#is it worth having a modicum of functionality as a human person if the joys in my life are gone ???? we just don't know

[obviouslacking]

medication titration is such a bonkers concept they're like here *throws prescription at your forehead* fuck around with your brain until something sticks, and so you basically have to treat yourself like a weird little science experiment for months

#i mean normally i find fucking around with my body highly amusing but right now it's just weird. last week i was depressed and then had a p #pseudo panic attack the next day and then i cleaned my entire room and now i'm just hanging out but i'm hungry. i'm so hungry. all the time #i just wanted to be able to send some emails?? okay that's an under-exaggeration but still #and then you go on reddit and everyone's like 'first day of medication and i've just seen god!!! my life is fixed!!!' which sure isn't the #whole picture but these people are like getting actual results meanwhile i just want to drink coffee so bad. coffee and alcohol are two pri #prime joys in my life (besides fanfiction) and you're not supposed to do either of those things. meanwhile it's hard to focus on the fanfic #with the whole dopamine situation so now i have NONE of the joys in my life #is it worth having a modicum of functionality as a human person if the joys in my life are gone ???? we just don't know #personal #adhd struggles #i think that's what i tagged this last time apparently if i stop cleaning i start hyperactive posting #this isn't going well for me what if i'm in a lecture then my brain just starts going ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #you know?