dokja heard himself talking for the first time in a few days: 
“Please, let me see my brother for the last time.” 
He rushed to OD’s side, quickly pulling a picture out of his pocket. Then he placed that picture into the casket before giving his brother a final look. The boy was smiling as if he had a nice dream, a dream where Kim Dokja was not present. 
Kim Dokja remembered the words his brother told him before he took his last breath. 
“Hyung, I… want to carry… this with me.” 
The boy slowly raised his hand to give Kim Dokja the picture he was holding. In the picture, his brother was smiling happily at a man with an expressionless face - Yoo Joonghyuk. 
That same man’s sole existence was the only thing that Kim Dokja loathed more than spring. 
Kim Dokja didn’t remember his first meeting with the man. It was blurry, just like the rest of his life. The only thing that he remembered was how OD looked at him. Bright eyes, flushed cheeks, and parted lips. The boy fell in love with him at first sight. 
Things turned out to be convenient as OD and Yoo Joonghyuk were meant to be engaged to each other. Something about their family’s traditions and being courteous to the powerful Yoo family. He didn’t understand all of that, but he was certain about one thing. Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t care about the engagement. 
More precisely, the man didn’t care about anything. He always appeared to be expressionless, a frown never left his face. Yoo Joonghyuk was curt, rude, and unsociable. Nevertheless, his actions were gentleman-like and he knew how to treat others with the right amount of care. And that’s what made OD fall for him harder. 
At first, Kim Dokja didn’t pay attention to his brother’s feelings. After all, love was something normal for someone of their age. He probably was the odd one for not feeling any sort of affection for people of the other sex. Or the same sex. 
But when he started to realize that Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t pay any mind to his brother, Kim Dokja wanted to tell his brother to give up this futile love. What’s the point of loving a man who didn’t even look at you? Why did his brother have to go that far for a man he just met? 
Kim Dokja couldn’t understand. He couldn’t understand why his brother could fall in love with such a man. He had always felt uncomfortable around Yoo Joonghyuk’s presence. Every time he looked into that dark deep eyes of his, his mind was screaming for him to run away. It was as if his subconsciousness was trying to tell him that something was going wrong. 
Maybe he was right. A year after od engagement with Yoo Joonghyuk, the boy was diagnosed with stage 3 leukemia. Upon hearing the news, Kim Dokja’s eyes suddenly went back. OD had always been sickly since birth, but it never really affected his daily activities. Kim Dokja was so sure that as long as he sacrificed everything, his brother would be able to live a long happy life. Turned out he was wrong. Completely wrong. 
Kim Dokja didn’t know if it was a blessing or not when Yoo Joonghyuk’s presence helped od go through his treatment. The usual pessimistic boy would always try to endure the pain, saying that he had to get better quickly so that the wedding could take place. Every time Yoo Joonghyuk visited him in the hospital, he would act all happy and giddy for the whole day. Even the man’s empty words sparked joy inside the boy’s heart. 
“Ah, so he cares about me.” 
OD dreamily sighed as he gazed at the flower bouquet Yoo Joonghyuk just brought earlier. It was the kind of bouquet that you could easily buy in front of the hospital, one that was for people who just didn’t want to come in empty-handed. They may appear to be expensive, but their insides were just empty. 
Despite his blatant disinterest, Yoo Joonghyuk somehow kept visiting OD in the hospital. Every day, after work, he would come into the hospital room with some sort of gifts. A flower bouquet. A teddy bear. Supplementary pills. Expensive juices. Everything that one could think of when they want to visit a sick person. 
The visits, just like the relationship itself, were strange. OD would be the one talking most of the time while Yoo Joonghyuk mindlessly listened to him. His replies only consisted of the same three phrases: “Is that so?”, “I see.” and “Hm.” The last one couldn’t even count as a sentence. 
After sitting like a statue for exactly 30 minutes, Yoo Joonghyuk would bid his brother goodbye. No kiss, no hug, no word of affirmation. Just a simple “goodbye”. But for OD, that was enough. 
