#it's not even that i'm upset i gained 7 or 10 pounds this year because a lot of my stuff was too big for me previously

[gideonisms]

Me: I'm not even in pain this month period week is going to be a good week for me!

Me 5 minutes later: [experiencing every emotional reaction from the past 5-7 years at once] damn why does all my clothing look bad on me now

#i can't trust my judgement 100% on this but i'm pretty sure i'm right #it's not even that i'm upset i gained 7 or 10 pounds this year because a lot of my stuff was too big for me previously #but it's also that i am no longer between the ages of 19 and 22 which is when i bought a lot of this stuff #now i need to go to a wedding but the slacks i own fit weird the dresses look like they belong to someone different #i don't have a blouse that looks good with the slacks #the one dress that doesn't make me look like someone i don't know is way too short at this point #meanwhile i don't know how any of it is supposed to fit because i spent most of my 20s working at various grocery stores #jeans and a collared shirt were fine there #going through a wardrobe crisis which is an identity crisis in disguise #i don't know what kinds of clothing i like. or job i want. or how i would want to act around friends irl #i'm having strong feelings about what i don't want but ?

[ahhvernin]

The new thing on my facebook is people posting if you can lose 30, 20, 10, 5 lbs, how long would it take you?

Meanwhile I'm sitting here thinking, it took me 10 years to gain and maintain 4lbs. 10 years ago I was 98 and felt sick all the time and my goal was 110lbs. It still is, and its rare for people to ever talks about how hard it is for underweight people to gain and maintain weight without having trolls simply saying "eat more fast food and junk food". Just like you're not suppose to starve yourself while losing weight, you're not suppose to gorge yourself with unhealthy foods. You can have similar health complications while under weight. And being tagged by your friends who say, "how do you stay small?" Or "you never have to worry about this." Sucks.

Let me share:

1. I weigh myself regularly, I'm afraid of it dipping, because I get sick more often when I'm low.

2. I count serving size and calories, so I don't lose weight.

3. I monitor my water, salt, and carb intake, so I don't lose weight.

4. I eat more frequently because I'm avoiding medical staff from saying, "are you anorexic/bulimic?" but also I can tolerate medication, but also so they will take me seriously when I tell them I think I have a health problem. Medical staff are quick to associate certain health problems with being overweight, and dismiss health problems because you're not heavy enough to have it...but you can.

5. I eat what I eat often so my blood pressure doesn't plummet, and cause palpitations, shivering, cold sweat nausea. Because it can easily happen on a normal day, even if I have breakfast but if I am not allowed to sneak a snack before lunch, I'm going to be sick. This isn't just being hangry. This is if I take the wrong job that doesn't allow me to snack before lunch or after lunch, I might pass out at work.

5. I hold my breath every time my doctors office weighs me.

6. I worry all the time if I can balance my high fiber diet with the calorie intake I need to maintain my weight.

7. I can't just eat legumes or nuts for protein. I'm allergic to legumes and nuts and eating lots of meat upsets my stomach.

8. My anxiety grows when my clothes feel loose.

9. My family still calls me names like chicken legs when they see me, and say I'm not going to be able to get pregnant, I look like a prepubescent boy or I'll never find a husband, I'm gaining weight to avoid this BS.

10. You telling me that "I'm lucky to be small" and that "it must be easy for me" is not a compliment. I don't like being so small. I don't have an answer on how I stay skinny, I've been working 10 years to gain 4 damn pounds. I would love to have some curves like you do, to have a fuller softer healthier glow when I smile like you do.

And fun fact, gp doctors rarely have good answers to how to gain weight properly. I had to sit down and go through senior citizen diets and cancer recovery diets to figure out how to gain weight. And muscle builder diets are not for regular people.

I know you want to lose weight, and you're frustrated that you keep gaining. But don't be mad when some people like me, answers back that they are trying to gain weight and are frustrated that they keep losing. You want to lose for health and looks, I'm trying to gain for the same reason. We have similar problems with our weight, please don't dismiss the fact I'm struggling with my weight too.

Tl;dr don't tag your skinny friends on weight loss posts with comments like "you don't have this problem/ you have it easy/ how do you stay so skinny/ you never gain a pound etc" they could have similar weight insecurities as you do and are struggling to maintain their desired weight. If you want to talk about tasty healthy snack alternatives we can talk about that.

#weight #underweight #skinny #body image #dieting