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laurlovescookies · 7 years

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Glee Kadam Fic: It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Kadam Week Prompt II

Kurt sings while he repairs a car, unaware that Adam is watching him. The song referenced in this fic is “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley.

“You’re an angel, saint, and a bag of chips, Kurt.”

Smiling broadly, Kurt waved him off as he set his toolbox down on the curb.

“Not a problem, Silo. It’s not like the Apples don’t make you drive everyone’s props and costumes over time and creation.”

“Damn straight.”

“Damn not-straight.” The two young men chuckled. Kurt looked under the popped hood and hummed thoughtfully.

“I still think this will be an easy enough fix. But I’m glad you waited to visit a mechanic here in the city— they’d charge you three times the amount my dad would. And what’s worse is that more likely than not they wouldn’t even do a great job—enough to get you going, but poorly enough to have you crawling back.”

“That’s evil,” Silo said wonderingly, giving the engine a baffled look.

“That’s business,” Kurt said briskly, rolling up his sleeves. “If you give me…maybe a little over or under an hour, I can have it fixed.”

“How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.”

“What? No,” Silo protested immediately, looking panicked. “Kurt, it’s a car repair. I have to pay you a little.”

“You’re a broke-ass art student,” Kurt chided, though his eyes were glinting with gentle amusement. “Whom we more or less force to carry all of our crap around at all these events like a packhorse. I won’t charge you.”

When Silo hesitated again, Kurt asked, “Buuuut if you want to pay me back, would you mind covering for Adam and lead the next AA meeting?”

“Hello everyone. I’m Silo,” said Silo in a deadpan tone.

“Hi Silo.”

They both burst out laughing and Adam couldn’t help but smile ruefully himself from where he watched several feet away. The initials for Adam’s Apples were admittedly a little unfortunate.

Kurt wiped his eyes. “He’s got finals soon and judging by how hard he’s been working, seems to be attempting suicide by-proxy. If you could lead a meeting or two, I can’t tell you how much I’d appreciate it.”

Silo grinned and gave him a thumbs-up, looking profoundly relieved. “Of course. I was going to offer anyway since I just finished for the semester.” His smile broadened and he briefly looked away, cheeks pinking just a bit. “Tori told me how you brought back her baby Michelle back from the dead. I don’t know if you can save Perry—“

“I promise you Perry is in good hands. By the way, is Perry a boy or girl car?”

“Oh, definitely a boy. I only ever ride men.” Silo started chuckling when Kurt looked away, visibly blushing. Shaking his head, Silo said wonderingly, “Geez, Adam is lucky to have you. He found himself a man whom can service a car and belt a high e. Any chance you have a brother?”

Adam winced a bit at that, nearly dropping two coffees. Kurt did not turn, so he could not guess the younger’s man’s expression.

“Thanks Si. Did you need to be going?”

Silo immediately checked his watch and started.

“Crap, my shift starts in ten. If there’s any problem—“

“There won’t be—“

“—just call and let me know. And bring over Adam tonight before closing; I’m happy to give you guys cheap food and booze under the bar.”

Adam thought he could hear Kurt smile faintly. “Sounds good to me. Have a good shift.”

Silo waved as he raced off around the corner. Kurt watched him go, and then got to work over the beloved rustbucket the apples teasingly referred to as the apple automobile. Adam watched him for a few long moments, knowing he was being stupid and yet thoroughly enjoying watching Kurt in an element that seemed every bit as natural to him as Apple rehearsal. He remained quiet, not wanting to make his boyfriend self-conscious.

It wasn’t long before Kurt started singing (it never was) as he worked, voice and his hands exceedingly gentle. Adam continued watching him, brow furrowing as he recognized the tune, which was un-Kurtlike to a near extreme:

“Well I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do you? Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth The minor fall and the major lift The baffled king composing Hallelujah….”

Kurt scrubbed at his eyes with his upper forearm. Were the car fumes stinging him? His voice dropped softly as he sang the refrain.

“Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.”

Several long moments passed as Kurt continued singing. And to Adam’s surprise Kurt’s voice was reaching a painfully soft, piercing register he’d only ever heard his boyfriend reach a few times before—such as his debut at the NYADA winter showcase. Adam’s throat tightened, mouth drying as it had that night, when Kurt threw his heart at the audience’s feet.

“Baby I've been here before I've seen this room and I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you And I've seen your flag on the marble arch And love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken Hallel—“

Kurt’s normally strong voice abruptly cut off. His back stiffened, and he stooped over the engine, immobile for a long moment.

“Hallelujah.” Now his voice was thick with tears, and the beautiful word sounded as torn as if it were cutting the beautiful boy’s throat on its way out: “Hallelujah. Hallelujah.”

Adam hastily set the coffees on the curb and hurried to Kurt’s side, arms closing around his waist just as Kurt let out the last, near-inaudible “Hallelujah.” He jolted violently at Adam’s touch and hastily stepped away, entire body radiating tension. Adam’s heart ached when he remembered Kurt telling him about people whom flung him into lockers or attempted to toss him down a flight of steps—had he thought…?

“Dahling?” Kurt’s eyes were red, and he abashedly wiped them on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

He immediately stooped and pressed a hot coffee into Kurt’s grease-stained hands. A peace offering. Kurt looked at him with a watery smile, and then sighed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see…”

“You sounded lovely,” Adam insisted, catching a stray tear with a fingertip. “But you look so sad. I don’t—“

Kurt turned to look at the car again, expression inscrutable.

