#it's rock bottom isn't it? my meds still aren't working. my dad is relentless in his anger. my mom is at her wits end

[qilinkisser]

uuuUUGHGHGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

#vents 🌧️ #I'm so fucking MAD #I've been seeing SO many fucking valentines day drawings today and I wanted to join in so badly #but I have my stupid fucking homework #and my mom said that if I get my homework done I can have 'a few minutes' of time #A FEW FUCKING MINUTES #yeah. great. so I can make a shitty doodle that nobody bothers to interact with #on the ONE fucking day I was hoping to get some attention #is that selfish? yeah it absolutely is. but I don't care. everybody's so fucking sick of me in real life #is it so bad that I want everyone to see me here? everyone to tell me how good I'm doing #I just want people to tell me I'm doing a good job #I'm failing all my classes in school. I have a terrible social life. I fall asleep constantly and I'm never fun to be around irl #all my parents do is nag me to do the homework I have no willpower to do and yell at each other outside my door #I'm doing a really shitty fucking job in real life. maybe if I got some imaginary fucking internet points I'd feel a little better #I don't care if it's selfish. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel admired. I want everyone to see me and think I'm doing so good #I've got nothing else. art's the last thing I'm good at. it's so fucking over for me. this is it. #it's rock bottom isn't it? my meds still aren't working. my dad is relentless in his anger. my mom is at her wits end #my friends at school give me maybe half of the love I give them if I get really lucky #my teachers are so fucking tired of me #who the fuck gives a shit anymore. this all feels so fucking pointless #who cares about regents or sats or college or jobs or anything. that's it. I give up. this is it for me. #I don't know how it's supposed to get better. #I'm so fucking sorry. I'm liveblogging an absolute spiral on here. I'm so sorry #if you read all the way down to here.. I'm not in trouble. I'm not going to do anything bad. you don't have to worry about me. #I'm just. so. tired. #I should probably delete this later.