At first, Kim Dokja tried to leave the room so that the two could have some privacy. However, after his brother's constant begging and a realization that nothing really happened, he stayed inside, lying on the sofa while reading some web novels. Kim Dokja didn’t mutter even a single word as he listened to his brother’s monologue. Sometimes, it was too painful to watch his beloved OD desperately keeping the conversation going. He wanted to give Yoo Joonghyuk a slap, asking why the man visited when he didn’t even try to talk to his brother. Why did he keep giving his brother false hope? Why didn’t he call off the engagement when he was blatantly disinterested? 
Those thoughts didn’t stop until the day OD passed away. 
— 
It rained heavily the moment the funeral came to an end. People left the cemetery one by one, their masks falling off as they started to laugh and talk. It was as if the whole thing was just a joke. Kim Dokja felt sick just looking at their cheerful faces. 
He was the last one to remain in the cemetery, his eyes didn’t leave the cold stone tomb for once. Well, he’s not really the only one. A man with a tall figure stood behind him, holding an umbrella that sheltered both of them from the rain. As usual, he couldn’t guess what Yoo Joonghyuk was thinking just by looking at his expression. He had that same look as when he visited OD in the past, the look of utter apathy. They stood there in silence, the only sound being the heavy raindrop hitting the hard ground. None of them uttered a single word as they kept staring down at the small grave that was decorated with fresh flowers. 
Kim Dokja was about to leave when he heard the other man call his name. 
“Kim Dokja.” 
He didn’t answer. 
“Do you want to start a romantic relationship with me?” 
The man said in a voice that couldn’t be more devoid of emotions. 
At first, Kim Dokja didn’t understand the meaning of that sentence. But when the words clicked inside his head, he realized how crazy they sound. His dead younger brother's fiancée just asked him out. 
“Why?” 
Kim Dokja tried to stay calm. If not, he’s afraid that he would launch at the bastard, giving him all the beating he deserved. 
“My parents.” 
Ah, so he wanted to maintain a good relationship with this cursed family. While his father was shitty, the man still owned a big company and a lot of money. 
At that moment, Kim Dokja felt something break inside his body. Maybe he had gone crazy. Maybe he had stopped thinking. Maybe his heart had been buried alongside his brother. But when he next opened his mouth, he heard himself saying: 
“I agree. But on one condition.” 
“Take me to the places you have gone with my brother.”  
That day marked the beginning of the spring curse. 
“OD, please wait for your hyung.” 
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izanyas · 5 years
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Wait
Dæmon AU ORV? Dæmon AU ORV.
Rating: T Words: 3,700 Warnings: some violence, internalized homophobia, mentions of past child/domestic abuse.
Wait
Kim Dokja does not often reflect on his earlier childhood memories. The past is something better left buried to someone like him, who for all that he has spent years stagnating wants nothing more than to strive forward and forward and never, truly, look back. But the moment his fingers wrap around the piece of jade and he hears it acknowledge him—the moment he stops being an incarnation for good—a memory comes to him from sometime long ago.
He is sitting on the floor of the living-room in his childhood home, a book open over his lap and Kyunguk nestled in his neck. It is that time of dusk when daylight ceases to be sufficient and his tired eyes blink over and over, struggling to make sense of printed words.
His mother comes in and flicks the ceiling light on; she says to him, "You should have him take another shape sometimes."
Noori flies over her head and right under the glowing lamp. His shadow spreads over the room like an omen, until he deigns to sit closer to Dokja than he usually elects to. The crow's yellow eyes glisten like gems and bore into Kyunguk's own unwavering gaze. Kyunguk's thin fur sticks close to the skin of Dokja's neck.
"He's watching me," Kyunguk says for Dokja's ears only.
Kim Dokja strokes his back with the tips of his fingers. He tells his mother, "Kyunguk likes it."
"It's not a flattering image. To you or him."
"And Noori's is?"
Noori is the size of a small dog, with wings so black that no light reflects upon them even when the sun shines bright. Lee Sookyung has received her share of disbelief and distrust for the shape of her dæmon, and Kim Dokja privately thinks that she is not one to interfere or care what his schoolmates say of Kyunguk. Or what his teachers relate to her.
This is an old, old memory. A memory from before. A day with his father outside, a day absent of his dog-dæmon's snarls and biting, of the sick stench of alcohol. Kim Dokja took the opportunity to read in the wider spaces of his home rather than hole himself in his room, and Lee Sookyung stayed in the kitchen for the better part of it. Occasionally, Noori peaked inside with his beady yellow eyes, just to make sure Dokja hadn't moved.
