#if you're waiting in the ER for four hours bc of triage it sucks. if you wait for 60 seconds because of triage uh.

[crimeronan]

side effect of having my hydroxychloroquine work really well is that i'm forgetting what it felt like to be Really Horrifically Sick. both because of the emotional distance and because of my general memory issues. the memory issues are a LOT worse concerning Times When I Was Horrifically Sick.

so i'm actually pretty grateful to my past self for the amount of time i spent oversharing here. if i scroll back like seven months in my autoimmune tag i can find posts of me essentially going "eh, i'm sleeping for 22 hours a day but i don't really care anymore bc i've accepted i'm gonna die" and "life sux. can't breathe or think or feel my chest but that's constant so i don't wanna go to the ER about it AGAIN" and "docs took 14 vials of blood 4 x-rays several lung images several lung tests and an EKG before i even left the hospital today. even tho they havent gotten my test results back yet" and i'm like god Damn.

I REALLY LIVED LIKE THIS????????

#if you have ever been the favorite favored patient at an american hospital. you know. #presumably triage is similar in other countries too i just know the american experience is very tied up in. cost benefit analysis #you have to be in BAD shape to be taken seriously at american hospitals. even the good ones. (especially the good ones??) #if you're waiting in the ER for four hours bc of triage it sucks. if you wait for 60 seconds because of triage uh. #You Are In Deep Trouble. You Are In Much Deeper Trouble Than An Annoying Waiting Room #WOW i was so fucking sick. i'm just. flabbergasted. #like i know intellectually that these things happened and have vague memories of all the testing processes and stuff #but i don't Feel it anymore. those things happened to a different person. please god let me have hydroxychloroquine forever #do you guys remember me being sick?? i think some of you actually might remember it better than i do which is. WEIRD. #anyway. back to fic editing now #autoimmune tag