#john: i did not ask to be the problem-solver but while i'm already HERE let me burn myself down at both ends to fix it. no reason why

[talentforlying]

me wobbling constantine llike laminated paper: ooooo you are so starved for approval and too proud to ever voice it and too afraid you'll never get it so you throw yourself full-body at the worst problems humanity and hell can conjure up and make yourself look at the things that you know will haunt you because you think if you manage to win on a dramatic enough scale then maybe you'll at least earn some approval after you're dead, oooooo

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #i've cracked the fucking code i've figured it out #john: i did not ask to be the problem-solver but while i'm already HERE let me burn myself down at both ends to fix it. no reason why #thinking about how even when he knew & accepted his dad was shitty & abusive he still tried desperately to earn his love #even After his father was killed he still tried to appease the old fucker and still felt awful leaving him in hell (where he BELONGED) #thinking about how he is always trying to solve his friends' problems for them as quickly & easily as possible #or placing himself in a leadership role when working with members of the magic community. especially the rich ones #like he needs to prove that he does belong with them and is worthy of being listened to #he is so Starved for validation for all he has done and gone through and sacrificed and he will always be trying to fill that void #i'm still so busy don't perceive me. but do perceive This bc i'm thinking about it Endlessly #( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN. #( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.