Kim Dokja hates crows.
He feels the flesh of his back tear open as wings as black as night grow out of his shoulder blades. He sees through Kyunguk's eyes the shape and style of them, remembers with a smile the sound of feathers on the wind at night when torn voices and the sound of broken echoed through the house.
He is the seventy-third Demon King. The one his comrades have to vanquish to beat the tenth scenario.
"Are you ready?" he asks Kyunguk, and the dæmon does not answer with words, but with a flick of its long tail over the length of Dokja's neck.
It takes precious time and effort to convince the party to attack him—and, though Kim Dokja is loath to admit it, Han Sooyoung's help, bright as her eyes are around the tail of the scorpion perched into her hair. Yoo Jonghyuk and Miteum stay prone against the wall in the corner of Kim Dokja's eyes. They watch from a distance, bleeding and disoriented while Lee Seolhwa works her magic on them, and it is oddly difficult not to feel the weight of their gaze as he allows his allies to stab and punch and cry at him.
Kyunguk crawls down from Kim Dokja's neck and under his white coat till he is cradled between the open wings at his back, his sharp claws stuck into the fabric of his shirt. They have never torn into Kim Dokja's skin and they never will, he knows; Kyunguk is simply more open than him with his fright.
Kim Dokja listens with one ear to the multiple messages he receives from the constellations. He smiles again when he understands the full meaning of the fate bound to him; when he sees Yoo Jonghyuk rise with his black sword in hand and murder in his eyes, Miteum at his feet showing her dripping fangs.
Perhaps this is the day he'll know how they feel when they bite.
There is no need to come to such measures. The third regression Yoo Jonghyuk is not yet someone who has dealt away with taboos and morality. His sword and will are enough to cut through the defense that Kim Dokja cannot help raising, and steel through the chest and shoulder is no laughing matter of pain. Kyunguk trembles when one of Kim Dokja's wings is cut a hair's breath off of his own back. He crawls back atop Dokja's shoulder right as Dokja falls to his knees, blood in his mouth, Yoo Jonghyuk's voice in his ears.
Already he can feel this body vaporizing as the scenario ban enacts itself.
[Your fate has been realized.]
Kyunguk shivers and shakes against him. The dæmon who has never changed form stays here as he has since they were children, into the crook of Dokja's neck and whimpering into his ear. Kim Dokja wants to lift a hand and touch him. He doesn't have the strength to.
"Kim Dokja," Yoo Jonghyuk calls into his other ear.
He has dropped the black sword in order to hold him. Kim Dokja meets Miteum's eyes over the man's shoulder.
Vomiting blood is surprisingly uncomfortable. The Fourth Wall offsets some of the pain and feeling of it, but Kim Dokja can't avoid the taste in his mouth, the slickness and heat he has no choice but to let drip over Yoo Jonghyuk's shoulder. He laughs weakly and says, "It was a great story, wasn't it?"
Yoo Jonghyuk breathes in something like a gasp.
Kim Dokja has not the strength to stroke Kyunguk's fear away, but there is one thing he can do. Already his legs and wings have crumbled like dust in the wind, and somehow this lightens the burden of fatigue and pain some more, enough for him to be able to move one arm. He slithers it along Yoo Jonghyuk's side and in the direction of Miteum until he can rest his hand on her head.
Yoo Jonghyuk tenses against him. It is a movement of the body and soul, his stillness, so deep that not even his chest moves with the air he takes in. Kim Dokja would blush if he still had the blood to, but as it is he simply focuses on the feeling of warm fur under his hand, on the strength of the wolf's gaze as he speaks to her for the first time.
"Take care of Kyunguk for me."
No dæmon can survive outside the scenario. It is something Kim Dokja knows from reading Ways of Survival, something he has prepared for the moment he realized that the tenth scenario had been updated through the prophecy's influence. He ignores Uriel's cries in his ears and the laughter of nebulæ. He thinks again of the pain Yoo Jonghyuk experienced the first time he separated from Miteum—as he reminds Kyunguk through the voice they both share that this is temporary.
"I don't want to," Kyunguk trembles and cries, "I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to."
