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dukeoftheblackstar · 9 months

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I may take a bit to reply today or maybe not reply at all. I have the little silly dancers in their silly little dancing all up in my head today throwing molotov cocktails left and right and committing their pretty war crimes (arson mostly) all over while I just sit there waving a tiny white flag of surrender reading smut or poetry — or both at the same time, idgaf maybe idk. >:

So yeah, I'm not mad or ignoring anyone on purpose, I just am unable to do so today. Filling my head with comfort thots of bath-time with old man Plo and having his 18239128390128319083 babies — will also dabble so heavily on the creation of said babies , which is always a delight.

So if you're ever wondering if Plo's gonna be alright. No, he will not be alright. He will be on Duchii duty 24/7 beginning this hour. Will do things 100/10 to him frfr. He will be tired nd spent. But will be very much loved ♥♥♥ Send prayers LOL

Triggers be wild today again — getting a little bit more too handle with each day this week. Extra spicy. And I wonder if it was triggered by the text incident which happened again recently or it's because it just decided to.

It's the shittiest reason tbh. "it just decided to" — it's as if my brain suddenly just got bored and is all "Can't be happy all the time, babydoll. Why don't we make you extra neurotic today." And it does that silly dance that in spite of "it" — my brain, being a harbinger of bad news, I find the silly dance silly cute.

It's silly. It's the silly dancer. Just that little cute thing dancing while throwing molotov cocktails left and right in their little silly dance. I can't really hate them because they be so silly cute. But they're setting everything on fire and idk if I like that. I probably don't because then I have to do something about it. Actually do something about it.

I've cleaned though. I probably would again to extinguish the fire. Take out the meats from the fridge and clean the clean fridge. Put it back, stack them, and wait for god-knows how long before I do it again because oh my god, I seriously need a bigger fridge and it has to be done properly; always three — never more, never less.

And then the shower and bath conundrum on which takes precedence because I will do both. All inhibitions are out the door now, but I like it. I love water, you see? So bath and shower is like double the fun, double the fantasy maybe? Team Rocket from Pokemon but like, bath/shower maybe?

I wanna read though. Write too. Maybe watch. But it's there. The silly dancing silliness which makes me incapable of doing that. I'm just grateful they're kind enough to make me work when it's work time?

It's not a sad or pitiful thing in my opinion because it's me. They're little silly dancing silliness of me. I'm at peace with my shit, a condition I don't even know maybe? But I'm okay with it.

I'm okay with not seeing who's in the mirror. Like who's face is that because I love myself. I love wearing comfy clothing, love not wearing pants when I'm at home, love the marks on my body because I'm not exactly slender? Love my goddamn thighs that I'm afraid of scratching them? I'm okay with feeling like I'm on autopilot sometimes. I love watching my fingers shake sometimes because idk man, they're pretty gorgeous if you ask me.

I love them all. Love it more than I can and try to manage them no matter how many times they come back. Love it even when I cry because biiitch lemme tell you, I look cute AF when I cry. Real 'fuckmeupdaddy' face when I cry — I'm also equally unhinged all the time so. This is no surprise >:

I'm not vain or anything, but I've just come to terms with who I am and what can I offer. I don't shy away from compliments all the time because if you believe I'm that, I should always remember to have the moral compass to do the same. If you think I'm cute, then bitch yass. Because I owe it to myself for making it this far to put myself down.

So yes. Maybe I am gonna shower-bath at the same time. Remorsefully cut my nails for my own safety.

***

And here it is. I wrote all of that with the silly dancing molotov throwing arson committing silliness bebbis and they're just sat there all cute like 'awww did you burn me out off that wip I was actually enjoying, you cute little monster?" and they be so cute about like 'maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe'.

And now the wip and me is on fire and this cute little dancing silliness is just there silly dancing all cute and silly.

So now we're at an impasse and there's only one thing left to do.

Eat the little silly dancing silliness so they're back in their intricate little boxes. Cute little silly dancing shits they are, but I love them?

#♝#personal #tbd maybe idk i might keep t and check my progress?#see how many hours it took to be ok? yep yep #lezzgoo

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