“The first time people came into my dad’s shop, and I would tell them I’d be fixing their car, they always looked a little freaked out.” He snorted inaudibly and pressed a hand against the car’s side. “That this…fairy boy in bedazzled overalls was going to be working on their baby.”

Adam kissed Kurt’s cheek. “Joke’s on them, dahling. They didn’t even know how to take care of their own cars. And no one could see you resurrect a car and call you a fairy.”

A fae, maybe. You could call Kurt a fae.

“They didn’t,” Kurt complained, smiling fondly when Adam kissed him again, embraced him. He set the coffee down. “Hey, I don’t want to cover you in car oil.”

“I don’t care. If Kurt Hummel is wearing car oil, it’ll be de rigeur by Fall.”

Kurt hesitated and then hugged him back, lips tracing over Adam’s neck pulse.

“When Finn came to work in my father’s shop, he didn’t seem surprised that I knew my way around an engine, though all the guys in Glee did.” Adam tensed and hugged him tighter. “I mean…you know we had problems, but he compensated by playing up the older brother role to a t.” He snorted again, tears dripping on Adam’s shoulder. “Never mind he was maybe two months older than me. He was really eager to learn everything in the shop…he was pretty good at it.”

Kurt only hugged him for a long moment, a near-wailing sadness emanating off him in waves. Adam desperately wished he knew what to say, but everything that came to mind sounded like a cheap platitude in the face of so awful a tragedy, so much life and promise cut short so early.

“The last time we were together, when we found out Dad’s cancer was gone…and Blaine tried asking me to marry him…Finn read him the riot act. He was so furious that Blaine asked all these people to help propose to me in public even when we weren’t together.” A shuddery laugh and Kurt shook his head. “I thought Blaine was going to wet himself, I really did. And the way he got after the other Glee members was actually pretty nice…it felt good to have someone supporting me for a change.”

“Whatever it’s worth,” Adam said seriously, pulling away from Kurt to look at him. “I am always in your corner.”

Kurt’s eyes narrowed at the ends as he smiled, and Adam’s mouth went dry again.

“Thank goodness for that. I know he was uncertain about you the first time you met judging the way he kept giving you the side-eye, but you passed. When we left, he told me he was happy for me.” Kurt exhaled, squinting into the pale light of a chilly spring sky. “And that you were a good guy.”

“He threatened to break my face if I broke your heart.”

“Oh God.” Kurt buried his face in his hands and Adam laughed. “That does sound like him…

“The night before you and I returned to New York, he and I worked on a car together.” Kurt lowered his hands and closed his eyes, somehow managing to look very old and painfully young all at once. “It’d been a long time, and it was nice. We even started singing together—Hallelujah.”

Adam reached for him again, and again remained silent. He was floundering helplessly inside, deciding at last that the only nearly-appropriate thing to do was to stay silent, bear witness, and to hold onto Kurt for dear life.

Kurt squeezed him back hard. “I like the challenge of finding what’s broken and fixing it. I even like the smell of car oil. I think Finn liked those things too…I’m never going to be able to work on a car without thinking about him.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s…it’s not okay, exactly, but I’ll take this hurt for having known him.” Still Kurt did not pull back and he did not let go. “But every now and again, when I think I’m closer to fine, something dumb like this—or when I go grocery shopping for Ben & Jerry’s and I gag at that Late Night Snack flavor he liked so much…” Kurt’s hands tangled in his own.

“The other day I realized that his birthday was coming soon and I started looking stuff up online. And then I remembered. My mother is dead. My brother is dead.”

Looking pained, Adam pulled back to kiss Kurt’s tearing eyes, his fingers cupping the younger boy’s pale face. They looked at each for several long moments, Kurt managing a half-hearted smile.

“You’re staring. Do I have grease on my cheek?”

“Yes.” Said Adam, before leaning in for a kiss.

It was long, and hard, and their faces were slippery from tears, some of which were Adam’s. He had liked Finn Hudson very much, looked forward to a long friendship with him.

Thought they would possibly be brothers-in-law one day.

But that would never be, and Kurt was again holding his heart’s pieces in his hands, and not for the first nor last time he felt a rush of gratitude that Burt Hummel at least still lived, because how many fractures could even Kurt’s impossibly-strong heart have left in him?

Kurt let out a soft noise of surprise when Adam pulled back to press his swollen lips against Kurt’s hands.

If he died right now he might be happy, save for the fact that he’d hurt Kurt on the way out….how much Adam would like Kurt’s to have proficiency to fix things, to be able to open Kurt himself up and fix the staccato jerks of a broken heart. But of course that was impossible too, and as he tucked Kurt’s head beneath his chin he felt a wild surge of gratitude that Kurt was still here, that the grief that would topple older and wiser men had not poisoned Kurt’s insides. Awed, he ran a hand up and down Kurt’s back.

Despite what had become of them, Elizabeth and Finn could not have died unhappy, not in having the love of someone so precious and remarkable a person. Adam’s heart gently broke a little more, and he tenderly placed his lips to Kurt’s ear, singing what he thought Finn might’ve sang on his death throes:

“Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah….”

#kadam week 2017 #glee fanfiction #kadam fanfic #kadam #kurt hummel #adam crawford

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