His claws dig through the white coat until they touch Dokja's skin. He once more feels as small and cowardly as he was in those days of his youth, when Kim Dokja asked him to change form and he refused, time after time, until it was too late. But he slides down from Dokja's vanishing arm until he touches ground for the first time in years; he meets Kim Dokja's eyes with hurt and betrayal, but he doesn't try to cling again.
He was always the last one to give up between the both of them.
Yoo Jonghyuk has never allowed anyone to touch Miteum before.
A handful of people asked. His mother and father when he was a child, his sister on the day Miteum settled and her fur grew silver and white like a jewel under the light. Lee Seolhwa, the first time they made love.
Kim Dokja does not ask. Kim Dokja has never asked for Yoo Jonghyuk's input on any of his schemes and actions before, and it should come as no surprise that he should be so shameless, and yet Jonghyuk freezes at the first brush of skin on fur. The ache that grows within his chest is nothing like anything he knows, in and out of physical existence.
Kim Dokja lays a hand on Miteum's head, and Yoo Jonghyuk feels it between his ribs, around his heart.
There is nothing left of Kim Dokja's body after the black expense behind him finishes swallowing him up. Only bloodstains on the floor and his rat dæmon, prone and gasping, shuddering with the pain of separation. It is an awful thing to witness and Yoo Jonghyuk can hardly bear to look at it—can feel the others behind him holding their own, cannot stop himself from gripping the fur of Miteum's back—but he has to.
He has to look.
[The tenth scenario has ended. Rewards will be distributed soon.]
Other such messages follow. Yoo Jonghyuk doesn't listen to them. He watches Kyunguk shake and listens to the tiny, terrified squeaks he lets out. He remembers the edge of a broken bridge above Han river, a plain-faced man in a cheap suit calling himself his companion, his frightened rat dæmon gripping his shoulder with its claws.
It seems to take an eternity. Lee Seolhwa comes and nudges him, Lee Hyunsung calls his name with tears on his voice, but Yoo Jonghyuk doesn't move. He cannot move. At last the lone dæmon on the floor stops thrashing and moving and seems to fall asleep.
"Miteum," he says.
She moves, silent and deadly. His hand follows the curve of her spine until her tail flicks from under his fingers. She bends over the still rat and takes it into her mouth, and Yoo Jonghyuk knows that her hold is gentle, that her fangs will put only the softest of pressure against Kyunguk's thin bones.
He rises to his feet and declares, "Let's go."
It's not easy. The children are sobbing, Jung Heewon has gone into something like shock, and Han Sooyoung has bitten her lips open. Lee Hyunsung, Yoo Sangah and himself manage to carry everyone out of the Dark Castle and then out of the Seoul Dome. He breaks the wall of it with his fists. It is barely enough to undo his tension.
The hours that follow do not feel real. Living inside the dome has made them all quick to forget that life goes on outside, that aside from the capitals of the world, billions of people remain who have not suffered the Star Stream. They are assaulted by journalists and do-gooders, offered money and employment, recompense, honor.
Han Sooyoung separates from their group almost immediately. Yoo Sangah guides Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung away with both hands on their shoulders, her cat dæmon walking between her legs with its thick fur raised high.
Miteum presses to his side. She still carries Kyunguk in her mouth.
A house is given to them on the outskirts of the city. The transparent dome is now as black as night and, Yoo Jonghyuk knows, just as impenetrable. There is no use in returning there and searching the ruins for a trace of Kim Dokja. He would not survive outside the scenario even if he tried.
And yet, Kyunguk remains. Weak and shivering and alone, but alive. Which means that Kim Dokja lives on in some form or another.
He and Miteum enter the farthest and most secluded bedroom in the house. Jonghyuk locks the door behind them and watches her gently set the rat atop the soft cover of the bed. Kyunguk's tongue lolls out of his mouth. His breaths are fast and shallow, raising the black fur of his stomach and sides almost too quickly for the naked eye.
"He's not dead," Yoo Jonghyuk says.
Miteum rarely speaks. She says nothing now, but he can feel that she agrees with him as she does on so many things. Jonghyuk advances through the room and sits on the bed, leaving enough distance between himself and Kyunguk that the dæmon will not topple in his direction, even with the mattress dipping. Miteum feels no such need for boundaries; she jumps atop the bed and sits, curled around the rat's trembling form without outright touching him. His fur is wet where her saliva has bathed him.
Yoo Jonghyuk pets her absently, looking at Kim Dokja's dæmon and wondering. Thoughts of his sword piercing the man's body fray at the edges of his mind and threaten to make his hands shake; he fists one into the bedspread and the other into Miteum's back.
"You let him," he starts.
He can't finish. The words pulse inside his mouth like a heartbeat.
Miteum shifts her head so she can look at him. He opens his fingers, drags them through her silver fur.
Between her legs, Kyunguk looks like he's dying.
Yoo Jonghyuk cannot explain the knot in his throat, the impression of a hand through his chest as if something has reached under his skin and pulled open his ribs. "He's going to die," he says.
Miteum bends down and licks down the rat's heaving side. He whimpers, still caught between unconsciousness and obvious suffering. Yoo Jonghyuk pictures himself for a second reaching out as Kim Dokja had earlier and taking Kyunguk in hand. Bringing him the warmth that his human must have. His throat dries.
"The fate," Miteum murmurs.
Her voice is deep and soul-wide. Yoo Jonghyuk remembers himself as a child leaning with his head against her ribs, listening to the echo of it through her soft and warm body. Even before adulthood she preferred the shape of dogs and wolves, of bigger felines sometimes. No one had been surprised by her settling.
[Kim Dokja's fate has been realized.]
That is what the dokkaebi's message said when Yoo Jonghyuk stabbed Kim Dokja through the chest.
"It doesn't make sense," he replies.
Miteum gives another lick to Kyunguk's frail body.
He cannot be the person that Kim Dokja loves most. Kim Dokja has shown no sign of being attracted to anyone but women; he and Yoo Sangah look to be close enough for affection, and if not her then Han Sooyoung, in spite of her own scheming nature—
No, he thinks, looking again at the forlorn dæmon. What does he know, truly, of Kim Dokja? He has seen him from afar with women stuck in the same unfortunate circumstances as he. He has opposed and supported him in battle. He has watched him die and rise again three times, experienced grief and relief three times, refused to examine his own feelings about it.
Kim Dokja called himself his companion the very first time they met. He called himself a prophet. Whatever he saw of Yoo Jonghyuk's future was enough to make come back again and again—to break Yoo Jonghyuk out of the throws of nightmares or of his own hopelessness and encourage him to live.
Jonghyuk knows what people say of those with dæmons of the same gender. Why did he never think of it regarding Kim Dokja and Kyunguk?
"You're asking the wrong question," Miteum growls at him.
She is right.
What he knows is right in front of him, burned into his memory: the prophecy said the incarnation Kim Dokja would be killed by the one he loves most. Yoo Jonghyuk killed Kim Dokja. The prophecy was realized.
"Incarnation Kim Dokja," he says out loud, realizing.
Of course. He rubs a hand over his bloody face and sighs. Of course, Kim Dokja must have realized this a lot sooner than he did, the bastard.
"What did he tell you?" he asks Miteum. "When he… earlier, what did he say?"
Miteum looks away from him almost haughtily. She noses at Kyunguk again.
Kim Dokja is alive. For now. Whether he can survive separating from his dæmon is another story; whether he can come back one day is too remote to even consider. Looking at Kyunguk on the bed, Yoo Jonghyuk would not bet on Kim Dokja's survival, but he has made this mistake before, he realizes.
No one would imagine that the man with the small rat dæmon could be so powerful. Powerful enough to surpass Yoo Jonghyuk. Whether this strength comes from Kyunguk or Kim Dokja or the both of them at once, Jonghyuk can only hazard a guess.
Jonghyuk settles for his first night in a proper bed in months. There is a working shower in the bathroom down the hall and he makes full use of it, Miteum beside him shedding the blood and grime off her slick fur. She has carried Kyunguk with them, put him atop a pile of warm towels outside the stall. Her eyes rarely leave him.
He almost walks into Lee Seolhwa when he exits the room.
Miteum remains docile at his side, her jaws delicately holding Kyunguk. Lee Seolhwa and Dal are both looking at her. The python hisses and moves around her shoulders, as disturbed as she is—as they all are—by the idea of a dæmon, alone.
Seolhwa looks up at him quickly. "I wanted to know if you were all right," she says.
"I'm fine."
Her lips thin. "Jonghyuk," she adds, with that same kindness in her voice that made him fall in love all those years ago. "We all saw what happened."
Yoo Jonghyuk looks down, too. He stares at Kyunguk's tail falling limply out of Miteum's mouth. "I have to prepare for what comes next," he tells her. "You should get some sleep too while you can."
He walks past her in the narrow corridor, intent on nothing more than to rejoining his room and sleeping for as long as he can.
Anger spikes through him before he can take the third step; it comes from Miteum.
Yoo Jonghyuk turns on his heels just in time to see Lee Seolhwa's outstretched hand closing where a second ago the wolf stood. Were it not for the rat she is holding so preciously, Miteum would be baring her fangs, and Yoo Jonghyuk feels the need through his own blood and bones. He clenches his teeth in fury.
"What do you think you're doing?" he snaps.
Lee Seolhwa wears a complicated expression. Dal has circled around her front again as if to make a barrier out of his white body, his red eyes fixed onto him and his tongue scenting the air for violence.
Seolhwa takes her hand back slowly. The smile that stretches her lips is joyless. Resigned. "I was wondering if perhaps things had changed," she says. "But I see I was mistaken. I'm sorry for not asking."
Some of Jonghyuk's anger abates. "Seolhwa," he murmurs, but she shakes her head at him.
"I am indebted to Kim Dokja-ssi," she declares, "though I know he didn't save me for me."
Her words close around him like the bars of a prison cell. Part of him feels, all of a sudden, like the Yoo Jonghyuk of the first day; standing in a bloodied train with bile and blood in his mouth.
"I know he saved me for you," she says. Her pale eyes shine with determination. "And I thank him for it. He must know that you and I were together, that we—"
She swallows, grief twisting over her face and inside Yoo Jonghyuk's entrails. He wishes he didn't know what she is mourning now.
He wishes he could not remember the weight of a child in his hands.
"But this life," she says, blinking quickly under the hallway light. "This life isn't for me, is it."
She moves before he can answer. This time Miteum makes no attempt to avoid her, and she does not try to touch, either; her hand simply rests for a second on Yoo Jonghyuk's shoulder. Dal brushes against his hip as his hold around her tightens.
"Sleep well."
Morning finds them smelling of freedom. They can't help it despite the paranoia that the scenario cultivates, the knowledge that they are never, really, out of danger. Yoo Jonghyuk wakes to the smell of coffee and the sound of conversation filtering in from under his door. He knows that more press and attention awaits on the threshold of this borrowed house. He knows that whatever smiles the others will have put on will pale as the days go and their time of respite grows smaller. He knows the children will bear red eyes from crying.
Miteum slept next to him with Kyunguk nestled against her warm side. She looks at him as he sits up and takes in the state of the rat dæmon; he is shaking still, through the tremors have lessened, and patches of his once-glistening fur have fallen off of him. He hasn't regained consciousness.
But he lives. And so does Kim Dokja.
Yoo Jonghyuk does not expect that he would be able to talk to him even if he was awake. He has never seen Kyunguk speak at all, not even to Kim Dokja. The only reason he knows his name is because Kim Dokja introduced the both of them on that day at the bridge.
"Will he need food?" he asks Miteum.
Dæmons do not eat to survive that he knows of. He isn't sure about a separated dæmon, however. It is hard enough looking at Kyunguk without feeling the need to hurl, Yoo Jonghyuk has no wish to see him vanish under his very nose—to picture Kim Dokja walking alone, wherever he is now, with half of his self missing.
Instead of answering, Miteum leans forward and nuzzles his hand.
Each of his heartbeats is an ache. The pain of it feels warm, feels alive, echoing through his chest and clogging in his throat. Jonghyuk treads his fingers through Miteum's fur to ignore how they shake, and then he pulls them off of her. He rests them on Kyunguk's side. He presses the full of his palm against the rat's soft belly, strokes his throat, runs a thumb over his back.
Miteum's rough tongue wets his hand and flattens the small dæmon's twitching ears.
Under their touch, Kyunguk's breaths ease.
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